Viva la revolution
Today was a good day for Rico “Scorpion” Rodriguez, the Agency’s finest agent. As today he had demolished two military bases, killed four colonels and talked to a snowman and now after destroying all the Panauan government property in Bandar Selekeh village Rico decided it was now the time for a get away.
Rico was making his escape towards Panau International Airport inside a hot pink Tuk Tuk Rickshaw while being pursued by 4 military motorcycles… actually make that three one just crashed into a tree and blew up.
“We’re dropping like flies send more units.” a soldier announced over the radio. Two military jeeps flew down a side road and on to Rico’s tail. One of which slammed into one of the motorcycles blowing it up and painting the front of the jeep red. The surviving pursuers continued after Rico. As they got closer to the airport, Rico spotted a gas station on the right hand side of the road. Rico suddenly veered towards the gas station, the Panauan motorcycle troops following him. One of motorcycle troops pulled up alongside Rico.
“Time to die!” the soldier shouted as he went to pull out his sawed-off shotgun, however Rico was faster.
He pulled out his pistol and fired at the soldier. The bullet blew apart the soldier’s head like a firework made of brains.
The now rider less motorcycle careened into one of the jeeps and caused it to flip up into the air throwing one of the occupants from the jeep then landed on top of the other jeep destroying them both.
“Here comes the cavalry!” the surviving motorcycle soldier announced as eight more jeeps came towards Rico. One of the jeeps swerved into oncoming traffic and was slammed into by a Vanderbildt Leisureliner double decker coach., obliterating the jeep.
The soldier that had been thrown free of the last jeep stood up only to get ploughed into by one of the reinforcement jeeps sending him cart wheeling into the air and then landing on the tarmac with a sickly splat.
Just as Rico was about to go flying into the gas station he slammed on the breaks, the surviving motorcyclist flew past Rico and went straight into one of the petrol pumps.
The ground shook as the station was engulfed in a fireball so vast it collapsed the ceiling of the gas station down on top of motorcyclist. Rico’s plan had worked perfectly however his rickshaw had seen better days as now it looked more like a sieve than the slowest vehicle ever constructed, seriously continental drift is faster than those rickshaws. Fire began to billow out of the engine of the pink rickshaw. Rico dove from the doomed Tuk Tuk just as it blew up. Some of the shrapnel clipped Rico, slashing his right leg but it wouldn’t stop him
“He’s a boner! Keep firing-lah!” a soldier shouted, Rico drew his SMG, as well his Pistol and fired them akimbo at the oncoming infantry. The soldiers started to get cut down by the combined firepower of the pistol and SMG.
CLICK
“Son of a Miha!” Rico shouted as he holstered both his guns and ran towards the statue of Pandak “Baby” Panay. As he was running, he drew his assault rifle from across his back and started to return fire towards the soldiers killing a few in the process but it don’t deter the soldiers any less, bullets started throwing up dirt over Rico as they impacted near his feet. Just before he completely emptied his assault rifle, he aimed his grappling hook with his left hand and fired it at the statue, which sent him hurtling towards the statue at break neck speed.
When he got to the statue he tossed a couple of C4s on it’s base. On a nearby podium Rico saw a metallic silver Titus ZJ sports car just waiting to be “Freed of the chains of Pandak “Baby” Panay’s tyrannical dictatorship.”
Rico leaped towards the Titus and threw open the door and jumped inside. If Rico wasn’t busy hot wiring the car he might have noticed the cars fuel tank fill it’s self up.
“That should do it… strange why would a show car’s tank be full?” Rico mused, “As I always say never look a gift horse in the mouth especially if it prevents becoming a pencil.”
Rico floored the accelerator inside his recently “liberated” Titus ZJ towards the makeshift jump outside Panau International Airport. When got a safe distance away from the statue he detonated the C4 causing the statue to collapse and crush one of the many pursuing jeeps.
“Ouch, that's gotta hurt the big man's ego.” Rico commented as he watched the surviving jeeps swerving around the debris of the statue and their crushed comrade. The Titus was rapidly moving towards the road sign turned jump outside Panau International Airport. The sports car went flying up the ramp. After flying up the ramp the Titus went soaring through the air coming to an abrupt stop when it landed. When the sports car landed it skidded on the tarmac, causing it to roll twice before coming to stop on its wheels.
Rico glanced at the out the side window and saw at least 6 military jeeps pursuing him over the jump. Two of which collided midair and exploded beautifully, scattering barbecued body parts and charred hunks of metal across the asphalt.
“Requesting air support! Repeat: send air support Immediately!.” a soldier shouted down the radio.
"Panauan Air Force chopper on its way. ETA: thirty seconds." The air traffic controller replied.
“Ah.. now things get interesting.” Rico thought as he sped across the airport towards the runway with the four surviving jeeps still in pursuit.
Just above the tree tops Rico spotted the unmistakeable shapes of two UH-10 Chippewa helicopters flying towards him.
While he began to accelerate Rico jumped on the roof of the Titus. The dual miniguns on the lead UH-10 cut the tarmac and the car to shreds, nevertheless Rico survived as he had already grappled to the very same helicopter. As he hung from the bottom of the helicopter he reloaded his SMG then he leaped onto the front of the UH-10 and shot and killed the co-pilot causing his corpse to fall from the chopper and splatter on the asphalt below. Now it was the pilots turn.
The pilot threw a hasty right hook at Rico, that he easily blocked and countered with an uppercut with his left hand. The pilot threw another punch. Only for Rico to dodged it as if the pilot hadn’t even been aiming at him. Rico then delivered a kick to the pilot’s abdomen.
“Can I borrow this?” Rico asked the pilot rhetorically then Rico grabbed the pilot and threw him from the Chippewa. The pilot screamed all the way down only to abruptly end at the bottom.
Rico took control of the of the UH-10 and fired the dual miniguns into the other chopper. It didn’t stand a chance. The co-pilot of the other Chippewa attempted to fend off Rico with his pistol but it was about as effective as trying to fight a tank with a stick. The co-pilot was reduced to a fine red mist by the miniguns at 3000 rounds per minute.
Smoke began to pour out the stricken UH-10’s engine then the tail rotor on the doomed chopper exploded and sent the Chippewa into an unrecoverable spin towards the ground. The Chippewa impacted the ground in a fiery detonation, killing many soldiers who had arrived on foot from all over the airport.
“You piece of dung!” a surviving soldier shouted as he attempted to shoot at the hijacked UH-10 only to get cut down by it’s miniguns.
“Requesting air support!” another soldier barked down the radio.
“Request for air support granted.” The air traffic controller answered.
The air support took the form of two UH-10 Chippewa helicopters and one AH-33 Topachula helicopter. More jeeps and infantry also began to close in on Rico.
Rico sprayed the Chippewa’s miniguns into the advancing ground forces. Cutting many of the troops to ribbons.
One soldier fired a rocket at Rico’s UH-10, Rico saw the rocket but it was too late, he attempted to dodge it but the rocket blew the tail clean off the Chippewa and sent it spinning towards the tarmac. Rico leapt from the condemned helicopter and grappled on to the Topachula that had now arrived with it’s two Chippewa wingmen. Rico leaped on to the Topachula’s canopy and threw the pilot from the helicopter sending him plummeting to his doom. He quickly turned the AH-33 against it’s former allies. The first Chippewa he focused on was destroyed instantaneously by the combined rocket and machine gun fire from the AH-33. He then attempted to engage the other Chippewa, unfortunately the Chippewa was far more nimble than the lumbering Topachula.
The Chippewa fired both its rockets and miniguns at the Topachula, causing the AH-33 to burst into flames. Rico leapt from the stricken helicopter and grappled to the ground.
Rico dodged in and out amongst the remains of totalled vehicles and dead soldiers and spotted a rocket launcher. He picked it up and fired at the remaining Chippewa.
The lightly armoured utility helicopter had no chance. The Chippewa was swallowed in a great fireball. The co-pilot’s charred corpse splattered on the ground with a horrific crunch.
Rico leapt back to the shredded but drivable Titus ZJ and floored it towards the runway. With the surviving jeeps and infantry in pursuit.
Towards the end of runway one Rico spotted a Aeroliner 474 just turning on to the runway to begin its take off. “Time to go.” he thought as the distance between him and the Aeroliner 474 decreased rapidly. The Aeroliner had just finished turning on to the runway when Rico grabbed the handbrake and sent the Titus power sliding around the corner and onto the tail of the Aeroliner.
Rico stunt jumped onto the roof of the Titus and fired the grappling hook into the roof of the Titus and the Aeroliner’s fuselage, connecting them to each other.
Just as the military jeeps caught up with Rico. The infantry exited their jeeps and started firing upon Rico.
“For the glory of Panau!” a soldier shouted before opening fire on Rico.
Another shouted “You’re gonna die like an animal!” before he started to shoot.
Rico began firing bursts from his assault rifle into the Panauan soldiers, killing several and causing the other soldiers into cover behind the remains of their jeeps.
The Aeroliner pilot oblivious to the massive battle taking place outside, began to accelerate.
Rico kept up the pressure on the infantry until he realized the Aeroliner was taking off. He pulled the pin from a grenade and watched the spoon fly off then he causally tossed it into the soldiers.
One soldier who was cowering behind the remains of jeep spotted the grenade roll up beside him.
“You son of a bit…” was all got to say before the grenade ripped him and many other soldiers to pieces.
Rico leaped inside the Titus and put his foot down on the accelerator, in an attempt to keep up with the Aeroliner to stop the high tension cable breaking but the Aeroliner was faster. The Aeroliner ripped the Titus of it’s wheels as it began to reach take off speed and began to drag the Titus along on it’s side then the Titus was pulled from the ground completely as the Aeroliner began to fly away from the airport. Rico thought he had made it.
However Rico didn’t realise that two G9 Eclipses were flying out from Paya Lucas Airport on an interception route with the airliner. Just as the Aeroliner made it above the jungle directly east of Panau International Airport.
The two G9 Eclipses fell in about one kilometre behind the Aeroliner. The first G9 flew up and above the Aeroliner. The second G9 pilot switched to cannons. He then locked on to the now flying Titus ZJ. He flicked the safety off and pulled the trigger.
The first burst went wide. If Rico hadn’t noticed the G9 Eclipses before he had now.
“And I thought that all the Panauan Air Force did was fly around the island until they crashed.“ Rico remarked as he grabbed the steering wheel and started to turning it wildly in attempt to avoid the cannon fire. The first G9 fired it’s cannon. Rico’s random turning of the steering wheel had caused the car to swing like a pendulum. The burst from the first G9 missed the swinging car.
“Yes!” Rico shouted but then he looked at the Aeroliner and watch its left wing split from the rest of the Aeroliner, spraying jet fuel up the side of the plane that was in turn ignited by a sparking electrical cable. “Oh my God!”
The Aeroliner spun towards the Jungle. The cable that was holding the Aeroliner and the Titus snapped, sending the Titus cart wheeling towards the jungle canopy.
The G forces kept Rico pinned to his seat preventing him from escaping the doomed car. Rico watched as the Aeroliner slammed into a higher part of the jungle and detonated.
Time seemed to slow down as Rico watched the Titus slam into a tree through the windscreen. Rico covered his face with his right arm in an attempt to protect his face from shards of windscreen flying in his direction. His right arm was cut to ribbons by the glass, the pain was excruciating. The car rebounded off the tree and slammed roof first into the jungle floor.
Everything went Black. Rico felt nothing. No more pain. He could see nothing.
Just DARKNESS.
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HOLY CRAP!!!!!
Same reaction here.
You even wrote in how bad the AIs were! This is brilliant. And ridiculous. Ridiculously brilliant! This fic needs a drinking game!
Just Cause 2 was one of the most fun games I played. Just dicking around in Panau blowing stuff up was so satisfying
This needed to be done.
641045
How about a shot everytime something blows up?
Just another regular day. For Rico.
For da glowy ah Panau!
He's a Boner?
641216
challenge accepted
641216 Also, 2 shots everytime the enemy AI does something suicidal/retarded. (Drive into building, walk infront of traffic, crashing into each other, etc.)
641045 They are bad, which is 1000% of the fun. Also, the first encounter is how most of my play sessions go.
Really got to love the fact that the revolver can pierce helicopter armor and kill the pilot inside with one shot, if you've decided to max it out. And also that jumping out of a car inexplicably turns it into explosive tissue paper for about ten seconds.
641045
Hey Silver Quill, I found your next drinking game!