Our Love In The Sky

Soarin Skies and Rainbow Dash have been friends since childhood. For Soarin, he doesn't know that Rainbow has a crush on him. For Rainbow Dash, she doesn't know that Soarin has a crush on her. Will they confess each other's feelings? Or they will stay friends forever?

Credits:
Prologue
Proofread by: Godson
Chapters 1- 6 (so far even though there is already 7 and 8)
Proofread by: MLPLover852

Chapters (10)

Prologue · 22nd Jul 2015 · 124 words
124
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Chapter 1 (EDITED) · 25th Jul 2015 · 326 words
326
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5 chapters hidden. Show
Chapter 2 (EDITED) · 25th Jul 2015 · 345 words
345
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Chapter 3 (EDITED) · 31st Jul 2015 · 299 words
299
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Chapter 4 (EDITED) · 5th Aug 2015 · 348 words
348
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Chapter 5 (EDITED) · 5th Aug 2015 · 584 words
584
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Chapter 6 (EDITED) · 5th Aug 2015 · 508 words
508
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Chapter 7 · 7th Aug 2015 · 486 words
486
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Chapter 8 · 7th Aug 2015 · 586 words
586
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Chapter 9 · 15th Aug 2015 · 718 words
718
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Comments ( 33 )

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Colorful Melody

Colorful Melody #1 · Jul 31st, 2015 · · · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

Short story or long story?

ChocolateFan25

ChocolateFan25 #2 · Jul 31st, 2015 · 2 · · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

I think your story has potential, but there are some things you could do better. These are just some friendly tips.

You could expand your story. So far, you only concentrate on the main plot (the relationship between Rainbow and Soarin). There's so much more you could put into the story to make the romance between the two believable. A flashback into their past, how they met or the moment they realized, that they love each other. Or other scenes (him talking to his friends, maybe getting tips on how he can confess his love...). This would make the story more interesting.

Also, the characters have sometimes illogical moments. Rainbow wouldn't question the friendship between her and Soarin, only because someone else told her, that he would fake it. Why would he fake the yearlong friendship with her? There was also no reason for Spitfire's and Fleetfoot's actions in your story. None of them would be that cruel to crush the friendship of their comrade. If you really want them to be the antagonist of your story, then give them a good reason to do, what they did. Or just remove their actions and make the nervousness to confess their love the main problem/obstacle. You could also add some school gossip and someone else, who has a crush on Rainbow Dash/Soarin, to make for a more realistic problem.

It'd be better for the story if you'd search for an editor. Like I said, the story has potential, but it needs some polishing.

CP_BEN

CP_BEN #3 · Jul 31st, 2015 · 2 · · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

6267868 Depends
6268150 Thanks for the advice.

Sorril

Sorril #4 · Aug 1st, 2015 · 1 · · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

The story has a good plot but the chapters are so short. Do you plan on making future chapters longer?

Night Flight

Night Flight #5 · Aug 1st, 2015 · 4 · 1 · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

Do you know how do I feel now? I JUST WANNA KILL SPITFIRE AND FLEETFOOT AT ONCE!
But it's a great story. Continue.

Dusk_Writer

Dusk_Writer #6 · Aug 1st, 2015 · 1 · · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

It has alot of potential but first you have to make this longer

coolstorybrah

coolstorybrah #7 · Aug 1st, 2015 · 1 · · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

Another cute soarindash story?

Yes.... We need moree of these

CP_BEN

CP_BEN #8 · Aug 1st, 2015 · · · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

6270023 Maybe.
6270362 Ok.
6270468 I'll try.
6270593 Really?

Dusk_Writer

Dusk_Writer #9 · Aug 1st, 2015 · · · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

6270680 No rush though

SuicidalAngel

SuicidalAngel #10 · Aug 2nd, 2015 · 1 · · Chapter 3 (EDITED) ·

Cute story so far! Could be a little longer though....
Also, prepare the shotguns for spitfire and fleetfoot...
And I agree with what chocolate said. I think it would actually be very dramatic yet awesome if someone who had a crush on either Dash or Soarin started a rumor that made them crack somehow.

Just Defender