Most Friday nights, the Cutie Mark Crusaders convene together at their clubhouse to spend the night together. Sometimes, they have friends over to tend to things like Scootaloo's Rainbow Dash Fan Club. Other nights, it's just the three of them, spending the better part of the evenings planning new ways to discover their destinies.
But on very rare occasions, one filly or another can't make it out for the night. And tonight was one of those nights.
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Takes place between S3:E6 and S4:E17.
Cover art credit: GloomyMark Goombot Cosmalumi
Spiritual successor: An Orphan's Lament
Chapters (1)
I really like this story. It wasn't groundbreaking or revolutionary or anything, but I enjoy a good slice of life. I think you succeeded with making a realistic conversation between these two characters. This story could have easily nosedive into poorly written melodrama, so I'm glad you didn't went the sad story route. I'm definitely not against sad stories or being attacked by the feels,but I'm just glad you didn't force a sad tone. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo felt like the were in character and their dialogue felt natural and I appreciate that you left the details about Bloom's and Scoot's parents open to the reader's imagination while still leaving some hints to go by. This story felt like it could be adapted into episode or at least an animated short :) As for technical errors, I don't have the sharpest eye, but I didn't spot any errors that took me out of the story. Overall, this story was a great, short read. It's self-contained, but I imagine you can use this story as a foundation to branch out into many different directions if you wanted to. But, that's up to you. Regardless, I'll definitely check out some of your other stories sometime.
6255714
Thanks for the feedback, I truly appreciate it.
This story may act as a 'proving grounds' one-shot for something else later. That was one of the reasons I wanted to write this shotgun-style – short, to the point, trying to stay in character – so I could get a feel for the concept. I feel like I may have delved too far in Scoots' background (I wanted to keep her as open-ended as AB), but I'm glad to hear one reader say it still felt flexible.
Realistic and stayed true to the tags. The flow was right and nothing was convoluted.
Absolutely divine.
The characters are very much in character, and the conversation between the fillies is deep, sincere, and touching. And the setting for Scootaloo is absolutely perfect. It gives a lot of insight and comparison between both sets of her parents.
I absolutely enjoyed it.
~Twi
Great. Simply amazing
Are you KIDDING?! The whole thing was one big TON of feels.
See, this is what I shoot for when I consider my goals as a writer. In less than 4K words, you've crafted a rich story of pathos and compassion. Faved and followed!
This really drudged up some of those foster days. Sadly you didn't have to have bad parents to be taken away. Sometimes the state just figures they can do more for you on paper then what you get staying with a single parent.
It was pretty sad hearing some of the stories and just watching other kids around me apparently waiting for their parents to show, a couple times I saw one of the adults inform the waiting child that their parents meeting time had been missed and take them away, often crying or pleading them to wait longer.
The workers, for the most part, seemed nice. But many were either too jaded or didn't think much of the children's mental state, not realizing how some take the word of an adult to heart so seriously and how easily trust between child and adult can be broken with enough white lies.They'd often make, and nearly always, break lots of promises in hopes to either distract them from things they don't really have an answer to or can't figure another way to reassure the child they'll be safe aside from promises of free toys or art supplies (which I was big into then.
Scootaloo is lucky, having found a family in one shot. Even if she had to stay at an orphanage. Being moved to one temp house to the next, often being treated as disposable or an asset and nothing more until you're placed into a more loving (or close enough) home.
I always figured Scoots just grew up tomboyish because she grew up with a single parent, mainly her dad. Possibly feeling like she should help around the house despite being told to go out and play, even when she could clearly see her dad struggling with stress and bills. Trying to make best he can for his daughter's future while making sure she gets to enjoy the here and now wthout letting his troubles affect his little girl. But that's a series I've not bothered to touch on since to me she makes her own future, she's just been lucky to have ponies who love her enough to let her be herself. Much to the dismay of townsponies when she and the other CMC get together. :P
But yeah, this story played out really well. Shame Sweetie wasn't around, though I doubt they'd a been this candid if she were. Glad you went this route, it felt more real. Especially the pillow fight, gotta love spontaneous pillow fighting to break an awkward silence. xD
6263389
In my training for marriage and family counseling, I've only seen a handful of adoptive parents come in to try to work out issues at home. Almost always though, any issues that don't pertain to the practice of the parents themselves have some relation to what the child either experienced, or perceived, from being pushed through foster care for a time. It's always comforting to see when adoptive parents really are trying, since I hear nightmare stories of foster care all too often. But it's equally sad to see when damage of one form or another has already been done – namely in the area of trust, as you mentioned.
My exposure to this was limited as a child. The conversation I mentioned in the author's notes would've resembled me as Sweetie Belle and my friend as a Scootaloo. I was one of few (out of my group of friends) who not only had their biological parents, but had never been through a separation before, so no experience with single parenthood either. But given just the way I was at the time – curious, and had an eye for how people interact with each other – I asked questions, got to know how things worked best I could at a young age.
Thank you for sharing this, by the way! It really means a lot to see someone be able to connect with this story. I also love your perception of Scootaloo's background – that's what I meant by thinking I could've had a better headcanon. And here it is.
You know, I don't think I've read very many fics where Apple Bloom and Scootaloo interact one-on-one. Very nice slice of life you had here. The emotions felt real and the characterization was great. My only critique would be that Applejack seems to be called AJ only by Dash and Big Mac in the show, but it could be your headcanon that Bloom calls her that as well, so no biggie. Have a fave!
6306713
I actually meant to go through a couple episode transcripts before submitting to see if this was true or not, but totally forgot. Thanks for the heads up; edits made.
This isn't really a story so much as a dialogue and an establishment of fact in a single possible Equestrian setting.
It was well written, I think. An enjoyable read, and an interesting look into AB's and Scoot's thoughts and lives. It just didn't feel very substantial.
6405915
I believe that's a fair evaluation. One of the greatest difficulties I'm having post-editing this story has been trying to get around the general lack of a narrative. Of course, there is one – the subject plot and points are clear – but it is very much fleshing out headcanon through a single slice of life event.
Glad that you enjoyed it in any case. Definitely good to hear this input as well.
I liked it
Rage Reviews stopped ranting about bad fics long enough to recommend this as A Good Fic, and I'm glad they did. It's very, VERY good slice of life.
Not sure that I've accepted the headcanon, but this matches very well with my own experiences of adoption. Mind, mine was much smoother - I've never had to deal with the foster system.
6945675
Thanks for the comment! And the fact that one of my stories would get highlighted as a GOOD fic over at Rage almost scares me. Thanks for the heads up, that was pretty cool to see.
Haven't read the story yet but wanted to say i LOVE the title of the chapter.
Just finished it and loved it to pieces. Great story.
You can has review!