• Member Since 1st Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 7th, 2020

CoastBrumby


I am an aspiring author and bookstore owner living in NSW Australia.

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Maud Pie requests Princess Twilight Sparkle conduct her wedding ceremony, but Twilight is not certain she can accept Maud's proposed groom.

Twilight is not certain The Smooze is anything more than an animal. Can he prove himself wise and experienced enough to marry a mare of Equestria?

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 7 )

I'm sorry for this being the first comment, but this story really didn't work for me.

I know more about Spike's rather disturbing urges than I do the main couple in this romance story, and that's really bad. The concept of Maud snagging herself an immortal pile of slime and it being true love is brilliant, but the execution was really darn...

Well, pardon the pun, but sloppy.

Maud, arguably the one pony that should be the main focus during her own engagement doesn't even show up until after nearly a quarter of the story is over, for Pete's sake.

Again, an really interesting idea I'd like to see a take two on, but this try not only put all the focus on the wrong spots, but tried way too hard to be funny as well. And in that 'Spike! He's maladjusted! LOL!' way that's frankly cringe worthy.

6259022
The story wasn't really about Maud. It was about Twilight Sparkle trying to decide if The Smooze was an animal or a person. It was about what makes a person a person. It was not the easiest story for me to write.

Spike is maladjusted. Deal with it.

Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it.:heart:

That sloppy pun was funny.

I will be writing another story about this subject. I will focus more on Maud and her feelings in that story. I will still try way too hard to be funny. It is the only way I know.

We can always just move to the fields and graze like Maud suggested. Until then, to the library.” Twilight said.
“You took your pills this morning, right?” Spike said.
“Yes, Spike.”
“Just checking.” Spike said.

That's where you earned my upvote.:raritywink:

This was better than I expected it to be, if we're being honest. I think you made it clear that the story was about Twilight trying to come to terms with one of her subjects asking to marry a creature outside of her understanding, but I can see why people are confusing this with a Shipping/Romance story. You may want to remove the Romance tag for exactly that reason.

I liked the interplay between Spike and Twilight. That being said, I think that you missed a little opportunity for him to get worried that she would be against him marrying a pony, and using that to display the difference between her wondering if The Schmooze is sentient/sapient and her little dragon which she knows to be.

Well, best of luck with this, and happy writing!

What I like about this story, as I do so many of your stories, isn't so much the main plot as the fun little asides you constantly throw in. Spike eating flies, Twilight forced to buy government land to cover for her friend's enthusiastic excavations, it's these little details in your stories that I always get a kick out of!

6259880 Spike is too young to marry in my mind. He will not be old enough for at least one hundred years to me. Moustaches are no help.:moustache:

6261284
Well, yes, obviously he is currently too young in the series, but that's really not the point. The point is that Spike would be worried that Twilight might apply the same feelings she has about the Schmooze to him, and that you could have used that as a way to explain to the readers why she was worried about the Schmooze being sentient/sapient. Any who, just a little thing. Best of luck with your story.

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