Equestria's Hammiest Villain

by Dirty Bit

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Who's a Silly Piggy?

Inside of the crystal castle, Chuckles continued to wander around in hopes of searching for an exit. He never anticipated landing in such a vast and shiny building. He thought he was lost after wandering for what felt like hours. In truth, it had only been ten minutes.

"Okay, lemme just backtrack to make sure I haven't been going in circles." Chuckles said to himself in mild frustration "I started from the mirror, went down the hall, found the kitchen, snacked on one of those delicious pudding cups, back into the hall, found a conference room of some sort, and here I am now in some giant bedroom."

The dark lord looked at the large queen-sized bed and the basket that sat next to it. He wondered if the ruler of this castle owned a pet or something. He then looked over at a nearby dresser and found a picture frame, hopping up to grab and look at it for himself.

It appeared to be a picture of some pastel colored ponies and a purple dragon grouped together with smiles on their faces. There was a purple one with wings and a horn, a pink one with a poofy mane, an orange one with a stetson, a blue one with wings and a rainbow mane, a white one with a horn and a stylish purple mane, and a yellow one with wings that appeared quite shy.

"So this is what this world is full of? Weird looking ponies?" Chuckles stared at the picture before shrugging nonchalantly "Well, it beats using stuffed animals." He tossed the picture over his shoulders, letting it fall with an audible glass breaking sound "Although, I'd be lucky to come across a more menacing dragon to do my bidding." Out of nowhere, he pulled out an amulet with a red gem encrusted in it, grinning evilly "And it'll be easy since I just mastered mind control with the mystic amulet of Hogswineboar!"

Putting his amulet away, Chuckles walked towards a nearby window and looked out to see a village full of different colored ponies.

"Look at those silly ponies and their silliness. Little do they know that they'll become my slaves once I'm through with them." The dark lord giggled deviously "In time, they'll become the perfect army for my evil ambition." He looked away pensively "That is, until I find something stronger, then I'll just cast them aside." Chuckles then shook his head "I'll have plenty of time to think later. For now, I need to get out of this crystalline castle and begin my conquest for realsies!"

He then hopped off of the window and onto the floor before walking away. As he walked, he was unaware of a button that rested on the floor and stepped on it unknowingly. An explosion of confetti appeared in front of him, causing him to yelp and jump back in surprise.

Sadly, he jumped through the window during his shock, and proceeded to fall out of the castle, screaming as he descended. It wasn't long until he landed harshly onto the ground on his back.

"Augh...My little piggy spine..." Chuckles moaned in pain as he laid motionless on the grass. He then miraculously sat himself up despite the painful fall and rubbed his back.

"Awwwww, what an adorable piggy!" A female voice cooed, much to Chuckles' surprise and chagrin.

"Oh, this was not how I wanted to start my conquest..." He said under his breath as he was approached by a mare, which just so happened to be the pink one he saw in the picture back in the castle.

"Whacha doing out here, little guy?" The mare asked with her head cocked to the side "Shouldn't you be at Fluttershy's? Or Applejack's maybe?" She inspected Chuckles before smiling "I really like your cape."

"Oh, thank you, it's real silk." Chuckles replied politely to the mare's compliment. He then noticed how the mare's eyes widened as she gasped deeply.

"You're not just an adorable piggy!" The mare scooped Chuckles off of his feet with her forehooves and grinned widely "You're an adorable talking piggy! How cool is that!?"

"So? I'm a talking piggy, and you're a talking pony! What's the difference?" Chuckles pointed out, to which the mare's expression softened.

"Well, there hasn't been a single pig in Equestria that could talk before. I know Fluttershy will just love you." She then nuzzled her cheek against Chuckles', much to his audible protest "But who's to say that I don't love you yet, you adorable piggy~!"

"Stop it! Cut it out! Put me down!" Chuckles flailed while Pinkie obliviously nuzzled his face. He tried prying himself away from the mare's grip, but to no avail. He then used a crowbar he pulled out of nowhere and lodged it between himself and the mare's legs, trying to free himself, only for the crowbar to break. Staring at the broken piece while being nuzzled, he shifted his eyes nervously at the clingy and affectionate pony "Seriously, how strong are you?" Surprisingly, his question prompted the pink mare to stop.

"I dunno." She said as she set Chuckles down "So what's your name, little guy? My name's Pinkie Pie!" She said cheerfully.

"Wow, really? That sounds like the name of a doll or something." Chuckles said.

"Does it? I think it sounds pretty normal to me." Pinkie said before smiling again "So what's your name, huh?"

"Oh, of course. My name is, the Dark Lor-erm..." The dark lord stifled himself on his hammy introduction. Thinking quickly about his actions, he could stymy his chances for conquest if he were to flat out state that he was a villain in front of an innocent bystander. Also, said bystander was very strong, so he couldn't risk anymore pain on himself. After cleating his throat, he continued "Chuckles the Silly Piggy!" He then pointed at Pinkie "Just Chuckles. Nothing evil about it."

"That's a relief." The pink mare replied "For a second there, I thought you were gonna say you were a dark lord or something. That would've meant I'd have to find my friends so we all could take you down with the power of Friendship." Pinkie smiled despite her words, catching Chuckles off-guard "Oh, and we'll beat you up badly, too. That's how it usually goes." She added, making the little pig even more uncomfortable.

"Yeah, that would not go well for me." Chuckles chuckled nervously "I mean, this cape I have on surely doesn't signify that I'm evil or anything." He added hastily while lightly tugging on his cape with a hoof.

"I know, right?" Pinkie giggled "If anything, it adds to how cute you are!"

'Oh, you are so gonna get it when I rule this place!' Chuckles thought to himself while sporting his nervous grin "You know it, sister. Say, do you think you could be a dear and show me around this place? I just moved in from..." His eyes shifted briefly before focusing on Pinkie again "somewhere else."

"Where are you from?"

"Where, you ask? I'm from...erm...any places with nice coasts?"

"Baltimare?" Pinkie offered obliviously.

"Yes! Baltimare! I'm from Baltimare! Funny how I just forget the place when I moved." Chuckles laughed, feigning ignorance. Until he realized he was supposed to cry, then he merely sniffled while feigning ignorance.

"Awwwww, you poor thing." Pinkie said sympathetically "It must've been tough to leave your hometown behind." She perked up before looking down at the dark lord with a suspicious glare "Hey, wait a minute..." Pinkie inched her face near Chuckles, who began sweating bullets as he held his amulet behind his back, ready to use it as a last resort.

"If you just moved here, then where do you live? I never even heard of you coming here." Pinkie asked, her air of suspicion instantly vanishing. Chuckles regained his composure, relieved that his villainy hadn't been compromised.

"Oh, I haven't chose a home yet. And I don't have much stuff, neither. I travel light, after all." Chuckles instantly recovered, hoping the seemingly deluded mare would buy it.

"Well, don't you worry! Auntie Pinkie Pie will help you find a home and throw you a very special welcome party!"

"A...party?" Chuckles said hesitantly with a blank stare before looking genuinely happy "No one's ever thrown me a party before."

"Seriously!?" Pinkie said with another exaggerated gasp "Then today's your lucky day, Chuckles!" Using her head, she lifted Chuckles up and lightly tossed him onto her back, where he sat comfortable "I'll just show you to my friends before I get started on preparations. Fluttershy has to see you!" Pinkie said as she began to pronk away.

Chuckles never thought that he could easily dupe a pony into believing he was actually a part of their world. He grinned evilly as he bounced up and down with Pinkie's pronking. If all the other ponies were as gullible as she was, he'll conquer this world in no time. Only one other thing on his mind added to his dark glee about his future domination...

"This is actually pretty fun." He said as he continued bouncing up and down with Pinkie's pronking towards their unnamed destination.

End of Chapter 2

Author's Note:

And now it's time for a couple of fun facts relevant to this story.

1. Originally, I was going to make a fic about Lord Hater and Commander Peepers from Wander Over Yonder being stranded in Equestria for a time. I relented, thinking that it probably wouldn't be in good taste to my readers.

2. I searched high and low for any acceptable form of cover art aside from some obvious screenshots and came up short.

3. It feels so refreshing to churn out chapters with smaller word counts as opposed to my previous works.

Those facts being noted, please enjoy this chapter. Peace!

Comments

[GIGA-XISBASS]

I think Lord Hater and Commanders would be amusing to see stranded in Equestria. Plus if Lord Hater tries anything then as Pinkie pointed out to Chuckles, they could all beat him up. His lightning won't help much when he's getting dogpiled and Rainbow lasers to the face. Not to mention an angry princess of the sun and the moon after him for threatening their subjects.

[Dirty Bit]

6183312 The thing was, I was going to have him and Peepers played as (obviously) villain protagonists, mostly Hater, as noted by Craig McCracken. I'd make him seem like a harmless manchild despite his power, while Peepers would open up more to the ponies better than Hater.

[nightmaster0]

Another great chapter.

This is turning into a very enjoyable story. You get serious points for making a crossover with Dave the Barbarian. They're aren't very many stories in that genre. Heck this probably the only MLP/DTB story ever made. So again serious points.

I'm looking forward to seeing how Chuckles will interact with other MLP character's as the story goes on. What will everyone think of Chuckles?

Oh also that Wander Over Yonder crossover idea with Hatter and Peepers. That actually sound's like a interesting story idea too. If i we're you i'd keep that idea in mind for a future story.

[Grahf]

how about just a simple image like this for the cover
static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110814204351/villains/images/9/9a/Chuckles_the_Silly_Piggy.jpg

[Dirty Bit]

6183792 I wanted to go for something better, as opposed to just a mere screenshot.

In truth, I would've gladly settled for the shadowy silhouette seen in the episode where he enslaved the narrator with the Shackles of Encumbrance; when he had his own rendition of the theme song. Sadly, they don't even have that.

[GIGA-XISBASS]

6183353 I see.

[Wacky]

6183893 I'll see what I can do.