Twilight Sparkle has been in a rut, and when she finds herself dragged in to a new night club by her friend named Vinyl Scratch, she finds herself being more social than ever with her new best friend.... But is there more than friendship between the two? What of Pinkie and her new, more often visits?
This is my first fic, so tips will be appreciated. I'm hoping that this story can somewhat weather all the criticism I'm sure I'll get. Feel free to tell me what I can improve on, and anything else you guys need!
Twinyl with one sided Twipie (could change)
Image is from *Don-Ko on deviantart, check him out! (Thanks Photo Journal, for finding it for me!)
Chapters (9)
I know how this will turn out
A little short but faved anyway.
I love it man. I cannot find any grammatical errors at all. I hope you make it big.
May the force be with you,
-Bronysith
WHAT THE HELL!?!? It was too short...
I'm going to stalk this now.
Ooh, it's cute! watching and giving you a thumbs up.
Hmmmm...
Now I'm interested. I shall favorite this and see where it leads.
Megust- nah I'm kidding. But yeah, great start. Definitely faved.
I just came to say that when I laid eyes on the tittle of this story, all I could think about was "Son, can you play me a memory" for some reason or another.
Anyway, I just though that was interesting.
Awesome read.
I can't wait 'till you write more. Definitely try to make it longer!
If you want to fix a couple things I noticed, your story would be 20% cooler.
"...black musical not cutie mark." Should be note.
"This is Twilight sparkle, but you..." Should be capitalized.
Not trying to point out your errors, just trying to help make it better.
Wow, I really didn't think this would be popular so fast!
642656
No, thanks a bunch for pointing them out! Then I'll look like a total retard without some corrections!
Anyways, I'm definitely going to make these chapters longer, but if you're going to thank anyone for this, thank the guy I proofread for, AzureKaryu. He's the one who finally convinced me to write anything! I'm hopefully going to be able to write the next chapter in the next few days, so hold tight, guys!
Toodles,
Systemfail
It's bothering me too much to have only one chapter on here.
I have a headache, I'm tired.... Caffeine pill, DO YOUR STUFF!
641429
DO YOU, NOW?
Probably yes, because I pitch all my ideas to you.
Definitely like how this is going so far. Action is light, pacing is good, and it doesn't try to get too serious or wordy about emotions.
Great work and keep it up!
So far so good
Woot! A pleasant surprise to start the new day. Totally adding this story to my front page for others to find.
As a side note, have me proofread your late night writtings from now on, haha. Otherwise I'm gonna end up doing this:
"...she didn't even tell him where he was going, just..." Should be she. A common mistake, actually. I catch TAW doing it from time to time.
"...straight down the street from Sugarcube corner." Should be capitalized.
"...pushing her door horn out of the door." Unless you meant it as a joke.
"Do you have and family back at Manehatten?" Any?
"I'd be proud to call myself you friend, Vinyl." Your?
"already taste victory in the air as the headed to Vinyl's new club." She?
"Pinkie's 'Besterst day ever,'" This one is debatable, but besterest is more commonly used.
"wrong with Vinyl, but everypony started" Noticed the extra spacing, but that might have been from formatting.
"huge stage with a uncountable lights," Might need rephrasing. Maybe "an uncountable amount of lights?"
"as soon as Vinyl left," Should be capitalized.
"count that nightmare night, but anyways," Holidays are capitalized as well.
"Just hoping the Cakes got that order done!" Missing a quotation mark at the end.
Ignoring all of that, though, I was totally taken off guard by Pinkie's feelings for Twilight, I totally anticipated a strict TwiScrach.
645065
Nah, strict stuff gets boring after you've read a good 50 stories of it!
645168
No problem! I'm always open for proofreading if you want.
And don't get me wrong, it was a very pleasant surprise. The anticipation from thinking Twilight and Vinyl would end up having a spark and then throwing Pinkie into the mix makes for a very exciting read. Can't wait to find out what happened next.
By the way, I found this image fitting: It's the RAVE time by *Don-ko.
dubtrot
Drunk Twilight is best Twilight.
646433
I COULDN'T RESIST
646459
Spike replies, "The crossbow or the knife?"
Twilight replies to his reply, "Oh, the crossbow sounds fun, wait, didn't I buy that new sword yesterday?"
645065
As a side note, have me proofread your late night writtings from now on
646484 EDIT: Just goes to show we all make mistakes.
646475
Oh god, on day, I'm going to make a fanfic where ponies try to hunt me down because of how I ruined their lives through this fic. I have a feeling someone's gonna be eating a Systemfail flavored cupcake one day.
646501 Oh god, one day
646501
Oh god, one day
646484
Nice avatar by the way.
646504
Beat me to the punch.
646517
Dear god, what have I gotten myself in to?
646545
All in fun and games, mate. I promise not to always correct you. I have to leave some for AzureKaRyu after all.
646579
If he catches 'em! :3 I'm normally the one correcting him, anyway.
646600 Shhh that's supposed to be our little secret :<
Alright! Time to work on my next chapter! Setting my goal for 3k words again!
Hopefully it'll be done in a few hours, guys. If not, I'll post it sometime tomorrow. Promise!
646683
Pinkie Pie Promise?
647672
Sure! Tomorrow is a Pinkie Pie promise!
Not tonight, though. I'm proofreading and such
WHOOPS! Did I say 3k? I meant 2.5k. Sorry, but I think I have the perfect place to stop this chapter! I don't think I can stretch it out to 3,000 words, though.
Dude. I know what you mean with the chapters. I barely get 1k-2k for my chapters. It feels like it takes forever to write. I love your story man.
Keep up the excellente work.
May the force be with you,
-Bronysith
649369
Thanks a ton! I doubt I'll have another chapter out tonight, but I will update either the next day, or the day after!
649395 Tell me, who exactly inspired u to write? I use these fanfictions as practice for when I write a book.
649508
Well, AzureKaRyu, the guy I proofread for can be thanked for this story. After reading so many of them I finally started thinking of doing one, and he gave me the little push I needed to get started.
649528 Well I'm glad he did as I'm enjoying this story as for the chapter sizes, I wouldn't worry to much about it as your getting the story across well enough as it is, and I think as time goes by you will spot your chapters getting bigger and bigger on there own accord with out even trying
649658
. Thanks a bunch, and I can't wait to hear what ya think of the next few chapters!
I'm glad you are! I was honestly pretty worried about the characters acting a little OOC for this chapter, but I don't think I pressed my luck that hard
649528 There is always that one person. That one person that changes everything. I cannot wait for more of this story.
May the force guide you as you write, one author to the other.
-Bronysith
Point A) We never really got to know Vinyl Scratch or see her personality, dood, so we take for granted that she is just a step below Pinkie Pie Party Level, Twilight is alright, Pinkie worry, which we have seen before, is about right to me.
Point B) When I did the first few chapters of my story, I was shitting bricks over if it was long enough, they barely got by, dood.
All in all, good story, dood, usually refreshing to see a popular background pony like DJ-Pon3, Octavia, or Cheerilee get shipped with Twilight.
650043
I know, right? I always wanted to see more of that.... and Twilight is best shipping pony
650065 That is the best truth.
650065
Pinkie Pie is best shipping pony..
Twinyl?
Do not want.
652846
Then leave. Other people like it. If you don't, thats fine, but GTFO my story.
652907
But, I did. The only thing is, comments are open. So, I noted the pairing was not one I enjoy and gave it a rating I felt was appropriate. Or perhaps it was my commentary. Too informal? Perhaps something literary.
Would you prefer strident? That pair is horrid and impractical!
Or contrite? Begging you most generous pardon but I feel the union may not be quite right.
Elizabethan, perhaps? Thou clapperdugeon! Thinkst thou that wit may be wedded to wantonness? Pah! A pox upon all such fancy.
Maybe mathematical. There is a high degree of improbability of Twilight even knowing Vinyl exists at all. The calculations of feeling do not bear out this hypothesis.
All this I probably should have said, raher than your nose is rather large. Errr, that is, do not want.
654194
No, the fact that you didn't read it and rated it just on the pairing is the problem. I don't mind that People don't like my story, but saying something sucks based on the pairing is just plain stupid.
This is great!