Siren's Call

by Thornwing

Bonus (Sunset Shimmer cont.)

A ringing sound from under my seat had me digging through my bags as soon as the train came to a stop. I reached in and pulled out my diary, but didn’t stop there. The ringing came from something else, something that sounded even more familiar—my cellphone.

I quickly grabbed the phone and answered the call putting it on speaker. “Hello?”

Pinkie’s frantic voice greeted me on the other end. “Hey there, pony Sunset Shimmer. Umm, the human Sunset Shimmer sort of vanished on us when our world started collapsing in on itself, so we were wondering if you could open up that portal thing-a-ma-bob and let us through before we get sucked into a scary vortex of magical oblivion? It looks like that magic stuff that came over with you and Twilight kind of changed us, so we aren’t just mindless automatons anymore. If it’s okay with you, it would be totally awesome if we could sneak on over to your world seeing as we kind of have this magical power that makes us sort of not totally human anymore. Any chance you could take care of that, like, now?”

“Hold on one second, Pinkie,” I said.

I turned to Twilight. She shook her head. “The portal was powered by the diary, and now both copies are on this side of the gateway.”

I glanced around at the rest of the ponies gathered in earshot.

“Don’t look at us,” Aria said. “We don’t do the magic stuff anymore.”

I turned back to the phone, almost ready to deliver the bad news. That’s when I realized the answer to my problem was literally floating right in front of me. “Umm… Twilight, how about we use my phone?”

Twilight shook her head some more. “I don’t know. I’ve never used human technology in an Equestrian spell before. The results could be unpredictable. Plus, what would happen to our pony friends if our human friends came through the portal?”

“Well,” Pinkie said, drawing out the reply from the other side, “we’ve got about one minute before it won’t matter, give or take sixty seconds.”

“Hope for the best?” I said.

Twilight bit her lip. “I guess we can give it a try.”

“Hold on, Pinkie. We’re coming.” I tossed the phone to Twilight. She blinked away from the train and took off flying across town.

I ran as hard as I could to catch up. It took what felt like forever to reach the castle. Once I made it to the doors, I threw them open and ran inside. There to greet me stood a duplicate set of ponies, two of each of my Canterlot High School friends, eying each other with a curious regard. The charred remains of my cellphone lay on the apex of the portal apparatus.

Rainbow Dash spoke to Twilight, “Yeah, so, umm, we couldn’t find Discord, but…”

One of the Pinkies cupped a hoof to her mouth. “Awkward.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Author's Note:

Again, this is just for fun. Hope you enjoy the extra.

Comments

[Spiritus Arcane]

Aww, this would make an interesting sequel hook.

[EchoWing]

A fine end to an interesting tale that I would have never thought of in a million years. Good to know that no one else was trapped in there.

For the record though? Two Pinkie Pies? DOUBLE THE PARTIES!

[Opponent]

That would really make an interesting... sidequel/oneshot, at least.

[pahnazd]

Okay, this was great! And here I thought that the girls would be left back... glad to be mistaken.
Those very last words... awesome

So, planning to ever expand upon this, or do you intend to end it here?
Either way works fine with me, doesn't change anything about the story being a good read!

[Thornwing]

6453229 6453149 6452709 6451877 6450946

Finding the balance in detailing everything out versus leaving the story on a high note came into play here. I could have easily written another whole chapter or two, but it wouldn't have had anything more to say about the core plot. In the past, I have been told that a climax only lasts for so long. The longer you drag out the story afterwards, even if there is something good to say, the more you diminish the effect that it has on the reader. Sure, a story needs an ending. Thinking over what more I had to say for this one led me toward a few things I might have wanted to include, but it also left me with a problem of finding a good spot to end on. Yes, it was a bit rushed, but do you honestly want to read through another 5k of detailed explanation for what happens next when they all get together and hug it out?

I figured the bonus would be fun for some, but might also hurt the main story seeing as it takes things in a strange, new direction. I needed to wrap up a couple things with it, so I included the bit that I did. It might be fun to continue with a sequel, but I haven't decided if I want to go through with it right away. I think I'll watch the new EqG movie and decide if it's worth continuing.

Just in case anyone was wondering, I did fashion that bonus on a similar theme to Stephen King's The Langoliers.

Thanks again for reading and leaving some wonderful comments. I enjoy getting the feedback.

[pahnazd]

6453758 In this case I think the bonus didn't hurt the story at all, as it was a really short one

[Harwick]

I enjoyed the story and the World building... I'd actually probably really enjoy the sequel set up here, be it another adventure or even a slice-of-life series of anecdotal stories. Regardless, nicely done!

[Thornwing]

6454854

It could very easily spawn an entire series, or "verse", with the pairs of pony and human turned pony getting to know one another.

[Opponent]

6453758 Well, I did specify it would be good to separate it from the main story, if you would like to expand on it. The story is done, no questions asked - and at a good spot as well. The continuation, however, doesn't have to be.

[Ravenpuff]

Good story, I liked the ideas you went with for this one. Especially the first chapters with the concept for the human world which did really well on explaining some plot holes from the movies which always bothered me, such as the lacking age difference between Twilight and Sunset and why there never seemed to be a Sunset doubleganger anywhere.

Plenty of good ideas to explain things, like the Sirens' backstory and such. My only real complaint is the climax feels rather anticlimatic and everything ends with too much good-feel. The return of the colts to rejoin their lovers and all, how good everything is despite the loss of many loved ones due to time. We never even get to experience the windigo colts, just simply told they were, like, totally there.
The climax could have been worked out better, but you still had plenty of good ideas and happenings for it though.

Overall, a good story with good ideas but with a bit of an anticlimatic feel.

[Lakeguy]

This story was pretty interesting, and I'm glad everyone got their happy ending, but it seems a bit sad for the human world to not be a real world.