Hi! I like writing, reading, drawing, and besides MLP, I like watching Steven Universe, Bee and Puppy-Cat and Gravity Falls, I hope you enjoy my stories.
I bet you've heard of the Brony Analysis community, but have you ever wanted to hear the weird and wild tales that these Analysists have gone through.
Just go west from Ponyville.
Uh, I meant East.
Then go left.
No. Your other left.
Never mind. Just trot far enough and you'll find it eventually.
(Taking requests, as long as they aren't clopping!)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Seems like this has potential...
But don't quote me, I'm not the best reader.
Good to see you take another stab at writing
! I'll give you as good a review as I can.
I'll start by saying that this was a much better start than your previous story. Your chapter length is sufficient, and pacing, while still a tad fast-paced, is much less breakneck than your last story. I'll also start by saying that this is a pretty interesting premise, a meta story about bronies and fans. However, there are still some grammatical errors that need ironing out.
You still need not tell us who's POV we're reading. We should be able to figure it out by context clues and your writing.
When you're writing quotes and thoughts and end the quote (but don't end the paragraph), end with a comma (unless grammar calls for another puncuation mark, such as a question mark), and don't capitalize the word after the quote (even if the punctuation ending the quote is a question or exclamation mark), unless the word is a proper noun. Here's some examples:
However, when you have a title or word surrounded by quotes followed by a punctuation mark, do not put the mark inside the quotes, like so:
When you have an ellipsis, make sure not to capitalize the word following the ellipsis, unless what follows is another complete sentence, or unless the word following is a proper noun.
Lastly, make sure to spell out small numbers or numbers with short names. Four, five, and eighteen can, and probably should, be spelled out.
Overall, this sounds like a good start to an interesting story. Make sure to work on the things I talked about, but I have no problem tracking this to see where it goes. Good luck!
6176590 Thanks! I deleted the other story because I realized how stupid it sounded once I read it...It was based on an idea about, "what if you couldn't do a certain job or for-fill your cutie mark, because of your species?" What if a unicorn was destined to fly without becoming an Alicorn, or a Pegasus with talents in planting...
But I'm thankful for your advice! Perhaps I'l actually have Ink Rose being asked to so many tasks that she can't handle it if and when I rewrite it.
Do you have any ideas for more tales?
6176613 I'm glad you appreciate my advice. There's no shame in reading a story, feeling that it's going nowhere, and scrapping it. To me, that shows that you care enough about your work and your audience to know when it's time to try something else. I look forward to reading more of your work. As for ideas for more tales, do you mean for separate stories or for chapters in this story?
Where's Silver Quill on the artwork? The griffon is a frigging legend!
6177390 I know! And he is definitely going to be in the stories. Also, HIPPOGRIFF! He's a hippogriff. I'm very technical about my mythology.
6176977 For separate stories, you see, this is going to be a bunch of mixed short stories.
I wish I could help you there, but there's a reason that I haven't written any stories, myself
. I think I have one idea, but if it's all the same to you, I'd like to keep it to myself; I might want to write it myself, one of these days.
6178742 Gotcha, its fine!
If you could do AnY Pony, that would be great. Also maybe Silver turns into Satan Quill, 'cause that would be hilarious!
Okay, grammatically, this I saw some improvements in this chapter. Pacing is still fine, and the meta jokes were chuckle-worthy. My biggest issue was the capitalization after the ellipses. Remember that if the words following the ellipsis aren't a complete sentence, don't capitalize the word following the ellipsis (unless it's a proper noun). I also noticed an errant bracket in the text. It should probably be removed. Other than that, well done!
It depends, to me, on what kind of story you want to write. If you want to write a more heart-warming story, go with "Eliyora and Fluttershy", but if you would prefer to write a more comical story, go with "Dr. Wolf's Double". Personally, I'd prefer "Eliyora and Fluttershy", but it's your story.
6180129 Thanks! I enjoy hearing from you, and I like your advice!
Id prefer Dr. Wolfs double Because I enjoy light hearted comedy. But I agree Icecream D.Wolf double would be comedy, CMC would be more exciting, and Friends forever would be more heartwarming. by all means pick away
I like Cutie Mark Chronicles: Chapter 2 idea showing that there could be some interaction between the reviewers and members of the show itself. Which is something that some stories never have.
Doctor Wolf's Double or Lightning Bliss's Other Magic Lessons!
But whatever you choose is fine too!
6180162 I'm glad you like reading my comments and advice. One of my biggest motivations for helping you is the fact that you actually read my comments and you take criticism with maturity. I've seen many authors be given advice, only to throw it back to the reviewers and dismiss them, deleting comments and being overall petty. You're not like that, and I respect you for it.
6182978 I've learned to take advice considering there's a good chance the person who's giving the advice is probably more skilled at the thing that you're requesting assistance, than you yourself are, and I appreciate the help!
6183523 Of course! Always glad to help!
While I still do like the idea of Cutie Mark Chronicles Chapter 2 Friends Forever 8.5 interests me as well. I do like the one where the Flim-Flam brothers fall for Keyframe the most of the 3 so I'd have either Friends Forever 8.5 C, or Cutie Mark Chronicles Chapter 2
Just saw him review The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone, and I can't believe he pulled a Let it Go song on us. Now I need to listen to music to drown out the Frozen.
I love this no matter what. Keep going. As long as the writing isn't bad, I'm satisfied.
6247711 I was hoping he'd actually play the audio for the Indiana Jones scene he was referencing.
6248955 I was expecting that as well, but instead he pulled a Frozen one on us. We get it already, its an overrated Disney song and movie that I have no idea why people like it.
This is officially the best thing I've ever read in my life. I can't even explain how awesome this is!!! The characters are spot on, and there's great conflict. Please, make more!
Definitely the cutie mark chronicles thing. That would be AWESOME!
wait is that the fnaf puppet?
6442155 Allow me to explain. The Puppet is often seen in Firebrand's "Taking X Too Seriously" videos, collaborated with Josh on his main channel, and has her own videos, filled to the brink with snark and smart comments (which is something I'm still learning to write for.) She calls her OC "The Puppet," but some people call her "The Marionette" or "Mari."
6443413 oh thanks
Ha! I love this fic!!!! I like how you kept these guys in character. I'm surprised no one has tried this sooner.
Question: if the go into the mirror portal to EQG world, will the meet their human counterparts?
SO AWESOME!!!!
A time cut.. a time hop... a "time loop" mmm 🦊
*me outside not getting noticed* i wonder how long before the space quake
Damm, share is desolate here.