• Member Since 6th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Zenlord22


I'm been a fan of mlp since mid season 2. When it comes to writing my stories I prefer tradgies and serious stuff as they seem more interesting to write.

Sequels1

T
Source

All stories have hero's, and the series is like others by introducing our heroes. Prepare to see the HUMANE 6 in a new light filled with tradgidy, hardship, and face the matters that many girls in today's society have to go through.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 40 )

Prepare to see the HUMANE 6

HUMANE 6

:unsuresweetie:
Welp, let's dive head first into this. Shall we?

Okay, I see what this story is implying and that is actually all good and dandy. Nothing wrong with embracing feminine power as the show suggests, but a lot of it is right on the nose. Mainly in Rainbow's intro. There is a growing problem in this country with the LGBT community and Rainbow would most commonly referred that. What would have been better would be that Rainbow is not ashamed to show that she's a lesbian, actually she wears it on her sleeves. Realistically the leader decent wouldn't order a cease fire for calling her gay after she did something awesome, he would have worsened it by saying that she did okay even though she's gay. And the girl she kissed firefly could be a closet homosexual or she could just not have the heart to tell her that she is straight. Other than that get an editor and full steam ahead (I'll be back for Twilight's chapter since I am African American)

I can tell from the title, cover pic, discription, and even the names of the chapters, that I will not like this story. At all

7448997 I see what you said and made some changes. no Firefly will not closeted, when it comes to sexuality she really prefers men

Saw this in group of "School for New Writers". Will check out later and let you know how it is

7452381 I can tell it could use soem improvment

7452398 Only one way to fine out. I should inform you in a few hours.

Oh my god, Donald Trump! That is too good!:rainbowlaugh:

7452424 what he said to rarity "You look tremenduis, Just totally gorgesous, if you where old enough I'd get My younger self to marry you"......Rarity was screaming on the inside from that

7452441 hahahahahaha.:pinkiecrazy:
No seriously that was good.:twilightsmile:

"Hey, rag fucking rag head"

"Hey fucking rag head" sounds better

"You! You are the fucking reason my city is falling apart!"

unless this guy is the Mayor or something equivalent, he wouldn't refer to the city he lives in as "his city" use "this city" instead

A couple more men entered armed with improvised weapons.

first off, a couple means two, if you want to give the impression of a mob say "a dozen men surrounded him wielding improvised weapon." if you say they have weapon it becomes evident that they are armed.

Knocked out, the attackers left him lying in the lobby and started lighting the clinic on fire.

this sounds like the attackers are the ones out cold. Try something like this:
After they knocked him out, the attackers left him lying in the lobby and started setting the clinic on fire.

was alive, but the news wasn't good.

was alive, but he wasn't unscathed

"You’re fine. Contrary to popular belief it's healthy to cry and to talk to someone."

"It's fine. Contrary to popular belief it's healthy to cry and talk to someone about what's wrong"

Most of Detroit's hospitals have closed closed

only one closed

------------------------------------------------------------------

Keep in mind that I only focused on the errors that took me out on the story
I might do the other ones later.

7455254 looked over them and made changes on most of them, minus the detail of attackers as that seems fine as it is

I liked how you put glimmy in the story

7464834 honestly it was literal lazy descion on my part when doing that, THX anyway

7452398 Just got around to saying this now but it's pretty good. I was going to say it needs a few edits but someone beat me to it. Other then that, nice job:twilightsheepish:

7466239 hey if there are edits you would recomend i would like to hear

7466272 It seems a few users already beat me to it.

7466307 wel mabye next time, i still have two more intros to make. Also Twilight and rarity hasn't been advised on

7473568 That was an error, it was meant to be marble

really dameged

damaged.

Peoria has the best medical care and the top private school. Canterlot Academy is also located there

isn't Canterlot Academy the top private school?:rainbowhuh:

Also:

she considered it was what helped to make her rather unique.

what's with that grammar? It could be "she considered it as what helped to make her rather unique."

7483092 THX for noting the errors, fixed them up

Biggest question for me is what to do for Flutter shy's sister, I mean tha canon personality is way to alienating for the family in the humaneverse

Umm,, she has a brother, not a sister.

p.s. Are there other stories, where Fluttershy, or a other of the mane 6, are Muslim ?

They called for her father, he compled and walked up calmly to them when suddenly. WHAM! The officer took out ther night stick and beat Nightlight to the ground.

Did they do that, because...

Well this is the last intro, i hope you like the backgrounds i made for each of the mane 6

I do

and i hope you will enjoy the humane stroies that i write around them.

Please link the stories that you have made

7507527 So far only Fluttershy and her family are the only Muslims

The cops where arresting him for drugs

The stories will be uploaded to my channel so follow it for an update

Why did you post it in some of the Ponies ?

Is was already in One of the Mane 6

7589296 As Fluttershy's parents are in the story and they to are Muslim

7589482 mhm... let's ask the others

Twilight is the most chocolatey anime girl in all of anime.
Fluttershy is a towlhead.
Rarity is Hilary Clinton or at the very least a very obvious feminist.
And the rest are pretty much generic white girls.

If we were really playing on a racially accurate mane six, Rainbow Dash would be black.

Please reply to my edgy comment. I worked hard on it.

7599867 .........since your trying to be funny the comment stays

Thanks to a friend some grammar errors

Changed the mother's name to better fit the family theme of the name

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