Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Joker's POV
'Harley?' I asked my dear girlfriend.
'Yes puddin?' She responded.
'Do have any idea how many years we've been trapped in stone?'
She pondered for a minute before answering with, 'A thousand years I think. Why?'
'I was just wondering. I lost track after the first hundred years, good thing I have you Harley.'
I heard her giggle. 'Thanks hun!' I smiled, or I would have, if I could. Movement isn't really an easy thing to do when you've been turned into a lawn ornament by ancient magical gems.
'It's a pretty day, isn't it Harley?'
'Sure is Mr. J, but the view tends to get old when it's the same view you've had for the past thousand years.'
'Well, that is true.' After the little conversation I had with Harley, I hears hoofsteps approaching.
"Alright class, come right this way," said a feminine sounding voice. I couldn't turn my head to see who was speaking, so I waited until she entered my line of vision. She was a violet earth pony, with smiling daisies for her cutie mark, and a light pink mane and tail. Behind her were several fillies and colts.
'Well honey, looks like we've got another class coming to see us.' Harley said.
'Hurray! Visitors!' I said, an edge of sarcasm in my mental voice.
"Now class, can you tell me what this statue represents?" The teacher asked her class.
"Love?" said a small white unicorn filly.
"Laughter?" said an orange Pegasus filly.
"Fear?" said a yellow earth pony filly.
"Ugliness?" said a snarky voice. I looked for the source, and found it to be a pink unicorn filly that wore a tiara. "I mean just look at the one carrying the hammer, I've seen toads that are prettier than that thing." The grey earth pony beside her snickered at her friend's joke. I however, was inwardly seething.
'Don't listen to her Harley, you're beautiful. If we ever get out of here, i'll kill her for calling you ugly.'
'Thanks puddin, but could you at least let me kill the grey one?' she asked.
'Of course you can.' I said lovingly.
'Thank you! You know, it's times like these when I think back to how we were when we first arrived here in Equestria.'
'You still think about that? We've changed so much since then, that I might mistake our past selves for other people.' It's true, we were average people when we were first brought to this world. But once we were sealed in stone we began to change. We are what others might call "insane", but I think that we just have a different state of mind than others. I would be truly insane if I didn't have Harley here with me. We have comforted each other for the past millennia, and we have grown closer as a result. I truly don't know what I'd do without her.
"I'm sorry, but none of you are right." I was snapped out of my thoughts when the teacher continued to speak. "This statue represents insanity, which is when a pony loses all rational thought. Now come on children, let's go to the next statue." The teacher and her students walked away, leaving Harley and I alone.
'Well, looks like the brats are gone now. I hope the pink and grey ones have a painful death.' Harley said.
I was about to reply when there was a bright flash of light in front of us. The light cleared to reveal the strangest creature I had ever seen in my life. It looked like some deity took a bunch of random animals and mixed them, creating an abomination.
"Hm, I don't remember you two from anywhere, but I can sense the potential chaos you can cause. So go, spread chaos!" The thing snapped it's fingers as he finished talking. At first nothing happened, but then a loud 'CRACK' sound filled the air. This was followed by another, and another, and another. In only a few seconds the rock around us crumbled, releasing us from our stone prison.
Naturally, the first thing Harley and I did was stretch, since we hadn't been able to move for a thousand years. After we were done with that, I turned to the thing that had released us.
"Thank you for freeing us, it's been so long since we've been able to move," I said.
"You're welcome," it responded, extending his paw, "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony. Who are you two?"
"Well," I said, "the lovely woman beside me is Harley Quinn, and I am the Joker." I reached out and shook Discord's paw, but before he could pull away, a puff of green gas shot out of a small tube in my sleeve. Discord inhaled the gas and pulled away.
"Was that supposed to *snicker* kill haha me? HAHAHAHA!" Discord wasn't able to finish his statement before the toxin took effect, and he burst into uncontrollable laughter. He fell to the ground, laughing hysterically. This went on for about twenty seconds before he succumbed to death, a huge smile on his face.
"Unfortunately, you appear to be a being of incredible magical power, and those tend to cause us some trouble. But as my old friend Jack Nicholson once said: If you gotta go, go with a smile!" I burst into a bit of laughter before turning to Harley. She immediately brought me into a kiss, which I eagerly returned. We stayed like that for about fifteen seconds before parting.
"It's been so long since I've been able to do that," she said happily.
"I know, and there'll be plenty of time for it soon. But right now we need to get out of here before ol' sunbutt and moonbutt come for us."
She smiled. "Okay!"
"But first, why don't we go get revenge on the fillies for calling you ugly?" Harley perked up and nodded her head eagerly. "Alright then, let's go."
We walked away from Discord's corpse, and in the direction the teacher and her class had gone. We found them a short distance away, looking at another one of the statues. I smiled even bigger than I normally do and pulled a loaded revolver out my trench coat pocket.
"Good evening, my little ponies," I said, getting their attention. They all looked at Harley and I in fear as I continued. "My name is Joker, and this is Harley Quinn. I believe that you-" I pointed at the pink filly. "-have the audacity to call my girlfriend ugly. So let me ask you..." I pointed the gun at her head. "...ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" I pulled the trigger, and shot the stupid horse right in between the eyes. The ponies stared at the dead body in shock while I handed the gun to Harley.
"Kill the grey one, and then let's go." Harley nodded and took the gun from me, and before any of them could react, the grey filly was dead as well.
"Now let's go." We turned and ran out of the Royal Canterlot Gardens hand-in-hand, leaving the now screaming ponies behind us.
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Which version of The Joker are we talking here? Jack Nicholson? Mark Hamill? Heath Ledger? Or is this purely the comic book version?
Why so serious?
I was wanding when a displace Joker will show up.
6259839 Well I guess you could say that this is my take on the Joker, he'll have a little bit from all of them
Hmm. This seems worth a read, though Discord getting killed by a single puff of Joker's gas seems a bit unlikely. Unconscious, sure, but not straight up dead... Eh, oh well. I'll keep an eye on this... for now.
6259839 it's probably his own version but more along the lines of mark Hamill, since he's with Harley
One slip, Diamond Tiara is a Earth pony not a unicorn and as one said Offing Discord with just one whiff of Joker Gas is a bit of a stretch but I'll put it under magic for now.
I'll watch and follow for now
Well the CMC will thanking Joker for this.
6260098 Oops, forgot about that. Thanks for pointing that out.
interesting ill keep track of it. Not sure how discord could've been killed off though.
PLZ MORE
.....plz
6260363 Yeah, people keep asking me that. I realized that after I posted it, so I came up with an explanation which will be in the next chapter
6260546 they get discord with the good old joker gas
6260183 NP, it's not like she doesn't act like Canterlot elite. Even if she's got less breeding in her family tree and even less good for the community done than they have, considering that they've got to screw-up sooner or later and do the right thing. At least once in their lives, maybe.
WHEEEEEEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Let the good times roll! HAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
Wow. They just murdered two foals, CHILDREN, who had their whole lives ahead of them.
LIKE & FAVORITE
6261493 and since it was DT and SS, the world's a better place
6260183 ah this is going to be one of those displace 'straps self in chair puts on helmet' lets do this thing!
This story is all over the place... and I LIKE IT!
I DARE you...
JOKER! JOKER! JOKER! JOKER! JOKER!
More original movie jokes (no pun intended) than you can shake a stick at! Two thumbs up!
Fuck it, I want to see where this goes.
s2.quickmeme.com/img/21/21bc4e7302b5f0f578da9c2327976d78051c46b5444d722112bad6195fd17f0a.jpg
No, no. Never, EVER, do this shit
I should be concerned that the Joker was able to kill the IMMORTAL SPIRIT OF CHAOS! But I'm not.
Why so serious
6259839
I think it maybe a mixture of the best of them. Ledger's look. Hamil's murderer. Nicholson's humor.