• Member Since 13th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen March 6th

Night Fire


T

Applejack and Rainbow Dash have been having some weird dreams...

If you have hit dislike on this story, will you please tell me why. I don't mind you hitting dislike, but I would like to at least know why you hit the dislike button.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 40 )

Everything dizziestbeef said, and also I would take the authors note out. Put it in the discription, or a comment, or leave it our completely. I'm pretty sure you don't need a lesbian friend for an excuse to write AppleDash fic. Write what you like and the haters can go to hell. :rainbowdetermined2:

One more thing: The accent and the wording that goes with it can help to keep Applejack and Big Mac in character.
For example:
“Ugh, why am I having these romantic dreams involving myself and RAINBOW DASH, of all ponies, Rainbow Dash, I don’t mind it being a mare, but Rainbow? She’s a great friend, and a friendly rival, but in a romantic sense? I just don’t know. A better question however would be, WHY AM I ENJOYING THESE DREAMS SO MUCH!?”
Becomes:
“Ugh, why am I havin' these lovey dreams 'bout myself and RAINBOW DASH, of all ponies? Rainbow Dash. I reckon I don't mind it bein' a mare, but Rainbow? She’s a great friend, and a friendly rival, but for romance? I just can't figure. An' a better question would be, WHY AM I ENJOYIN' 'EM SO DARN MUCH!?”

If you'd like to try it but need help, I'd be happy to help. :ajsmug:

636508 He does have a lesbian friend though. She just loves AppleDash.

636872

Yeah, but I do believe the point I was trying to make is that I, as a reader, do not care about the sexual orientation or shipping preferences of the author's friends. :pinkiehappy:

636889
I don't put them in the southern accent as often as I should which is funny seeing as I live in the south. And the thing about my lesbian friend, that was mentioned, only because she is my only friend who agrees with me on the Appledash pairing, everyone is crazy about Flutterdash because it is now cannon. Also haters, will be sent, TO THE MOON!!!:heart:
636872
Thank you for not saying i'm a bastard on this page, seeing as you dislike this story.:heart:
636249
I know I cut this way to short, I wrote this really late after dealing with some hyped up kids, I am almost done with the next chapter and I'll add what you like to be called. Thanks for the comment.:heart:

637510
Well, you don't have to worry about that here, there are plenty of AppleDash fans. And canon? CANON? We are the writers of fan fiction, this is what we do with canon: A Very Long Day

(For some strange reason, FlutterDash is my anti-ship. I can deal with PinkieDash and TwiDash, but FlutterDash just makes me write more AppleDash fic.)

637562
If you get a rage comment from swift about that, I apologize for him...

639108
Is that good or bad?

:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart: MUST DO MORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

643492
No but people put that sarcastically.

644673
Rejoice, new chapter uploaded right about now.

656053
Thank you very much. :heart:

659012
welcome i love this story

659062
It's nice to have something appreciated.

woot first and good story i love how you mirror these things and now that makes me wonder is a the guy or is rainbow?cause it seems as though that's a factor of whichy is gonna suck in the realationship between them

691767
First, yay! Someone still likes this.
Second, the man in the relationship is most likely AJ if you didn't notice, she took the more assertive root in the relationship. Next chapter though, more relationships shall be revealed. :eeyup::yay:

694930
lol yes i think alot of people still read this i know i passed it around and also cant wait to see more man
/)?

SAY WHAT scoots and sweetie and pinkie and .....pinkie and flutterluna? you my friend are awesome

722830
:eeyup: I kept these from my first story
:scootangel::heart::unsuresweetie:
:pinkiesad2::heart::pinkiehappy:
among a few others. I changed most of them though.

like this story :twilightsmile: you got some weeeeird shippings going on. but i like it. :pinkiehappy:

739497
What shipping is weird?

747823 Pinkie and Pinkamena. lol. but i like it. it's cool. :pinkiehappy:

Well, I'm not going to lie and say I love it, or even like it for that matter, so far. Over all it's just a rather underdone opening chapter, and the formatting is frustrating. I'm going to hold out on thumbing either way until I read the rest that you have posted, but my initial concerns are as follows, some of which have already been stated above me:

The Apple families speech, where's the accent? It fades in and out with Big Mac and is non-existent with AJ.

Little/no detail, you could have done a lot more with the dream scenes, easily.

The dream scenes, they were rather rushed and could have had more detail.

RDs speech, their is no distinction between a loud comment and a strong comment, as in ...Even better, WHY AM I ENJOYING THE DREAMS!?” Rainbow shouted...Well I never thought I’d ever go to FLUTTERSHY for help, out of all the ponies I know, and I’m going to the one that’s scared of just about EVERYTHING.”... The first one is decent, as the capital does show shouting, even if it is unnecessary, the other two, however, would be more appropriate italicized, as it shows her stressing the words, as opposed to yelling them.

The transitions, instead of telling us with a title that you changed scenes, you could have instead added a divider, and then had the reader wondering whether or not the events were truly happening, until they woke up, adding another dimension, suspense/mystery in particular, to your writing.

And then their is your authors note, it is unnecessary, for sure, but if you wanted to put that it should be as a comment, part of the story description, or at the very least have a distinction between it and the actual story.

Now, I'm not even going to pretend like I'm some great author who knows what he's talking about, because in my opinion, I'm an absolutely horrid one that has written nothing worthwhile and has only posted crap. I am, however, an individual who adores reading with all my heart and knows exactly what makes a story interesting and readable, to me at the very least. If I came off as abrasive, I am sorry, but it's a lil' after midnight for me, and I have been awake for nearly 40 hours at this point and I am rather tired. As I said above, I will hold off on thumbing until I read the rest you have posted, and if your story improves in formatting, detail, transition, and story, I will be advising a handful of other people to read this.

A lot of the same things as before.

Authors note, either moved, removed, or formatted to look different from the story proper.

AJ's accent is much better, but italics would do wonders to bring out Rarity's, darling. (see how that works?)

Transitions, while the term 'meanwhile' can be overused by an author, it would do you wonders in this story.

The parallel story lines, while it is a wonderful idea and one that I normally enjoy, it honestly feels like you wrote it once and then copy/pasted it.

Sorry it's taking me so long to read, bit I am now out of coffee until the pot finishes brewing, and Dawnguard is oh so very interesting.

Felt a bit rushed, and I can't say that you should add more detail, because if you did you would be getting dangerously close to clop territory.

Authors notes, same thing as the other two, and the same goes for the tag at the end.

The transitions, I'm assuming that was meant to be humorous? If so, not bad, it got a bit of a chuckle out of me, if not, then I don't know what to say.

The mirrored stories still feel like a copy and paste, you could have done more by expanding upon the differences or something similar.

And their are some misspellings:
Rarity was practically yelling at the yellow manned mare.
should be maned
Cheerilie is spelled Cherilee
their were many pony’s around at the moment.
ponies, plural, not possessive.

Still waiting for the dark tag to show up as well, and can you tell that I like to color code things?

:scootangel::heart::unsuresweetie::pinkiecrazy::heart::pinkiehappy::ajsmug::heart::rainbowkiss::duck::heart::moustache:? Okay then...

Meanwhile, very useful term.

Authors notes/end tag

A few other things I can't seem to find any more...

Still no dark tag, and the initial problem is solved in less than 6000 words with two more thrust upon the focus characters. No clue what's going on planning wise. I'm going to keep this story tracked, simply to see where it goes, but the style leaves me wanting and so does the story itself.

924536
Well to be honest I would use all the italics, if I could just figure out how to use word 2010. I know all about 2007 word, but this one is confusing me, and to be honest, I leave my stories open to have more fun with them and add what I want, yet not destroy the story line. It's called, Feelings Revealed for a reason. Appledash is just the first pairing and one that is in it a lot. As for author notes, I'll change their looks

927137
I understand that this is only the first bit, which is the main reason I am keeping it tracked. And as for the italics, I do understand the confusion with 2010 word, I went from using 2003, and then was told I had 2 months to become a certified expert in 2010, my point being that I get the jump. But, Fimfiction formats its stories with BB code, so everything can be done in the doc editor here, it even has an italics button for it.

And I didn't color my comment on the tag because it wasn't a problem, simply a fact, the dark tag was the main reason I decided to bookmark your story back when you posted Chapter 2.

Something I would have posted on a previous comment if I had had enough sleep.
I also still think you could do a lot more with parallel story lines if you continue using them in the future, at least change the reactions of the ponies around them. The scenes where Fluttershy and Rarity woke up RD and AJ, same dialogue, a few words were different, but it was the same, despite Rarity and Fluttershy having two extremely different personalities.

927234
I realize this. I'm juggling two story sites at the moment and my editor for this one is being a dick and not finishing the edit on a chapter that I can't post because he know's where I live, and next week I share a dorm with him and saving throw... But other than that I'll try and do better on italics. Only time will tell.

927272
I just realized that I have either read, or bookmarked for later, everything that you've written without noticing that it was all the same author...

Anyways, I hope you keep writing and that everything with your editor works itself out, & my personal recommendation, detail, lots more detail. It can add a lot of length to a story and makes it easier to fall into. Looking forward to seeing how your stories turn out.

927396
Most of the time stuff like this would make me mad, but I like the suggestions. I'll take it into consideration.

Well, Um, I liked the first chapters, but I'm not a big lunashy or twilestia fan. I prefer fluttercord and twiluna. But I like appledash and sparity! But not as much as rarijack though.

I think conceding asshole just about covers it for me 😁

I'm an attack helicopter, because WHY NOT? xD

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