Episode 40: Time For a SPENDING SPREE!!! (Cutting the Funds Part 5)
Opening Theme:
BrownDog's Comment
To start off your spending spree, you decide to order work out equipment, health food, and sugarless/butterless snacks that will be delivered to his door.
"This is just plain evil daddy, this CAN'T be food."
"Precisely the point my dear," you smirk as you stand in the Health Food store check out line.
You figured that, considering this Kersey's bio of being fat and enjoying fat food, a clear message that someling is messing with his money is by spending it on things he most likely hates/never uses. After that you all travel to the local Cable Company. You use his money to tinker with his cable subscription to where he only gets to watch Mexicoltan Soap Operas.
"Try being a recluse on this Kersey," you say as you all leave the building.
With Kersey
The screen on his Television changes, and two Mexicoltan actors are dramatically speaking to each other in an obvious set house.
"The buck is this? Where's my cartoons?!" he groans from his lazy colt recliner. He then reaches for the remote, only to notice that it is on top of the TV 4 feet away from him.
"OH NO! I'm already comfortable and I refuse to get up! It might as well be on the moon! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" he screams to the heavens.
Back With You
After accomplishing some personal trolling on Kersey's behalf, the three of you decide to head off and just go nuts. The first place you go to is...
Kersey's Comment
A luxury airship place being guided by a salespony in a suit.
"What are we doing here Daddy? I'd figure a big fat guy would love a giant blimp" Nightshade asks.
"Well that may be true, but these are the snootiest of the snooty, and we need to send a loud-and-clear message to Kersey written in his Bits," you reply.
"The Fancy-ius 9001 -- She's the limo of the sky," the sales pony says gesturing to an airship the size of a yacht, "Each one comes with it's own rentable crew, full-pleather and Neighponese silk interiors, a fully stocked kitchen and chef, and a Jacuzzi."
"Let's talk cost," you say.
"Fully decked, around 20 million," he says
"Oh," Aqua comments.
"That's not really what we had in mind," you reply.
"We do have some more economical alternative-" the salespony tries to offer, but you interrupt
"The problem is volume," you smirk, "We'll need three... With each one plated in gold, diamond studs, and silver separately..."
His eyes light up at this.
"A-are you serious?" he asks.
"Heck yeah we are! How else are we going to play BUMPER BLIMPS OVER VANHOOVER?!!!
SOMETIME LATER
You, Aqua, and Nightshade stare at the now wrecked and burning airships on the outskirts of Vanhoover. As the three of you watch the burning display you hear Aqua sigh before saying,
"Well...that went about as well as expected."
You can't help but nod at her statement before saying,
"You're right...lets get out of here before the guards show up, can't exactly spend all of Kersey's money behind bars can we?"
Aqua and Nightshade nod their heads and the three of you run back into the city, just as the guards and firestallions show up.
As the three of you head back into the city, you come across....
Lord Sergal's Comment
a bizzare little shop placed in between two skyscrapers. "Gear Box's Invention Emporium?" you read, walking towards the large windows out front. Suddenly, a balsa wood timberwolf stalks by before being tagged by a laughing colt, who proceeds to chase after him. Paper cranes flutter around the shelves and, was that a clockwork changeling running the register?
Walking inside, you find the one actually managing the store and walk up to him. "Hey, can you tell me- YOU!!"
The strange creature from Applewood that was in the Nightmare You Animatronic blinks for a second before recognizing you. "Oh, hai there buddy. Haven't seen you since the movie."
"I-bu-now wait just a second! You work for the Crimson Knights! Why are you here?"
"Umm, no I don't, I was hired for a gig in a high budget movie, I didn't know they were Knights," he replies as he stares at you with confusion. "Oh yeah, sorry about biting you by the way. If it helps, you taste terrible."
At this point Druggie Sombrero begins laughing his tail off...and still no Selena to quiet him. You on the other hoof are completely flabbergasted. He reaches up and pulls down a pocket watch. "Here, this should make up for it."
"Umm... Thanks?" You pay for a set of magic erasable paints (for the extortionate price of one thousand bits) for Nightshade and Mangle before you leave. "Huh, I guess that weird thing wasn't so bad after all."
MEANWHILE
The unusual creature walks to the back room where the owner Gear Box is bound and gagged. The poor unicorn runs out immediately to call for the guards as soon as he is freed. "I tell you that clockwork's a powerful thing," he sings as he picks up a book, knocking down the rest of the shelf to draw less attention. "There's a terrible strength in those tightly wound springs." He flips to an apparently random page with a sigil covering it. "And a gentlecolt's pocket watch sits by his heart." It glows as he touches the page. "And that's where the damage can start. Hahahahahaha" His maniacal laughter fills the room even after he is sucked into the book.
BACK WITH YOU
As the three of you exit the strange shop, you can't help but look at the pocket watch the strange creature gave you. You don't know why but it seems to be omitting a feeling of dread, like it's more dangerous than it looks.
"Meh, not my problem, I'll be selling it back later anyway."
With that said you put the strange pocket watch into The Inventory and continue looking for places to waste money.
The Rutherford's Comment
Kersey's Comment
As you and your group proceed to buy up the city, you see a stallion's luxury suits shop. Deciding that this was a good place to waste money you all head in.
While Aqua and Nightshade are engaged in some uncharacteristically girly (for them) dress-trying, you try on a 5,000 Bit bespoke black two button notch lapel two piece suit made with hoof-crafted Hoovestralian wool and Neighponese silk linings, a white Prench cuff shirt made with Saddle Arabian cotton, and a red tie made from Neighponese silk with a Bowler Hat. For some reason, you feel like another changeling is currently wearing the exact same type of clothing.
"Eh, probably nothing."
With that said you buy the suit, as well as have the "El Hunko suit" repaired.
"From the ashes of homelessness, El Hunko will rise back to fanciness!" you chant in glee as the suit is cleaned, stitched, and brought back to it's former glory.
"Fancy Suit" Added to Refund Section of Inventory
El Hunko suit returned to prime status
After you get your El Hunko suit repaired, you then notice that the shop makes custom suits. You end up getting a tailor made pinstripe suit, with a (proper) fedora You decide to name this your "Scarface Outfit."
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You hope to get a chance to use it before you return it through.
"Scarface Outfit" Added to Refund Section of Inventory
LATER
You wind up in a weapons shop. As you browse around, you see many new "toys" you could use, all non-lethal of course. The one that captures you interest the most is a crossbow (disguised as a guitar case) with sleep bolts (a bit extra, but you don't care) and an umbrella with a penguin handle, that has about a dozen sleep gas canisters
Again, you really hope you get a chance to use these before returning them.
New Weapons Added to Refund Section of Inventory
As the three of you exit the weapon shop, you hear Nightshades stomach grumble, soon followed by yours and Aqua. The three of you share a look before you all rush to the nearest, fanciest, and most expensive restaurant you all could find called "Eggsy's Exorbance". It's a super fancy establishment who's decor just screams "excess" (even the "disposable" napkins are made out of fine Neighponese silk). The greeter tries to turn you away because of your clothes at first, but a flash for your Platinum cards get you a table.
You're all chowing on the complementary bread and butter (a Trottingham-made loaf of sourdough made with 23-carat gold and champagne and Echiré butter made from 66 different Prench cows) when a snooty waiter reads you the menu,
"For the appetizer, we have the Westin Bagel. A bagel baked with the finest grains in-house with a white truffle cream cheese, goji berry-infused Riesling jelly, and gold leaf. 1,000 Bits each."
"For the entree of the day, we have the Pizza Royale; A personal-sized thin-crust wood-fire baked open sandwich with a sauce made of the finest pedigree heirloom tomatoes, white alba truffle paste, shredded aged Caciocavallo and Pule Cheeses made from a tiny sect of donkeys in Stalliongrad, Matsutake mushrooms, lobster marinated in cognac, caviar soaked in champagne, and gold shavings. 5,500 Bits. With a side of Red Bird's Nest Soup made from swiftlets in south-east Neighpon at an additional 2,500 Bits."
"If you're looking for fruit, we have a whole Densuke Watermelon. An ultra-rare, perfectly-spherical, pitch-black skinned specimen of Neighponese watermelons. 6,100 Bits each."
"For beverages we have the standard selection of centuries old wine along with a 8,000 Bit antique bottle of Swish Apple Juice for the young madam."
"And finally for dessert we have the Frrrozen Haute Chocolate; An ice cream sundae containing a blend of 28 cocoas, including 14 of the most expensive in the world. It is decorated with edible gold and served in a goblet lined with edible gold with an 18 karat gold bracelet with 1 carat of diamonds in the bottom of the sundae, served with a golden spoon decorated in white and chocolate diamonds, both of which go home with the diner. 25,000 Bits."
"Hmmm..." The three of you ponder.
"If you want something more... economical, you do have tap water from the bathroom si-" the waiter scoffs snootily.
"We'll take a dozen of each!" Nightshade says, causing the waiter's eyes to bulge out before fainting.
"And get me 2 bottles of that fancy expensive beer made from actual ice by penguins." Aqua says to the downed waiter.
SOMETIME LATER AFTER DINNER
The Pony Spartan's Comment
As you walk around with full bellies, you can't help but swear you hear a yell. The thing is, every time you were buying something new with "your" money today, you always swore you could hear faint yelling of pain. Either behind you or right in front of your face. But every time you looked there was nothing there. Nightshade asked you what was happening but you told her that it was nothing.
"Probably just the wind. The wind usually cries in sadness and pain right?"
With Crying Sadness
"Nooo...Noooo!!!" Kersey wails in his chair eating a tub of ice cream.
"Why? Why?...Why Arturo! Why? Why would you leave Gabriela for her twin sister who is actually her mother?" he blubbers as the the handsome stallion leaves a crying mare. AAAAHHHH!" he cries out in pain and holds his chest.
"Oh what are you soap operas doing to me? This sporadic pain of loss has been eating at me all day, but I can't stop!"
Back With You
After you and the others can't decide on what to buy next after all the big outlandish things, you decide on the next logical outcome.
Buy useless things!
You go out and buy several overpriced televisions along with the warranty, furniture that you just throw away in the dumpsters right after, and even a trampoline, which you will never put together, although you are a bit tempted.
You then head to a music shop to buy a bunch of records, and while there, you see the tabloids that you've seen around for the last 2 days.
Namely, it's Sapphire Shores lambasting the Hooded Offender, and claiming that he's ticked off the wrong Mare.
"Oh come on. That mare can not handle rejection at all. Why can't she just get over it?" You just shake your head and buy some sort of parody record you've never heard of by some artist called Cheese Sandwich.
Meanwhile
In a nightclub, we see a scene that can only be described as the aftermath of a brawl as Sapphire Shores's 4 suit and sunglasses-wearing bouncers/bodyguards are beaten and unconscious all around the room, broken bottles and smashed furniture are all over the floor, and even the DJ booth is on fire, yet all the ponies inside keep dancing as if nothing has happened. In the back alley of the club where we see Changer with Saphire Shores pinned against the wall. Stop thinking like that! As she struggles and tries to get away while he holds her with magic
"What do you want you nutball? I'll sign your dang autograph, just quit handling the goods" she yells.
The stallion gets straight to the point "What did you and The Offender talk about?"
"What? Really? That's what this is all about, that running jerk?" she growls.
"Yes and Don't you dare lie like you did with that Fake Kidnapping."
"Oh please, anypony's who's smart knows that I pulled that as a publicity stunt, and it worked like a charm. And I already told the press everything that jerk said and did. He's looking for some Terrorist. Stupid jerk, doesn't even have the simple common courtesy to take a Mare to Poundsville," she scoffs.
Changer just shakes his head at that, "Enough of that, and that's absolutely all he said? Did he mention the name Kersey?"
"Kersey? Who's-" The magic holding her slightly tightens its grip."He said something about looking for one of the Crimson Knights in the city! I don't know anything about a Kersey!" she says strained.
"Hmph..." He lets go of Saphire Shores who pants on the ground. "So you weren't lying to the papers. That's good to-WHOAH!" he cries out as she suddenly grabs his foreleg and slides underneath him causing him to fall on his back. Before he gets up, she swings her hoof in a hammer blow and strikes him in the nards.
"EEEEEEE" Changer cries as he cradles himself.
"Word of advice sugar, don't let your guard down in front of a mare who knows Capoeira. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to get back to," she replies haughtily opening the backdoor, before pausing and looking back.
"Oh and if you're going to choke a mare, go all out, otherwise you leave her unsatisfied," she growls before closing the door angrily.
Changer gets up and limps out of the alley way, using the wall for support.
"Crazy, Freaky Celebrities," he pants before walking awkwardly into the night.
"But then again, that just means The Offender does know where Kersey is. All I got to look for is explosions and screaming, and I'll find that big fat buck," he smiles.
"Now, I just need some ice..."
BACK WITH YOU
BrownDog's Comment
As the day comes to a end, you come across a few strange looking ponies with wide smiles on their faces.
“Hello sir, how are you doing this day?” says an earth pony stallion.
“Um…fine?”
“Oh wonderful, just wonderful,” he says with his unnatural smile. “So, do you have a few moments to talk about Absolute Equality?”
“Uuhhh…” you look around at all the smiling ponies behind their booth. They all have the same cutie mark, an equal sign.
Whoa that’s creepy.
Indeed
There you are! I haven't heard anything from you in three days, Simba won't stop philosophizing, and how many times do I have to say sorry? What's...
These fools have a strange magical reading about them, I can't quite place it, she says ignoring your inquiries.
Wait really? you ask as you look at the stallion who smiles at you, not saying a word.
Yes, be cautious with them. Smiling faces tell lies.
Will do, and good to have you back. You then look back to the creepy ponies and ask.
“Why do you all have the same cutie marks? I thought each one was supposed to be unique.”
“Well that’s the beauty of it sir. With Absolute Equality, nopony is greater than the other. Our wise founder Starlight Glimmer’s message of peace and unity is unmatched,” says a pegasus mare with, you guessed it, another creepy smile.
“I see…well I probably should be going…” you say as you try to walk away.
“But sir, don’t you want to hear about our cause?”
“No thanks, I’ve dealt with too many cults to last me a lifetime, besides I got a spending spree to get back to.”
“A spending spree, then might you be willing to donate to our cause?” asks the stallion.
You stop and turn back around.
“Donate? For what?”
“Well sir, we are trying to raise funds for materials that we might build our own little community, away from unequal civilization,” he says handing you a flier.
Help Us Build Our Town it reads.
You smirk at this.
“Tell you what buddy, how about you take this card, and fund the whole thing,” you say handing him the card.
His eyes widen.
“Are you sure sir?”
“Oh yeah definitely. But buy the materials like right now, because I doubt that card is going to be working past today.”
“Oh thank you sir, you have no idea how happy you’ve made us.”
With those creepy smiles, you would never have guessed.
“No problem. Just remember, I Kersey have funded your little happy Coo-Coo Cola cult.”
“Thank you Kersey! We have to get to Starlight immediately. Equality is at hand!”
“And just like that, Kersey has funded an entire town. Explain that to the IRS,” you smirk.
With that you decide to make your final purchase for the day. That purchase being...
Kersey's Comment
The most expensive penthouse (complete with three stories and beds made of diamond beams) in the city and fill the outside pool (overlooking the city) with gold coins.
"We already have the platinum cards," Aqua asks, "I know we're drawing that Kersey guy out of hiding, but what's with the pool of gold?"
"Simple, I'm gonna swim in it like Scrooge McGoose!"
"Uh, CV gold doesn't work lik-"
"CANNONBALL!" Nightshade declares as she rushes past you two and dives in, splashing the two of you with gold coins.
As Aqua can only stand there shocked, you give her a smug look before diving in too.
"GERONI- *crunch* SON OF A-!!!"
It turns out that Nightshade was unconsciously earthbending the gold so the collection of gold coins would part way easily like water instead of staying a massive solid mass.
Later, you put a few bouncehouses in the penthouse, and then the three of you have a watergun battle with your soaker filled with champagne (while you're wearing a white tuxedo with a red flower), Nightshade's filled with Zafiro Añejo tequila (which you STRICTLY told her NOT to drink), and Aqua just having several bottles of fine wine strapped to a super-fancy silk prom dress as she uses waterbending to splash the wine at you two.
With that final water gun fight you all go to bed.
THE NEXT DAY
Kersey sits with a happy face on. "Oh the wedding, I've waited so long for this moment. Look at Gabriella in that dress," he proclaims excitedly.
Suddenly, on the TV, the church door is kicked open, dramatic music plays, and a handsome stallion is silhouetted.
"Arturo?! NO! You had your chance you idiot!" Kersey screams.
"Artuo?! NO! Usted tuvo su oportunidad idiota!" Gabriella screams.
"That's what I'm saying! AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!" he screams as he lumbers forward, picks up the TV and throws it out the window. After that he pants heavily after that much activity.
"Ugh, stupid Arturo. Now I need to buy another TV."
He walks over to his door and opens it, and is shocked by what he says. There are packages of health foods, and a total gym and a treadmill in front of his door. All of them have labeling addressed to him.
"What the buck?" he looks at the notes and sees that "He" ordered this equipment. Also there is a note on the door from the Swish Bank asking him to come in to verify several outstanding charges.
"What?! I didn't order any of this crap! What would I need with 3 blimps? I've never eaten at that fancy place! And why in the heck would I stay at that hotel?!" he angrily crushes the note.
"Someone is bucking with me! Gorramit. Brown Dog and Snap Drake, if this is you and your Hippie friends then...no this is beyond their tiny minds. Who would be able to pull this off? Grey Rebl? That trigger happy psycho would pull this kind of stunt. Or maybe it's actually the Royal Guard...NO! They wouldn't know my account it's impossible. Well whoever it is, it ends NOW!" he roars. Before he heads off though, he grabs a few precautionary self defense items off of his desk and angrily stomps down the hall.
With You
You all sit and watch the front of the bank, waiting to see if he shows up.
"Ugh, where is he daddy? I'm so bored," Nightshade whines. She is disguised as a pegasus today.
"Whenever he gets here honey, and once he does, you go into your room, understood?"
"Yeah yeah..." she waves her hoof dismissively.
After a little while more of waiting, and no one showing up, Nightshade's eyes widen as she sees the fastest looking pony she's ever seen or rather she spots a green-coated blob of fat with earth pony features, glasses, a cutie mark of a burger on a film reel, and an orange mane and tail waddling towards the Swish Bank munching on a huge box of Swish Chocolates on his back. The Cloak, is cut open and only resting on his back like a cape as it cannot fit around him.
"I...I...I have to do this," she whispers and rushes off, pulling out something she bought the night before.
"Honey, where are you go-" you begin before your jaw drops at what she's running to. Aqua sees your shocked face and looks, her face soon being a mirror of yours.
"Is that even a pony?" you say flabbergasted.
"Stop it!" the pony yells, not bothering to turn around. "Cut it out! I'm happy with my body you little bra-*Splat*" he trips over his own feet as he tries to turn his head and yell at Nightshade. When he flops, she lets out an ironic Tuba sound.
"You're welcome, that will be 60 bits please," Nightshade holds out her hoof.
"Buck your bits brat!" he growls as he stumbles himself up panting. "If I didn't have to go claim Identity Theft, I'd take your tuba and send you off to a Mexicoltan orphanage!"
"Oh, and what identity is that, KERSEY?"
"What?! How did...?" he turns around and sees you and Aqua staring at him menacingly.
"How'd you like your new purchases? Used the total gym yet?"
"Oh so you're the bucks who have been using my...Wait..." He looks to your visage and pales.
"All red, and a mask...You're the bounty hunter that newspaper described! The one who took down Kichi!"
"Right-o Roony. Now, why don't you be a good little blob and come quietly?" you snark.
"You'd have to catch me first!" he tries to flee... and he only makes it 5 paces before collapsing completely out of breath and sweating heavily.
"Awww..." Nightshade groans in disappointment just in front of the downed glob of fat, "I wanted to smash him in the face with the Tuba as he tried to flee."
"I know, disappointing am I right?" Aqua agrees.
"*pant* Say *pant* hello *pant* to *pant* my *pant* little *pant* friend! *wheeze*" he pants before rolling over and managing to pull out a device that looks like a box with two pieces of wood on the sides attached to a fluted silver tube at you.
"He's got a gun!" you exclaim and would be questioning how Kersey could have one when they are just fictional weapons that only exist in video games and sci-fi/fantasy movies if you weren't busy casting Force Field around yourself... only to hear several empty
*click*
"Work you stupid bucking thing, wor- *bonk* Ouch!" Kersey whines repeatedly pulling the trigger before Nightshade hits him in the face with her tuba only for the instrument to bounce off the fat of his face making him drop the gun.
"Oh come on! Buck you you stupid Wooden Mutt and your useless props! Sure, make all the good stuff for that creepy bucking changeling and his kids at the Neverland Ranch!"
As Kersey flails around helplessly on his back Nightshade giggles, "I've fallen and I can't get up."
"Honey, that's not nice." you scold.
"But he's evil AND a fatflank!" Nightshade argues.
"Ehhh... good point."
"GRAAAAAH!!! You bucking bounty hunting motherbuckers will never take me alive!" Kersey exclaims before pulling out a vial of red-and-gray liquid. "35 Million Bits, you had better work," he exclaims as he begins drinking.
"He's got a suicide potion!" you exclaim, but before Aqua can waterbend it away from the green bespectacled blob, he manages to down the whole potion.
All of you hold your breaths and wait to see what happens. After a few seconds, Kersey burps loudly.
"OH COME ON!" he yells.
You on the other hand are glad that you have a filter mask on, because Aqua and Nightshade are busy fanning their noses.
"Alright stinky that's enough, now, let's have a little chat before we turn you in OK?" you say as you lean over him.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" he hits your hoof away and suddenly starts spasming. You try to see what's wrong with him, but for some reason he seems to be getting...bigger?
And bigger...
And bigger...
And bigger...
And big-SWEET MOTHER OF LUNA HE'S FIVE STORIES TALL!!!
Ponies all around begin screaming and running in terror, his growing even damages the side of the bank.
"Ummm, Yeah, I'm just gonna go to my room now," Nightshade says as she hops into your saddle bags.
"Got any extra room in those bags?" Aqua asks nervously.
You don't answer as you stare at the now building sized Kersey, who rolls himself back to his feet and looks around in awe.
"Holy Crap it actually worked! Bad investment my flank!" he says with a booming, yet still irritating voice.
Staring at this...this...Titan of flesh, only one thing comes to mind to say...
"Well Buck You Too Lady Luck!"
What do you do?
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What about 3D manoeuvre gear , except the blades are carrots, since keresy hates healthy food
For best Godzilla movie, I honestly enjoyed the original one. After all it was the one that inspired all the others. And I think we can all agree that the 1998 one was terrible. It wasn't even set in Japan for Faust's Sake.
The extra large (see what I did there) Kersey now laughs in a deep voice.
Kersey: "Time to squash you like a bug."
Kersey slams a hoof down that, due to his large stature, causes a mini-earthquake. But you are easily able to dodge the attacks, as he is still slow.
Bugze: "Well this is not good. I don't have a belt that can make me fly around buildings, I will have to think of another solution. Where is One-Punch Mare, I mean Maud? I could use her help."
At the Pie-Family Rock Farm
Maud: "Oh. Hello Bolder. How are you today?"
The rock says nothing.
Back with you
Bugze: "Heck I think the Deadly Six would be usefull too."
In Ponyville
The events of magical duel take place, the Deadly Six will not even hear about this until after it is done.
Back to you
You feel like everyone you would want to fight this guy for you is busy, including:
Bugze: "Princess Celestia and Princess Luna?"
Canterlot Castle
Celestia: "Luna, is everything ready for the Saddle Arabian dignitaries visit?"
Luna: "Yes Sister, the only thing we are not handling is the magic performance. That shall be done by your student."
Celestia: "Then there is nothing to worry about. Come, let us relax before they arrive."
Guard: "Your Highness, I bring important news!"
Celestia: "Are the dignitaries here?"
Guard: "Well no, but..."
Celestia: "Then it can wait. It isn't like a monster is attacking or my student has gotten Ponyville into trouble again."
Guard: "Well, actually"
Celestia: "My sister and I are busy, let us know when the dignitaries arrive and do not disturb us until then."
back to you
Selena: "And why would those pompous princesses help?"
Bugze: I do not know, I was running out of ideas for ponies who could actually help me."
...you just dared us to say it's Godzilla 1998.
---
You look in awe as you see Kersey do the one thing you thought impossible: Jump.
It takes you three seconds until you realise that is very, very bad for you. You see, he plans to just crush you.
"Oh god oh god oh god," you scream as you turn around, "If I survive this I'll never say fat people are inferior again! Not that I'd know of saying that directly in the past...," you jump in hopes of escaping him, but it is no use. Right as he starts to come back down again, you realise what the solution is: Climb into the inventory.
"Come on, come on," shaking, you almost manage to fail at opening the inventory. Time seems to slow for everything but you, you can feel Kersey's fat slowly envelope you, when you...
Do it! You manages to open the inventory, and crawled in. Kersey's fat squeezes its way partly through the opening, but stops shortly after.
"Don't ask," you tell Nightshade, causing her to ask,
"What?"
You grin and exclaim, "I survived, there is no god, fat people are not athletic at all and are bad at all sports!"
You feel as if somewhere, someone questions what you just said, and you can practically hear them say, 'Oh, really? Well then, they probably are bad at sports like, I don't know, E-sports too then?'
-----
But seriously, if you're really fat, you take more time to starve than others.
Bugzee observe the giant Kersey and suddenly he have a idea, as he take a nail and tried to make Kersey explode, just like in the cartoons as if it was a giant balloon
Of course, if it worked in the cartoons, why could not work in the reality, thinking that, he try it, but instead of explode or begin to deflate, it seems to not do anything as Kersey begin to destroy buildings trying to hurt Bugzee.
"It's my turn daddy!" Shout Nightshade in a very happy and excited tone
As Bugzee can see the decisive look of Nightshade, before he could say anything, he begin to see how Nightshade using her magic levitate a big piece of rubble like if it was nothing and throw it at high speed to Kersey head making him knocking him a little, after that she begin to escalate one of Kersey hoof only to make Mangle somehow transform in a sword and forcing one of Kersey eyes open, stab him in the eye, making him bleed, making Kersey agitate and throwing off Nightshade that managed to glide without hurting herself and smiled like nothing.
"Take that monster!" Shouted Nightshade
As all that happened, Bugzee and Aqua looked with the mouth open.
"I have to congratulate the filly, she could be a great overlady [overlord] with a little of practice" Comment Sombra inside Bugzee head as he groan at the commentary as he don't want to imagine his little filly like that.
"Sometimes it surprises me how similar is to Luna... She was also very reckless as a filly, even if i'm not sure from where did she got the idea" Comment Selena with a worried voice. making Bugzee react a little.
"Nightshade honey, where did you get the idea to fight like that? And since when can Mangle turn into a sword?" Ask Bugzee
"Oh that... Yesterday I was bored and tried a game called "Pony of War 2" when you were busy it was not hard to do the same... As for Mangle, I'm not sure... I wanted a sword and he transformed in one" Say Nightshade as if it was nothing important.
Bugzee was worried that maybe he was not being a good role model for the little filly if she began to emulate characters from a very violent game like nothing, if she did that with a little time she was not looked, he could not imagine what she could do if she have more time and played more violent games.
"All hail the birth of the new Overlady" Shouted Sombra in his head, making Bugzee even more angry if she was getting the backing of the evil tyrant in his head
Of course somehow, the eye of Kersey recovered like if it was nothing, making Nightshade pout because nothing happened.
-----
Did not watch any Godzilla movie sorry. The only Godzilla movie I can think for now is "Godzilla vs Gamera"
And yes, I based the scene in the colossus battle of God of War II, if someone played it
You take one look at the giant and notice one thing.
His glasses!
It's already hard for him to see your tiny bodies compared to his, without his glasses he won't be able to see at all.
Using your parkour skills you quickly get to a rooftop and now you're a little below his eye level. You wait until he's facing your direction and you jump off the roof and high in the air, flying towards his face. You charge up a falcon punch and ram into the left lens.
The next thing you knew you were back in the streets below and when you look up and try to see what awesomeness you've done you only see...
"ONLY A CRACK?!"
Kersey looks down at you and yells, "Look at what you've done! This was a special pair you retard!"
"Those glasses are made of plastic..."
*Ding!*
"Ah-ha! I'll just burn them!" You take out your power glove and set it on incinerate.
Aqua, who came to your side when you fell down, tells you, "You'll need to get close to use that. I'll distract him while you get on a one of the buildings again."
"Hmm..." You ponder at that before getting a better idea. "How about this!" You put away your power glove and start to strain yourself channelling Sombra's magic into your left eye. Very soon it turns blood red and black flames consume Kersey's glasses. He is now shocked, angry, and in pain.
"Woah!" Aqua says before looking at you. "What was that?!"
"Hard to explain. But it's dark magic."
"What?! How did you aquire-"
"No time to explain! Big giant fat pony to take down." You say, running down the streets towards Kersey.
Cliffhanger at the end of the next chapter.
On a rooftop nearby, Changer is looking at the giant Kersey as he rampages through the town.
"This is the perfect time to use my new technique." He pulls out his red fire spellbook. "Fully charged, good." He opens the book facing upwards and the pages turn magma red. He smirks as a long creature that's made of fire erupts from it and flies upward.
It's...
"A DRAGON?!" You yell out loud in shock, before turning to look where it came from. "Him again?! Probably here for Kersey." The dragon is four times larger... longer than garble, and it's body is fully surrounded by bucking flames.
(If the fire spell book is fully charged the dragon will stay alive for ten minutes before returning inside the book for a recharge for ten more minutes.)
I was planning him to use his dragon at some point. Now seems the perfect time! There's also an ice and wind version.
And for you, this gem from Team Four Star.
That's all folks!
Bugze: quick, Nightshade, out of the inventory and into this japonica schoolgirl outfit!
Nightshade: why?
Bugze: So you can summon Gamera, of course.
Aqua: Are you sure that will-
Nightshade: Great Idea!
It works, but soon after, Gamera is hit by a Doofenschmirtz shrink ray. Then this weird mare with putty looking changeling minions mistakes you for a previously defeated stronger minion, and makes you grow, grow, GROW!!! Somehow, the HO cloak appears on your body as well, though you quickly tear it off with a confused, "I don't know how that got there."
At some point you come across a power plant located next to a soda shop.
You cut open rhe wiring and shock Kersy.
Bugze finds an attack on Titan 3D maneuver gear (rename it to be more pony like) and badly sings the theme until he face plants into kersy's body of fat
A small building was demolished by Kersy's hoof, revealing a small curry stand managed by six identical ponies. Having been fighting for some time, you though that Kersy might want a break.
"Hey, uhh, hold on a minute. We've been at this for a bit now Kersy," yelled Bugze to get Kersy's attention. "I kind of want to stop for lunch for a second."
The blob, Kersy, looked down and considered it. "You know, I may be super powered, but I haven't eaten anything in like, the last ten minutes; sure I could go for something. We're in the right place after all. We have pizza, burgers, or an assortment of street fair."
Bugze rubbed his hooves together. "I was thinking something.. to spice up the fight." He pointed at the curry stand.
"Hmmm.. Is this a challenge?"
"It most certainly is. Winner gets bragging rights. Plus it would be annoying to the other."
"I accept."
Bugze went over and ordered a curry from himself and a dumpster load of the stuff for the fat giant, errr blob, err Kersy. Nodding they, chgged their respective dumpster and bowl down. A music started playing in the background with the curry stand ponies joining in.
Kersey breathed out a gout of flame, scorching some buildings along the way. Bugze stared in awe at the beautiful fire. "Such magesty... and ash."
"And I'm supposed to be the crazy one," muttered Sombra in the back of his head.
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Bugze then jumps in front of Kersey and bites his hoof. With a flash of yellow lightning.....
Nothing happens.
Bugze then proceeds to look at his hoof then looks back at Kersey then at his hoof before he screams and starts to run around shouting about how that hurt and how much of an idiot he is while Mangle eats the Alicorn Manuverability Gear.
Meanwhile above the city - Zephyr Breeze (Fluttershy's Brother) pours yellow hair dye into a lightning cloud while saying "This could provide a pony with a new mane color and a frizzy manecut at the same time. Ponies will be lining up to try my newest idea and they will love it."
7403151 nice
A full second of silence falls over the city block as ponies look up it shock, wondering just what the buck is happening. Then all is panic as ponies realize their city is once again being attacked by a giant monster of some sort, only this one smells like greasy prench fries! They scream and proceed to run around in circles, crashing into each other and knocking over sign wavers and street musicians! Oh the equinity!
Kersey laughs maniacally as he towers over you. "You're finished bounty hunter! You may have defeated Solar and Rutherford, but I'm way smarter than either of them. I'm practically a pony kaiju now, and I've seen more than enough giant monster movies to know their weaknesses and how to avoid them! There's no way you can bet me now!"
You tremble at the thought of someone genre-savvy enough to not fall for the same things that end most movie monsters. "Aqua, got any idea how to beat this guy? He's seen all the movies and knows what to avoid! You're uncultured when it comes to cool stuff. Give us something fresh!"
Aqua frowns at you, then looks up at Kersey and thinks. "Umm... get another giant monster to fight him? Shrink him back to normal size? Lead him up a building with a pretty mare and then shoot him with airplanes so he falls off? Move his heart with compassion so he leaves?"
"Aqua, those are how almost all giant monster movies do it, and he's seen all of them!" you scream.
"... launch him into outer space?"
"GAAAAAHH!"
...
Kersey raises his massive forehoof. "I'm gonna step on you!" he announces and brings his hoof down.
"Yipe!" you yell and try to dodge out of the way. You make it out of the way in time, but the sheer size and girth of his leg causes a shockwave to slam into you, knocking you several more feet.
"Hey... stand still already!" Kersey huffs as he tries to flatten you again. "Moving is hard, and I just put on like fifty tons of weight! I'm sure someone out there is cracking a joke about that right now!"
One of his stomps cracks open a nearby fire hydrant which starts spewing water everywhere. This gives you an idea.
"Aqua! Need a slippery surface here!" you call to your waterbending ally.
She sends the water sloshing into the streets under Kersey's giant hooves, and with a bit of effort, freezes it into a solid sheet of ice underneath him.
"HAH!" Kersey laughs. "You think just because I'm on a slippery surface I'm going to fall down and become vulnerable to your attacks? That's the oldest trick in the boo- whoa!" his hooves threaten to slide out from under him even as he says this. "No." he commands as though it'll make his legs stop trembling. They don't. "Nooooo!"
Suddenly and comically his legs fly out to the sides and he falls flat on his fat belly with a cry of, "Curse the tractionless properties of pony hooves!"
You're about to move in to attack, but before you can, Nightshade pops out of your Inventory with Mangle. "It's my turn Daddy!"
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Even more ticked off now, Kersey pushes himself onto his hooves again, the ice having melted back into water from nothing more than his body heat. Rubbing his eye he glares down at Nightshade. "You're gonna pay for that you tuba-playing eye-gouging brat!"
*snap*
"Hey!" You yell back, protectively ushering Nightshade back into your inventory. "No one threatens my daughter! Why don't you pick on someone your own si-... somewhat closer to your own size!"
Kersey answers your challenge by ripping up a nearby newspaper stand and flinging it at you like a wad of paper times a million.
"Ugh," you groan, pulling yourself out from under the remains of the paperstand, a few newspapers clinging to your face. "I guess that's why they say the news hurts." *rimshot*
...
You somehow manage to keep dodging, Kersey's hooves leaving craters in the street wherever they come down. He certainly tracks your movements better than most videogame bosses, probably because he's smarter than chunks of ones and zeros programmed to give you a chance. Thankfully he so out of shape it doesn't matter, and you can tell he's getting tired from all this effort, and frustrated...
Like... really frustrated.
"I! *Stomp* Said! *Stomp* Stay still so I can smash you! *Stomp**Stomp**Stomp*" Kersey pauses to catch his breath, his panting sending gusts of wind through the ruined streets. "I just- hold on a second- whew! Hey, you think we can take like a fifteen minute snack break?"
You feel your own stomach growl and realize you haven't had lunch yet.
"Eh, sure. Why not?" you shrug.
Then the comment from 7403130 happens.
You luckily have tolerance for spicy food... as well as a friendly waterbender that can freeze the inside of your mouth for you. Kersey isn't as fortunate however.
The giant pony gallops down the street, burping fire uncontrollably, and looking frantically for anything to put out the blaze raging deep in his gut. He spots a nearby water tower and rips it off its foundation before starting to chug it down.
"Hey!" calls an old stallion from a nearby rooftop. "Why're you guzzlin' down my stockpile of highly flammable liquid?!"
Kersey's eyes go wide, dropping the remainder of the
water'highly flammable liquid' tower in the street, breathing even more fire before galloping off in a panic.The old stallion shakes his head. "Dern youngins, always turnin into giant monsters and drinkin my highly flammable liquid. It's gonna take forever to refill my supply of highly flammable liquid."
"Grandpa Boom, why not just call it gasoline?"
"Because Marang, Equestria ain't invented cars yet! Now get back inside and help me make more of that granular combustible powder, and if y'all call it 'gunpowder' again, so help me I'm takin that flickering light box of yours fer the week!"
"You mean my computer?"
"Yer grounded."
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"BELLY FLOP!!" Kersey declares as he jumps up and tries to smash you with his massive girth, but you manage to dodge out of the way as he smashes a post office.
==============
Getting an idea, you take out the Power Glove and declare, "Would you kindly BUCK OFF!"
This causes Bucking Bronco to activate, sending out a small quake that levitates a cabbage cart before you rush forward and use Falcon Punch to launch the cart towards Kersey and shatter it on his face disorienting him.
"MY CABBAGES!"
You proceed to repeat this tactic with several carts much to the annoyance of the owners,
"MY CARROT DOGS!"
"MY PRETZELS!"
"MY COUNTERFEIT WATCHES!"
Unfortunately Kersey gets wise to this strategy and just keeps turning so the carts bounce off the fat of his sides and smash into other buildings. You;re just about to levitate-throw an ice cream cart when Aqua admonishes,
"Stop it CV! You're just causing more damage to the city than this blob!"
==========
Use "Mix Up Smash!" ("Would you kindly MIX IT UP!"), but remember that you can only use it 3 times in this battle before the Power Glove shuts down completely.
You set the dials on the PG to "Electro Bolt" and "Insect Swarm" before declaring with an outstretched hoof, "Would you kindly BUZZ OFF!"
This causes a swarm of Twittermites to fly up to Kersey's face.
"GAH! GET OUT OF MY FACE YOU *ZAP*-"
Disoriented by the twittermites' electrical shock, you get a running start and declare "Psycho Crusher!" causing you to spin forward... and anticlimactically get stuck in the folds of Kersey's belly fat.
"SOMEBODY GET ME THE BUCK OUT OF HERE!" you yell muffled in the fat before Aqua uses a waterbending whip to pull you out.
===============
"Sending fax to the bees and the eagles!" Kersey sings powermad as he smashes a gym.
Noooo! He must boil in his own fat for this crime! Sombra druggedly wails from his your mind.
"Why do you care!" you say while dodging another massive hoof.
Attack on the Titans is one of my favorite series of all time!
"Wait, you were alive 1000 years ago." you say as Aqua futilely waterbends at the giant blob of fat, "How the buck were you able to watch that show?"
The concept of the "Serial film" and "remakes" existed even a millennium ago...
"Huh, guess originality is dead." you comment.
Bugze, focus! Selena admonishes.
Use annoying attacks that are difficult for him to counter due to his size. He can't counter everything you throw at him...
Become very very angry at the fact that this guy is now a freaking Titan.
“Bullspit, Bullspit! Bucking Bullspit! How is this fair huh? How is this even fair? First killer animatronics, then movie magic, and now this! Why are all you knights so freaking random?!”
“Hey, don’t blame me! I’m not nearly as stupid as all those non pony jerks. I’m the only one making this organization work! ME! Me alone! They should be bowing to my superiority!”
“Wow, no wonder Solarkness and Rutherford wanted me to hurt you badly.”
“WHAT?! Those script rejecting lesser beings sold me out? Well buck em anyway. Buck em all! And most of all, BUCK YOU!” he yells, large globs of spittle flying everywhere.
Elsewhere in the City
Blueblood runs down some stairs in a panic.
“Sergeant! The unwashed masses are screaming and there are sounds of explosions in the city!” he yells to the Unicorn.
“It’s him…it’s got to be,” comes the unicorn’s barely suppressed anger.
“I think so too. They’re yelling something about a monster,” Blueblood agrees.
The other unicorn nods and walks over to a large shipping container, which opens with a hiss of air.
“Well then. Guess it’s time to test out this bad boy…” he says with malicious glee.
Back at the Fight
At some point, using your Shadow Whip to launch yourself up, you strike at his face, but you accidentally fly into his gaping maw. Kersey, on instinct, tries to chew and swallow you.
“Ew, Ew, Ew, Eeeeewwwww!!!” you squeal as you dodge his teeth and tongue.
“Oh No! I am not going through that Hydra Situation again!” you yell as you run to the back of his throat and hit him in the dangly thing, causing him to cough, and open his mouth, to which you Psycho Crush through, taking one of his teeth in the process.
“OW!” he cries, as his pizza sized tooth strikes the ground, and you break a fire hydrant to clean off excess spit.
“You idiot!” he yells, “We don’t have a dental plan!”
“Yeah, well that’s the least of your worries!” you yell to him. “Seriously, how much garlic can one being eat?”
He roars and opens his mouth wide in the process, and Aqua takes the opportunity to take the water from the gushing hydrant and jet it into his mouth, causing a coughing fit.
“Oh mother of Celestia, what is this?” he causes clutching his chest and spitting out the water.
“There’s no sugar, artificial colors or preservatives at all!”
“It’s water you blob!” Aqua yells.
“NOOO! I swore off that bland stuff years ago!” he yells angrily and breaks a water tower off of a nearby roof and throws it her.
She in turn stops his descent, using the water from it to launch the tower back, right into his nose.
“Oof! That does it you Last Spellbender reject!” he yells as he strikes a hole in the ground, causing Aqua to fall into the sewer system underneath.
“EW! EW! EEEWWWW!!!” she cries.
“Oh calm down, you weren’t the one in this buck’s mouth,” you yell out.
“STOP TALKING!!!” he roars and begins to quickly lumber after you more seriously, causing you to
“EEP!” and make a run for it.
“Quit chasing me!”
“NO! I have to crush you scum. Your outfit is just a hodgepodge of randomness!” he yells smashing a cab, causing an explosion.
“Oh sure, coming from explodey Beigh wanabe here!” you shout as you shadow whip to a higher elevation.
“BEIGH IS A GENIUS! Or he was until a few days ago. Bucking Snap Drake and Brown Dog ruined EVERYTHING!!!” he yells as he actually lands a swipe on you, causing you to fall towards the ground, but in your anger at Beigh being called a genius, you shadow whip around his raised foreleg, and the momentum propels you towards his gut…which you just kind of bounce back from like a trampoline, doing no damage whatsoever.
“Gorramit!”
When Changer shows up, you angrily yell up to him.
“Hey, Book guy! Buck off! This is our fight!”
“No it’s mine! You already took Kichi, Rutherford and Solarkness, but this fat buck is mine!”
“I’m sorry, who are you again?” Kersey asks.
“What?! Don’t you recognize me?” he yells
“Nope,” Kersey says before trying to smash you again, ignoring him.
“What?! How could you forget me?! You called me Pony Spartan, the whole lot of you! You left me to die! Now I’m going to enact my vengeance upon…”
“Oh wait a minute, you’re that dumbass that died in the accident. Ha! That wiped the smile off most of those idiot’s faces. Especially that damn mutt,” Kersey laughs, the rolls of fat billowing as he does so.
“It’s almost hypnotic,” you say as you watch.
Changer seems a bit confused at Kersey’s statement, but grits his teeth in anger as he laughs.
“But yeah, why aren’t you still dead? Crawl out of Tartarus?”
“No, but I’ll send you there!” he yells as he sends out a blast…which just bounces of his fat.
“Whelp, time for more squashing!” Kersey yells.
After that failed attack, you freeze his tail the ground, causing him to groan in pain.
“Alright, thanks distraction!” you call out to the blue pony, who grits his teeth and sends a spell at you, but you dodge.
“Yeah, well buck you too! After I finish with this big guy, you’re next! Your name is on the list too buddy!” you yell.
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It's hard for me to choose what the best Godzilla movie is, seeing as how Godzilla is my number one favorite fictional character. I love them all, even the goofy ones. But If I had to choose one, I'd say the original. Without this movie, the Kaiju genre wouldn't be the same. Until this point, the only other giant monster out there was King Kong, but he's a mere 25 ft to Godzilla who can reach anywhere from 150-300. The King of the Monster's first movie insured he would be coming back again and again, and for that I am thankful.
I'M NOT FAT! I'M BIG BONED!
You look at your own power glove, and then back at the ensuing destruction as Kersey runs away with his glasses on fire. "Um...I guess that wasnt a good idea."
"Ya think!?" Aqua practically yells at your face.
While you don't understand it yourself, something about a giant pony with black Hellfire for eyes, rampaging across Vanhoover as it roars curses and depravities at the highest of scales, which is mostly translated to a rant of Vanhoover's inevitable doom, just seemed to be, well... Bucking terrifying.
The populace screams their heads out, as if it's somehow a good enough gospel song to not get stomped on.
Kersey crashed through buildings, and rubble collapsed onto the streets, making it nearly imposdible for any taxi there of to escape his thunderous stomping. He isnt able to regain his balance for a good while, and it doesnt seem likr he will any time soon.
"Oh no no no! That can't go on! People could get hurt!" You then add, "And we'll end up paying for the damages straight out of our pay checks!"
"...we still have those platinum cards," Aqua interjects dryily. "There's not much else to panic about.
Judging by the way how she's quickly becoming so calm in this mess, you can only suppose that the incident of Crimson Hearths Warming was a heck of a lot worse. And you can only agree.
-----
Meanwhile, Changer found his screams and explosions much sooner than expected, and it came in the form of a titan of flesh, spittle and fire periodically flashing around the giant's face.
He had only one way to respond to such a sight. "Did that bucker gained even more weight!?"
Another crash, and a small building keeled over and turned to dust. For some reason, this snapped him out of his outrage.
"Buck! Nooo!" roars the deep and ginormous voice of Kersey. "That was my favorite caffe! Their delicious coffee didnt deserve such a crurl fate!" A pause. Then, as if talking to somepony, "Buck you, waiter! I never liked your bullspit customer service. Go to Tartarus!" A stomp, one that can be felt even from where Changer is standing. "Shoot! I missed!"
Changer's eyes twitched.
------
"Grrr! This is almost as bad as what happened in Fillydelphia!" You glance around as you followed the trail of destruction.
Aqua wince, recalling the injuries received during the incident. "Tch! Don't need a reminder. Seeing you going crazy is enough!"
"Ouch." You can't defend yourself against that. "That aside, we need to help the civilians!"
"Yeah, but how?" She says, gesturing to the screaming pedestrians. "There's too many!"
You stop mid gallop to eye a fire hydrant. Well, may as well reuse some ideas from that Heartswarming.
"Aqua!"
"I see it!" With a wave, the fire hydrant burst open, rapidly causing the entire streets to flood. Although it would usually impede on civilian escape, Aqua's water bending helped them clear the area in an orderly fashion. "We can do this again when we need to. But now..." Aqua stares at the giant. "How are we going to beat THAT?"
You hum in thought. This isn't the first time you've fought titan on equal terms. Even so, it always ends up at the use your Nightmare Cloak, something you can't freely use right now. Even then, you'd still somewhat struggle.
If you can't quite handle Solarkness, then can you expect to fight a Titan such as Kersey?
What can you do to bridge the huge gap in sheer mass?
"I have a way. I just need some time," you say grimly. "A lot."
Aqua just stares at you, disbelieving. "C.V.?"
"Just trust me. Use fire hydrants to slow him down! Oh, and Nightshade?"
She pops out her room. "Yes daddy?"
"Use your earth bending to clear the rubble for everyone. I need to get a clear shot and get everyone out of the way. Can you do that?"
Nightshade smiles, eager for some action. "Mmhmm! Sure I can!"
You smile as well. "Thanks sweetheart. Now go!"
They scatter, doing what they can to clear the field and slow Kersey down.
As for what you're doing, well...
You haven't quite gotten down the Frequency Method that your Grandbuggy had described in his journal, which is still in there deep inside the inventory (remember the safe house chapter after the Village of Blanks Arc?), but you've gotten the gist of it, enough to pull off one of the most strongest moves you've ever seen: The Infinite Mass Punch.
Of course, it should be impossible, but if it were you...you can pull it off. Well, enough, at least. You can't help but be a little thankful of your alternative self, no matter the trauma accompanied.
Against larger opponents, this is your best answer. Well, even though it might get your body really, really sore, particularly your faulty wings.
You close your eyes and focus, rearing your hoof and feeling the resonance coursing through your back, the pitch getting higher.
"Here we go...," you mutter.
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Changer's eyes twitched.
"Of course, he used the potion before I was able to take it away from him and restrain him."
"There are only three reasons he would drink it. One, some idiot bucker made him use it. Two, his drunk flank finally used it. Or three, his cartoons stopped airing and he's upset, taking it out on the city."
Damn.
Where's Ultramare when you need her.