The Farmer and the Magician

by RoyalBardofCanterlot

Chapter 5

It was a rare, but precious, occurrence that Applejack got a day off. True, she loved her home, loved her farm and family. Working the land her family had held for generations was not just a duty it was a joy. But there was no denying that it was a lot of hard work. There had been many times when she had spent hours harvesting apples, carrying buckets filled with the fruit and then returning to harvest yet more trees. Those moments left her exhausted and there were times she nearly crawled back to the barn. When she'd been younger Big Mac had had to carry her home on his back when she got tired out. Sometimes, more often than she'd admit, that still happened. Big Mac got tired too, but when he took a nap in the fields everypony just had to wait for him to wake up.

Twilight was also a very busy pony. She did receive an allowance from Celestia, but that was only in exchange for Twilight's position as a researcher. Every month Twilight had to produce an article to send to various government departments. Last month had been a study of light magic that was sent to the Equestrian Scientific Research Committee. This month she had just published a study on parasprites. She was still sending preliminary reports on the magic of friendship. Also, she was taking classes by letter with Celestia. Every three months she had a test. She enjoyed every bit of this and could write a full report in a matter of days, sometimes hours if fueled with coffee. She soaked up the praise from her mentor when she passed a test, drinking it in like it was the water of life.

Nonetheless, every pony has limits and Twilight had met her limit after sending in an extensive research paper on the mating habits of swans requested by the Department of Wildlife. She had also gotten in her report card and was in a happy, Celestia's-praise induced state of relaxed bliss. Applejack had finished up the harvest and had some time to herself. Like Twilight, she was happy and content. Seeing the fruits of her long labor tended to do that to her.

So, with nothing else to do she headed over to Twilight's. Twilight was sitting at her desk engrossed in a book. She looked up when Applejack walked in.

"Hi, Applejack!" She greeted, hopping up.

"Hi, Sugarcube. What you up to?"

"Nothing much. I'm reading this great book, Dam Bovary about this mare in 19th century Prance. It really is an excellent study of Realism."

"Oh, what's it about?"

"If I told you it'd spoil the story. You'll just have to check it out yourself."

Applejack chuckled. "Trying to get me to read fancy books again?"

Twilight shrugged. "I got Dash into Daring Do. She still want get near any book that's older than she is."

"That's Dash for ya. She might come around. I might too."

"Come to think of it where is Dash?" Twilight asked. "I haven't seen her all day."

"She's in Cloudsdale visiting some old friends of hers. So, I got nothing to do since I'm done with the harvest. You done had lunch?"

"Yeah I'm full. Haven't had dessert yet though."

"Wanna go get some ice cream?"

"Sure. Oh, that's right!" Her horn glowed and she floated over her report card and her saddle. She slipped on the saddle bag and put her report card in it. "That's what I was meaning to do."

"Um, okay. Let's go then."

They trotted out the door together. It was a beautiful day. The noontime sun was shining in the clear, blue sky. A gentle breeze whistled through the trees and the birds were happily chirping. They passed by Rarity's boutique. Applejack invited the unicorn to come with them, but she had several dress orders to fill. Leaving the boutique, they continued on their way to the ice cream store. Applejack whistled to herself and Twilight joined in. It was a tune Applejack had made up on the spot. Twilight got the tune of it and soon she was whistling it too. They continued for a while till they got to the ice cream store. Twilight happily hopped inside and Applejack followed her.

"You're awful happy about getting ice cream, Sugarcube."

"I'm going to get a free scoop."

"How come?"

There was no line and Twilight bounded up to the counter. Applejack followed after her. The bored, tan Earth Pony colt working there stared at the two.

"Welcome to Dairy Princess, what can I get you?" He asked in the voice of a weary retail worker too used to his job.

Twilight used her magic to pull out her report card. "According to that advertisement there if somepony comes in with an A on their report card they get a free ice cream. So can I have a chocolate oat-"

"Um, Ma'am." The colt interrupted her. "That doesn't apply to you."

Twilight pouted. "Is it...is it because I made an A- in Thaumaturgical Biochemistry? Because I worked really hard on it even though it's always been my worst subject and the advertisement said an A not all A's."

"No, it's a good report card. What are you, a college student?" The observant colt asked. "Cause you don't look like a highschooler."

"Yes, I'm getting my PhD."

"Look, you have to be a colt or a filly to get that deal."

Twilight looked at the advertisement. She trotted over and carefully examined it. Then she placed her hoof on it and read out loud. Then she went over it again just to make sure. Applejack watched, not sure whether to laugh or intervene.

"I've read it very carefully, Sir. I even read the fine print. It doesn't specify what grade you have to be in for the deal to be valid."

"There's a picture of a happy filly on it holding her report card?"

"Irrelevant. Pictures have not been valid in contracts since the widespread development of literacy in the Late Grazing Era."

"It's not a contract."

"Yes, but it is an agreement. Advertisements are considered contracts for purposes of Equestrian tort law. I could probably sue your establishment for breach of contract."

The colt gaped. "You'd seriously sue us over an ice cream cone?"

"I worked my rear end off for those grades!"

"Your rear end still looks attached to me."

Her eyes narrowed. Applejack had spent enough time around Dash to know what that expression meant. She put a calming hoof on Twilight's back. "Look, can't you just give her the danged ice cream cone? She's right. The advertisement don't say nothing about the offer only applying to colts and fillies."

"I can't. I'll get in trouble with my manager."

Twilight sniffled. "I worked really, really hard. I just want an ice cream."

"Aw, look you done made her cry."

"I-i'm not crying! *Sniffle.*" She wiped her eyes with a hoof. "But I worked really hard and I just wanted an ice cream to reward myself. Is that too much to ask?"

"Ma'am please..." He lowered his voice. "My manager's an asshole. Don't pull that crying filly act and force me to give you ice cream."

She looked right at him with wide, pleading eyes.

"Damned protective stallion instincts. I'll go get my manager." He walked away, cursing nature itself and those beautiful purple eyes he'd be seeing in his dreams tonight.

"Twilight, you know I have enough money to buy ice cream for both of us."

"So do I. It's the principle of the thing."

"I can understand that."

A few moments later the colt came back with his manager, a big, burly, red mare. She stared at Twilight.

"How old are ya?" She asked in a thick Manehattan accent.

"Twenty-two."

"And youse is still in school? What are ya, a retard?"

"What did you just call my friend?!" Applejack demanded, stomping a hoof.

"I said is she retarded?"

"She most certainly ain't! She's the princess's personal student!"

"Applejack! You know I don't like to boast!"

"That ain't boastin', it's the truth. And if she wants a gosh-darned free ice cream for the grades she earned and YOUR sign promised her she DANGED WELL deserves a free gosh-darned ice cream!"

"What are you, one of them thespians? She your marefriend?"

"It's lesbian and what's it to ya?"

"Could I just have my free ice cream please?" Twilight asked.

"Fine." She growled and muttered 'retards' under her breath.

The colt apologetically scooped up two ice cream cones, chocolate oat swirl for Twilight and strawberry for Applejack. They sat down at a booth.

"Why do I keep coming back here? Every time I do I get insulted." Applejack said, licking the strawberry ice cream. The flavor exploded on her tongue.

"Because they have the best ice cream in town?" Twilight offered, licking the chocolate oats. For a while the two friends sat together, letting the flavors dance along their tongues.

"Yep. I think that's it." Applejack agreed.

Author's Note:

I just wanted to write something a bit lighthearted and silly. This chapter shouldn't be taken too seriously.
Props to Estee for the idea of Twilight being a researcher.
Also, Madame Bovary is awesome.

Comments

[Hobbestc]

I wasn't sure what to expect by the end of it. I thought AJ might just clock the manager. I guess they're lucky they have the best ice cream in town or the girls would have gone off on her by then, lol.

[raw666]

My question is why aren't they moving to get the manager fired for I if I remember, most establishments go like this, warning for even talking down to a customer, suspension and then being fired, with being fired can go directly if actively insulting customers, which retard can be counted. I assume there are hire ups since you said manager instead of owner.
Otherwise, keep up the good work. There aren't that many good Twijack stories and hope you keep it up.

[RoyalBardofCanterlot]

6429457 Oops. I don't remember much from those ancient days when I worked retail.

[Satto Kez]

Good chapter... Of course I don't like the manager though...

Hope read a new chapter soon!

[Applejack224]

That is such a Twily thing

[zimmerwald1915]

"Advertisements are considered contracts for purposes of Equestrian tort law."

Bwhuh? Tort law doesn't deal with contracts, contract law deals with contracts. Unless you meant to have Twilight say that advertisements are offers under Equestrian contract law, or that merchants are liable for false or misleading advertising under Equestrian tort law.

(Yes, yes, nitpicky response to an ancient chapter. Sue me )

[Lancerlot]

Another one of those stories in which for some inexplicable reason, the Ponyville locals don't know they've got super-star VIPs living in their town.