Chapter 48, Chance
Here we are my friends with a new chapter, I'm sorry if they are short but the College and my job are not making my life easier but I will update as soon as I can. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please comment.
Note: I want to thank my editor SoulAkai for always helping me with my story and my Pics. the retouching he does is amazing. all the credit for having these amazing colored pics are for him.
After having a nice and delicious dinner, Steel left a sleeping Scootaloo in her room and returned to the dining room to have a little conversation with his fiancée and 2nd mother figure.
”So that’s what Jilt told you, right Bright?” Asked Margaret.
“Yes. I can't deny it, but I’m kinda worried about what he has to tell me.”
“I think it’s too early to worry, dear. It doesn’t have to be bad news.”
“I know, Flying Hope. Even so. I’d really hate to see Scootaloo´s final hope being crushed.”
“Final hope?” the unicorn asked.
“Yes. I can assure you this, my love, if Mr Jilt can’t help her with this, nothing else can.”
Flying Hope and Margaret had nothing left to say. The bestial minotaur only kept drinking her tea. She already knew that, but Flying Hope was a different case as she started to get even more worried.
“It’s just not fair…”
“I know. Sometimes life can be a real bitch.”
“Language, Steel!” Margaret quickly scolded.
“Sorry... Anyway, there’s no point in staying here acting all melancholy. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on my way. Let’s see what that old gryphin has to tell me.”
Flying Hope and Margaret nodded and said their farewells to the human. Steel casually made his journey to Jilt’s hut. His head filled with many things to expect, whether they were good or bad. Before he realized, he was already outside the gryphin’s house, he went inside.
“Hello? Mr Jilt, are you here?”
Seconds later, the answer came.
“Yes, son! I’m here! Just one minute please!”
Steel nodded and took a seat on the nearby recliner while he waited for his friend. After a couple of minutes of waiting, the gryphin finally came out to greet his visitor, carrying some papers in his talons. Before Steel could say anything, Jilt intervened.
“C’mon, my boy, let’s take a seat in the kitchen. There is something very important we need to discuss.”
“Okay, Mr. Jilt.” Steel said, following his friend.
Once in the kitchen and with a cup of tea in hand/claw, Steel looked at his old friend for a minute. Jilt stared at him too, lost in his thoughts. After another minute, the doctor finally spoke.
“My boy, I will not try to sweeten this, but we have a really serious situation here.”
“... I’m listening.”
“You still remember WingRift, right?”
“Of course I do. Who could forget the miracle you could achieve with her?”
“Thank you, but back to the topic; well, you see... pegasus fillies and gryphin chicks are very different.”
“I think even I can see that, Mr. Jilt” Steel said sarcastically.
“That’s not what I meant. Let me explain; during the ages, many creatures get the wrong idea that pegasi and gryphin wings are the same. Same form, same structure... how wrong they are.”
Bright continued to carefully listen to his friend. Inside he knew he was not going to like where the conversation was going. So he mentally prepared for the worst.”
“It’s no secret that gryphin wings are way bigger than pegasus. Sometimes they are even bigger than Alicorn wings and for a long time until today, many still think that that’s the only difference.”
“I see... Mr. Jilt, you know me well enough to know that I don’t like being kicked in the bush. So please get to the point.”
“As patience as always, I see. Okay, my point is that after hours of checking the little filly’s tests and her wing span... I’m not sure If operating on her is a good idea.”
“Wha... what you mean, Mr. Jilt?”
“Even with my researches and vision, her wing size and complicated structure left me speechless. When I saw them, I just couldn’t believe it. If I have to compare her case with WingRift’s, little Scootaloo’s case is at least 3 times worse. To be honest, it’s even a wonder that she can use them like you say she can. That filly has a will of iron.”
“Yeah... she really is amazing” Steel said with a happy/sad tone. “So you think there is no chance to cure her?
“That’s not what I said, my boy. With WingRift, there was an 80% chance of success. With Scootaloo... well, I still need to examine the X-rays I took, but at the very least, I will say that she has a 30% chance of success and you know very well what will happen if the operation fails.”
Bright knew very well what would happen. Mr. Jilt was very clear that day when he told WingRift’s parents. The gryphin put his claw on Bright’s shoulder.
“Steel... If you still want me to put Scootaloo through this, then I will, in all my power, make it work. You know that, but I really need you to know what to expect. I’d really hate watching that filly’s wings... paralyze forever. At least now she can do all those amazing stunts you told me about, I really don’t know if we have the right to put at risk the little ray of sunshine she has.
Steel had a thought about that. He knew his old friend was right. He knew the odds were not exactly as his side, but this... Scootaloo was one of his best friends. She always enjoyed watching her doing what she did best. Could he really be willing to risk that? Could he really be willing to likely take away her gift or maybe even... her chance to get her cutie mark? It was more than obvious that her cutie mark was hidden in her amazing stunt talent, at least that’s what he thought. Jilt interrupted his thoughts one more time.
“Steel... knowing this, what are you planning to do?”
“Hmm... there is only one thing to do, my friend.”
“You don’t mean…”
“I do. I’ll ask her what she wants to do.”
“That may be too much pressure to put on a filly’s shoulders, don’t you think?”
“True, but in the end, it’s her wings. We have no right to choose for her. This is her decision.”
“I guess you’re right. Even so, I still believe it’s unfair.”
“Welcome to the club.”
With that said, Steel and Jilt shared a farewell hug while he promised to talk with the little filly. By his part, the gryphin returned inside his house to keep studying to raise the odds in their favor. He wasn’t sure what the filly would choose, but whatever it is, it will be her choice to do it. Since he met that little pegasus, he knew how strong willing she was. He could almost see a great part of Steel in her. It was almost as if she was his...
“Hmm... interesting. Who knows? I’d like to see that. Less to say Margaret would spoil her to no end.” Jilt thought before going inside to continue his studies.
The walk back was quiet. Steel didn’t know what to think.
What do I say to the little filly? Was it a good idea bringing her here?
Once he returned to Margaret’s house, he noticed everybody was already sleeping. It was natural since he said it could take a while for him to come back. He entered the house and, to his surprise, was startled by Scootaloo who jumped in front of him.
“What?! Scootaloo? What are you doing here and still awake?”
As if he was not shocked enough, his surprised doubled when he saw the little filly’s eyes starting to water, she immediately tackled Bright into a hug. He did his best to compose himself. Once he was in a seated position and with the filly still crying on his chest, he finally found his voice.”
“What’s wrong, Scootaloo? Something happened?”
“It... it happened again, right?”
“What?”
“It happened again, RIGHT?!” Scootaloo raised his voice a little, but not enough to wake up Flying Hope and Margaret.
“Please, Scootaloo, what you mean?”
“Mr... Mr. Jilt told you he can’t cure me, didn’t he?”
“What? Why would you say that?”
“Please, Prince Bright, it was always the same with the past doctors! They ran a few tests and after that, a little conversation with Rainbow Dash for her to tell me the ‘bad news’. IT HAPPENED 5 TIMES ALREADY!! Just please... don’t prolong this anymore. Just tell me... tell me I will never be able to fly. I... I can take it, really. Just say it.
Steel was speechless,. The filly in his arms was broken and tearing apart, he felt like an idiot. He knew Scootaloo had a strong will, but he totally forgot that she was still a little filly… a filly whose hopes had been shattered so many times in the past and now it was happening to her again. He started to hate himself. Maybe it was a good idea to tell her it was true. To tell her that so they all could return to Equestria, continue her life back home and keep doing her amazing stunts. That thought brought a smile to his face, but then another one invaded his mind. In that one, Scootaloo was staring at the sky through the window, knowing she would never get a taste of it. Only, that helped him to make up his mind.
He was planning to ask Flying Hope and Margaret to be with him when he talk with the filly, but he knew he had to do it now. Scootaloo needed an answer now. He used his hands to carry the pegasus and together they left the house. He walked for a few minutes until they reached a cliff. The sight was amazing and the moon looked so beautiful. Sometimes he really understood his aunt when she felt sad because of the ponies who don’t appreciate her work.
Scootaloo didn’t say anything at all, knowing that the prince wanted to say something first. Maybe the news she was highly expecting. She was already prepared for it, but her surprise was big when she saw Bright smiling at her. Before she could say anything, Bright spoke first.
“There is a chance.”
“Huh?” was the first thing Scootaloo could say after hearing that.
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Oooooooo!! Scooty!! Please be able to fly!
I commend bright telling that little fillie but a little soul eater part of me can't help but say.
https://youtu.be/4uzpJcwdU78
Hmmm if a Pegasus doctor more familiar with Pegasi wing structure was their to aid in the procedure it might be able to improve the odds at least somewhat... still would not be odds I'd like mind you...
Unnecessary spaces around the second apostrophe
Is that an alternative way of spelling ‘griffin’?
One punctuation mark should not be there.
‘‘what do you mean’’
At.
Something about that sentence does not seem right.
‘‘Talks’’?
media.giphy.com/media/V35NfR3bQv8rK/giphy.gif
Get a load of this douche who's passed your story off as their own: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12551324/1/An-Unexpected-Life
Bro somebody on fanfiction is just catfish your story as we speak. someone named understander000.
8386599
Thanks for the information. I will leave a comment in his last chapter to let everybody know.
8386655
Is the next chapter almost done? There's no rush, I just want to know the progress.
Hey Alejin, can you tell me how you post your drawings here? Is it a site you use or a gimmick to post your drawings? How do you do it?
8525057
😈
Glad you could join the party
Hey alejin do you think you can draw a picture of my oc please.
I just started reading this story is there aharem in this story
8699996
Nope. I know it gives u that impresión at first but no. Its not a harem story
Hey I'm probably just weird but why do you do all caps when you have the characters raise their voice loudly? Not that it's wrong it just make me think they are screaming at the top of their lungs which when I'm reading the story I keep throwing myself off from how it doesn't seem right when I play the events in my head.
8725022
I see I do enjoy the story I'm on season 3 I still see small problems and as a help try rereading as you go to see if it sounds good I don't mind the grammer but some are the word placing if you use a auto correct turn it off lol but I love the story and put it in my fav if you have any recommend s please tell me
Alright. I've read the entire story a third time, and I thought of giving you a constructive criticism to conclude with my reading and thoughts on the story.
Firstly, I thought that the beginning was a bit...rough, don't you think? I think other people out there had lost their family by drowning, but at the same time, couldn't had. This is something I couldn't do if I had made my own story, so I did just one with a siege in a war instead of an drowning ship.
Secondly, the many commas are really unnecessarily at the first three seasons of the story. You could recheck the earlier chapters, editing them and set dots that should be there when you end a line of over-world or sentence. I get it. Your English isn't as perfect as much people, I'm one of those people whose English aren't exactly the greatest. I still do grammartic errors here and there, but now I'll take my time to re-read my own chapters, double checking them and start by editing them to see if they're satisfied to my readers so they would leave a comment or review. The way you use your commas, though, were the most unnecessarily thing to do in a story. I'll say this again, re-read the earlier chapters and edit them to be like the newer ones. The more you re-read your chapters, the better chance you get to have more readers to love your story.
Thirdly, the sentences. This is something that bothered me the most when I read through the story. The sentences are bad in a not-so-good way. When you end a sentence, remember to set an dot at the end of it. Whenever you begin a new space, capitalize the first word of the over-world or sentence when the character thinks or speaks. Also, the thoughts of the characters shouldn't have quoting marks quotation marks to make them look like they are a sentence. You've done this many times in the story; they should be italics, not with quotation marks when the words are being written.
Fourthly, the characters. The characters themselves felt a bit out-of-character for most of the story. You should try to re-read the characters, analyse them, and then write them down into the story. I analyzed my own characters before writing them down into the story, as my punctuation are almost perfect. The reason I said almost, is that my own English isn't exactly the best, but I am still learning the language by writing my stories to a better way to attract readers.
Fifthly, the plot. The plot itself is kinda like, in a way, almost the same as your other stories. The city, Minus, is a good addition to the world of Equestria, but it's unnecessarily to have it in two stories. You've already had it in you "Friendship is Life", right? Then it should just be in that story. However, what I'm uncertain about, is the point of view for the city unlike the mentioned version of the city in "Friendship is Life". Why did you re-add it in your "An Unexpected Life" story? Is it so your readers would be able to have a more understandable way for the city? To have a better world-structure to it? I'm unsure about all of this.
Lastly, my criticism. This is the last of my constructive criticism to give you. The grammar, plot, storyline, characters, and the sentences. It all seems wrong when they don't have a dot to end them and are in-character. Why don't you check out my own story, on FanFiction.Net? It might help you to make a better world-structure than how your once-inexperience with English was. I understand that you're trying your best, and it's not by fault that your story has gotten me to have mixed feelings about it. The way that you've done the characters, it's just a bit wrong. Don't try to make them feel OOC (Out-of-Character) in a story, make them feel real and have true emotions. Proofread your chapters before posting them. Now, I know that you have a beta right now, but at least have him to be more able to proofread your chapters before you post them. This is important when it comes to publishing a story: proofread before posting it.
And, there you have it. This is my only criticism I'll give you for now. When the story's finished, I'll give you another long, constructive criticism to help you to your next project...whenever that's going to be.
This is Dawn Darkness, signing off.
Update soon?
8897431
Yep. One chapter is in edition already.
8897679
Hmmmm must be a rewrite then
Btw I love your story even it is taking 1 year to be updated
The story has a lot of grammar and spelling issues that makes it cringy to read. if the author was trying to fix it I would read it, but it's apparent he's not. I'm sorry man, it has a good plot but a few scenes feel rushed and it bothers me a bit along with the grammar and spelling issues it makes it cringy. I apologize if I come off as harsh but I just can't read past most of the issues.
8972550
The important thing is that you haven't forgotten this story. So take all the time you need to get your chapters done right.
I definitely hear you about the cartoon not being as good as it used to. Honestly season 6 was the last overall good one in my opinion. If just for the fact that they brought back Chrissy for the season finale and she rejected reformation.
Are there more chapters coming to this story?