• Member Since 19th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

KwirkyJ


Thinking myself to death.

T

The Highmarch of the griffin hegemony claims Equestrian soil. To prevent bloodshed, Luna sends herself to challenge its nobility in single combat in their arena. However, as Luna reflects, ponies are not made for fighting.

It is good, then, that Luna is as cold as starlight.



(Finalist in the Writeoff event #33, "Closing Time")

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

Oooh, it's good to see this one published. I liked it a lot in the writeoff, and if this read-through is any indication, it cleaned up well. Straight to the favorites. :twilightsmile:

Engaging Luna in single combat is the last thing any sane person would want to do. Excellent story!

This was pretty nice. :twilightsmile: (Sorry for not offering any useful criticism, but its late over here and I'm really tired.)

“Good,” said Perfect, after the fourth repetition. You have retained your balance, at least. Your transitions, however, remain crude, and your movement are disjointed. You are blocking your power.”

Missing a quote.

6405301
Fixed now. Thanks for pointing it out.

The number of editing passes to catch the errors: as many as you have done, plus two...

I find it sad that the only way Luna would gain their respect is through fear...

It was nice to read. I could actually keep up with what was happening in the ring.

Holy shit!
I just love fighting scenes in the fics, and Luna is my favorite pony, and you just put then together perfectly...
Bravo, sir! Here's my Like and Fav! :twilightsmile:

6405334

The number of editing passes to catch the errors: as many as you have done, plus two...

So, two? I catch this stuff while reading normally. :twilightsheepish:

6406432
It is a bit sad, yes, but this Luna is clearly less empathic and approachable than the Luna we see in "Do Princess Dream […]," e.g. The purpose of the work, as a character study, might be to explore how the concept, 'any creature can think just as well as you, if differently,' might apply to our dear Princess of the Night.

Glad you could follow what was going on.

6406469
Thank you for the kind words and deeds.

6407190
The maxim is recursive, suggesting that one always has two more editing passes to go.

6407897

Well, everyone has their purpose. Perhaps Luna wasn't meant to be the kind and approachable Princess. There needed to be a balance to her sister's methods.

Cold as starlight, Force of steel:
Strike hot, thou Mighty One!
Pierce the heart of fury!
Win the day,
Then rest the Night.

It feels a bit out of canon for pony, and the intro feels like Luna's personality jumps around random. Of course, she's called out on that in-story, to I let it slide. Still not sure how I feel about it overall, but you did an excellent job with the visceral combat. So many "action" scenes in fanfic leave me with no visuals in my brain, but this one had every blow and hit showing in pure technicolor.

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