Drawn In Loss
She paced back and forth in the waiting area, moving in and out of the Sun-patches which had streamed their way into the palace.
Twilight was already second-guessing herself. Not as to whether this course had been the right action to take: she felt it had to be, in large part because it was the last action she could have taken. But the damage... what she might be about to do, the never-healing injury inflicted on herself in the name of righting this wrong...
She thought about all of the ponies, living and lost, and told herself it was worth it. Or at least -- justified. And even then, it still hurt.
The palace had been entered at a full-scale gallop: most of the Guards knew the Bearers on sight by now and had instinctively let her through. She'd skidded to a halt in front of the first one she'd recognized, babbled out -- something. She wasn't quite sure what she'd actually said. But it seemed to have been effective, because the Guard had asked her to wait before flying away...
I don't have to worry about hurrying. It's not as if the Registry is going anywhere.
Yet.
And then they'll just be Going Out Of Business...
The thought put a grim smile on her face. And she waited.
The yawn sounded from behind her. It was a very large yawn. It came with built-in reverberations and a light touch of optional echo. It instantly dominated the room and, if left to itself, would have occupied half the world's hours with no effort whatsoever. "Very well. And now, I believe I shall require something in the way of detail..."
Twilight spun, a movement which was almost entirely done on her right forehoof, and so the sudden twisting nearly sent her into the floor. "Princ -- Luna? I -- I came to see -- I asked for..."
"You arrived," the younger of the Diarchy yawned, "in something of a hurry. And from what Glimmerglow related, you were yelling something about the criminal misuse of stars. Or perhaps it was stars performing criminal acts: I understand that you were speaking rather quickly. For reasons known only to herself, my sister's Guard somehow decided that put the supposed crisis in my dominion. And so I was woken, rather too early, and somehow find the Sun-lit sky above me to not be collapsing. Or robbing, frauding, murdering, or anything else in the category of crimes, with the possible exception of deliberate intent to inflict blindness. You called for a Princess, Twilight Sparkle, and now you have one. So as said crisis seems to be rather less spectacular than implied... what, exactly, is happening that you felt the need to involve my sibling?"
Only half of Twilight's attention was focused on putting together some sort of answer. The rest was dedicated to the composition of her farewell letter. "Luna... I'm sorry, I didn't mean --"
"There is a problem." A statement of fact.
Twilight managed a external nod. The inner portion was trying to pick out a new place to live, and had already rejected most of the eastern coast.
"One you truly felt required the intervention of a Princess." Another.
The same response. Most of the western islands had now been crossed off.
"When you have never done this before." The absolute acknowledgement of truth.
The Empire would require more knowledge of their sanctuary policy than she currently had...
"Then would I not have to presume it is truly important?"
She forced a breath. "Luna... I couldn't think of anything else... anypony... and..."
"You are aware that you are sweating?"
"...no."
Softly, "Is it me you are afraid of? Having me here instead of my sister? Or simply that you have done the wrong thing by calling on us at all, and the consequences which might come from that?"
The Princess' mane was very nearly stable. The temperature in the room hadn't dropped by a single degree. With Luna, both were extremely good signs. But...
"...the consequences."
Luna nodded, exactly once. "Thus far, the only consequence is that I will lose some sleep. The nature of the problem, Twilight Sparkle. Slowly, as we seem to have some time. And then we will see what is to be done."
Twilight took her breaths one at a time. Bound the words together, made each one tow the next out under Sun in a seemingly-endless chain of draining effort. The Princess of the Night stood still, listened to all of it, and as Twilight related the portion which had taken place in the office, the temperature did begin to dip. By the time she reached the planetarium, it had become a plummet, and the Archives found most of the palace windows glistening with frost.
And as the Princess listened, her eyes seemed to become weary. Tired. Old.
"Is that all of it?"
"...yes."
"Then there is no need to trouble my sister for now, as we are in fact within my dominion." Dark eyes scrutinized Twilight. "You have not eaten. You have raced, read, fretted, and taken on the pain of others for your own -- without solace, thought to your own condition, or opportunity for rest. You are to go into the kitchen of your choice and request a meal. They will provide it. Should a rather red-coated young unicorn stallion of our mutual acquaintance ask if you would like to try something different, I advise you to say no. I will research while you recover. Give me an hour or so for that, perhaps more. And then we shall talk again."
Twilight blinked. "Your dominion? Luna, I don't understand what you mean..."
The younger alicorn smiled -- but it never reached her eyes. "And not even Twilight Sparkle can be bothered to remember her early lessons on the division of the Courts. I cannot even feign surprise... Fiction is nothing more than dream crystallized in ink, and so it falls under my dominion -- along with copyright law."
Which was when the entire day caught up to Twilight, and she found her legs starting to quaver.
The dark blue field propped her up, stars swirling around every joint. "Rest. I trust your words -- but I will need to see the exact composition of the brochure's crucial sentences, and to gain a personal understanding of the previous trials. And your only duty while I attend to that portion of mine, will be to restore yourself. To the kitchen, Twilight Sparkle. Or need I carry you?"
"No, I can..."
"...not be trusted to make that decision," Luna decided, and the field spread to surround Twilight's body before lifting her away from the marble. "Oh, and I recommend the ice cream."
It had been hours. Sun was still up, but not for much longer. And finally, Luna had come to fetch her.
"Next to me," the Princess said. "In contact." The tones were completely neutral, and would remain so for as long as they were in public view.
Twilight slowly trotted over. "We're teleporting?"
A nod. "I am escorting you." A glance around the frustration-filled kitchen, which Twilight, who had been growing desperate for something to do, had begun to reorganize. None of the cooks had seemed to understand the obvious benefits of storing their equipment in alphabetical order. "I would prefer to do the next part in privacy."
Twilight nodded, came closer. Luna stretched out a wing --
-- a moment between, and they were in the gardens.
Twilight generally avoided the gardens. Botany had never really been her interest, topiaries generally just sent her into inspection mode as she checked for protruding buds, and... well, there had been a statue. And then there had been a maze, and everything which had happened within. Then a statue again, and... now, for just the last few weeks, there was not.
The gardens put too many thoughts in Twilight's head, and few of them were welcome to be there.
But Luna had brought them in at a private, isolated spot. One themed to the plants of home, and not Ponyville. Twilight breathed deeply at the sight of familiar blossoms, and the oldest scents she knew briefly carried her to a place of hope...
"I reviewed," Luna said, and trotted out of contact, nodding for Twilight to follow. "I went over many of the transcripts -- hardly all, of course, but more than sufficient to comprehend what they have done and how they have managed to continue doing it. I viewed a number of their collected charts. I did not visit their office directly: there was no immediate need. But will you trust that I have studied and understand the situation as it currently exists?"
Twilight, trotting one body length off to the right, nodded.
The dark eyes closed. The alicorn stopped moving.
"They are legal."
And Twilight had expected that. "I knew they had to be," she rushed. "That many judges... they couldn't have all gotten it wrong. So what's needed is new laws. Something which will block them --"
"-- they do," Luna softly cut in, "as they promised."
Her eyes opened. She trotted onwards.
Twilight scrambled to follow, and for a moment, the strangeness of it came to her. In the gardens, with Luna, under Sun, even with the orb so low in the sky...
"But ponies... when they read the words, they imagine something different! Something they have every right to believe! And that's not what they get! It never can be, because the constellations aren't official!"
Luna stopped.
"Sit with me."
"Princess?" A slip, and one she felt the need to immediately apologize for. "Luna, I don't ---"
"-- we keep a few benches scattered through the gardens, here and there. Ones large enough for myself and my sister to use. One of the latter should be more than enough for us to sit and face each other, although it would be best not to tell her that. Sit with me, Twilight Sparkle... please."
Twilight, who saw it as an order, nodded. And they trotted until they found one of those benches, and sat among the scents of home.
Luna tucked her legs under her body. Several times, as if she couldn't quite seem to find a good position, and then finally gave up. The dark eyes rested their steady gaze on Twilight again.
"What laws," Luna asked, "am I meant to propose and sign?"
"Laws against lying!"
"They do not lie." It was soft, far too soft for Luna... "We have seen that."
"But... what ponies think they're going to do --"
"-- am I to pass a law banning belief?"
Twilight searched her core for words, and there were none to be had.
"Ponies," Luna quietly said, "believe what they wish. Sometimes in spite of all evidence to the contrary. At others, when they feel they have been challenged, because of all evidence to the contrary. I understand how some of my citizens would believe they were purchasing a 'true' constellation." (And Twilight heard the quotes.) "When a moment of thought or research would prove they were not. But I cannot legislate thinking, Twilight Sparkle. There is no law to bring on rationality. I cannot ban the naming of fictional constellations for profit, for to do so would steal a tool from our speculative fiction writers, and it would be rather difficult to make retroactive in any case, with a poorly-worded grandfather clause becoming self-defeating. I cannot mandate that all ponies considering such a purchase do their own investigation first, as most of those who would buy their own stars would ignore such a law in the first place. I might be able to force through a -- warning, of sorts. An extensive explanation of what is meant by the offer, and what is not. Which the Registry would print -- in the smallest of text, buried under the brightest of illustrations. Most ponies would ignore that. Every time. Because... they believe what they wish..."
Urgently, "But you can also mandate the size of the text, and the placement, you can make them repeat it on every page until ponies understand --"
"-- that something the palace appears to be so against must be something everypony should have?" A slow head shake, the stars in the gradually-shifting mane set off by deepening shadows. "Some will think that way. How do you propose that I stop it?"
"But -- ponies are being hurt by this -- more and more every day..."
Not a whisper. Luna didn't whisper, and so a whisper was the last thing it could have been. "Are they?"
"When they find out!"
"Do they all find out?"
There had been many trial transcripts. Many... when considered over centuries. "No... but..."
"Ponies believe, Twilight Sparkle. Sometimes... because they so desperately need something to believe in. Something which cannot be my sister or I, should never be..."
Twilight blinked.
"I don't understand, Luna."
It got her a tiny smile. "And part of me wishes... that you never will."
Confused, "But I really don't --"
The rising forehoof cut her off. "They believe... because the soul needs belief. Sometimes, even belief in doubt. Or..." and the word was nearly spat "...faith."
"Luna, this is about --"
''-- do you believe in the shadowlands?"
A cool spring dusk, and getting cooler as the Sun continued to descend. The temperature drop had nothing to do with Luna, and everything to do with what was going on in Twilight's heart.
"Yes," she simply said, and her soul waited in dread.
"Even though you have never been there. Never known anypony to come back and tell the living what it is like. You believe in the final fields."
"Yes." And dread became terror. "Luna... should I?"
Stark now. "I have no right to tell you what to believe."
And Twilight, who had passed beyond terror, gave it right back to her. "Do you?"
Silence, long enough for the shadows to visibly darken.
"Yes."
Somehow, the answer brought no comfort.
"Luna... how do you know? Did anypony ever --"
"-- the shadowlands exist," Luna softly said. "The fields are there. Ask me nothing more, Twilight Sparkle. It is not a subject where one can speak too deeply based in knowledge. I wish to think of myself as a rational pony, one who judges based on the evidence of the real... and so this is a topic we shall, at least in part, drop."
The final word had been as soft as all the others. As controlled. And it still nearly shattered the bench.
"Fajr," Luna said, "has a belief --"
"...who?"
"The stallion who spoke to you at the planetarium."
"You... know him?"
"Of him," Luna said, and the dark eyes seemed to momentarily flash. "He believes that his spouse and daughter have been immortalized in the sky. It gives him comfort. And in that comfort... he finds a reason to exist: to bring whatever degree of peace he has found to others. The ponies who meet in his group speak to each other, talk of the lost... and that, as much as the stargazing, makes them feel as if the lost are with them still. What would happen if we were to tell him the truth? That he had been conned, that nopony other than himself and those he had shown the pattern to would ever think of his lost family at all? I spoke to ponies while you recovered. One of them was the planetarium's manager. He knows of the con, for so many ask him to help them search the false sky. And he would rather die than break it, for he fears that to tell those ponies would bring death..."
She was whispering now. "...suicide?"
"Peace can be fragile." Luna's eyes closed, opened. "I could legislate something to warn ponies. I could put the story in at least half the press, and perhaps all of it if the other side decided to berate us for overlooking this over so much time. I would save the bits of so many ponies to come... while harming an untold number in the current nights, by taking their belief away. What should I do, Twilight Sparkle? Mourn the loss of bits for those who do not think the first time, but take away their education of learning how to avoid a second -- or mourn another kind of loss entirely?"
Sun was almost all the way down now.
"Luna -- it's a lie... everything they're taking their comfort from is --"
"-- and yet they find comfort. And that peace harms nopony. What should I do, Twilight Sparkle? Tell the truth, and let the false stars fall where they may? How many true bodies drop with them?"
Go up. Lock the wings against the sides. Come down.
She was shaking now, and Luna looked at her with silent concern -- but did not move. Did not speak.
"Luna... I don't know what to do. You were my... my last hope..."
"No," Luna quietly corrected her. "My sister was. And if you spoke to her... she would defer to me, in my dominion. Oh, we would consult. She would ask, very carefully, what I intended to do. And she would wonder when the bodies would begin to fall. Save the bits of ponies in the future, at the price of watching souls pass into the shadowlands in the present."
And the second-worst part was the sincerity in Luna's next question.
"What should I do, Twilight Sparkle? Should I do anything at all?"
The worst part was having no answer.
The last tenth-bit of Sun began to slip below the horizon.
"It is... nearly my time," Luna said. "You should leave. Teleport home."
"I can't..."
"You have never attempted the journey from Canterlot?"
Twilight shook her head. It was something to do other than think.
"Then I will summon an air carriage for you. Shortly. It has been a long day, and you should not have to deal with the train. The Guards will fly you home. For now -- I believe your feel is fairly acute, is it not?" She didn't wait for the nod. "Then leave me."
"Why? I went to a Summer Sun Celebration -- I was really close to Princess Celestia when she was working, and all that happened was that I felt her raising --"
"-- I am told," Luna cut her off, "that it can be a disconcerting experience. One I wish to spare you. Leave, Twilight Sparkle. And that is an order."
Slowly, Twilight got up, left the bench. But not the garden.
"Luna..."
Tensely, "You appear to still be here."
It was the last protest she had to give. "...they're not real constellations."
Luna looked away from her. "What is a real constellation?"
Confused, horribly confused, looking for any buoy to keep her from drowning and finding facts ready to keep her from going under in the flood of emotion, "It's a recognized pattern of stars, honored by astronomers over the centuries, recorded, taught to ponies --"
"-- and who put it there?"
"...Princess?"
It was the last time Luna would look at her on that day verging into night, and for weeks to come.
"A constellation," Luna told her, "is a pattern somepony drew in the stars to remember those who were lost... a long time ago." And the thunder hit in perfect concert with the final word. "Leave."
Twilight left. She fled. Her legs accelerated into full gallop, she got out of the area and partway down the path and --
-- stopped.
She started to turn back --
-- and the resonance hit her, the emotional residue from the sheer power used in raising the Moon washing into her soul, pooling into words...
...the safety of the day is a lie
Monsters walk under Sun, and some wear pony skins
To guard against them, one stands ready
But other monsters move under Moon, seek their prey by starlight
Dark things travel through the night
I know, for I am one of them
And to all those who journey beneath my sky to prey upon my charges, beware
For I stand against you
And in time, you will meet me coming the other way...
Twilight collapsed to all four knees, just barely got her head up...
She saw.
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Damn, that moon raising was awesome. And I love the discussion about faith in the garden.
That conversation was as I expected, and it was good.
Poor Twilight. She has that desperate faith that Fajr and other poor ponies mentioned have; but her faith is put in Rules.
That's been obvious throughout this story. Twilight believes that there are Rules, which Must Be Obeyed. And when she's reminded that there are no Rules, only rules... she seems to take it poorly.
Miss Twilight Sparkle is too rational to believe without evidence. After thousands of years, I suspect that the Princesses would know better to believe without evidence; for, after all, ponies believe that the Princesses have abilities, such as the Blessing, the Princesses do not possess.
The most painful thing about this chapter for me was how even Twilight was utterly ignorant of Luna's significance and responsibilities.
Granted, Twi was raised during a time when Luna was believed to be a myth, but damn was she unintentionally insensitive. I can see why Luna was pissed at her by the end of the chapter.
Upon a re-read of this story, and bearing in mind it's been a while since I read the end of Triptych, I'm now wondering: Did Celestia keep Luna in the dark about Starswirl's soul reincarnating as Twilight Sparkle until at least after the events of this story took place?
Angered, frustrated, annoyed and hurt.
Twilight really twisted the knife in Luna there, and I don't think she even realised what she was doing until she was leaving. If even then.