Randomnity

by Codex Ex Equus

A Night With the Moon (Alternate Ending)

“No...” moaned Twilight, watching the shattered remains of the Elements of Harmony fall to the floor of the tower.

“Oh, come, now,” said Nightmare Moon, stalking back to stand on top of the dais that had once held the Elements. “You didn't really think those dusty old relics would help you against me, did you?”

“But... the legend said the sixth Element would appear when...” She turned suddenly, as the sound of her friends coming up the tower stairs brought a shine to her eyes. “When a spark ignites the–“

A beam of turquoise energy shot past her, so close it raised her fur on end. It smashed into the top of the archway leading to the stairs, blasting it apart. Screams came from below as the five ponies fled to escape the avalanche of mortar and brick tumbling down the spiral stairs, and when the smoke cleared nothing but a pile of ruined masonry was left.

“I don't think that's going to be happening,” said Nightmare Moon smugly.

“You... why are you doing this?!” wailed Twilight

“I thought you knew the legend,” replied Nightmare, rolling her eyes and beginning to pace. “My sister was greedy and only let the ponies enjoy her day, and not my night. When I objected and tried only to get what I deserve, she banished me to the moon.”

“I don't think–“

“And now that I'm back,” continued Nightmare Moon, “I shall bring eternal night, so that all may enjoy my stars and moon.”

There was silence as the Nightmare strutted about the dais, and then Twilight raised her head.

“You don't have to do this,” she said quietly. “Things are different now. Ponies enjoy the night!”

“Yes, I'm sure you came all this way, searching for the only thing that can defeat me, so you could help celebrate the coming eternal night,” replied Nightmare Moon snidely.

“It's true!” insisted Twilight. “We have more light sources now than just torches and candles, ones that are powered by stored magic. There are some ponies that stay up all night. I do it quite a bit myself, when I'm studying.”

Nightmare Moon just snorted, and Twilight thought frantically for something else to add. “There are a lot of ponies who look forward to the night, even. They stay up late, going to parties and clubs.”

“Parties, you say?” asked Nightmare, suddenly interested. “I didn't get to go to many parties before... most only took place during the daytime.”

Encouraged, Twilight continued, “Some of those ponies really like the parties, too. They say they wish the night could last longer. Forever, even.”

That might have been too much; the Nightmare was staring at her suspiciously now. “And I suppose next you'll be telling me about how much they love the stars and moon, yes?”

“Well... no, they don't,” admitted Twilight. “They spend their time inside. B-but a lot of other ponies do! We have powerful telescopes now to let us study the stars, and observatories... I even spend a lot of my own time stargazing.”

Nightmare Moon was still glaring at her, but then she suddenly burst into a shadowy mist, streaking across the room to reform directly in front of Twilight

“Yes...” she hissed softly, leaning forward to stare into Twilight's face even as the unicorn gulped and stepped back nervously. “You are Celestia's little pet. I spent most of my time on the moon slumbering, but I do have a few fuzzy memories. And I recall seeing a small purple unicorn in the towers of my sister's castle, peering back up at me, quite often.”

She moved away, looking at Twilight out of the corner of one eye. “Let's say I accept your story, that I believe I am properly appreciated in this day and age. What would you have me do? Return your precious Princess and her sun?”

“Well... yes, I'd like that,” replied Twilight meekly, hope beginning to blossom in her chest.

“Except my sister would immediately seek to banish me again.” Nightmare Moon shook her head. “I'm going to need more incentive than that.”

“Like what?”

Nightmare Moon stood silent for a moment, considering the unicorn, then said, “How about a date?”

“A–“ Twilight's mouth dropped open. “A what.”

“A date. Nothing fancy, just you and me in a nice restaurant somewhere. It's been a long time since I've had a beautiful mare tell me how much she admires my nights, after all.”

Nightmare Moon moved forward, circling around the stunned Twilight. “If you're lucky, maybe I'll take a closer look at your stars–“

Twilight jumped as a hoof brushed against her cutie mark. Turning to follow the Nightmare's movements, Twilight's face went red as her muzzle suddenly bumped into the cutie mark on a large, soft flank.

“–and you can get a closer look at my moon.”

Frozen in place, Twilight could only watch as Nightmare strode back to the dais, unable to take her eyes from the midnight black hips that seemed to be swaying back and forth much more than they needed to.

Climbing back up on the stone plinth, Nightmare Moon lay down, stretching out and gazing back at Twilight. Her half-lidded eyes, teal and alluring, flashed up through a translucent mane.

“Or, we can just skip to the sex right here and now.”

---

The five ponies, trying to figure out a way past the ruined stairs up to the tower, suddenly stopped talking and looked upwards as Twilight's screams began to to echo throughout the castle.

Four of the ponies turned bright red, suddenly avoiding eye contact with each other, but Pinkie Pie let out a gasp of horror.

“Oh no, Twilight!” she said, hooves going to her mouth. “Nightmare Moon must be doing something awful to her!”

She paused, cocking her head to the side as another set of cries became audible. “That's Nightmare Moon now! Alright, go Twilight! Give it to her good!"

“Wait, where are we going?” she asked, looking around at the four blushing ponies who were dragging her from the castle. “Aren't we going to go help Twilight?”

Author's Note:

Okay, need a bit more explanation on this one.

The inspiration for this ending comes from an episode of Sealab 2021, a show that used to air on Adult Swim on Cartoon Network (fun fact, also the distant predecessor to Archer(also fun fact, I apparently spelled 'predecessor' so incredibly incorrectly that the FiMfiction spellcheck just gave up and didn't tell me it was incorrect)).

Here's a link the the particular part of that episode I had in mind. Aside from the sound, it's not really NSFW; it did run on cartoon network, after all. Give it about 20 seconds to get to the part I'm thinking of.

But anyway, Captain Murphy's reaction there ("Good lord, she's killing him!") was always what I thought of as one of the most hilarious lines in a show full of hilarious lines. And that's quite obviously where this ending came from.

Comments

[ForSpite]

I really don't think you needed to explain it, that joke with Pinkie Pie really worked ("Give it to her good, Twilight" made me laugh out lout) but it was interesting to see where the idea came from.

This ending's a lot more memorable than the original version, though that one works this one's more striking and amusing. Of course, you could probably just combine them by putting "The moon moved out from in front of the sun, slowly sliding back beneath the horizon, and sunlight once again washed over Equestria." either in front of or behind the Pinkie Pie scene.

[verypeeved]

Give it to her good!

oh she is, pinkie, she sure is

[LostArchivist]

Annnnd... that's worse. I'm surprised and concerned that Pinkie was the one to not figure it out, though.