Has lots of ideas, and absolutely no way of acccurately recreating them on paper.
Love is an ephemeral concept foreign to the Solar Diarch of Equestria. Yet she's been feeling something strange as of late, something she's never felt before. And she has a sneaking suspicion it involves her Faithful Student.
Have fun with my first Shipfic. It encompasses all my feelings.
Page generated in 0.068 seconds
Total duration
640 users online
720,055 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
That was quite the interesting story. Delving into Celestia's past and psyche tend to produce fine results, and I think you did well in tying it up with the romantic aspect. I also loved the end with the bait and switch you pulled. That was genius! However, I did find some of the sentences dragging on for too long at times. They could be improved by splitting them into two or by replacing a phrase with a word or two which encompasses the same feelings, but gets the same point across. That was just how I felt, however. Anyway, I enjoyed this story for what it was. I'll give you an upvote as a result.
6183991
Well, I've gotta confess, some sentences and word choices were chosen just to pad the story so it hit that 1k word mark. Since I'm at 1100, I could probably go fix that, but I'd rather leave it as is since it's truly complete. Following my buddy Paul Asran in his philosophy of leaving a flawed story flawed so as to be an example of how you've grown as a writer, reader, and person.
6184021 Sounds fair to me. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck on your writing endeavors!
6184035
Thank you, and best of luck to you as well, friend! If you ever need a nagging, you know who to call.
6184038 You're welcome!
You cad!
Nice little rug pull there at the end. The pacing was a bit quick, and the paragraph about the breeding program felt out of place. It either needs expanding, or cut as it adds no tangible value to the fic over all. I only noticed one typo, and a couple of instances of tense confusion. Also there is a spot near the end where the source of the narrative switches to omnipresent and it's a bit off putting.
All that said, it's a good fic. Neat way to go about things and subvert several tropes common to Celestia romance. Good jerb!
6184261
As stated to Mana, some stuff was added in completely for filler to reach that 1k mark, unfortunately. I ran outta steam.
As for the tense confusion, sometimes trying to write past tense while being third person can be hard. I'm not sure bout the omnipresent bit, you'd have to point it out to me.
Either way, thanks for reading and the criticism!
6184272
I feel ya on the struggle to hit the 1K min limit.
As for the POV shift...uh...it was in here somewhere. Or, quite possibly, I read it wrong and just got confused.
6184280
I think there should be a "One-Shot" parameter that you can select so you can create stories that are less than 1k, but more than 500 words. It'd make life so much easier for some of us.
And take your time, just means more views for me anyway! :D
I've finally figured out why this style of narrative and story-telling in general bugs me: it feels like a children's storybook (you know, ignoring the content for older audiences obviously). The way its being told, describing so many events over an extended period of time in just a paragraph or two, it really feels like someone's going "once upon a time, in the land of Equestria, there was a princess who was loved by all. But the princess didn't know what true love was. Or perhaps she did, for there was one pony whom she did feel the strangest sensation for." It's all very basic "here's everything you need to know, no need to overthink it, I went ahead and did that for you" kind of stuff.
6184358
Well, at least you gained something from reading it, even a better understanding of why you didn't like it.
To be honest, it was literally just a piece on how i feel about the romance genre in general, hidden behind fun misdirection and unique word choices.
This fic played me like a fiddle. I honestly thought it was going to go somewhere else and that the little pokes at tropes were just frosting.
I'm not sure iif I'm pleased with this parody or annoyed with it for being one.
I was so curious to see what Celestia might conclude.
Just a question, was the pony breeding study section a reference of some kind?
6189397
Let's just say that this fic encompasses all of my feelings toward the Romance genre.
I'm happy you feel something though, as i've seen far too many fics that just don't give any feeling at all, and that's sad.
The unstated conclusion is that Love is Painful.
As for the breeding program, yeah, though I for the life of me can't remember where i read about it. The original version that I read was based around Celly encouraging Pony society to integrate more easily and smoothly after the Sisters were crowned, by arranging marriages that Celestia calculated were optimal, though the rarely if ever worked out.
You can has review!