• Member Since 2nd Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 14th, 2017

spideremblembrony


Hey, guys, got a story you need reviewed? Well, feel free to send me a private message with the story you want reviewed and I will give you a review as soon as I can.

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What would happen if Rainbow Dash was injured and Applejack was forced to take her place in the Young Fliers Competition?

The result... is pretty much what you'd expect.

See Applejack journey to gain her wings in time for to compete in the Young Fliers Competition for her friend and realize why she was born an Earth Pony.

A submission for Skeeter The Lurker's Switcheroo Contest!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

Entry noted!

Best of luck to you!

~Skeeter The Lurker

You spend a lot of the story reinventing the wheel. Trying to devise a heavy-than-air flying machine feels unnecessary when the wing spell exists—indeed, knowing Twilight, she probably would've sought it out the moment Dash made her wishes known (or tried to, at least.) Alternately, there are other canonical flying machines, the pedal-powered helicopters seen in both "Griffon the Brush-Off" and "Testing Testing 1-2-3." As a result, the meat of the episode itself is overshadowed by just trying to get to that point.

The choice of characters was... curious, to say the least. Pinkie Pie works great as an attention hog, but Applejack in Dash's place doesn't really feel organic. You probably would've been better served by changing up the situation more, rather than just trying to transplant different characters into the same scenario. Maybe an agricultural expo where Pinkie's rock farming abilities make her the surprise star of the show?

All that being said, it was still an entertaining read. Good luck in the contest!

6216042 Yeah, this was... not my best foot forward. And time constraints don't excuse that. :pinkiehappy:

I'm glad you decided to review this one because ... I don't think it's going to do well. Now, before you say something, I'm not looking for pity. I know this fic has problems and I'm really not overly proud of it.

And yet at the same time, I kind of am. Because, writing this... made me enjoy writing again. It was just fun to throw something enjoyable together. Even if it does have some issues.

But I read the other entries in the contest and I loved the creativity you guys had and I know you guys are going to do so well here and I can't wait to see that.

Anyway, thank you for the review. I really enjoyed it and I'm going to type up the review for yours. Until then, take care. :pinkiehappy:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I wish you'd spent more time on this. It's a fun idea, but definitely feels like you wrote it on short notice. :/

I've reviewed this story (and the other contest entrants, minus mine) here. Good luck tomorrow! :twilightsmile:

6267597 Thank you for the review. I agree with a lot of what you said. This could have, should have been better. Anyway, I appreciate your honesty and hope to hear more from you. Also, if you don't mind, I would like to return the favor and review your entry. :pinkiehappy:

Three days left until the Young Fliers Competition and Applejack felt no more prepared than when she started. It hadn’t been long since Rainbow Dash put herself in the hospital performing her Sonic Rainboom. And now, for some reason, Applejack had been asked to compete for her. A choice of logic that was completely lost to her.

...Well, that was fast.

Twilight turned to her as they stood over the table, glancing at the designs below them. “You heard what Pinkie Pie said when she was translating Rainbow Dash’s gibberish. She wants you to compete in the Young Fliers Competition for her.”

Convenient.

Regardless, her legs leaped to the air, passing over the edge of the hill. She could almost feel it. Gravity letting go. The wind brushing against her body as she soared. The feeling that she was no longer bound to the Earth or its laws. That she could be one with the sky, clouds, sun and moon. That there was nothing that could stop her from achieving any goal she set for herself. The world seem to slow down for her as if to savor every single moment.

The group looked at each other murmuring. It wasn’t surprising that nopony else had thought of this. They were so busy with trying to build this flying machine as quickly as possible that it must have slipped everypony’s mind. Much like it had Applejack’s.

...Is this an AU version of Soinc Rainboom? Is that what's up with continuity?

Fluttershy’s eyes widened and a smile appeared on her face as a collage of pinks, blues and greens appeared on her face, like a stain glass window reflecting on her face. Applejack turned to see where this reflection might originate from. As she looked up the spot where Pinkie Pie stood, she was no longer there. Instead, she was hovering a few feet off the ground with a large pair of butterfly-like wings extending from her back.

Ooo, okay.

Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped. “I ran into an Apple Tree at Sweet Apple Acres. That’s it! I didn’t say anything about the competition! Who told you I did?”

Well, who else saw that coming?

Ultimately...this is harmless. The biggest problem is that nothing happens. Everything is functionally the same to Sonic Rainboom, except with some clunky and fast exposition to get AJ into the competition in the first place. And on top of that, the good parts of the original episode (rainbow DAsh confrontign herstage fright) are no longer present.
Not bad.

6311912 I'm glad you decided to view this. I'm glad you reviewed it because... it's not that good. Honestly. I'm not trying to gain pity or anything. I know it's horribly rushed and that I didn't give it the attention it deserves.

Not my shining moment, but I would like to go back one day and redo this. Because I still think it's a fun idea. And I'd love to do this right and give it the chance it deserves. So, thank you for your honesty. I hope to do better with the next one. :pinkiehappy:

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