Escape
"Max... what's it like to... kill someone?" Twilight asked, chewing her sandwich quietly.
"That's a fine good morning."
She moved further into the living room where I lay, staring at the roof from the couch-bed. The previous night passed quickly, and emptily- my mind seemed to be vacant of anything for now. Presently, it was nine o'clock, I reached my hand over the side of the chair and took another hay fry. It was a dull morning.
"Sorry, it's just... I was thinking about it a lot. I don't know anypony that would have the strength to end another's life."
"There's a saying about how killing people never getting any easier. Well, it's a complete lie. I've lost track of how many lives I've destroyed."
"Don't you ever feel remorse?"
"I... don't know. Guess I've always been wrapped up in how they've took everything from me that I don't care much about the other way around. But those I've killed... the way I figure it, they already chose their fate."
"Have you ever killed someone who didn't deserve it? Someone who wasn't bad?"
As far as Twilight was concerned, I just continued to fight crime after my wife's death like some drunken superman that failed to find his apartment keys regularly. She didn't know about my fruitless quests for revenge that lead to even more unnecessary deaths of beloved friends and foes alike. Mona and Lupino, Winterson and Vlad.
"Yeah. But I kid myself by saying they were inevitable."
"Sounds like you have regrets."
"Yeah, my entire life."
"It wasn't your fault, you couldn't of saved her," She gently continued.
"If my ass was in gear ten seconds earlier I would have." Going into my jacket draped over the arm of the chair, I pulled out the bottle of painkillers. I could feel the purple pony's glare in the back of my head as I swallowed another.
"Our actions and events define us. In one way, if it didn't happen, you wouldn't be the same person." She was clinging on to a bare argument for trying to convince me otherwise of my guilt, I had spent my life doing the opposite.
"You mean I could have been a good person? Huh."
"You are a good person! I've met so many ponies... and griffons... that are meaner than you!"
"I'm pretty sure they aren't running out of closet space for all the skeletons though."
It looked like, for now, I'd won. She had ran out of counter-arguments. It was a bitter victory. She faded back into the kitchen tiredly, and I went back to staring at the mundanely brown patterns in the ceiling.
I didn't have much of a plan for the day, if you could class my previous two days as being prepared for anything. I'd be content with eating hay fries all day like the slob I was. It might be nice to see if I could revisit my lost drunken self with some cider, but that would mean standing up.
Either way, it seemed like a comfortably miserable morning.
So of course, that was when everything went to shit.
Part of the library wall was levelled as the crashing noise caught up. Neath a pile of rubble was the rainbow pony and Fluttershy, on the verge of unconsciousness from the thunderous collision. Twilight came racing back in to the room to see them, while front door opened to reveal Rarity, the country pony and Pink. All the while I just sat eating like it was a TV show.
"You know, you could have just used the door, Rainbow," Rarity said, beginning to clear the dust to one side.
"No... time..." Rainbow said hoarsely, struggling to lift a hoof.
"Well, ya didn't have to drag Fluttershy with ya. She looked fine enough to use the door," The orange pony said, letting in Pink before closing the door.
"... No... time..." She finished faintly before holding up a newspaper.
"What the hay is going on!?" Twilight asked with a mix of anger and confusion. Something told me this wasn't the first time they used her wall as an impromptu entrance.
"We may have a... slight problem... concerning Max," Rarity said, and now I was interested, sitting up. I still had my bowl of fries though, the fact that I was involved didn't make the drama any less appealing.
"Maybe just a teensy-weensy-wittle-everypony-in-Canterlot-knows-problem!" Pink said jovially despite the circumstances.
I saw Twilight suddenly stricken with alarm, snatching the newspaper from Rainbow's limp hoof and getting to work scanning it's contents. The others cringed as she read out the headline.
"A 'Great and Powerful' anonymous source reports that suspicions over whether or not Ponyville are harbouring a mythical creature known as a 'human' to be true, the Canterlot Times can confirm. Enclosed are photographs of the creature, seen socialising and living amongst the small town's residents, courtesy of this same source."
While Twilight continued reading, I stood up and walked behind her, eager to get a look at the photos. I wanted to see if they got my good side, or if I had one. There was one from afar where I was talking to Fluttershy after moving Trixie's caravan. Both from behind and the front, it was clear I wasn't a pony. You could even see the details of my face that screamed at me to take another pill.
So this is the third country I've had the honour of being in the headlines with. At least it wasn't talking about a maniacal killing spree.
After viewing the images I went back to my seat, I was strangely nonchalant about the whole thing. I guess I knew it was bound to happen, but it still didn't mean I liked the nation's attention.
"...How-... How did they get these?" Twilight said, distraught. She did look the type to have a tendency to overreact, I doubted this would be good for her.
"I've got a pretty good idea of who the source is," I said, "But it doesn't matter now." I was more concerned with how they were going to pull me out of this. Not that I was eager to help chip in to the idea box.
"Did... did I get you in trouble?" Fluttershy asked timidly, a flutter of her wings blowing away the dust still coating her. "I'm sorry."
"So... we messed up. Big time," Rainbow Dash admitted, leading Applejack to start motions of silencing her. A strand of hair shot out from the side of Twilight's mane, and she dropped the paper abruptly.
The room was stricken with a deathly silence, each individual considering the ramifications of what had happened. I didn't know anything about what Celestia was like, this could completely blow her fuse or pass by her unfazed. Sure, I was an important discovery, but even with my past, I was pretty sure I couldn't take down Equestria. I was sure they were just testing to see if I could meld into society.
By the sounds of nothing, I guessed the room was void of plans. What we had to plan against, however, only came rumbling in the wind and through the broken wall. The echoes of charging hooves rose, an ominous warning of things to come as each thump made yet another exclamation point to what had gone wrong.
Before even checking outside, I, at least, knew this would be reporters from Canterlot. They displayed their enthusiasm well during my lengthy teaching career. Now what was to stop them once they had proof? I sat up, able to get a view through the windows, while the ponies found their way to various spots that allowed them to as well.
The royal guards didn't have a chance at stopping this. I've seen mobs before, usually angry ones with weapons, but this was something else. I assumed it was every single news team in Canterlot out there, tripping over each other for a chance at getting an interview or closer snapshot of the mysterious being.
As flattered as I guess I should have been, I was more concerned with barricading the windows and living out the rest of my life in a wardrobe. I stood up, and immediately began preparations for just that. I couldn't have been the only one with a cool head, I hoped someone would follow suit soon.
"Come on, come on, get away from the windows," I said, pushing them away from their locked stares. Pushing the couch, I fixed it in position behind the door.
"There's a lot..." Twilight said absent-mindedly.
"I saw. And unless you want them barging in here, I'd help."
"He's right, Twi. At least till we can figure out what to do," Applejack said. She definitely possessed leadership qualities, which was a plus: under my command we might turn out begging that I never came here. "Rainbow, Fluttershy," She called, grabbing the former's attention but left searching for the latter.
"Erm, where's Fluttershy?" The orange pony was left wondering, scanning the room until her eyes landed upon a lampshade with a strange yellow-looking bulb. The lamp also appeared to have streams of pink hair falling from it, a quiet whimper murmuring as Applejack stepped closer.
I could tell this too was probably a regular occurrence.
"Fluttershy, ah need you now. Max especially," She started, holding a hoof on the lampshade that she was bunched up inside. "It's not you they're after, remember?"
"Y-yes, but..." Before she could argue back, gravity took its toll and pulled her to the ground, still curled up like a frightened puppy. Applejack offered a hoof up, and the pegasus reluctantly accepted. "Um...o-okay..."
"Thatta girl! Now, you two need to fix that big hole you left," She said, pointing to their impact point in the wall. "Else them pegasi of the group'll be swarmin' in here like termites to a gazebo."
"How're we supposed to do that?" Rainbow Dash complained.
"I dunno... pick up the debris an' Twilight could stick in the gaps?" Applejack wondered, turning to Twilight.
"My horn isn't a glue gun," She said straight-faced. So they did have guns... kind of. "Fine. I can," She admitted, and the trio got to work. Meanwhile, Pink and Rarity waited patiently for their jobs. Well, Rarity did.
"What can I do?! What can I do?!" Pink asked repeatedly, bouncing around eagerly like this was a game.
"Guard the second floor windows, make sure nopony tries to sneak in."
I liked that plan. Out of sight, out of mind. The pressure was building as the journalists assaulted further, and I ducked out of the way of the windows before catching a glimpse of a guard being thrown aside.
Finally, Applejack came to address the design pony. "Rarity... close the curtains."
"Hmph, I'm glad my set of skills could be of such value to you."
"Well, we got nothin' else to do. I don't know what else to say, you coulda barricaded us up some more!"
"Well, aside from ordering everypony around, I haven't seen you contribute to our effort."
"Is now really the time?" I said, learning more about these character's personalities every moment.
"...I suppose not. I'll see if I can support the defenses too." Rarity finished.
Without the couch, I was forced to lean on one of Twilight's desk and 'oversee' the operation. As I did, I saw Spike wander down the stairs tiredly.
"Hey Twilight, y'know Pinkie's up here, right?" He asked halfway up the stairs, ignoring the rest of the ponies that were altering her house.
"Yes, Spike," Twilight said, concentrating on sewing the pieces of the wall back together. That seemed more like Rarity's niche, but she was too busy deciding the colour of the curtains to shield us with.
"Alright. Just checking." And with that, he went back upstairs, either oblivious or uncaring to the situation. Can't blame him, were I not the centre of it all I might be asleep right now.
They had arrived. The pounding on the door and clamouring of voices on the doorstep had signalled that. Shadows of their bodies seeped in through the beige curtains, frantically circling the tree and looking for answers. For once, answers I had, but I, also in a bizarre twist, was not allowed to share.
The rebuilt wall was cracked and visibly damaged, but it wasn't a clear entrance, at least not from the inside. The front door was barricaded with my bed, a lamp and a nightstand. Would they really be willing to go as far as forced entry anyway? In large numbers, it wasn't as if they could all be prosecuted.
The knocking was unrelenting, almost as if they were taking it in turns. They might even be asking questions or calling out for Twilight, but the general cacophony made everything unintelligible. The buzz of voices was annoying, but favourable over the usual machine gun fire.
Our improvised fortification had bought us time, at least until they decided to just smash a window, leaving the ponies staring questioningly at each other.
"So what're we supposed to do now?" Rainbow Dash wondered, I thought she didn't look the type to have a degree of patience.
"Ask them politely to leave?" Fluttershy suggested. At least she was making an effort, it was more than could be said for me.
"Shouldn't the royal guard be down here? Stopping this?" Rarity asked.
"There's almost more ponies at Twi's door than there are stationed in Canterlot!" Applejack said, looking tempted to peek through the window.
"Oh, the princess is going to be furious..." Twilight said to herself.
"Twilight, you know every time you say that, it never ends up actually happening, right?" Applejack, the voice of reason, informed.
"Yes, but-..." She tried to argue back, but Applejack was quick to try and cease her fruitless worries.
"So stop complaining and concentrate on how to fix the here and now!"
Twilight didn't bicker, just quietly accepting it and going into a state of thought. After a brief moment of contemplation, her brain apparently spewed out a half-baked idea.
"We need to get Max to Princess Celestia."
"Great idea, take him to the heart of all this news stuff!" Rainbow Dash said, sarcastically summing up the mutual feeling between them.
"Canterlot already knows! If anypony has an idea of where to go from here, it would be the princess. And if we need to, she can protect him a lot better than my library can!"
The thought of me needing protection was amusing. Although I was new to the place, I did know Canterlot was up a mountain. Fortunately, Applejack seemed to catch on to this.
"An' how exactly are we s'posed to get him past all these crowds and to Canterlot? That's a long train journey, fulla other ponies."
Resting a hoof on her chin, she found a way to amend that hastily.
"He can take my balloon! My airship!"
"Woah, woah, I've got no idea how to pilot an airship," I raised, not too eager on the idea of being hovered aimlessly in the air for hours on end.
"It's okay, Rainbow and Fluttershy can drag you along!"
I didn't have any qualms then, as long as I was spending the least amount of energy possible. Rainbow Dash shrugged, and with her at the yellow pony's side, Fluttershy seemed confident enough.
"Fair enough," Applejack admitted, "But that still don't explain how we'll get 'im past these here crowds."
Twilight was left in thought, but not so easily coming up with way out of this now. No one spoke, save for the yelling outside.
A few short seconds later, a voice sang out, "Ideaa~!" The ponies and I turned to see Rarity with a bunch of materials, spontaneously appearing out of nowhere. Magic was certainly something, a considerable force to rival lead and gunpowder.
"Pinkie!" Rarity called up the stairs, "Is it safe out the back?"
"Yep!" The chipper voice squeaked from the second floor.
"Perfect!" Rarity clapped her hooves happily and began multiple processes of fabric creation.
For a while, nobody stopped the white mare, leaving her fully drawn into her work.
"Ya gonna tell us yer plan, sugarcube?" Applejack supplied for the rest of the group.
"Oh, right! Well, it's simple really..." She started, but interrupted herself to directly inform me, "Be a dear and stand up a bit straighter, would you, Max?"
After doing so, there was another small period of emptiness.
"Oh yes, my plan!" She noticed. "All it involves is the crafting of a disguise, and we can lure them away from the library while Max makes a getaway! I'll dress Pinkie up like Max, and she can start running for the hills!"
"Won't it be obvious it's not Max? Twilight asked skeptically.
"As long as Pinkie doesn't show the front too much, they'll never catch on! And it isn't as if they shall know what to expect from him, all they've seen are photographs."
"Better than nothing," I said, and my contribution was complete.
"Hey Twilight," Rainbow said, "How're we going to set up the balloon? Unless you installed a opening roof we don't know about..."
"...Hmm... you'll have to do it yourselves outside. After getting away from the library, of course. You can sneak out through the upstairs window." She must have sensed my lack of understanding of how these balloons work, and the other two pegai's, as she instantly supplied us with, "You just have to press the red button in the basket."
"Rainbow, Fluttershy, you two should fly it to the hospital, Max can make a run for there while you get it set up."
"Finished!" Rarity said, ironing out the creases with her hooves before laying it straight on the floor.
I make a good scarecrow. The face was a bit pale, but I was bald in all the right spots. Jacketed and fully clothed, she even managed to hammer in the 'pissed off' look. The fingers were floppy and lifeless sacks, with empty legs and feet-less ankles. Hopefully the pants would cover the pink hooves that would protrude from there.
All that was left was for Pink to learn how to run on two legs and somehow get inside it. Unzipping the chest, Rarity showed exactly how that was possible. After Rarity called upstairs for her, Pink came rushing down to see her friends, and her new fate.
"Max doesn't look too good..." Pink said, staring at my carcass on the floor.
"Well, you're going to bring him back to life Pinkie," Rarity said, propping up the costume and showing her the opening.
"I get to play dress-up as Max?! Can he play as me? This'll be great!"
"No Pinkie," Twilight said seriously, "It's your job to distract everypony outside while Max makes a break for it."
"I still get to dress like Max though?"
"Yes."
"Yipee!" She bounded into the costume, and immediately took shape, filling in the empty limbs with her own. Standing with ease, she was effortlessly walking around already. Her wide eyes filled in the gaps, creating a pretty terrifying image.
She began with a gruff, dry imitation of my voice, "Look at me, I'm Max, I sure do like... um... not making any friends!"
Well that was me down to a 'T'. I was used to wanting to punch myself, but this was something different. A reflection of myself as a jester just felt mocking, a cruel jeer to any and all who have had the misfortune of coming into contact with me.
"Okay Pinkie, you're going to have to jump out of the first floor window and try to make sure they don't catch a glimpse of your face," Said Twilight.
Saluting, she did a few stretches surprisingly well considering she wasn't designed to be bipedal. Then, all of a sudden, she darted up the stairs, anxious to get the plan in motion. Of course, stairs were different to flat ground, and she fell at the first hurdle on to her face. My face.
Instead, she opted to crawl up the stairs like a slug as we made the final preparations. Seeing myself do that was creepy. Grinding against the wood as she escalated, that would be another frightening image for the nightmares.
"Here's the balloon," Twilight said, handing Rainbow Dash a bundle of purple cloth alongside a large basket.
"You sure that'll support me?" I asked, looking at my flimsy vehicle.
"Eighty-four percent sure!"
Good enough. Better odds than usual anyway.
From the sound of it, Pink was upholding her end of the plan. The shadows outside faded from sight, but the voices rose in excitement before following.
"Time to shine, Max!" Rarity, said, hurrying up the stairs with the others. I followed slowly, taking my time before jumping right into the frying pan.
This would be my first dose of action in a while. It had been at least two weeks before I jumped out of anything, and probably another before I was ever forced to run. That adrenaline that fuelled my part-time jobs sure as hell better show up now.
Once I had arrived, the balloon was being funnelled through the small window of the first floor. Somehow, it had managed to squeeze through, the dry woven basket nearly breaking from the pressure.
"You ready, Fluttershy?" Rainbow Dash asked, the timid yellow pony looking out fearfully below. "All we have to do is take it to the hospital and get it set up before Max gets there."
"Okay, we can do this," Fluttershy said to herself, as confident as you could call that trembling squeak.
"Good luck girls!" Twilight called as they departed through the window smoothly. While Rainbow held the basket, Fluttershy folded together the envelope and made off for the hospital.
Now it was just me, Twilight and Rarity.
"I'll inform the princess of your upcoming arrival," Twilight said, and I expected Spike would be unhappy as soon as I left, now having a job to do.
"And I'll see if I can get the earliest train for us to meet you there," The purple-maned unicorn said.
I climbed onto the window ledge, crouched and looking down below.
"We could float you down if you want," Twilight suggested.
"Nah, I've been through worse."
"I'm sure you have. And I'm sure I don't want to know the details."
If I was going to fall flat on my face, I wanted to do it slightly sedated. Pulling the bottle of painkillers out of my pocket, I tried to take one before it, and the bottle, was snatched away by Twilight. Neither of us said anything, and I didn't look back to see her expression.
Flailing my arms mid-air, I leapt from the edge. That familiar concentration kicked in, heightening my sense and preparing me for the worst. In a move which could have broke my neck, I managed to form a roll as I hit the ground. I still got it.
Stumbling to my feet dizzily, I turned back for a final goodbye, I saw the two mares clapping at my heroic feat, impressed.
I made some unrecognisable hand signal to suffice as a wave, and sprinted in what I hoped was the direction to the hospital. The disguise wouldn't last for long, and they'd soon be back around here.
The trees made way for me, their colours swirling into a mesh of green as I dashed over the greenery. Out of the way of major roads, there was a lot of small rocks ambitious to have a laugh at my grass-stained face. Without a threat for me to react to, they almost got just that.
My timings were far from perfect, they barely kept me stable as I hopped the ditches rather than sidestep them. Despite everything looking them same in Ponyville, I could still tell I was on track to the doctor's.
Things were going well, which meant I had to prepare for the worst. That prep time didn't last long, as looking to the side, I saw a news carriage and its team. Spotting me, they wasted no time in alerting the rest of the horde to my location.
Now was where the chase began.
Suddenly, every move felt more crucial, an essential task for success. Knowing that there was an active threat hunting me, I sped up unknowingly, a conditioned reaction I had built up after so many years mixed with the adrenaline that was untainted by prescription drugs.
So far, there were no pegasus among them, their speed would be unmatched. The ground fell casually at my feet, feeling like another acre of territory had been claimed by my presence. It was relieving to know that bullets weren't biting me in the ass.
I had to wonder what exactly they would do if they did catch up. Being a completely different species, would assault charges count? Animal cruelty, maybe. I didn't want to risk them catching me and my automatic response being to kick someone in the head. So I was running for their safety, not mine.
Apparently, I was a lot faster than I thought, and after cutting in and out of the many homes laying around, I had lost them. A fleeting pit-stop behind what smelt like a bakery, I took inventory.
Just as well, along with my lungs, I could feel my ribs expanding, a burning sensation running through my body. I almost longed for the sting of a regular bullet, something to tell me that my pain was artificial, not a process of my own deterioration. I was doing better than expected though, without a sprain, tumble or death, I was on track.
I went at more of a jog now, but still wary of my surroundings. To think this is what I've abruptly become challenged by, not a corrupt law or mob, but journalists. Clawing my way away from ponies who just want to talk to me. It looked like my hectic life was finally taking a breather, so I was anxious to see when I'd be submerged once again. What despairing problems could await me?
Of course, 'despair' in Equestria meant running out of flour, or having a stray tree appear out of place along with the unblemished gardens. I didn't think I'd be able to take trials like that seriously, and I didn't know how they could. But, maybe there was more to this place than met the scarred and weathered eye.
I saw a purple inflated balloon, and recognised the two ponies next to it, waiting for the man of the hour. Easing into a stroll, I regarded the miniature air balloon. There was no way in hell it'd be able to hold two of me, even one could be seen as pushing the limit.
It also came to my attention that I had no idea how it was powered. There didn't seem to be a flame rising into it, no propellers either, just a basket, some rope and a balloon. I guess that's why I had these pegasus.
I contemplated leaving my jacket on the ground, the sweat beginning to distract me, but I wasn't about to make some lucky fortune-hunter bag some perspiry evidence.
"Finally, we've had this thing set up for ages now!" Rainbow Dash grumbled, antsy to leave.
"Just get ready to pull," I said, vaulting the confined basket and holding on to the sides.
Each grabbing a piece of the rope, the two pegasi shot upwards when they were able, only to be yanked backwards slightly.
"Gonna be harder than you thought," I jived, deflecting any comments about my weight. I knew it would, and it did, make her determined to pull harder. I was off the ground, but I could ran faster than this. Rainbow was doing the head work, while Fluttershy kept it balanced and going.
As long as we got the momentum and altitude up and in the right direction, it'd be smooth flying. If there was some way to help, I wasn't very keen on finding out.
She flew diagonally upwards, and I realised how safety-less this flight was. It wasn't smart to be poking death with a stick after I had shown him up in front of all his friends. And if I kept to the track I used to be on, war and pestilence would be owing me money.
Did I consider my killing-spree part of a bygone life? It felt like a vital part of my survival, having to fight for it. It wouldn't be easy to get accustomed to not cleaning a gun every morning, or differentiating twelve gauge shells from cereal.
The wind resistance, although annoying for me, didn't prove a problem for them. We were gaining speed and coming up to Canterlot's level, the fancy spires becoming more detailed and menacing. As menacing as it could be anyway, I'd still deem it something from a girl's story book.
The wind shifted, now helping us on our journey upwards, until we were towering above Canterlot not long later. Golden-stripped monoliths stood omnipotently above the streets, where they dissected into lines of shops, restaurants and mansions. It was a shinier, bigger Ponyville.
The biggest, shiniest spire indicated the castle below, and we made a line right for it. The place oozed upper-class expensiveness, there was gold everywhere. Dotted around it were other blobs of gold, what I assumed were guards. Was I going to be a problem for them? Twilight should have put a word through, but it might not stop them from being terrified of my existence.
Looking back to see Ponyville, it's only time-consuming effort was getting up the mountain, otherwise, it was relatively close. I spotted something else in the distance though, a persevering group of reporters in their very own air balloon. Flanked either side by two pegasi, they were gaining on us. Within the next thirty seconds, they could probably drag back our balloon for an exclusive interview mid-air.
"Behind us!" I called out, making Rainbow turn her head as she carried on flying. She spotted them, and then made Fluttershy investigate too.
"Ponyfeathers," She said to herself.
"What do we do?" Fluttershy asked fearfully.
"There's no way they're faster than me, I'll just go over there and pull them away. Easy," She managed to reply fluently with a mouthful of rope.
Before anyone could argue against it, Rainbow took off in the opposite direction, leaving Fluttershy in charge of piloting. I noticed a sudden drop in speed, and more than anything, I think it was the momentum carrying me.
We came into the palace courtyard, guards and visitors alike staring at the new arrival in the sky. I couldn't do much to conceal my identity, there was nowhere to hide. Passing over gleaming gates, they weren't prepared for an air 'attack'. I swore I heard someone shout for me to halt, but it wasn't like I was in control.
Here would be a good spot to touch down, that is, if Fluttershy had the strength to. Hoping to see Rainbow Dash return soon, I turned to see her still confronting them. Even if I couldn't make out the details, she looked aggressive, bolting around them and trying to get them away from the rope.
Now trying to slow it down, Fluttershy sped the other way, pulling it back and to the ground. The momentum was too much for her though, and I was left passing over the roof of Canterlot castle. We weren't far from the roof, and in the center of it I saw an opened glass window.
The large part of myself that just didn't care about what happened took over, and I impulsively jumped for the glass skylight. I could call it a bit of fun, or a suicidal tendency, but either way I couldn't stop myself as Fluttershy cried out to me in fright.
Hitting my ass off the side it, I was significantly slowed, but broke some glass on the way down and continued falling in the palace. I landed in the center of the room on my side, surrounded by polished pillars and stained glass windows.
The pattering of glass sounded around me, and I groaned as my bones burnt.
Pushing myself up on the red carpet I was laying beaten on, I saw the princess stare at me, a hoof covering her mouth. To her side was another pony, but with both a horn and wings like her. There was a squad of guards closing on me, and I hoped a doctor to pull the shards of glass out my aching ass.
There I was, a small-scale Hindenburg disaster without the flames, torn airship and death. A foolish move for a more foolish person. It was still worth it, I was breaking the dusty fun barrier.
"I see why thou woketh me up for this..."
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Last chapter next time, guys! Max has almost run his course, and I need to concentrate on other stuff. I wouldn't call it the end, as I'd still be willing to make extra chapters if any funny scenarios to put Max in come to mind or are suggested. Just a heads up! Thank you all for the wonderful support this has gotten!
1249319
awww last chapter? well all good things have to end sometime right?
Last chapter...last chapter....LAST CHAPTER!!!Why world...why does it always happen to the good ones
.Great chapter, cant wait to see what you got in store for finale the chapter.
nooooooooooooo last chapter soon?!?!?!? ;_;
Why didn't Twilight make a force field like she did in the Gabby Gums episode?
Nuuu
Moar
Badflank!!!!!
god i want a angry and dark max like the last chapter i like this dw but i also want him to explode and stuff :D
1249546>>1250438>>1250657>>1251802
And, as I said, funny/interesting scenarios = extra bonus chapters. Two that immediately pop to mind is Max babysitting or Max going to punch some diamond dogs in the face. Because they stole gems. Or something. 
Glassflank!
Look at all those fluttercry emotes! Stop it! I miss Max already!
1251606
...Combat stress... yes... combat stress...
Twilight doesn't have much of a reputation at keeping a cool head either, but that should have probably popped to mind. Silly Twilight.
1251852
More like...
*tumbleweed*
1252171
I feel the same wa-
...ohmygod...
Idea. Doesn't have to be Pinkie he explodes at...
I can't tell you how much these comments mean to me, it's a great honour to have amazing fans like you all, and I thank you for the inspiration.
1253768 yes lad make him expode at someone x/d i know prince blueblood xD
1253987 I can see it now.....Blueblood having his back legs broken...and Rarity grinning like a crazy pony...
Or....He can make fun of Max losing his family...which is very sad....I cried when i found out what happened to his family...I know...I'm a Wuss
1267453 tbf we all know blueblood would tho hes thats arrgant hell be like oh no wonder your wife and child died seeing you like that now and then commense thou pain
"I see why thou woketh me up for this..."