• Published 29th Jul 2015
  • 1,874 Views, 62 Comments

How to Kidnap a Princess - The Engineer Pony


Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash decide to kidnap Twilight.

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Chapter 1 - The Mission

Rainbow Dash lay peacefully on top of a slowly drifting cloud. Having just spent several strenuous minutes clearing the skies around Ponyville, she deserved a nap. Shifting slightly to get more comfortable, Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and felt her body begin to relax.

Then something whacked Dash on the head.

With a yelp, Rainbow Dash jumped into the air. Looking around, she saw a glass bottle falling toward the ground after it had bounced off her head. Dash immediately swooped down to catch the mysteriously airborne bottle before it shattered against the earth below.

Curious, Dash examined the bottle. A rolled-up piece of parchment was embedded inside. Rainbow Dash carefully tipped the bottle so that the parchment fell into her hooves. Then, satisfied that the bottle held no further mysteries, Dash unceremoniously tossed it over her shoulder. As she unrolled the small scroll, Dash heard the bottle smash to the ground behind her.

The parchment contained a simple note.

Dashie—Meet me at Sugarcube Corner this evening for a secret mission. PP

Rainbow Dash turned the parchment over, wondering if there was something missing from the brief letter. On the other hoof, the note was from Pinkie Pie, so it was to be expected that the note made little sense. Dash supposed that she would have to wait until that evening to find out was so important about this “secret mission” that Pinkie had seen fit to interrupt her nap. Rubbing her sore head, Rainbow Dash returned to her cloud and settled down again for her nap. Pinkie Pie’s shenanigans could wait. For now, Dash just wanted to sleep.

As her eyes drifted close, Dash vaguely noted a pink speck rapidly approaching on the ground below. Part of her mind noted that the speck seemed to be bouncing in a rather familiar manner, but by this point Rainbow Dash didn’t care. Her mind went blank as she felt sleep begin to overtake her.

“DON’T FORGET!”

Rainbow Dash jolted awake. Glancing down, she located the source of the ear-piercing scream. Pinkie Pie stood below Dash’s cloud, happily grinning up at her. Then she skipped away, apparently oblivious to the fact that she had just ruined Dash’s nap for the second time.


Later that evening, Dash soared through the sky toward Sugarcube Corner. The part of her still irritated at Pinkie Pie wondered why she was doing exactly what Pinkie had asked her to do. But the rest of her wanted to discover the reason for Pinkie’s peculiar behavior. (Ok, it really wasn’t any stranger than anything else Pinkie did. But the idea of a secret mission was intriguing.) Besides, it would take more than a ruined nap for Dash to be angry with Pinkie Pie.

Dash landed gracefully in front of the entrance to the bakery. The door was shut, all the lights were off, and the sign clearly indicated the store was closed. After waiting patiently for all of five seconds, Rainbow Dash decided nopony was home and turned to leave.

A slight whisper behind her caught Dash’s attention just before she took off. Glancing back, Rainbow Dash saw Pinkie standing right outside the door to Sugarcube Corner. It didn’t surprise her that Pinkie had suddenly appeared right where Dash had been looking just a moment before. Dash opened her mouth to greet her friend, but a pink hoof over her mouth immediately silenced her.

“Sh! We can’t be heard!” Pinkie whispered forcefully to Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie noiselessly opened the door to Sugarcube Corner and pushed Dash inside. Not bothering to turn the lights on, she sat Rainbow Dash down at a table in the back corner of the store. After thoroughly sweeping the room for any signs of other ponies listening in, Pinkie put her broom down and finally addressed Dash.

“Perhaps you are wondering why I have summoned you here.” Pinkie began to pace back and forth as she spoke.

Rainbow Dash blinked. “Well, yeah. Whatever it is, it better be pretty amazing for you to—”

Pinkie Pie continued without giving any indication that she had heard Dash’s response. “I have brought you here for a very important mission. You may not have noticed, but one of our friends is now a prominent pony princess. You may think I refer to Fluttershy, but I do not. Did you think I was referring to Fluttershy?” Pinkie abruptly stopped pacing and leaned in close across the table toward Rainbow Dash, glaring at her.

“No,” Dash replied, rolling her eyes, “I thought you meant Princess Applejack.”

“Well, then, you thought wrong.” Pinkie resumed pacing as Dash face-hoofed. “I speak, of course, of Princess Twilight Sparkle. She lives in a castle and has many super important responsibilities. She is in charge of strengthening and maintaining friendships all across the land. Without her, Equestria would fall into chaos and despair. But all this brings up an important question: what is her favorite flavor of ice cream?”

Pinkie paused, apparently expecting a response from Rainbow Dash. For her part, Dash was still trying to figure out what being a princess had to do with ice cream. After a moment of awkward silence, Pinkie grinned.

“Oops, sorry, wrong question. I meant to ask, is Princess Twilight safe? Can we be certain that she will always be around to carry out her duties? Or could somepony cause her to disappear, thus destroying all friendship across Equestria?”

“Uh, Pinkie, why would anypony want to make Twilight disappear? She’s like, the most popular and well-loved pony in Ponyville,” said Rainbow Dash.

“A foolish question, oh rainbow-colored one. Every ruler has enemies who wish to see her brought down. What if Trixie returned to extract revenge on Twilight?”

“I thought she already tried that. We beat her, she apologized, end of story.”

Undeterred, Pinkie continued her questioning. “What if Tirek came and stole her magic?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s still locked up in Tartarus.”

“What if Discord sent Twilight to another dimension? ANOTHER DIMENSION?” Pinkie looked frantic at the very thought of such an act.

“He’s reformed; he wouldn’t do that to Twilight. Well, probably.”

Pinkie resumed her speech in a calm, carefree voice. “Anyway, since she came to Ponyville, Twilight has defeated a curiously large number of antagonists and therefore earned an equally large number of enemies.” Pinkie paused for a moment and turned her head toward a blank wall. “Seriously, what’s with that? Why weren’t there any evil villains running around before she showed up? It’s like they all decided to wait politely for us to retrieve the Elements of Harmony first so we would have an easy way to beat them. Can you imagine what would have happened if all our foes had shown up before we became friends with Twilight?”

Her side-rant complete, Pinkie faced Rainbow Dash again as she continued her previously scheduled monolog. “It is up to us to ensure that Twilight Sparkle is sufficiently protected from the forces of evil that seek to do her harm. Therefore, I have devised a cunning plan that will test the strength of Twilight’s defenses and discover if she truly is safe.”

Here Pinkie leaned toward Rainbow Dash. The fires of purpose blazed in her eyes as she stared deep into Rainbow’s soul.

“We are going to kidnap Twilight Sparkle.”