• Member Since 14th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 22nd, 2018

jkbrony


I love writing and MLP. So....I think I'm in the right place.

E

A tough week for the Princess of Friendship has ended with an extended stay in Canterlot to repair broken friendships while also successfully getting Moondancer to embrace it again.

But as Twilight and Spike head home to settle in for a long night's rest, a sudden realization hits Twilight like a sack of hardcover books, leaving her utterly distraught and Spike as the only one capable of consoling her.

If he can, that is...

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 73 )

The feels are too much for me :raritycry: (This is a great story keep it up)

I definitely know how Spike feels to see a loved one cry. It tears right into you and you can't help but feel the same emotional pain that their experiencing:pinkiesad2:.

Urgh!
Heart palpitations...
Left arm numb...
Visions blurry, slight head ache, loss of appetite...
I think I'm dying from feels over dose... :pinkiegasp:

emotibot.net/pix/8387.jpg

Speaking of Lyra, Twilight and Spike should visit her.

:twilightoops: 'OUCH what's this?' She pulls out his plushy and lays it next to his chest. . .
img08.deviantart.net/c2cc/i/2015/105/0/9/i_lost_it_by_hillbe-d8ptaov.jpg

HOLY SHNITZEL, DUH FEELZ (Dont question my spelling...)

Well done, you get an upvote and a favorite for this work! :heart:

I don't really like how Twilight says that one does not have a proper life if they don't have friends.

I'd give this an 8/10 for feels, but 5/10 for word choice. Specifically, you use "instantly" a lot and almost every time it was unnecessary or another word would have worked better.

I thought this was a little overwrought. It wasn't bad, but it was super emotional for a situation that didn't quite seem to warrant it.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand feels. I think the other users above me kinda did a nice job describing the feels in this, so I won't go into too much detail on that.

You've got an upvote.

6557530
This is pretty much how I felt throughout the story. I felt that Twilight's emotional response was much too excessive for what she was beating herself up over. The whole crying for two hours straight thing kinda made me roll my eyes a bit.

This was wonderful! Have a like and a fave!

First of all, let me say, "WOW." Your writing style! It :derpyderp2: — is :pinkiegasp: — GREAT! :pinkiehappy: :heart: I read this whole thing out loud and, even though there were a few words you forgot to add, the story read like a magical wave of pure joy! You call yourself "jkbrony"; let me say, this style reminds me a lot of JK Rowling's style of writing. It hooks you from the moment you start reading with its smooth syntax and its poetic diction (that's a fancy word for word choice). I felt I was right up there with Spike and Twilight as they descended from Canterlot and returned home. Every transition between action, thought, dialogue, and description was near perfect. Each and every word (except for the ones you accidentally forgot to include) is well placed and rolls off the tongue beautifully.

Next, the description really hits home. Twilight's misery and intense feeling of guilt really makes you feel sorry for her. And Spike's progression into equal sadness is heart wrenching. You have the most faithful of all Twilight's friends trying to comfort her and make her feel better, but you watch and read in despair as he fails. You are down on your knees with Spike and all you want to do is hold onto the friend who means the world to you. It's the same as watching your own loved ones suffer; it is the worst sort of pain — the kind that both feel and is without a means to cure. All you can do is cry and comfort each other, and slowly let the love you share take its course.

And you know what? Spike's acceptance that Twilight has to be sad is beautiful. Spike learns that we sometimes have to let our loved ones feel sadness so that they can heal. Spike is sad along with her. They both hold each other — the best of friends — and cry together. They let it out so they can let it go. The final scene where Twilight tucks Spike in and strokes his head is really fitting for the end. It's almost as though she's thanking him for being there.

Your description of Spike being Twilight's "little dragon" is just adorable. I always loved that phrase, and by luck, you used it in your story.

The only thing I have to nitpick about is Twilight's insistence on her neglect of Moondancer. Yes, I know she feels bad about it, and, by all means, Twilight's actions did leave a negative impact, but she did make up for it in the episode "Mending Fences." But . . . I know that guilt can follow you even after the harm is over and done. Twilight has been forgiven by Moondancer, but she can't forgive herself. That will take time. In the meantime, she can rest knowing that she's not alone. Spike will stick by her side, just as he always does, because he is her most faithful friend and because he loves her.

I know you didn't use the phrase "I love you" once in your fanfic, but after everything I've read on the interaction between Twilight and Spike, the phrase is unnecessary, and that is a fantastic plus. You showed their affection, and you did it wonderfully.

Thank you for writing this, and may all your other stories, MLP related or not, hold the same amount of devotion you put into this one. You have a marvelous talent.

May all your pages hold meaning and magic,

Mr. Page

Didn't the show ALREADY thrash all this out with the episode? Twilight already took that guilt trip, nothing is gained by having her buy a second round-trip ticket.

When you cry at very little, sometimes something seemingly small can lead to a lot of crying. that has been my personal experience anyway. That and anytime you deal with a pony and failing in their talent/job their emotional response tends to be magnified (which is true for humans too but perhaps not as dramatic, as I have never had a spontaneous mood induced change of hairstyle). So the level of tears seems high but not inexplicably so.

You gotta embrace the simple things in life.

anyway, I did enjoy it though in places it seemed to go in circles.

Like 6557530 said, a little melodramatic for my tastes, but still very well-written.
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6557186
Cadence would likely say the same thing about the love of a spouse. It may not be true but they're flawed beings with obvious biases. Makes her seem more real in that sense.

6559233

I feel that there's a certain magnitude to this that the episode didn't really cover. Twilight skipping Moondancer's party and leaving without a goodbye was the single, solitary act that changed her life for the worse, utterly destroying any sense of self-worth she had and leaving her with a life of loneliness and solitude. Meanwhile, of course, Twilight is living a magnificent social life with entirely new friends, has become a princess on the merit of friendship, and has barely given her old Canterlot friends any thought at all since she left them. Yet somehow, she managed to delude herself into believing that she had good friendships in Canterlot, despite not bothering keeping in touch with any of them, and even worse, forgetting their names.

Furthermore, I find it interesting that Moondancer replied "no" when asked if she was studying to become a professor. That almost makes it seem as though studying was nothing more than a way for her to fill time until her eventual death. And honestly, how far from death was she, exactly? I definitely got the feeling that she likely didn't eat nearly as much as she should have, given that we know that for three days straight, she only traveled back in forth from her house and the library, apparently not bothering to go to any marketplace to buy food. And I highly doubt she bothered storing food well in her run-down home, so what food she did have probably wasn't in the best condition. I don't particularly feel that she was suicidal, but I definitely do feel that she didn't care about herself nearly enough to bother with keeping herself properly nourished. And were it not from Spike's casual remark, she clearly would have remained that way.

Anyway, I just felt that the implications here were enough to make Twilight's guilt soar through the roof once she eventually took a step back and realized it all.

6559897

While I understand how Twilight felt upset and felt that it was her fault, I don’t think she can really be blamed for Moondancer’s situation. If Twilight couldn’t remember the names of her old friends, than she just wasn’t very close to them and drifted apart from them because of moving to another town. People drift apart all the time in real life because of moving. I even had a small group of friends in high school and after moving we never really talked to each other again. This would be even more justified in Equestrian since they don’t have things such as the internet and social media to keep in touch as easily.

The matter of Twilight missing Moondancer’s party isn’t really Twilight’s fault either, in that Twilight had to save the world, which is much more important than a party. If Moondancer decided to cut herself off from the world despite the other friends she had besides Twilight who still cared about her, then Moondancer can’t really blame anyone but herself. You can only blame others so much. You have to be responsible for your own actions too. So yeah, like I said, while I understand someone beating themselves up over this, I don’t think it’s really fair to blame them too much.

That’s just my two cents. Otherwise, I still think your story is well written despite the problem I have with Twilight being a bit too over the top in her emotional reaction.

The urge to just reach in and hold Twilight was very, very real. :fluttershyouch:

6559799 I know, I didn't mean to imply that she shouldn't have said that, just that I disagree.

I wish her argument/angst amounted to more than: i was saving the world, and my friend who was too emotionaly attached grew depressed and socially catatonic because I didnt want to go to a party how could i not have predicted the future of someone I only hung out with at school, I'm a bad person for saving the world and paying attention to my new friends!

Goddamit feels, my only weakness. Great work

6560029
The point you raise is Spike's exact argument throughout this entire piece, from what I see. Unfortunately, if there's one thing Twilight is known for throughout the series, it's blaming herself for things going wrong. She feels compelled to save everyone. And the idea of how much damage she wrought - even if, yes, there was no logical or illogical way she could have known - would be emotionally crippling to her once she stepped back.

Having experienced my own version of Twilight's worry spirals over things beyond my control - to the point I actively avoid hearing about world news to prevent another one - I found this to be an accurate presentation of someone in this situation. This piece was...rather cathartic for me in that regard.

6560904
Oh, I understand how Twilight feels the way she does about what happened. I'd probably even feel guilty myself if I were in a similar position, but probably not to the point of crying for two hours. I was mostly talking about judging the situation as an outsider looking in. You can't heap all the blame on Twilight when Moondancer also needs to take responsibilities for her own actions.

Also, one thing that I disagree with Spike in this story on is that Twilight used to be a terrible friend. Yeah, maybe she could have been a better friend, but I feel like calling her terrible is going a bit too far in my opinion.

I guess I mostly just felt like sharing my opinion on the original episode itself.

Has anyone else mentioned that despite appearances, it's actually being almost surely less than two years since Twilight moved to poniville?

It's the first thing that I notice in every Moondancer fic I read, it's easier to identify the picture as being several years apart but considering that at the season 4 premier it was mentioned to be an exact year it's probably not being too much more time from there to Amending Fences.

~Leonzilla

I'm surprised Twilight didn't smack him in the face and tell him to mind his own business.

"Spike, I want you to tell me every single horrible thing I did to you back then—every single time I ever neglected you or ignored your feelings.

Oh, I get it; it's a comedy.

"She didn't even think that she had value, Spike! She didn't think she was important because of me! And with nopony ever acknowledging her existence, it's no wonder she felt that way!"

If I could retcon one thing about FiM, I'd have Twilight learn to mind her own damn business. Moondancer was doing just fucking fine.

D48

While I think Twilight went a bit overboard here even for her, I really liked the way Spike was handled and wish he got this kind of respect more often in the show. This story really did a great job of showing how he supports her and how essential he is to her instead of just making him the but of cheap jokes.

6561131
I not sure why you're so angry about this. What do you mean Moondancer was doing just fine? Did you see her run down house? She was barely taking care of herself. And did you not see the emotional breakdown Moondancer had? She was clearly bottling up a lot of negative emotions.

6561193 And I see myself in Moondancer; even moreso than in Spike, Maud, and Fluttershy. The biggest differences: I'm male, and I grew the fuck up.

6561212
Not everyone is able to handle situations exactly the same way. Just because you were able to move past your own obstacle in life by yourself, doesn't mean others can. Some people need some extra help from others just like Moondancer needed. She most likely would not have been fine if left to her own devices, and in the end she got the help she needed to move on with her life.

It's better to say they were Twilight's friends, but Twilight was never their friend. Is it ANY WONDER Celestia was worried Twilight Sparkle was going to turn into Sunset Shimmer 2.0?

6561234 My point is she was fine when the episode started. Let me be clearer about the difference: I don't whine about it or blame anyone else.

TGM

Much better than, and a welcome break from, all of the spike edgelord fics about Twilight mistreating Spike.

You done good.

6561298
In what ways was she fine? The condition of her house and her attitude toward others didn't seem very healthy to me. She was much better off at the end of the episode.

6561350 Her house needed some fixing, but I found her personality 100% identifiable.

6561450
Just because you find something identifiable, it does not automatically mean that it is fine or healthy. The fact that she was so engrossed in her studies that she let her house end up in such a terrible state in addition to shutting out all social interaction tells me that she was not fine or healthy at all. She clearly needed some help getting out of that self destructive lifestyle and into a much healthier one.

6561485 So you're saying that being an introvert and getting your fill of social interaction just doing what you have to do to fulfill your needs is unhealthy?

I don't recall them ever showing anything inside her house that was in a terrible and/or unlivable state. I'll go check the episode to make sure though.

6561939

Moondancer's door was apparently in a bad enough state that knocking on it was anough to create a hole, and her front garden looked pretty wild:

[image]

I suppose there may be a few people who would be fine with both the lack of cleanliness and the things the 'abandoned' house might say about them, but Moondancer doesn't seem like the type that would be okay with a lack of cleanliness. The fact that she let the outside of her house come to look so horrible doesn't say anything good about her state of mind.

Edit: Personally, that sort of lack of clearnliness from a usually tidy individual seems... well it reminds me of some of the worst times in my life. If anything it seems like Moondancer is doing less than what is necessary to fulfill her needs.

6562086 I'll give you the door bit but everything else about the house was perfectly fine as far as I can see. The yard and exterior of the house were still structurally sound and thus merely say "I don't give a :yay: what the neighbors think about my house/yard." The interior looked completely normal for an area currently in use for studying. Hells, Twilight's studying area has been FAR messier when we've seen her on a studying binge.

What proof do we have that she's normally a "clean freak" anyways? The interior of her house looks exactly the same in the end of the episode when we see a clip of her getting ready to go out with her friends, though I'm pretty sure the door HAD been replaced.

6562138

Also, the shutter to the front window is hanging off the hinges, some roof tiles are missing, there's moss growing on the roof, there are cracks running all over her walls, there are some boards sticking out in the back, and that rock wall thing in front of her house is missing some rocks.

I'd say that house is one monsoon season away from a roof collapse, as well as a possible wall collapse.

What proof do we have that she's normally a "clean freak" anyways?

Actually, I'm not a "clean freak" and her house still makes me fear for its inhabitants. Besides, a lot of people who are into studying as much as she is, and who tend to stay in one place for long periods of time, tend to want to enjoy staying in the places they'll be staying in for several hours. It doesn't look like she'll be able to look out a window without noticing something that needs to be repaired.

However, I shouldn't go into too much depth about personality and cleanliness, because the writers of that episode certainly didn't. I'll just say that it's a common trope for someone out of touch with society to have a wild yard and rotting home. (I couldn't really find the trope, but I'm sure it is one.) That doesn't always mean theres a problem, but that might depend on the genre of the story. In real life though, that kind of isolation can be damaging.

In Moondancer's case, she's shown playing some game with her old friends after Twilight leaves, and she basically cried about Twilight leaving her behind, so it seems like she wants to be around other ponies more often.

Edit: had to change a link.

OMG so many feels i almost cry plz continue it.....it is amazing :pinkiesad2: I LOVE IT!

6561131 You know, other than becoming a complete recluse and shutting herself off from her friends.

Man! She should have asked about what she did to her Ponyville friends to! I know that I'm not the only one that feels that the whole Mare Do Well thing was just low...

6561298

Let me be clearer about the difference: I don't whine about it or blame anyone else.

Except when you're displeased about Spike's screentime, in which case you constantly whine and tell the director of the show to tell the writer of the episode to go to hell.

Sorry, but you're never going to live that down, and the fact that you still see nothing wrong with that is disgusting.

6563073 Screw you. I'm not talking about Spike here at all.

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