• Member Since 8th Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen Feb 18th, 2017

CP_BEN


Creepypasta is my thing. Deal with it.

E

Soarin Skies and Rainbow Dash have been friends since childhood. For Soarin, he doesn't know that Rainbow has a crush on him. For Rainbow Dash, she doesn't know that Soarin has a crush on her. Will they confess each other's feelings? Or they will stay friends forever?


Credits:
Prologue
Proofread by: Godson
Chapters 1- 6 (so far even though there is already 7 and 8)
Proofread by: MLPLover852

Chapters (10)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 33 )

I think your story has potential, but there are some things you could do better. These are just some friendly tips. :pinkiesmile:

You could expand your story. So far, you only concentrate on the main plot (the relationship between Rainbow and Soarin). There's so much more you could put into the story to make the romance between the two believable. A flashback into their past, how they met or the moment they realized, that they love each other. Or other scenes (him talking to his friends, maybe getting tips on how he can confess his love...). This would make the story more interesting.

Also, the characters have sometimes illogical moments. Rainbow wouldn't question the friendship between her and Soarin, only because someone else told her, that he would fake it. Why would he fake the yearlong friendship with her? There was also no reason for Spitfire's and Fleetfoot's actions in your story. None of them would be that cruel to crush the friendship of their comrade. If you really want them to be the antagonist of your story, then give them a good reason to do, what they did. Or just remove their actions and make the nervousness to confess their love the main problem/obstacle. You could also add some school gossip and someone else, who has a crush on Rainbow Dash/Soarin, to make for a more realistic problem.

It'd be better for the story if you'd search for an editor. Like I said, the story has potential, but it needs some polishing. :raritywink:

6267868 Depends
6268150 Thanks for the advice.

The story has a good plot but the chapters are so short. Do you plan on making future chapters longer?

Do you know how do I feel now? I JUST WANNA KILL SPITFIRE AND FLEETFOOT AT ONCE!:flutterrage::pinkiecrazy:
But it's a great story. Continue.

It has alot of potential but first you have to make this longer

Another cute soarindash story?:duck:



Yes.... We need moree of these:raritywink:

Cute story so far! Could be a little longer though....
Also, prepare the shotguns for spitfire and fleetfoot...
And I agree with what chocolate said. I think it would actually be very dramatic yet awesome if someone who had a crush on either Dash or Soarin started a rumor that made them crack somehow.

6272833 Having read the comics, I know Fleetfoot has a crush on Big Mac, not Soarin.

Comment posted by CP_BEN deleted Aug 7th, 2015

Aww they're sooo adorable!!!

GAHHHHHHHH

*flaps wings in fangasm*

Wow. I liked the story! Did you make this plot? Like, when SoarinDash were fighting? Because, if someone else did this, then, that person is amazing!

*acts like pinkie* THIS IS THE SADDEST STORY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! *also grabs a tissue paper out of nowhere and blows nose*:fluttercry::raritycry::applecry::ajsleepy:

Wait... boyfriend.. Soarin.. Dashie.... Cooking..... THOU SHALT LOVE SOARINDASH!!!!

6332454 I know right! *Crys like Rarity* :raritycry:

That was so sweet!

Wow, I kinda hate Spit and Fleet right now

UUUUUPPPPPDDDDDAAAAATTTTTEEEEE NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOW THIS IS TO GOOD TO GO ON THE BACKBURNER

Soooooooooooooo FLUFFY :rainbowkiss:

"WHAT AM I THINKING?? WHY DID I SAY THAT?!

You said that because you like her. You said it yourself, to her.

Okay Dash, you like him right? He likes you? You could just get together and have a happy ending

WAIT! Soarin has a hankerchief? I know Soarin I weird and all, but that's just........ hmmmmmmmmmmmm I need more words in the dictionary

WAIT MORE WERID! So Rainbow cooks and Soarin has a hankercheif. Really weird

So did the rain stop or something or did he go out into the rain and leave the letter there to get soaked?:applejackunsure:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!