Swordulan Thunder Shield has trained his whole life to become a Royal Guard at the demand of his father. Finally having achieved his father's wish in joining the Royal Guard, Swordulan is faced with all the trouble Equestria can throw at him, and it doesn't help when he's constantly bested by a group of mares. Yet what else can he do? It seems to him the only way he'll ever make his father proud is by saving Equestria, even when the rest of his family is falling apart.
This story follows the show's canon events and chronology as closely as possible, with Swordulan having little to no effect on the TV show (besides filling some plot holes/missing details). Basically it's written like it's a parallel TV series focusing on a single Royal Guard (similar to what The Lion King 1½ is to The Lion King). I try really hard to pay attention to details, but I can't be rewatching the show over and over in order to get everything right, so if you spot something that doesn't align with the show, please let me know in the comments and I'll do what I can to solve that. Thanks!
Frequent Show Characters: Shining Armor, Cadance, Celestia, Luna, and Discord.
This story was previously known as The Story of a Royal Guard series, completely rewritten from the ground up for the sake of quality.
~Getting into the habit of writing for this every day so chapters will start coming out consistently intensifies~
Man, can i write my version of your story? you know like a fanfiction of a fanfiction i want to change the main character, and as you know you didn't finished yet so i want to write my own versions of the Chapters you wrote, i really liked you story. I promise it will not be a copy, i want the main character having more interactions with the main 6, be more emotional and i surely have things planned different from what you will write (which i want i read) , if you don't let i could at least follow the same type of yours like a pony who tries to save Equestria but Twilight always save in the end?
6527247
Every fanfic should be its own story. Mine doesn't try to be an alternate universe that allows others to write spinoffs, it's just based off the show. If you wanna write a story in a similar idea, being a Royal Guard OC doing stuff in the canon universe, you can do that, but you should make it your own rather than basing it off my story.
6537696 thank you i will try to make my own, and i can't wait to read the next chapter, i even read your old stories, keep the good work becasue you have a fan here.
Hahaha shining you should quit trying to piss of your wife.
Wait. Before it was four stars now it's three? He is still losing stars.
7596686
Yep. The stars be winking out one by one.
Big spike in viewership on April 12th & 13th. Where on Earth did that come from?
The name is a bit 'Gary Stu'-ish, but your grammar is good so far. I'll keep reading until it stops being such.
Edit: I mean the name of your protagonist.
Your protag is getting a bit stu-ish, what with the mastery of that sword right from the start. Also, "just a basic enchantment" is super vague. Is the enchantment supposed to make the sword sharper, harder, more dense, give it elemental damage, or what? A basic enchantment should only do one simple thing. That's why it is called a "basic" enchantment, because it shouldn't be complex.
Your pacing seems a bit wonky so far.
Your protagonist is supposed to be the driving force of the plot. Yours isn't, and it's made the story super boring. I'm going to stop tracking this story, goodbye.
8193057
Supposed to?
I appreciate the critique, but it confuses me a little bit, so let me address some things about this story. First, I don't see how his name is Gary-Stu-ish (I mean is it any more than Shining Armor? His dad was a somewhat haughty noble, of course his name is going to have some extravagance), and the character himself as about as much a Gary-Stu as Twilight is a Mary-Sue. Which is to say that he's not one, because he doesn't excel at everything he does, and he, in fact, fails at pretty much everything except in controlling his sword with magic at an excellent level. That happens to be his cutie mark's talent. Supreme excellence in that one thing. The show is very clear that a pony's cutie mark denotes supreme excellence in one thing (you see that statue of the CMC that colt built in like three seconds?). And the whole idea of the story is that his talent doesn't help him succeed at anything he wants to succeed at.
He isn't the large driving force of the plot because he is both a Royal Guard (they don't do much!) and is the victim of the show's storyline. Like, this story is built upon the show as chronologically as I can piece it together. It is written with intent for this character to be a believable character in the show universe, but is so insignificant that there is very little impact on the show. I squeeze him into the cracks. The only plot he controls is how he responds to what happens in the show and what he does with his life when events in the show become less extravagant. The first few chapters focus heavily on the extravagant events and some little things around them, particularly because life as a Royal Guard there isn't much happening. In the later chapters, it focuses more on Swordulan's emotional and social development, since his failures have continued to build up and it drives him into identity issues.
And I think I explained what basic enchantment meant at some point, not sure where, but it means that it makes an object easier to manipulate with magic. I will promptly move that explanation to the beginning of the story. EDIT: Okay, uh, the explanation IS in chapter 1. "Enchantments can do a certain number of things, but for my sword it simply made manipulating it with magic easier." Did you miss that part?
If I somehow mislead your expectations for what this story is supposed to be, my apologies. Is there any way I might make it clearer?
Loving the story man! Keep up the good work
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
8602651
Swordulan would be a younger, less grainy version of Shining Armor's voice, though maybe a bit lower in octave. (Frankly I imagine him with my voice).
Katana would be voiced by Scarlett Johansson or maybe Ashly Burch (Chloe's voice from Life is Strange reminds me of Katana).
Summer is... Not sure. Would have to think about it more.
8602651
Oh and Justice has a southern accent. I kind of imagine his voice being a slightly lower pitched version of Eder from Pillars of Eternity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K69lGDJTEfc
As for Summer, I think hers is similar to Cheerilee's, a little lower in pitch. She's got a sweet and smooth voice. So I guess if one combined Cheerilee's and Cadance's, in a matter of speaking, that would be Summer's.
What.?
9433778
Fun with quotes from the show lol. It's from the episode Castle Mane-ia
8193057
yep, he doesn't really start driving the plot for himself until about chapter 10. That's when I think the story really starts to pick up.
So... Do we ever get an in-universe explanation as to why the Royal Guard are so incompetent in the show in this story?
9629894
Hahaha, we might! I'm not sure how I'd tackle that, but I want to. I think when Tirek finally makes his appearance in the story I'll be able to do that.
shining decision is just making the cutie mark loss worse.