- Member Since 28th Oct, 2011
- offline last seen April 12th
Mirenheart
404 brain not found. Replace with pony
Mirenheart
Joined 28th Oct, 2011 ·
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This has potential.
This is great so far!
Interesting... interesting. I read 'The return of princess Nightmare Moon' So I'm hoping this isn't a copy but Luna in it. Regardless, I shall read on!
6206574
It's most certainly not going to be a copy. Merely taking the concept of the starving Nightmare Moon and expanding on it in a different way.
Really nice. I like the story. It was done rather well. The humor was sweet and funny. The setting was well sad and everyone has got even more questions after reading it. What the hay happened with Nightmare Moon?
6207151
That'll be explained when I get the chance to write up a few more chapters.
This looks very promising.
6207248
I guessed that much.
Moar? Pretty please? With pinkie pie on top? :3
Not bad.
Want more
Yes. This looks good.
I thoroughly enjoy Nightmare Moon fics like these!
It could so with some heavy editing to clear up spelling andgrammar, though. I would have liked to see a longer chapter because there seems to be more going on than what is being depicted but that along with some spell I g and grammar is my only grips
All things considered, I'm going to give this a 6/10, my up vote, favorite, and encouragement to do a good job with this!
6211812
Once I get a few more chapter's down, I'll probably get some help from an editor or something.
I am going to work on the chapter some more though, before I get to work on a second chapter.
please we would like some more
how long you will make ch.1?...
"sure"
Capitalize Rainbow.
"up"
There are a couple instances of non-capitalized proper nouns and odd grammar around dialog. Though grammar around dialog is a difficult thing since the rules are kinda weird, like all rules in the English language.
You seem to be going down a nice path, have direction and some sort of conflict that will keep readers coming back for more. I would offer to edit, but I am a bit swamped at the moment since others have been asking me to do things and then life hit. But, if chapters remain short (sub-4000 words) and you use Google Docs or something that would not require me to copy-paste everything I find; I could probably fit you in.
6216902
Danke!
Hopefully I fixed most, if not all, of the mistakes with this edit.
6212947
6207801
6215078
I'll probably get to it sometime next week. As much as I would love to churn out a chapter a day, I have a tendency to burn out on stuff really quickly if I do it too much.
6218198
Since these don't have dialog tags (said, asked, say, questioned) they can just end with a period. Though you can get away with this since it is adhering to the less known rules.
Places where there is a double space.
Everything else looked to be in order. Though what you have written is so much prettier and fun to read than what I just trudged through.
How the mighty have fallen.
Sounds good, will be following.
This could prove quite interesting. I do love a good Nightmare Moon story.
It's a good premise.I'll be keeping an eye on this.
I wonder why this is in the Hero Nightmare Moon group? Right now NMM is a starving pony with no signs of heroic stuff or leaning. Maybe she will eventually but premature right now.
Hopefully this is updating soon since it's over a week. I really wanna see where this goes.
6246375
I've had another chapter in the works for several days now, but work has been a bitch and I haven't been able to get it finished.
6246465 okay.
Heh I enjoyed what you have put out so far nice work.
an interesting start. i will track to see where this goes
Hmmm unending hunger and thrist you know Nightmare is best Vamppony
The Elements seem to have a bit of a cruel streak.
7070972
Read closer, it implies that some third party did the judging.
7071032 Huh, you're right. Someone else apparently needs a good Friendship-lasering.
I don't even remember there was second version of this chapter.
I hope that right now, the continuation will go smoothly, and we won't have to wait a year for 1K words.
In the next paragraph
So which is it?
6246375 This is nothing new to me. I see stories placed in the wrong folder/group all the time.
quiet
I can't put into words how much this common mistake irks me.
7071817 I should probably structure that paragraph better. Twilight is the one who's a vampony.
I sure hope chapter 2 can come out a LOT sooner then this one did. I forgot about this story until I saw it updated, that's not good!
Interesting, can't wait for the next chapter
7072739 same. and i didn't even realize what it was til i looked closely at the description again
an interesting furtherment, though. I'm curious to see where else this goes
I just finished both chapters and already salivating, yes salivating, for more!
more please.
7761206 I will eventually get around to adding more to this
It's just hard for me to figure out where to go with it
*Cave echoes* Hello? Is there a new chapter yet?....yet.....yet....
This is definitely different.
To need the necessities of mortal life, yet never dying if denied them. The pain you must have to go through. So, I guess we'll find out about this 'Throne' in the next chapter or two.
7769174 *Cave answers* It has been rewritten... written... written...
This was at the end of the prologue:
Now in the beginning of this chapter:
See the discrepancy?
8067363 Danke mein Freund
I have fixed it!
Could use a bit of editing here and there; some words missing in places, some misspelled, when the doctor comes in no " at yhe end of his words to indicate he'd stopped talking before narrative started again, nothing to show a change of perspective from nightmare's view to twilight and Luna's and the way Luna call twi sparkle feels weird and kinda unfriendly... but i still enjoyed this rewrite. Pleasedon't take my criticisms too hard.
Looking forward to the real next chapter
nice work