I write pony words. Millions of them. Some people actually think they might be worth reading. I am very thankful for that. Also, I have a Patreon now?
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Twenty two years after their defeat at the hands of the Rainbooms, Adagio has lost contact with her former cohorts. However, when she receives shocking news, she tracks down one of them for another meeting...
Find this story and more in a print copy! Just click these words here!
Thanks to my wonderful editors on this, Savoured Thoughts, Winston, Chengar Qordath, and Grand_Moff_Pony
Featured on EQD 11/24/15
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I like this.
This was great, but it was so sad
Whaaaaa
Just...
What was the moral of the story?
That some people rather never let things go because that's how they feel true to themselves?
That the will to not change is worth keeping if you feel in the bottom of your heart that change is undesirable?
Just what do we learn from all this?
~Leonzilla
You did good kid
6217403 she was so focused on her hate and resentment that she refused to give getting a happy life a try. She was so mad that she had to die that she didn't want to make the best of the time she had left.
Cue the waterworks.
6217433 That and she didn't listen to those wise words "you can't always get what you want, but if you try some time, you just might find you get what you need." She refuses to move on beyond the fact she could have had the world thus giving her no drive to try and find another goal.
Wow. I can't... I just... Wow. That was really well written.
quickmeme.com/img/ff/ff9f5e32c740758b89db7bbd7e4c1ae06b86bd12a4a8940a988ec03286ed3a9e.jpg
6217433 so basically what I said in addition to:
-Accepting change and letting go of your resentment, hate and anger could lead you to happiness.
And probably (but this is me just inferring)
-Not being willing to give happiness a chance might lead you to believe that misery is worth it as long as you can keep your dignity/pride. Because if you live in misery long enough you forget how good happiness and satisfaction can feel and become ignorant to the possibility that it might be worth putting things aside to be able to move on.
~Leonzilla
Edit: Do note that a moral is a lesson the audience can take from a story. It can not be something as specific as : Adagio focused so much in her resentment at having to eventually die that she couldn't give happy life a try.
This as it's written doesn't work very well as a moral for two reasons,
1) The fact it specifies it was Adagio could lead someone to interpret it as something that couldn't /wouldn't happen to them. And so gain nothing from the lesson.
2) Presumably every one who reads this story is a mortal being and it's eventually going to die, for that reason even though that was one of the reasons preventing her from happiness, it wouldn't work as a moral since the readers couldn't actually find themselves in the exact same situation.
We could flip what I started at the beginning of my coment to the negative sence and it's would be exactly equivalent to what BronyWriter said:
-Not acceptting change and not letting go of your resentment, hate and anger could prevent you from reaching happiness.
I feel like the downvotes are the result of people not liking that I ended wording what kind of thing Adagio believed in her perspective by the end of the story and implied that the decision to end the story with that note somehow advocates for those beliefs. Even though the story overall painted a miserable picture of Adagio who held on those beliefs and a postive picture of Sonata who didn't, therefore it more strongly leads to the message that those beliefs are wrong.
Missed a letter here, decent story btw
Oh, Dagi,
s6.postimg.org/dd47s96ap/Pirate_Approved.jpg
6217403
Since when did a story need to have a moral?
Que the song -a friend for life- from the original equestria girls
Sonata's family was so sweet. It really made me happy to see her so happy and content, and served to heighten further the contrast between her love-filled life and dark bitterness of Adagio's existence. If only Aria had had a little more time to find happiness...
Also, you somehow managed to make me like Andrew immediately, despite him hardly being there. Congratulations! xD
Good story. A few grammar errors, a bit of obvious repetition in the first sentence, a bit too much of the "you're going to die" from Adagio and "I don't care as long as I'm happy" from Sonata in the latter quarter of the story, but the characters felt natural, the tone and atmosphere was nice and heavy, and the pacing was decent.
7.5/10. Might read again.
6217761 It definitely doesn't need to have a moral; however I do think, considering this kind of narrative, that this story would benefit a lot from a purpose. If it had a clear lesson, that would make the reader feel this matters more, make it more memorable and make it seem more important overall.
I felt it would have being nicer to read a fic where Sonata would help her old friend Adagio explore the nature of their situation in a meaningful way that the readers could empathise with regardless of the actual outcome or how successful the characters are in overcoming the conflict.
An exploration of pain rather than a depiction.
What this is, is simply BronyWriter painting a tragic picture that resonates most strongly due to the contrast of putting it side by side with a much more pleasing outcome that could have being; but due to the nature of the character of the protagonist (Adagio) it would not be. And so the story ends in tragedy with Adagio being unable to find relief from her misery.
What BronyWriter presents here is very enjoyable indeed; but I would enjoy more a story that gives meaning to the pain by showing a message to be interpreted by the readers.
I liked this story; but I would have found it even more enjoyable if the story had also incorporated a point to give across, a thesis for this story, a reason for all this beyond appreciating a picture.
After all, the way it is now, it is a good read; but I bet most people that read it will probably forget about it in a week and leave it as just one more among the pile of stories they have read.
In short, a moral would help a story like this be more memorable, that's why I attempted to give/find it one.
~Leonzilla
Edit : It looks like I totally lost that bet, this story made it into the feature box.
This was really good!
Good stuff.
You have a missing opening quotation mark and a misspelled word.
I honestly feel no remorse or pity for Adagio, as harsh as that sounds. Sonata, though? Without a doubt, a hundred percent loving that she's got a happy life and a family now.
Im reminded of the song "glory days"
Aha
"Then again, who does."
I buried a friend last month. My father, last year. My lover, in 2004. My mother, in 1998 My first lover in 1983.
So many lives. So many people.
I remember them all.
No one lives forever.
This story totally has a moral, it doesn't have to be stated for it to be there. Simple ones (which are the best ones): don't let yourself be bogged down by hate, live your life like it's important to you, love prevails.
I'm interested that your two OCs have very regular, human names. And I appreciate that Andrew made chili and not just tacos.
Maternal instinct for the win. It was a colorful scene that I think would start to turn Adagio around (if there were to be any more to this story), corny and cheesy as Sonata's explanation may have been, it really illuminates Adagio's bitterness.
I feel bad for Adagio, even if she did heap it upon herself, now she's wasting the most precious of time - the time she's mortal and waiting. I like the motif of change and time passage, that in the past 20 years they had to change drastically in ways they didn't have to while they were living forever. "I grew up. I had to. I wasn't invincible." Also, her underlying jealousy of what Sonata has is daringly great.
6218011 switch Adagio and Sonata around.
when you wrote of Sonata singing to her son this is the song that I was imagining her singing:
(unfortunately, it's Art Garfunkel. Just imagine Holly Hunter singing it)
Yes, I like Raising Arizona why do you ask?
I think you missed a " there...
Well done, a bit light and quick for my preferences but still enjoyable.
Nicely done. I do enjoy stories that explore the sirens' newly imposed mortality. I don't think I've seen one set this far in the future before; you make it work very well. My only complaint is that the names of the OCs don't really fit the setting. Aside from that, I quite enjoyed it.
There was a little mistake I saw... You have Sonata's son being 'an infant', but she said had him when she got married... and said it was 9 years ago....
6218800 Flash Sentry's counterpart is named Brad, isn't he?
6218867
No, that was just what the fandom called him when we saw the first teasers for Equestria Girls. Flash Sentry's human analogue is also named Flash Sentry. The same naming conventions apply to both universes.
Magnificent!
6218874 I see. Well, if the biggest problem is the names, I think I did alright.
6218839 She's not saying that she had him right after she got married, just that the combo of the two was what restored her singing ability. I'll fix that to make it clearer.
6218085 orig06.deviantart.net/da8c/f/2013/085/e/a/shut_up_to_bronywriter__by_bronywriter-d5ze3sx.jpg
But all joking aside, fixed. Danke.
6218622 You like Raising Arizona? What's crazy about that? It's a fantastic film!
6218011 Fixed the repetition in the first sentence. Not sure where Adagio said she was happy.
6218544 Yeah, originally I had them doing taco night, but then I remembered that tacos is kind of Sonata's thing, and I switched it to chili. No one would focus on the story itself, and everyone would focus on the accidental fan service, ruining the story.
6218991 Ah, I found my mistake. I read "Then when we got married and I had Robbie here a few months ago, well..." as just "Then when we got married and I had Robbie here
a few months ago, well..."The "few months ago" went in one ear and out the other, and didn't stick. Just the got married and had the son part, making it seem like she had the son long ago when she got married. That was my fault for misreading that lol sorry.
6219056 Oh no, I just added that to make things clearer. You didn't miss anything.
6219001 Sorry, that last bit was my bad. I had the names switched around.
6218591 Honestly, I should have caught that. Thanks man.
Man, it always feels really weird when I come across a character who has the same first name as me.
& that doesn't happen too often with Andrew.
6218996 I can't believe you have an image for that
Also, I wanted to say that I loved the story. Bronywriter, you seem to never disappoint
The fact that Sonata's husband and son lack ridiculous names is really bothering me. This is still Equestria even if it's a human version, so no one should have regular names, right?
6219282 Well that's just clashing headcanons at that point, yeah? We've seen one or two buildings in that whole universe, and seen a few hundred people. Who's to say that there's not some people out there with what we would consider normal names?
6219111 Ah. No worries.
It really doesn't surprise me that it's Sonata that's found happiness, she was always the most open minded of the three, and the one most likely to grow past what happened to them and move on.
Well done with the story.
It's a good story and I like the face that Sonanta gets a happy ending.
But yeah Andrew and Robbie? That doesn't quite work.
Does make me wonder what the rainbooms are up to by that sane token.
Still a good story thumbs up!