|House M.D| Something to Smile About

by ProbableSarcasm

|Case 1: The Doctor is In| Cry Doctor

---

I had a dream, that one day I could take a nap on my own couch without a random pony just walking into my office and dunking cold water on me. That dream is deader than dead, as I felt the bone chilling ounce of water splash on my face and slither down my nose. I shot my eyes open, but that was a bad idea as more water was still being poured on me.

I shook my head, spitting and snorting, having water and bits of mucus shooting from my nostrils. I sat up and grabbed a napkin off my desk, blowing my nose hard. I took another one to wipe my nose before throwing both of them to the trash, looking at my assailant with a raised eyebrow. If they tried to wake me up by physical contact, waterboarding a doctor is the most next appropriate action.

"Okay, okay! I'll tell you all of the Communist secrets!" I faked sobbing, hiding behind my arms. "Just stop waterboarding me!"

"House," The gritted voice of Redheart kind of made my heart jump a little, a little. I lowered my arms and wiped my face with my arms, as unusually bare as they are. I miss my old jacket, the leather one I had when I had that kick-ass bike. Ahh, memories made me emotional. No they didn't, I just said that so you'd think I'm reminiscent of my time at Plainsborough.

As for apparel, I'm sure you're curious, I'm wearing a black T-shirt with a white decal of a human skull on my rib; there was a decal of a deck of aces on the sleeve of the T-shirt. I was wearing worn blue jeans, with some white tape covering my bad leg to act as a brace until those nerds at the science-department can make a knee brace able for a human to wear. I was also wearing blue and grey tennis shoes with a region of the soles colored yellow.

I have a muscle infarction on my quadriceps, an extreme case and it hurts. A lot. and I'll be in pain forever unless I take Vicodin.

On my left hand was bandages, from a peculiar orange farm pony who decided that I needed to learn to shut my mouth. I had the bandages wrapped around my wrist and up to three inches from my elbow, on my right hand was a blue latex glove. I just wanted to wear something on my right hand, as my left hand is already covered. I don't know, judge me if you want to but I don't care.

My hair was clipped short, I decided that it was much easier to contain at my age with short hair. I also been stuck here for a year and some weeks, and I still could not get a clean shave. So I'm forced to cut my outgrown beard to hard stubble, it looks sexy but I think the white and grey hair sort of turns some mares off.

The hospital I'm in has nine floors for everything, completely sectioned for different professions of medicne such as Gastroenterology and Radiology. There was three wings of Green Day Hospital: Emergency Wing/ICU on the right wing, General in the middle wing, and the free Walk-In Clinic on the left side. I didn't completely understand why the ponies decided to split everything so splitting-ly.

If I want to get to the Emergency Wing from the Clinic, it's such a far walk.

I'm considering getting a wheelchair and bribe a nurse to push me around, lord knows those nurses are easy to manipulate if you have the correct amount of bits. That, and if you're the only bipedal organism in this world: you get bonus points for some reason. A lot of ponies admire me for the fact I can walk on two legs comfortably for a long period of time, maybe like forever until I need to sit down. I believe there was a green colored unicorn who really obsesses about me.

I got a restraining order, but she got a pair of boniculars.

Crap, I know how Cuddy feels when I crashed into her house and now I'm feeling bad.

Not really, I don't care.

I drifted my mind back to reality.

"Yes Massa?" I answered with a distorted and most likely racist voice, but I didn't care."

"Don't make me remind you of the last time I had to wake you up," Redheart warned, "Because if I nicely recall it, you got poked in the side by a big needle with no athestics."

"I'll sue for malpractice," I mocked.

"I'll fire you for sleeping on the job," She retorted.

Damn.

"That was low, even for you," I faked pouted.

"Low enough for you?" Redheart asked, crossing her forelegs.

"How low is it until you get under the belt?" I crossed my leg with my cane, "Mine, no human bits for you."

"Get up and go do your job before I drug you again and stick a needle into you," Redheart threatened.

I stopped sleeping in random examine rooms, because I ended up taking a nap in Exam 5 and woke up to a unexpected Lumbar Puncture. I had the right nerve to fire Doctor Hooves for it, but I decided just to use it against him. Maybe I can use it against him to finally tell me he's a time traveler so I can put my suspicions to rest.

"No, noo, no-no," I replied again, again with the racist voice. " Oh no-no-no, no need to fire me."

"House, either you're doing that case I assigned you or your doing clinic hours," Redheart surely had to get tired of telling me to do my job, maybe she'll stop after another three hundred hours owed? "And stop with that voice, you know it's racist to Zebras!"

"I know I got clinic hours, right away Mass, Ohh yess, of yess Massa, No please, Massa, Mmm hmm, I got a patient to attend to Massa!" I waved my hands in front of my heads as I got to my hands and knees to mockingly pray to Redheart. I lowered my head and neck to the floor and my forehead touched her hooves, which she moved with a wierded out look on her face.

Those three words will never be repeated.

Ew

Never.

Ever.

I'm not taking her to church.

I'm not praying to her.

I said that as I slipped out of my office, which painfully reminds me of Wilson's old office. Except with a chalkboard, and a nice paint job of mahogany. I like that color, reminded me of why I became a doctor. The color red, it's bright and in your face; making me feel more energetic. It made me feel fierce, unleash the inner pony in me.

It reminds me of myself.

Except blue is my favorite color.

Maybe I'll paint this room green to piss off Twilight's friend.

---

[Intermission]

Wait- did she say she'll drug me?

Kinky.

---

---

One minute of Clinic Duty, now approximately the rest of my life left of it. I'll never get out of it, I believe it's an endless cycle that Redheart trapped me into like Cuddy did and like Foreman tried to do. Too bad Foreman's not girly enough to seduce me with his annoying and idiotic thinking. Cuddy managed to do it by waving them hips around, I got forced to do it or I'll be smothered by her big ass.

Redheart, well, she scares me.

She has actually done something that Cuddy and Foreman wouldn't do (I'm not sure about Foreman, he would fire me the second I'm not useful), she has actually docked my paycheck. Now mind you, I kind of rely on the wages of being a doctor. My bank account's useless because, you know, I'm dead. The cash on me right now is useless, it's just paper to them.

I sold my paper and coin money for almost equal currency, but I forgot that Medschool is a gold sucking incubus. I was almost broke after that, and I'm damn sure I'm not rich today. I got money to pay for a lease on a house, but I prefer to eat so I live in a flat in the newly extension district of town called: New Ponyville.

Ponyville was a poor town, and the moment I came: everyone wanted to see the great human, I'm a tourist attraction. Ever since then, Ponyville's income has increased drastically to expand upwards and outwards. Green Day General is a big building in the new district, the clinic would be the first thing that you'd see. The Emergency room is on the other side of the building.

I stole a ride down the elevators, I didn't feel like going down those damn stairs. Seriously, let us doctors use the elevators; please, I'm a cripple.

There, my pager beeped sporadically.

My pager connected to the signals sent by Unicorns or by any means of creating signals to bounce through the air. I took a look at my pager and red the message, which is translated from Morse Code. Of course, I had trouble reading the dots and lines for a while and I still do. And as far as I was concerned: as long as I can get to the patient and hear them.

Of course, Dimpy or whatever the patient's name is, is in a coma.

At least they can't lie to me.

I tripped and fell once the doors opened, landing on my hurt leg's knee. I turned around to find an blue pony with rainbow hair, wearing bandages around her side. Rainbow Dash was holding onto the end of my cane with a impish glare, she has this sort of playful vendetta while she's in this hospital. I play along, I don't have a Wilson to talk to, or a Cuddy to get pissy with me (Well, Redheart can and will get pissy with me.)

She never quite healed from the "rain-boom" she keeps pulling off, as the G forces of the phenomenon literally turns her insides to jam: I was assigned to her case prior to this one.

Ah, the conflicting interests that led to my wrist being broken, I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was yesterday.

Actually, it took three weeks to solve it. I wrote her to be in recovery yesterday AND got my wrist broken for being honest.

Honest how the Orange pony and the little yellow pony was an idiot.

"Ah, good one," I admitted it, a glaring smile shot on my face. I got on my thighs and pointed both my index fingers at her with my thumbs bent, I don't have that many friends.

"How could you not see me, I was right beside you!" Rainbow Dash took a step out of the elevators to help me up, like a three foot pony was going to help a grown man whose almost six foot. I stumbled back to my own feet and took my cane back, using my shirt to wipe it clean of her mouth.

Teeth marks.

"I always wanted to be a dentist," I said expecting the marks.

"Really?"

"No, I need a new cane. And I doubt they sell one in my size."

My pager beeped again, and the message was clearer.

"I gotta go, now," I said, putting my cane down

"Aw, now it's going to be bored!"

"That's because your boring." I gave her my iconic (to me) look.

"Bite me," Rainbow Dash retorted with a glare..

---

I opened the slide door quickly, making my way to the side of the filly's bed. I almost missed the mother, but I hate mothers. Mothers always assume the worst, and while it's not bad to be realistic: it's terrible to be pessimistic. I looked at the monitors and they appeared fine, which was weird, because Twilight practically spammed my pager until I turned it off.

Good thing the grey mare was asleep.

I looked over the filly and looked up to my horrified employees, I felt my body growing colder as I turned the cheek of the Filly. There was bruises forming in streaks along her eye sockets and forehead, reaching her horn. I peeled open her eyes and took out a flashlight, examining her eyes and I almost reeled.

Her irises were dark green outlined with black, pupils red. Her eyeball itself was bloody red, and there was orange fluid has by the tinges of orange on the eye. Twilight looked the most frightened, while Doctor Hooves was busy hurling in the trashcan outside. I looked back at the filly and moved her mane from her horn, expecting the base and tip of it.

There was orange crystal like organisms forming on the base, and I furrowed my brow. The horn was completely cut off from the brain, the horn was manifesting a mind of it's own. Forming magical crystals at the base of the horn to release the pent up magic, there was traces of orange Gak around in her hair. I looked into her ear and was greeted with a fleshy cave of blood created by sores creating holes in the skin and bleeding.

The blood explains the bruising, but not the gak, not the crystals, not the eyes, and especially not the iris. What caused the sores? The gak was environmental varsity found by the entrance of the Everfree Forest due to it's orange color, the crystals were from her horn being cut off from her brain, and her eyes were from the magical receivers being blocked and clogged.

The sores. What caused the sores?!

I turned the comatose filly onto her belly and tilted her head downwards and lifted her body, blood spilling out of her ears onto the pillows and sheets. The mother still blissfully asleep, Jesus it's only 4:00 at night and your filly is bleeding from the ears!

The blood had pooled inside of her head, if there wasn't brain damage already: it's there now. The blood vessels probably already popped, that meant her skull was now a swimming pool of blood and magical chemicals. The Head-down&Body-up treatment is only a temporary relief of a pony bleeding in the mouth or orifice.

The blood dribbled to a steady stream of carmine red when the mother opened her eyes, her yellow eye stretching. I never met either of these ponies, but I swore her left eye traveled upwards. I peered at her and tilted my head and squinted my eyes at her crossed eyes, which caught and peaked my curiosity intensively bad.

"Dinky...?" She blinked the sleep out of her eyes quickly when she saw the blood, she shot up to her hooves with her wings shot open in shock and panic.

She started her shrill shriek, which made my ears want to bleed. "What are you doing to my litle Muffian!? Is that blood?!"

"Get her out of here, NURSE!"

I looked at her monitor and saw her blood pressure was rising, drastically. Dangerously.

This kid needs the blood sucked out of her, now.

"Well are you having fun there, Doctor?!" I glared at the frozen Twilight, then looked at Doctor Hooves who was wiping his face with a napkin. "Call the damn OR, we don't get this lil' brat to surgery her mother's going to wake up to a dead filly!"

That got Twilight moving, the nurses I called earlier moving the grey crossedeyed mother out of the room.

"Can I get some god damn help in here, you useless ponies?!" I screamed, I paid attention to the monitor and noticed a lethal increased spike in the clogged Magical Outflow. "Get me some Epitol, she's going to seize; and it's going to be your fault she dies if you lazy nurses don't get the hell in here!"

I looked back at the filly, who was either blissfully ignorant in her sleep...

Or in agony, afraid.

Alone

Comments

[SomeBloke]

Awesome, keep it up:)