Episode 60: A Series of Awkward And Unwanted Advances (Reunion Style)
Opening Theme:
Spotting your best friend from Appleoosa you begin to make your way towards him. However...
Kurolothgarian's Comment
As you try to approach Braeburn, strange occurrences keep happening that keep you apart.
After the first wagon of ponies is unloaded, you are introduced to several of them.
"Hi, I'm Apple Crisp."
"Hi, I'm Uncle Strudel."
"Hi, I'm Candy Apple."
Not trying to be too rude, you shake hooves with each one, but this gives Braeburn the time to wander off into the crowd.
As introductions continue, Applejack gets on the bullhorn and announces activities for everyling to do, and in trying to catch up to your bro, you stumble across some of these activities.
Like that one tree that falls on you because Big Mac was showing off to his younger cousins.
"Ow! The Bu-rrrr-Heck Big Red!" you shout as you notice the kids looking at you.
After that, you dizzily chased after the Braeburn colored blur you think is him...and you get caught in the elderly mares' quilting (literally).
"OW! OW!"
"Say now, I don't remember picking up orange yarn for this section," Granny Smith's sister ponders.
"That's because that's my Mane!" you shout as you untangle your hair that was woven into the quilt.
"Oh sorry youngun...Say, you look an awful like that stallion Smithy used to travel with way back when," she says as she squints at you.
"Yeah yeah, Allonsy and all that," you mutter as you place your hat back on and spot Braeburn walking past the stage where the band is getting set up.
He appears to be talking to a mare that looks like a recolored Octavia with a fiddle.
"Huh. Wonder if Octavia actually is related to the-Whoah!" you yelp as you stumble over a guitar stand, your head ending up through the strings.
"Really?" you grumble as you pull the guitar off and look at it. It's scuffed, but in good shape.
"Well it's in a lot better shape than the one I trashed at the gala. Good thing Flash isn't around, he would've choked in anger if I broke a good guitar."
KILL THE WAIFU STEALER! HE RUINED THAT ENTIRE SECOND MOVIE FOR ME! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE WITH SUNSE-
Shuup already!! He's not even here!
The annoying voices that always seem to come up when you mention your Pega-Bro fade away at yours, Selena's, and surprisingly Sombra's shout.
A bit surprised, you ask,
What's the deal Sombreo? Usually your all up for spilling someling's blood for no reason.
Sombra drunkenly replies with this,
Those insufferable voices are loud and annoying *hick*! Always shouting nonsense about princess making drama is *hick* dumb or how a movie is terrible since it isn't about *hick* ponies or whatever...*burp*
You managed to keep a straight face for a good couple of seconds before facepalming and mumbling,
"That's what I get for asking a drunk and expecting a legit answer."
I still don't even know why you humor him, Selena titters with (presumably) a shake of her head.
Sighing and shaking your head you look for Braeburn in the crowd of apple-themed ponies once again. When you eventually do find him again, right back at the beginning where more Apple relatives are arriving, you quickly make your way towards him in case Lady Luck has any other plan to mess with your introduction. However as you're just about to reach him you bump into somepony getting off one of the newly arrived wagons.
Instead of the usual bumping to the ground you both manage to stay up right. You offer the mare an apology while trying to keep your eyes on Braeburn. The mare just shrugs it off before she introduces herself,
Kichi's Comment
"No problem feller, not too often I let a stallion run into me,” the mare says with a cocky smile. “The name's Apple Candy, owner of the Apple Flavor Candy shop down in Manehatten."
“Yeah, yeah, nice to meetcha and everything, I’m BST” you kind of ignore her as you just say your name and try to follow Braeburn. However you lose sight of him when a thought occurs,
“Wait, Apple Candy? Didn’t I already get introduced to you after the first wagon?” you ask as you turn your head, but you don’t see her in the midst of the countless apple ponies milling about. All you see is an old pale mare, some older dark colored stallion, a young green filly about Applebloom’s age, and some big yellow guy about Red's size, and countless other ponies you haven’t met yet.
Huh. Guess we just got around to introductions twice in the madness…or something. Anyway, where did Braeburn go?
As you look for your bro again, you keep shaking the hooves of separate apple family members, but your search again is halted when you come across someone you’ve met a few times before, and it looks like she’s trying to blend into the crowd.
“Bon Bon? I didn’t know you were a member of the Apple Family,” you declare causing her to yelp and face you, her sunglasses falling off.
“Umm, who is this Bon Bon you speak of?” she stutters. You just raise an eyebrow and point at her, saying,
“You.”
“Nah, that’s crazy. I’m…errr…Chocolate…Apple…Yeah…” she says as her eyes dart every which way like Applejack when she tries to lie.
You give her an incredulous look and say,
“Lady, you and I were in an intense fan club together. We had a drunken barroom brawl with the Elements and the Guards. You think I don’t recognize you?”
She sighs and says,
"Okay, you got me. Gosh I used to be so much better at blending in,” she grumbles.
“Sooo, what’s the deal?”
She sighs again and says,
“I’m here for the food,” she explains as she holds up an extra strength garbage bag.
Confused you ask,
“Is the candy store not doing well?”
“Oh no it’s doing fine. Better than my last job. Being semi-retired is kind of a pain though. Stupid bug bears,” she grumbles again.
Other Job? What’s she…Oh right. She was working for Torchwood. Maybe she knows where the Doctor…No wait, I can’t let her know that I know or I might end up with my mind wiped or something. Besides, she says she’s somewhat retired.
While you have this epiphany, she continues.
“Really I just want some good quality Apple Food for free, and I need a break from Lyra.”
“Oh. Did something happen?” you ask apprehensively.
She just rolls her eyes and says, “Nothing more than usual I suppose. I mean, I love her and all, but she is getting annoying with her both her obsessions.”
“And what are those?”
“Well, for starters, she’s CONSTANLY whining about the season finale of that My Little Human show. Something about her favorite character Tara being made a government official out of nowhere…”
WHAT?! SPOILERS! Sombra drunkenly yells, but you ignore him.
You just shake your head and say,
“Freaking Humies.”
“Don’t I know it. And the other obsession of course is The Offender.”
“Oh…wait, you were in the Horde too, doesn’t that mean you were also obsessed?” you point out.
“Ehhh, it was more of a hobby than anything. Sure I like the guy and what he does for the most part, but I’m not that invested. Lyra on the other hoof is helping Octavia try and bring the club back now that the Crimson Knights got taken down by that bounty hunter.”
Your eyes widen at that bit of news, but she continues with a sigh
“But I don’t know. The guy said he didn’t want followers or a club anymore, and Fluttershy and Spike have no intention of returning, so who knows,” she shrugs. “How about you?”
“Yeah, not gonna happen,” you tell her and she nods.
“I get ya. But between you and me, I still got my cloak, and I’m sure others do too. You never know right?”
“Ahh. Well don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” you say, trying not to sigh.
“Alright. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she picks the glasses up off the ground and puts them on. “I have to blend into the background till the food comes.” She then walks backwards into the crowd of mingling ponies, and for all intents and purposes, she disappears.
With her gone, you let out the sigh you were holding in.
Gorramit Lyra and Octavia. Why do you guys keep trying to support me?
Well one of them is “madly in love with you” but I couldn’t even guess the reason for the Harp player.
Great. Just great.
Do you plan on doing anything to stop them? She asks.
What do you want me to do? I asked and commanded them to stop, but I guess they’re more stubborn than Applejack. You know, some days I wish I DID have hypnosis powers to make everything easier!
Oh sure, when you say it it’s ok, but when I speak of using my trapped Umbrum kind to posses crystal ponies to conquer my enemies, I’m “Out of Line” , he drunkenly huffs in a surly voice.
Oh sod off Zombo. Offering my baby an army of darkness is NOT appropriate behavior during your little sessions.
Bah! I just wish for her to unlock her potential. My way is her destiny, I’m telling you…Though speaking of destiny is Tara’s in politics? Would that fit her character? He trails off thinking of his Human Trash Show for Children.
Rolling your eyes you ignore the tyrant and think
Stupid drunk Sombrero.
Yes, he is not nearly as docile as his drugged counterpart.
Well either way, at least he’s not full on Samba. That’s something I don’t have to worry about right now. And for that matter, I can worry about my followers later and explain what the definition of 'disband' is. But right now, I need to find Braeburn. I swear to Luna if I don't get to talk to him at least once while he's here...
With that thought you continue your search for him. Eventually, after many hoof shakes with many, MANY ponies with Apple in their name you find him and finally get to introduce yourself.
"Well hey there Mr. The name is Braeburn, and I come from AAAAPPPPPLLLLEEEEOOOSSSAAAA!!!" he declares lifting his legs up in his usual excited manner. You smile at this. It's been so long since you've heard him say that.
"Nice to meet you Braeburn, My name is Baker Sylvester Tennant, or BST for short," you say as you shake his hoof.
"Well I'd be right silly if I didn't know who you were Mr. Tennant. I've heard the tales Applejack, Big Mac and Applebloom have told of you."
"Oh really?" you ask with a raised eyebrow.
"Darn tootin. Is it true you fought a grown Hydra by yourself?"
You beam and puff out your chest. "Well if you're talking about King Ghidorha, then it's yes and no. I had help from my little girl Nightshade...who's around here somewhere," you say looking around the farm. "Anyway, I got swallowed by the thing, and she went and kicked it in the nards and it..."
You then begin to make small talk with your old friend, catching him up on the life of Baker Sylvester Tennant. Even though it's a technicallity, since he doesn't know you're Bugze the Changeling, it still feels good to let him know what's happened over the last 2 years. After many of your exploits, (including the Mare-Do-Well incident) you decide...
BrownDog's Comment
to ask him about life in Appleloosa. It's been two years since you've been home, and it may be awhile yet before you get to go back, but just hearing about it should give you some comfort.
“Oh, things are pretty interesting in Appleloosa nowadays. We recently got a whole group of…uh…” he hesitates. “Sisters that moved to town. Now most of them are pretty similar and hyper, but a few are more subdued, but they’ve really changed the town for the better I think.”
“Oookay..." you stammer, not catching the subtly meaning of that sentence like the idiot you are. "How so?”
“Well for one, the harvest was completed in record time thanks to all their help. Heck, usually we celebrate by a quick drink after it’s all done, but this time we had an honest to goodness festival and party. Even the Buffalo came to celebrate.”
“Nice.”
“More than just nice Mr., it’s fantastic! Heck, a couple of the sisters have joined their tribe for whatever reason. I tell you Little Strongheart sure has a hoofful with them," he chuckles. "But the majority of them though are making the rodeos ten times more interesting, and making businesses expand in the town. Heck, we’re even thinking of starting up a Buck Ball team since we all have some more free time.”
“What the buck is a buck ball?” you ask in confusion. You’ve heard of Hoofball, Baseball, Basketball, and even Volley Ball, but never Buck Ball.
It sounds dirty.
“Buck ball is a very fun sport Mr. Tennant. There’s two teams, with three players each they have to be a Unicorn, Pegasus and Earth Pony. Now, what happens is that the ball is kicked by the…” he then starts explaining the rules to this sport that sounds both simplistic and complicated at the same time. But as he blathers on, you keep nodding, not paying too much attention.
Eventually Braeburn stops talking about sports and feels the need to introduce you to all his cousins.
And by all of them, I mean all of them...
SnapDrakeGames's Comment
"Mr. Tennant, this is Apple Fritter, Apple Bumpkin, Red Gala, Caramel Apple, Apple Cider, Apple Cobbler, Apple Honey, Apple Munchies, Gala Appleby, Jonagold, Lavender Fritter, Peachy Sweet, Perfect Pie..." he drawls on, dragging you from cousin to cousin.
"Hey, Braeburn, it's fine, I'll get their names as we go," you mutter, hoping to cut this whole thing short.
"Eh... if you say so," Braeburn replies. "It's a lot to keep track of."
"For the record, Mr. Tennant," Perfect Pie says, grinning sweetly, "It's been an honor to meet you." She grins in a manner you've seen many times before, usually on Rainbow Dash, Aloe or Applejack, and it suddenly occurs to you that Perfect Pie is very attractive. Her flanks are well shaped, her muscles toned, and her eyes twinkle with youth and beauty. Actually now that you think about it, Apple Cider had the most soothing fur color, like a cool ocean breeze... Red Gala had a bright face and a curvy figure... Jonagold had given you the exact smile Perfect Pie had... In fact, all of Applejack's cousins had been exceptionally attractive and had looked you over with exceptional interest.
Something about this fact leaves you quite concerned. Even more so when Braeburn decides to leave your side and talk with more cousins.
"Now, Mr. Tennant, can I call you Baker? And while we're at it, would you like to head into the orchards? I hear they're just lovely this kind of year, in that intimate way only apples can be, you know?" she says with fluttering eyelids.
"Umm... yeah, of course, but, uh, I have somewhere else to be right now," you deflect, motioning in another direction. As Perfect Pie's face begins to morph into a pout, you excuse yourself from the immediate vicinity.
"Alright, uh, over here, over here," you mutter, glancing around.
"Six-legged races!" you hear Applejack's voice call. She gestures to a long track that she'd set up before. "Be the fastest couple to run across! Be the closest pair, tied at the hip!"
"Yeesh, she needs to get some more sleep," you murmur as you see she looks kind of tired. "I'm not sure even she knows what she's saying anymo- ah!" You stumble backwards in surprise as a face pops up in front of you.
"Hey, Mr. Tennant!" Apple Bumpkin cries, grinning widely. "Would you like to join me in the race?"
"Hold on a moment," another mare interrupts, a pony who you tentatively identify as Apple Cobbler. "Mr. Tennant would definitely prefer to participate with me, right Baker dear?" She bats her eyelashes suggestively.
"Well, heh, uh, truth is that my balance is terrible and I'd probably end up just falling down on you," you stutter.
"That's fine," they both say grinning widely. Your eyes widen at this so you decide to make another daring escape.
"Oh, and I'm also really hungry, so I think I'm going to have to skip out on this one, bye!" you desperately plea, dashing off towards the food table.
Fireheart 1945's
As you reach the food table you breathe heavily as you hear the six legged race start.
"Ugh. I didn't think this day was going to be filled with stalkers. It's a FAMILY reunion for Pete's sake." Shaking your head from these thoughts you instead focus on the deliciousness that is in front of you. Countless deserts all waiting to be sampled. You even see Bon Bon at the other end filling her garbage bag full of baked goods.
Smiling, you reach into the Inventory and to pull out a napkin and some eating utensils...when you realize you don't actually have any. All you end up doing is tugging on Mangle's ears, to which she scratches your hoof.
"Ouch! Well excuse me then," you growl. "Then again, why do I even need them? I'm a slob when it comes to food," you declare as you begin to slightly drool at all the tasty apple-themed goods. You see Apple Munchies, Apple Brioche, Apple Cinnamon Crisp, and even Apple Strudel! Your mouth begins to truly water at the sight. You pick up a piece of the Apple Strudel and begin to guide the heavenly gift that is apple goodness to your mouth and are about to bite into it...when of course this is all ruined when a strong hoof grabs your hoof out of nowhere.
You look down at it for a good few seconds before shouting out,
"Oh buck you Lady Lu-"
Your shout is cut off when you are pulled below the table, your dessert getting tossed into the air, where Bon Bon expertly catches it and puts it in her bag. You glance around wildly, before you find yourself nose-to-nose with the violet eyes of...
"Apple Fritter, Apple Bumpkin, Apple uh... Apple Honey!"
"You remember me?" Apple Honey replies. "Oh, I'm flattered, Baker dear. I don't suppose...?"
"You don't suppose...?" you mutter.
"That you'll let me flatter you back?" she replies, grinning slyly.
"Er- look, I'd be happy to but, uh... Look! A distraction!" you point but she just smiles at you coyly.
"Oh, honey, did you really think that'd work?"
"Look! An Apple-themed distraction!"
"Where?" she cries, turning frantically. You dart away as fast as possible, nearly toppling the table in the process.
"Alright," you mutter, ducking behind the barn. "There are way too many mares hitting on me. I've got to get out of here before I use up all my excuses. You glance behind you, at the bright red barn. "Yeah, that should work." Looking around, you make sure no one's around before slipping quietly into the barn.
"Alright," you whisper to yourself, creeping through the hay. "There's no reason anyone would come in here, so I should be safe right?"
"Hm? Is somepony there?" a soft voice asks. You whirl, ready to make your way out of the barn. "Ah! Mr. Tennant, is that you?"
You turn, catching sight of the approaching mare, her cream fur and violet mane. "Oh, hey there, uh... Apple... Apple uh..."
"Actually, it's Lavender. Lavender Fritter," the mare smiles. "You forgot my name? How could you?" she pouts.
"Oh, well, uh, see, there's a lot of you, and it was really quick, and, I..."
"It's alright," Lavender Fritter smiles, and she tackles you to the ground. You try to stand up, but her muscular finger keeps you solidly pinned. "I know exactly how you can make it up to me..."
"I NEED AN ADULT!!!" you scream.
"I am an adult," she declares as she...
Kersey's Comment
starts snuggling your neck. You are about to call out again when you hear a familiar voice declare "GET THE BUCK OFF MY DADDY!!!" before a flaming hoof knocks the lustful mare off you.
"Nightshade!" you loudly admonish as you stand up. "What did I tell you about hitting random ponies?"
"But she's a motherbucking vampire!" Nightshade says pointing at Lavender.
"What?!" you and Lavender exclaim.
"She stayed out of the light, lured you to a dark room, knocked you down, and was about to bite your neck! Motherbucking vampire!" your daughter declares as she throws a piece of garlic at Lavender.
*smack* Wonderful. She even sounds like you on one of your conclusion-jumped half-baked theories. Selena facehooves.
Mmmmm... Half baked...
Well thank goodness she did jump to conclusions, that mare was strong as heck.
You then decide to clear up the misunderstanding.
"She's not a vampire honey, she was uh...giving me CPR."
"CPR?" she asks incredulously.
"Eyup. I passed out due too, uh..."
"Over-stimulation?" Lavender says in a flirty manner causing a bit of blood to leak out your nose.
"S-sure. But I'm better now. Thanks Lavender. Bye!" You then grab Nightshade and run out of the barn.
"Was it really CPR Dad, or are mares being weird around you again?"
"Kind of yes. Listen honey, thanks for the save back there. How'd you find me anyway? I thought you were hanging out with the girls?"
"Babs and Applebloom decided to do the race, and I heard you screaming about distractions, so I followed you," she explains.
"Right. Good job. Anyway, while I have you here, can I put you on mare guard?"
"Sure thing Daddy."
"Alright, but do NOT harm the mares that won't leave me alone OK?"
"I won't!" she huffs. "I'm not a bully anymore. I'll handle them in a better way."
And she does, as you walk through the crowd, Nightshade acts as Mare repellent.
"Mr. Tennant would yo-" *splash*
"Sorry! My bad!" she declares to the mare in the wet dress.
"Hellooo Mr. Tenn-"
"Daddy, Where do foals come from?"
"Uh... I see y'all busy at the moment...." the mare runs off.
"BST, do these boots make my flanks look big?" *wiggle*
"Yup."
"Nightshade!" you admonish.
"What? It does."
Eventually you (sadly) have to let Nightshade go as she runs off to play with the Applebloom and Babs. Thankfully she's led you all to the way to Braeburn who you hope can shield you from the flirty menace that is half the mares here.
BrownDog's Comment
“Hey buddy, how come all your mare cousins are swarming around me like flies? What have I done? I’ve never met them before!”
He chuckles at that.
“Well Mr. Tennant, many of them cousins live and work on farms in towns that are smaller and more remote than Ponyville. They don’t tend to see stallions that ain’t relatives all that often.”
“Are they really THAT desperate?” you ask flabbergasted.
“Oh I should say so. Every year during the Reunion, it’s not that unusual for some of the more distant related cousins to give Big Mac, or even me the googley eyes. Heck, there’s quite a few of them I heard trying to gun for Mac moreso this year since he recently got divorced. But the first and second cousins know better than to be thinking like that, so a single non-relative stallion like yourself sticks out.”
But I’m 95% Sure I actually am a relative of yours! you think in despair.
“I’m just here because I helped set this thing up and I want some baked goods! I didn’t sign up for this bullspit!”
“I get you Tennant. Besides, I’m more than certain that Applejack’s called dibs on you.”
You just facehoof real hard at this.
However after you do this you can't help but look around in confusion as you ask,
"Speaking of Applejack, have you seen her? She was looking kind of stressed, and I would have thought I'd bump into her by now."
Braeburn gains a confused look as well as he looks around before saying,
"Ya know now that you'd mention it I haven't seen cousin Applejack at all this reunion. Which is really weird cause usually she's all over the place making sure everypony's having fun."
As you look around, you also notice something that is even stranger and comment,
"Hey Braeburn, does it seem like there are less ponies around than before?"
Braeburns eyes widen at this as he says,
"You know what...there are! What in the Sam Hill is going on?"
As you and Braeburn begin to look around in worry you can't help but think,
Why do I have a feeling this is connected to Applejack not being here?
MEANWHILE, IN THE ORCHARD
Kersey's Comment
Applejack stands in front of a boundary wall out of sight of the main reunion area. In front of her, she has gathered all the mares that had been hitting on you (Perfect Pie, Apple Bumpkin, Apple Cobbler, Apple Honey, Lavender Fritter, etc.).
"What are we doing out here Applejack?" asks Apple Cobbler.
AJ gives them all a stink eye, and they quiet down.
"Well, we're all out here because I couldn't help but notice you lot swarming around a certain funny dressed stallion like flies to a rotted apple," she growls. A few of them shudder at her look, but a few others declare.
"Oh right, Mr. Tennant."
"He's so Mysterious in those clothes."
"What's he hiding underneath?"
"His voice sounds so silky smooth and-"
"That's enough of yer yappin!" Applejack shouts causing them to shut up.
"Now girls, I understand where you're coming from. A single, non-relative stallion will draw the eye. But let me make one thing perfectly clear. Baker Sylvester Tennant is MINE! And Mine alone. I didn't invite him to this dang thing for one of ya'll to snatch him away from me. Got enough of that bullspit happening in this very town. He is a strong, dependable family stallion. No other stallion I've ever met would go through as much trouble for his little girl. Family is everything to him, and if I have my way that will include me. So back off!"
A lot of the mares begin to moan and whine at that.
"Oh come on. Why do you get first dibs?" asks Lavender.
"Need I remind you who is the undefeated champion of the Reunion wrasslin contests?" she declares causing the mares to stop complaining. "That's what I thought. Now, let's get back to having fun, but don't let me catch you with my sugar cube again..." she then kicks the brick wall so hard she breaks right through it. "Got it?"
They all nod fearfully causing her to smile.
"Right then. Let's get this reunion back on track. Still so much to do today," she says as she trots away happily.
BACK WITH YOU
With nearly all the mares gone, you and Braeburn had decided to go to the dessert table...only to discover that the food is all gone.
"Oh Come On!" you then spy Bon Bon in the distance with her bag filled to burst.
"Bon Bon!!!" you yell after her.
"Well shoot, guess we'll have to wait for the fresh ones to get baked," Braeburn surmises causing you to whimper.
It's at that point that you spot all the mares that were hitting on you walking out of the orchard with downcast looks. They look at you, but they keep their distance. Not that your complaining or anything, it just seems weird that they were so dead-set earlier yet now they go nowhere near you. Also there's the fact that Applejack, who came back around the same time as the other mares, seems to be really happy for some reason.
There is definitely a connection here...buuuuutttt I'll let it slide in favor of waiting for delicious food. All I have to do is stare at the table and time will go faster
BrownDog's Comment
A While Later (While Still Not Eating Any Baked Goods!)
This is bullspit! I am so raiding your house for snacks later Bon Bon! you angrily think as the replacement food STILL hasn't been delivered.
But while you are lamenting this, Nightshade, Applebloom, and Babs Seed are loaded up on carts with a bunch of other kids, and some supervising adults. You only notice this when Applejack herself trots up to you.
“Hey Baker, do you want to go with along with the kids for the cart rides through the orchard?” Applejack asks you.
“If it makes the food come faster and gets me away from you cousins, then yes!” you declare.
“Well alright then, I knew I could count on you sugar cube," she says with a sly grin. "It’s a might easy, but keep to the schedule. Just hurry on through so we can get to more activities, and try not to disturb the Fruit Bats and…”
“BATS?!” you declare in shock, interrupting her. “What? Bats?”
“The fruit ones that nest out in the grove where you’ll be taking the kids and-.”
You then get into her face. “You didn’t say anything about bats…” you say in apprehension.
“Why’s that matter?” Applejack asks with a raised eyebrow.
“WHY’S THAT…” you declare at her shortsightedness.
Now, you’re not scared of many things thanks to your misadventures. Aside from clowns, spiders, and your unknown uncertain future, not much can get to you. Bats on the other hand…
“Have you ever seen bats? They’re hideous. Lifeless beady eyes, clawed feet, huge grotesque wings, even Fangs! Wololoololllolohahalollllooo!!!” you lose your mind briefly as you flap your arms around Applejack making strange noises, causing her to back away from you in alarm.
Unobservant to her freaked out nature, you stop making noise and punctuate, “They give ya rabies ya know?”
“Oooookkkkaaaayyyy,” she says as she pushes you back from her personal space. “I see yer point, so does that mean you aren’t taking the cart ride?”
“Exactly!” you then call out to Nightshade. “Honey! If you see any bats, DON’T touch them!”
She gives you a confused look. “Umm, wasn’t planning to dad.”
“Good girl!” you declare in hysteria as AJ backs off, and commands the carts to take off.
"Got a thing against bats I take it," Braeburn asks coyly, and you just gag at the thought of those filthy winged spawns of tartarus.
"I better not see a dang bat today I swear to-"
Not Long After
You hear a bunch of ponies screaming. You look towards the source and your eyes shrink.
Thousands of colorful fruitbats fill the air, and are chasing everyling.
You react in the usual manner.
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” and bravely flee, causing a mass panic as other ponies begin fleeing.
“We Can’t Stop Here! This is Bat Country!”
WHAT DO YOU DO?
Outro:
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Bugzee suddenly notices that he was not looking for Nightshade for a while and decides to look for her
"If something is going to happen, it's going to happen when I'm not looking for Nightshade" Mutter Bugzee
Just then Bugzee hear a scream and begin to follow the sound running
"Don't worry Nightshade! I will...save...you?" Ask surprised Bugzee as he look the scene in front of him.
Nightshade was with a branch and like if it was a orchestra was controling the bats like if it was very easy as they were doing many tricks in the air together.
"What the..." Mutter Bugzee
"Oh my child, she got my talent for the bats" Say Selena inside Bugzee head
"Wait, what?" Ask Bugzee
"Oh yes, as the Princess of Night, Luna as a filly loved to play with bats, it's the reason that the Night Guard was full of thestral, they somehow can't refuse to obey, as our child, it seems that she awakened it" Say Selena
"Wait, she can control bats? Luna can control bats? We can control bats?" Ask Bugzee
"We... Not sure... Luna can as the princess of night, and our filly seems to also be able to control them, not sure if it could work in thestrals" Answered Selena as if it was normal
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The scariest animal? Princess Molestia.
And yes, I could not think too much
*Cue Benny Hill chase scene with Bugze, the Apple family, and the bats running/flying through the orchard trees.
Tics...
Blodsucking little basytards that'll give you terrible disease without you even noticing. (actually making them the most dangerous animal where I live)
Feasting on your blood so much they inflate like little bastard balloons.
Hiding in the tall grass, waiting, plotting, ready to pounce at you as soon as you get close.
Crawling up your limbs looking for a point of entry. Embedding their heads in your skin so hard you need special tools to remove them.
How I hate them, oh how I hate those parasitic little bastards.
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Kersey's Comment in Response to yours, since he still has technical issues.
The scariest animal is Humans. No other animal can be as destructive as we are.
fucking honey badgers. they don't give no shits about nobody. these little fuckers can and will eat every single part of their prey, bones and all. they n take down some of the largest snakes, the anaconda being an exception, without taking on the effect of their poison. sometimes they will even go a as far as digging up human corpses just for a quick meal. hell, they even chase away lions from their meal. even the game far cry made the honey badger one of the hardest animals to kill, next to a fucking tiger.
here is a highly educational video of a honey badger:
“Dad, I know you said don’t touch the bats, but come on, these things are so cute,” she says cuddling one under her chin as Big Red runs past screaming with some in his mane.
“No! Bad Nightshade! Quit consorting with the dark forces of darkness themselves!"
And what’s THAT supposed to mean? Selena huffs.
No, not you Selly. I’m talking about the bats! The true meaning of evil!
They are literally just flying rodents. And these ones appear to have bodies that mimic harmless fruit.
That’s what they want you to think!
“Stop the Bats! Stop The Bats! Make them go and not come back!” you chant out.
“But I’ve got them under control. See, they’re not so bad,” she says as she sends some flapping towards you.
“NIGHTSHADE! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!” you shriek as a group of bats make a bee line for you, causing you to bravely flee.
“They just want cuddles dad!”
As you flee, the images of evil keep playing in your mind.
Bats are never good news. Even Batmane is afraid of them. All they do is suck your blood, give you rabies, get eaten by drugged up rock stars, and annoy the heck out of you in caves in Pokem- *DING*
That’s It!
You turn around, and though you shiver in abject horror, you reach into your inventory grabbing your daughter’s pet while yelling.
“Mangle! I Choose You!” and throwing the plush animatronic plush to the ground in front of you. She dusts herself off and gives you a glare.
“Mangle! Use Sonic Blast on those monsters before they DESTROY US ALL!!!”
Mangle looks from you, back to the bats, and around to the screeching ponies, and then back to you in confusion.
“Just blast some Ozzy! Bats are terrified of his music!”
The fox just shrugs, faces the incoming bats, opens her mouth and blasts some awesome music.
Immediately you see panic in their beady little soulless eyes as they, and the bats swarming the other ponies screech all at once, hurting your ears. But it causes them to stop swarming and just hover in midair.
When Mangle closes her jaws, all the bats in the area turn and glare at her, causing her to take a step back, and you think you hear a mechanical gulp.
“Alright, get job Mangle. Now use slash!”
The fox looks at the countless ticked off bats and then her own claws, before she peaces out and jumps back into your inventory, causing ALL of the bats to chase after you again because she’s in your bag, leaving everyling else alone.
“Curse You Mangle!” you yell and run as others keep clear of you.
To add insult to injury, you run into the dessert table where fresh pies and other goodness had just been placed, causing the food to smear all over your clothes.
“OH COME ON!”
Covered in sticky food stuff also has another drawback. As you are swarmed by the angry bats, several stick to you and won’t come off. This is the straw that breaks the camel’s back as you shriek incoherently and run aimlessly.
Bugze! Just calm down!
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Just breathe! For the love of me breathe and get your wits about you! Selena implores.
“IIII DON’T WANT TO DIIIIIEEEE!!!” you flail as the bats beat their wings against you and squeek.
“Hang on daddy! Stay still and I’ll”
“I DON’T WANT TO BE BATMANE!!!”
Meanwhile Sombra is just laughing his drunk flank off. Oh, by Tartarus. If only I’d known about bats, you would have been Nothing, hahahaha *HICK* But my sweet little overlord has none of your weakness. Bwahahahaha!
Screaming madly, covered in bats, and running like a madman, you rush into the barn by crashing right through the side of it.
“Go Away! For Bucks Sake Get Lost!” you yell as you start smashing into wooden posts, rolling around on the ground, and eventually, getting out your powerglove and sending out whatever plasmids that you can think of. This serves to get rid of the bats that were just following you, but the ones still stuck to your coat drive you mad. Luckily, after setting fire to the barn, and freezing yourself, the heat melts the ice into water, causing the adhesive apple foods to fall off, allowing the bats to fly away.
“Oh thank goodness! I’m saved! I’m *Crash*”
Unfortunately, your structural damage brings the barn down on top of you.
As the dust settles, Applejack and Braeburn worriedly call out for you, but you pop out of all the debris still screaming.
“AAAAAHHHH!!!” You then proceed to start flailing around like a madstallion, and hitting yourself in the head with a piece of wood.
“They’re in my mane! They’re in my mane! Oh Sweet Celestia HELP MEEEEEE!!!!”
“Baker!” Applejack shouts, causing you to pause.
“There is NOTHING in your mane.”
You then look around, seeing no bats, and take in the wrecked barn and the entire reunion looking at you like you’re nuts. Some of the stalker cousins from before are more than a little freaked out by you now.
“…Exactly. I was…merely running a drill, heh heh…” you make up, causing everypony there to facehoof with a resounding smack that echoes across the farm.
Chuckling nervously, you extricate yourself and stand next to Nightshade who just shakes her head at you.
“Wow Daddy. Really?”
“Quiet you. You’re still grounded,” you snark back causing her to roll her eyes.
Applejack seems down and depressed, and you even see her on the verge of crying, as you hear her saying the Reunion is ruined because of her. You feel a bit guilty because of this since technically YOU destroyed the barn. But then she gets the idea to have everyone build a new barn…which is accompanied by a musical number.
It’s catchy, but Nightshade tugs on your coat.
“Are they saying RACIST Barn Daddy?”
“I…can’t really tell. I mean, Flash isn’t here so I don’t know for sure. Although I know for a fact the apples don’t look kindly on Changelings…”
And for the scariest animal, I know the joke is to say man, but screw that. It's JAPANESE GIANT HORNETS!!! These damn things are two inches long with a 3 inch wingspan, they can spit acid, and 30 of these things can kill 30,000 Bees in an hour!
Seriously, look at this video! Screw these damn things to the fiery pits of hell! We have to stop them before some mad scientist makes them grow in size!
I would say that the Giant Centipede is one of the scariest animals I have ever encounter. Imagine your typical centipede now that it suddenly grew to be 8 inches long and its crawling out of your shoes in the morning and having one hanging from the wall right next to the only exit in the room. the things are venomous and eat other small creatures. Quite the scare to wake up to in the morning.
http://www.bugunderglass.com/giant-centipede/
Alligator/Crocodiles; Those things are vicious and if they grab on to you they WILL drag you underwater and tear you to SHREDS and PIECES. You DO NOT want to mess with one.
One bat gets stuck in Bugze's Scarf, which constant proximity causes a berserker state known as the Bat Fist. Cue flashback of Gramps teaching it a la "Ranma 1/2" style (cover trainee in fruit, mostly apples, toss into cave of fruitbats, repeat until learned or... Yeah, with Bugze's Grandpa, there is no good choice: you learn it, or you learn it while you lose your mind). The key portions of it are:
1. It allows flight even without wings
2. It darkens the fur or outfit they wear
3. Their eyes turn solid white
4. They prefer darkness
5. They must find someone they trust in order to roost.
The Bat Fist was made for mobility in night combat, like it's counterpart, the Sparrow Fist, was made for day combat.
Why does Selene not stop/control it? The fear is too strong, and she has no corporeal form. The best she can do is point something out.
Scariest animal? A large cockroach flying at you...Have you ever seen anybody not duck or flinch when that happens?
As the bats start to descend upon you like a rainbow of squeaking anger, you start to reach of your bat-repellent (never leave home without it) when...
Bugze: "Where is it? It's not here!"
Selena: "You don't have any bat-repellent. In all the time I have known you, you have never had it."
Bugze: "I know I had some at one point. But where? (You start tapping you hoof to your head.) Think. Think. Think."
FLASHBACK TO PRE-INVASION HIVE
We see a younger Bugze in what looks like a changeling barracks putting stuff in a travel bag.
Bugze: "OK I think that's almost everything. I just need my bat-repellent and I will be good to go."
Changeling Captain: "Private 9001! What are you doing?! We are about to invade and you are grabbing some bat-repellent? What is your major malfunction? We are invading a castle on a mountain for the Queen's sake. You won't even need that. Lose it and come on."
Bugze: "Yes sir."
You put the bat-repellent back in your drawer and leave you muster with your Captain as he starts giving orders.
Changeling Captain: "Alright maggots, listen up! Before the wedding we need to keep a low profile, I want all of you to go and replace the pony we've assigned you. Remember, keep your "host" in their house. No point in letting them out. Private 9001, You however will be getting a special assignment. You are to report to the actual bride's prison as an additional guard."
Bugze: "Yes Sir! Umm...Sir, where is she located."
The Captain gives you a sadistic smile.
Captain: You will be going down into the crystal mines. Be careful of the bats. Now move out! If you left anything, it's too late now!"
Bugze: "NOOOOOO!"
END OF FLASHBACK
Bugze (in a whisper , with tears forming): "I left home without it."