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Prolouge: The Puzzles I Sought2,212 words
|Case 1: The Doctor is In| Cry Doctor2,811 words
|Case 1| Discussion864 words
|Case 1 Solution|Gak is Whack3,536 words
|Case 1 Finale|House's Heartache & Wilson's Headache1,366 words
Random Snippet|April Fools|505 words
|Case Two: Find Yourself| Pulling the Luck1,786 words

|Case Two: Find Yourself| Pulling the Luck

SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT
Case Two—Find Yourself
By CondesendingSarcasm

I like to think of myself as a person who believes in life choices.

Okay, maybe that just sounds asinine – but if you think about it for a couple of seconds and take me as the drug addict I am, who believes he’s living in a world with technicolored ponies and the occasional magical dragon, I am smarter than your average person.

I believe in taking control of my life, my life choices are mine to make and mine alone. I don’t believe in a god—

Okay! Maybe the white horse hybrid is a literal goddess, but I refuse to worship her as such. I’m not ruining my perfectly good pants, as torn as they are now, just to bow to some sun-horse who has no divine intervention of my life.

Having gods for various things, things that are easily explained with scientific proof, and being expected – not a choice in the matter – to bow is just undermining my ideology of being a free thinker and as a man of science.

That, and a goddess of love is just stupid to have. I can come up with twenty different gods right now – and I can claim I have the power of Jesus Christ – but I don’t have a messiah complex or a god complex.

I’m just not bowing to a white horse with a horn and wings for the reasons that I would worship my own mother for. What has this freak of nature done for me is raise the sun and take my takes at a socialist rate.

“Princess Celestia!” Yeah, fuck this winged horse. “Welcome to my office, is it time for my trip to the moon? I heard it was made of cheese.”

In front of me is the princess without a king or queen, my two worthless ‘doctors’ who are bowing to either Allah or the princess, and at least three guards who are glaring at me with enough fire in their eyes to challenge the sun. I flash the guards a quick smile before looking back to Celestia.

“Oh yes, you brought your dogs!” A scowl from Twilight, a raised eyebrow from Celestia, and a disappointed look on Doctor Hooves. “Can I pet them, please?”

“Maybe later, Doctor House, you have a task to do for me if it’s not an inconvenient,” Celestia’s voice was always patient, tact as always. Such a voice that just rattles in noble-like softness.

I hate it.

“Actually, I’m busy with Clinic Duty.” It’s not a lie if it’s the truth, I need to do Clinic Duty for the rest of my life in exchange for Vicodin. Speaking of Vicodin, I have at least two pills swirling in my mouth with my saliva. “Besides, the case sounds boring. I mean, burns?”

The taste of pills stains my tongue in bitterness, it tastes horrible but great at the same time. Celestia knows of my addiction, and she doesn’t approve of it but there’s not a thing she can do about it.

“Doctor House, we both know that’s false,” I swallow as she clears her throat. “I realize that you dislike me—”

“Could I change my answer to ‘despise’?” I scowl at her, my face crinkling up because of how old I am. There’s a reason why I hate these ponies even more than human beings, and I’m sure you’ll find out why. “I really feel like we gotten so close – you know – with the whole imprisonment at first glance.”

“I apologized, Doctor House, and even compensated you with a position on my Royal Medical Team,” I stop leaning on my cane and end up walking around them, hoping to get as far away as possible.

“It didn’t occur to you that I might have had hard feelings about being interrogated by the Captain of your guard-dogs? I finally got the feeling of being water-boarded out of my body.”

Celestia glares, but I simply shrug it off. “They did no such thing, Doctor House!”

“Oh right, I couldn’t tell the difference of being denied health care and lack a proper cell wasn’t interrogation. “I scoff again, standing up from the bench that I currently sit in. “My mistake—the days of cuddling up to the cold ground while I writhe in pain might have just clouded my judgment about you.”

“House—” Celestia begins, but I cut her off.

“What about the ponies who are locked up in that wine cellar you call prison? Some of them were there for life because they had the audacity to arrive in your audience without instructions!” My turn to glare. Celestia didn’t, surprisingly, retaliate. “You left them to die and would have done the same to me if I wasn’t such a sexy thing!”

“You give yourself too much credit…” I hear Hooves say, but I ignore him.

“Regardless, you would have left me to die if you could have gotten away with it – like everyone else in that prison,” I wrap up this rant of mine. “Yeah, I don’t want to work for the very person who tried to let me rot in jail. Excuse me for my bipedal and sexy body, but I was dragged off because you thought your rule and power was threatened. Then you asserted your power by denying me Vicodin for my leg, because I wasn’t asking nicely.”

“House!” Twilight interjects. I shoot her a glare and a scowl.

“Could you, for once, sit still and just stay out of things that doesn’t concern you?”

Twilight steps down, hurt flashing across her face for a moment before it disappears. Damn these ponies are good at their ability to hide feelings.

“I don’t just dislike you, but you’re the best example of someone who uses theirnpower as a front to defend their actions.” I tap my cane on the ground, “I will never bow to you, because I don’t believe in Taxation without Representation – and being locked in a dungeon for ten days with barely anything – but there’s not a damn thing I can do about that. I can tell you where you can stick this case in, however!” I walk around them, both Twilight and Hooves had stopped bowing long before my rant – but now they look at me with either sympathetic eyes or with eyes fearing what Celestia would do to me.

The guards, on the other neck of the woods, didn’t stop me from leaving – something completely different than what they usually do when ponies try to leave Celestia’s presence.

“Doctor House, wait,” I managed to get three steps before the princess speaks up again. I growl and don’t turn around to face her. “I will pay you personally to take this case.”

Okay then, how much is in your wallet fair maiden?

“Isn’t bribery a federal offense?” I stop, my attention only on the amount of bits I’ll receive. I inwardly groan as I turn around to face Celestia. I notice Celestia had a look of remorse but it flushes away when I got a peek of it.

I thought for a minute, deciding my options of getting potentially rich… House being House—

“No still means no,” I turn again, walking further down the hallway. “Because you can’t afford my services! I will not give you the Sunny D, Celestia, if you can make up for all the negative feelings I have about you when I hit the sack!”

“Where are you going?” Hooves asked.

“To hit the sack and then possibly take a nap.”

I stop.

“House! Don’t punish me by denying him as a patient! Please!” Celestia takes a step after me, her eyes pleading. “Your quarrel is with me—and me alone! Please don’t let others suffer because you hate me!”

I turn around again, the amount of ‘trolling’ making a smug look on my face.

Of course I was going to take the case, I need every excuse out of clinic duty possible! Anything is better than a idiot parent who thinks they know more than me.

“All you had to say was please.”

“Wrong,”

“But what if it’s—”

“Wrong,”

“Doc!” I look up again from my Gameboy, Applejack baring her teeth at me in frustration. I look at my prized horse in the mouth and notice that her dental hygiene is worse than mine.

“What?” I asked, sitting on the examination table. I look to my left to see a seemingly fine Applebloom, but the way she a angles her left ear was off. Maybe she has something that reacting to the sensitive nerves of the eardrums?

“At least look at mah sis’!” Applejack snarls, “Since ya don’t want my input!”

“You think she has tetanus, you idiot,” I pass the Gameboy to Applebloom. Of course, the alien object it was – and lack of fingers – she drops the device onto the ground. I give her a look and she smiles awkwardly, and sheepishly, but I’ll let it slide.

“We work around a lot of metals, so it would only be right to assume—”

“Does she ever shut up?” I ask Applebloom, completely ignoring Apple-hack.

“Mm-Mm!” Applebloom shakes her head, but winces in pain. Holding her left ear.

“Hey! This is serious, Doc!”

“I forgot my fuck on Earth, where’s the direction to the nearest rocket?” I glare at Applejack, who seems to pipe down whenever I swear. Applebloom snickers at my words, but I ignore the eleven year old who has no idea what is in her ear. “There’s a reason I didn’t ask you what’s wrong with her, Applejack, so stop bugging me.”

“Lie,” Applejack rolls her eyes. Okay, for the fifty-three thousandth time, she caught me on a lie. I just wanted her to shut up and let me do my job.

I take out a magnifier and turned on the light of the handheld item. I took pliers from my pocket as well and hold Applebloom’s ear still as I peered into her ear. I find what I was looking for and then pull it out, holding up a leech who was sucking on the inside of her ear.

“That was sloppy, House,” I whip around behind me, Applejack doing the same. Both of our jaws slowly parting. I drop my tools as I stare at the Australian more, no way he’s here – not now not ever. So does this undermine my death theory…?

“What took you so long, Chase?”

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The Well Dressed Ninja

The Well Dressed Ninja #1 · Sep 21st, 2015 · 1 · ·

... I am extremely confused. This jumping around doesn't make for a cohesive story.

The_Lone_Wanderer

The_Lone_Wanderer #2 · Sep 21st, 2015 · 1 · ·

Holy hell!

Moongaze14

Moongaze14 #3 · Sep 21st, 2015 · 1 · ·

Chase's surprise appearance was great and I really want to know what patient House must cure that is top priority to Celestia.

ProbableSarcasm

ProbableSarcasm #4 · Sep 21st, 2015 · · ·

6448096
If you ever seen the show, they jump around on the time line occasionally. Sometimes it's in order, say they just finished case a and moves on to case b, but other times- they would leap months ahead of the year.

I'm keeping true to the show, as much as I can. They don't just vomit the backstory outright through narration, they explain it through situations and dialogue that would be meaningless (or like common knowledge that they already knew).

Of course, I have a plot for this story, but I'm going to take my time and let it happen naturally instead of forcing it.

I cut out unneeded fluff because it's not fun to write about Doctor House traveling down the hallway while limping, and it wouldn't be fun to read. So I stick with the show method and just cut out unnecessary fodder unless it has some meaning to it.

This kind of medical fiction about House MD, you don't need to know everything at once. It's cohesive once I place the puzzle pieces in, and even then- Dr. House is not the best narrator in the world.

You shouldn't be able to guess what happens tomorrow, or what happened yesterday. It's the present, and no one dawns on the past unless it was meaningful.

Cauchemar