• Member Since 13th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen June 9th

QueenMoriarty


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Ever since she turned fifteen, Pandora Eris Sparkle has wanted to be a princess, to earn the respect and admiration of the ponies who look down on her for who she is. Now at last the day has arrived, but it might not all go according to plan.

Many thanks to Lopoddity for allowing the use of her fantastic characters in this story! You should totally check her stuff out on DeviantArt!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

Amazing job
I love it and its message :twilightsheepish:

6174027 There was a message?

Yea or at less I thought so..the whole not needing others approval and being yourself

6182090 Well yeah, I guess that is there. I guess I got thrown off because I didn't write the story with any moral or message in mind, just the character's journey.

The story was slightly short, but it got the main theme across well. The way Pandora struggled so hard to be something she wasn't, and finally realizing what she truly was, was very touching.

On another note, I think the story could improve immensely if you gave it more time. There was too little time to appreciate her emotions. I know Pandora from looking at Loppodity's comics, but if I didn't I would be left feeling rather confused if I didn't. If you could write a bit of build up from her past, maybe expand on her childhood experiences, that would help explain her need to feel acceptance during the coronation.

Then, when she has her breakdown and is running, since she is running through both TIME and space, she can run for hours, months, or even years, and come back to exactly the time of the coronation enlightened as to who she is.

A few story ideas you could use would include:
Having her run last a while, running into "future Pandora" and/or "Future Cupcake".
She could run to the past and witness her jubilation while she was causing chaos, then on the next "portal" or "jump", she could see what her struggles have been. Stressful and meaningless.

Make it last a few chapters and you have a solid story.

P.S. if you do edit this story good luck :twilightsmile: Even if you don't I hope you continue to write. This was a wonderful read!

6939789 :ajbemused:

...

*deep sigh*

Have you ever read a fun little story called I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream? It was written by Harlan Ellison. It tells the story of Allied Mastercomputer, an artificial intelligence who comes to experience such overwhelming disgust, contempt, and hatred of the human race that it all but wipes us out, leaving only five humans to be horrifically tortured and mutilated for all eternity.

One of the five people is my old writing style, a hobbling cripple just barely aware of the universe. Another one of the five is this story, a glorification of someone else's OC that borders on unreadable if you haven't recently been on a Pandoraverse binge and barrels through what little plot it has at breakneck speed. One of the seven dislikes on this piece of shit is me.

The third person at the end of all life is one of my other stories, The Stars Did Aid In Our Escape, a disproportionately well-received regurgitation of a deluded headcanon (except not really because the story got sidetracked and randomly talked about Twilicorn hate). The fourth person is whoever the bastard was that cancelled Firefly.

And the fifth person is Lopoddity.

This story will never continue. This story will never be edited. The only reason this story has not been vengefully deleted is because of my personal philosophy that the past should not be erased.

Good day.

6939937 Well that was a darker response than expected. I don't know what you were referencing to, but you sound like you need a hug. *BIG FLUFFY HUG* I sincerely hope you feel better and if you feel disappointed in you writing, just read mine. Mine are significantly worse, but at least good for a cheap laugh.

I hope the remainder of your day, night?, is pleasant.

6941327 It's in the past. I'm far more proud of my current abilities, and consequently, more proud of my stories.

Still, thank you for being so understanding.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Been reading Pandoraverse fics all day, and this is definitely the best one. Thanks for making this worthwhile. :D

7339984 Yes, it truly is a shame that I later came to hate the creator of the Pandoraverse with a fiery passion.

Still, glad to have provided some relief to someone whose opinion I usually respect.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

7340001
Oh dear, that's unfortunate. D: I hope me reading this hasn't dredged up any long-sealed memories for you.

7340003 Nah, it's fine. If anything, it brings me sorrow that a fic from my earliest days on this site is still better than anything anyone else has put out for the Pandoraverse. Aside from the creator being a [REDACTED], it's good art with a lot of good ideas.

Okay. I've sorta been dreading this one. First, this was the story that got me to add nearly all of yours to my "Read Later" queue. So, let's do this.

For starters, I have quickly grown tired of the Pandoraverse. While these were some of the stories that really got me into fanfiction, their appeal died as the artist basically gave up on the story line she had started. With that aside, let's look at the story proper.

I honestly enjoyed your writing style in this. Even the plot didn't bother me. Some of the things that were slightly off have already been pointed out too. The ability to move anywhere in time and space I felt could have been used better than just a super powered teleport reminiscent of Twilight's Kingdom.

Additionally, the characterization of Cupcake varied within the story too. At first she's only one of two smiling but then it's noted that her smiles are so very rare. It's just a small thing, but it stood out to me.

Overall, a light and somewhat fluffy piece that can still be seen as enjoyable.

Very well written and I would love to read about these characters more in future stories.

Upvoted and have a follow :)

7728521 well poo. This is the first story I've read where Discord and Twilght have a child and I enjoyed the emotion to brought to it.

Well happy wrighting on your next story then.

7728529 Not my characters, had a massive falling out with the person who actually made the characters, and I can say without fear of being accused of exaggeration that this is one of the worst things I've ever written.

Also, Discord and Twilight Sparkle is a ridiculous ship that makes even less sense than Fluttercord.

6939937
What the hell is wrong with Loppity? I'll admit I don't know her personally, but her work is good.

8121517 I have no problem with their portfolio. It's the person behind that semi-decent art and unnecessarily complex imaginary family tree who got on my bad side by policing her own comment section and claiming I was starting a flame war by just having a neutral conversation with someone about something that wasn't her art.

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