• Member Since 20th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Tuesday

defender2222


E
Source

"When Rarity finds herself homeless for a week Applejack happily extends an invitation for her to stay at Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack plans to use the time to show Rarity why the Apple Family is so great but as the week goes on it is Applejack who finds herself become more and more the outsider"

This one-shot was written as a challenge to myself. The goal was the create a 'lost episode' that could take place within the series cannon and feel like an actual episode of the show.

This fic is unconnected to any of my previous works.

A big thanks to CrowMagnon for beta-reading this!

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 79 )
garfan #1 · Jul 3rd, 2015 · · 5 ·

the talk at the end was far to harsh for a lost episode of the show

6164256

And I respectfully disagree.

Great story with a great moral. Well written too. For 11000+ words it went by really fast :heart:

6164348

Thanks. I wanted to have it have a nice clip, moving from scene to scene while lingering JUST long enough for the scenes to have impact without making it drag on. Thanks for the review!

This was good and went pretty quickly and smoothly from scene to scene. I think you've succeeded in making it feel like a lost episode of the show with how the initial set-up went and to how the Apples and Rarity interacted while on Sweet Apple Acres..

6164497

Thanks. As I told Crow, one of the challenges I set for myself was to use Rarity, who is my least favorite main character, and have her be a positive in the story. It was fun to force myself to tackle a character I normally don't enjoy writing

6164543

one of the challenges I set for myself was to use Rarity, who is my least favorite main character

stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/2712295/rarity-faints-o.gif

Can the master of comedy o a show like story...

Yes, yes he can. He does it expertly. This is why he is one of the best on this site!

6164952

Sorry Rarity, but it is true. Don't worry though... I'm not a huge fan of Applejack either.

*dodges apples*


6165041

*Bows* Thanks. I am working on another lost episode right now that I think all of you will love even more. I'll give you a hint: Velvet, Smith, Cookie, and Cloudy; 4 out of 6.

Ri2
Ri2 #10 · Jul 4th, 2015 · · 4 ·

Ah, but you forget the TRUE moral:
Applejack is worst pony.

6165150

Oh, they all have their good and bad traits. What I've found interesting is, save for Twilight, when an episode focuses solely on one character I tend not to enjoy it as much as when all the characters are playing off each other.

I liked it. Its a good friend who will point out your hypocrisies and a good friend who can take a moment to reflect and say oh **** was that really me back there? :)

6165913

Yeah, that is a good way to put it.

Ri2

6165273 True. Anyway, congrats on being rather original with this concept. Well done.

6166814

Thanks!

It's also something I discovered in my own writing... I tend to enjoy writing it when characters are playing off each other than having a single mane 6 character be the focus. The next one-shot I am working on is so much fun to write because of that.

Ri2

6167136 Oh? What's it about?

6167586

I don't want to spoil it just yet but I will leave a hint. If you want to guess PM me: Velvet, Cookie, Cloudy, Smith. 4 of 6.

I apologize. I apologize deeply.

I sadly couldn't bring myself to read this story. I'm VERY HAPPY to see a story where Rarity ISN'T treated as a stuck-up mare (and ironically it's been shown her job is just a stressful and hard as AJ's), and her ideas are WORTH taking into consideration (unlike what an IDW comic preview implies), I just can't read a story where AJ is depicted as a progress-phobic mare.

AJ would want to keep some practices the same because she LEARNED in Apple Family Reunion, that the SOCIAL ASPECT of say knitting a blanket was the point rather than the blanket itself, and yes her family could make more money in certain ways, but it's the WORK TOGETHER part that makes it worth while, the bits are just needed to put a roof over their heads. (And I DON'T think the Apple Family is on edge constantly, that's flanderization).

I'm sorry. :-( But what I read in the comments and in the summary. I can't bring myself to read it. Sorry. :-(

Ri2

6169283 That would assume Applejack is capable of learning a lesson. How many times has she needed to be taught she doesn't need to be stubborn and prideful and not do everything herself?

6170149

A little harsh but a point nonetheless. All of the Mane 6 have fatal flaws... some more obvious than others. And for Applejack I have felt that her flaw is her pride. Much like Rainbow Dash and Rarity (which I suppose is why stories involving a combination of those three always result in great laughs and good banter) Applejack's flaw has always been her own pride. We saw it front and center in Episode 3 of the first season, when she allowed her own pride not allow her to ask for help from outsiders. We see it again in Super Squeezy, Pinkie Apple Pie (that episode still bugs me that she proclaims how great the Apples are and then, because she can't prove 100% Pinkie is an Apple, demands a roadtrip... instead of just looking at her friend and going "Okay, I've said you and the other girls were family already but now you truly are!"... but I could rant about stupid little quibbles like that all day), The Last Roundup, so on and so forth.

Applejack takes pride in her life and that is perfectly fine. But that can also lead to issues, one of which I wanted to explore here. It is no different than other people in our world who cling to their beliefs and refuse to see that adopting new ideas doesn't take away who you are. To quote the Metatron "You are still who you were... this is just another part".

Okay, off topic, but we need to get Alan Rickman to voice a character on this show. Maybe have him be the head of Celestia's School and have him play against type and be very kind and caring to the students... the Anti-Snape?

Anyway, I think Applejack is capable of learning a lesson but, much like Rainbow and Rarity, her pride is so ingrained that it takes more than one attempt to get the true lesson to sink in. How many times has Rainbow been taught about her ego, or Rarity about being a prissy little... sorry, sorry, but you get the idea. Or Fluttershy to be more assertive or Twilight to stop worrying all the time or Pinkie to stop having abandonment issues. These aren't them being stubborn or unable to learn a lesson... this is them with fundamental character flaws and having to several times deal with said issues to slowly make them more manageable.

A great example: One of my flaws that I own up to is I worry, much like Twilight. If I know a situation could go bad I will come up with counterattacks to deal with it and go through my head the worst scenerios. But I recognize that in myself and I've worked to improve upon it. And I am a lot more optimistic... but I still slide back at times.

The same thing here. If Big Mac had bought that shampoo himself or Applebloom come up with the idea of singing on her own Applejack would have had no problem. Heck, if Twilight or Pinkie had suggested these things she would have been more open. But Rarity, who 1) represents the elite that have looked down on AJJ and 2) who Applejack seems a lot of herself in her, was the one to suggest them and that led to the funny events.

Hopefully this doesn't come off as ranty, soap-boxing, or just me blasting you... honestly isn't. Just me being bored and wanting to have a conversation about characters.

Thanks for having enough passion to keep commenting on this, Ri2

6170149

Are you so bored, that you have to give a barbed comment to comments I post and to stuff related to me for entertainment?

6170233

In Last Round Up, it was that she had in her mind failed her friends and her community. (Mayor Mare made clear she was hoping for that prize money to repair Ponyville Town Hall).

6170233

Correction, Rarity in AJ's mind represents her mother's lifestyle that AJ rejected in favor of her father's lifestyle. Which is ironic since Rarity is strictly from a middle class family, she's gotten where she is, looks the way she does, everything, through her own blood, sweat and tears. This is why I think Magic Mystery Cure was a MAJOR wasted opportunity, since SO MUCH character exploration could have been done with AJ seeing Rarity's dress work WAS WORK, and Rarity seeing Rainbow Dash keeping the whether going well required its own unique skill set (which for example Derpy sadly lacks), seriously, why the heck haven't we been given a Rarity&Rainbow Dash Friends Forever issue yet?

Very nicely done. I concur with your assessment: AJ has way too much stubborn pride for her own good (and sometimes the good of ponies around her.)

I think it's always important to remember that there's something of a reason why all of the mane six didn't have a circle of close friends before the first episode; they all have their foilibles; and AJ's attitude can be a bit-off putting sometimes.

6170667

Is that canon? Because I can't find any reference to that. If it is your headcanon that's fine... but isn't mine. In my mind, Applejack's mother rejected her family's upbringing when she fell in love with AJ's father (they met at a convention; Brown Snout was there to buy a new plow and Blenheim Orange was there because her father owned one of the companies doing business there). When they died the family didn't blame the Apples persay but they did feel that the Apple Family Lifestyle led to Blenheim's death (more of "We blame how you live" rather than "You killed her its all your fault!"). That's why they were so open to taking AJ in and showing her Manehattan and it's joys.

*shrugs* But again, that is purely headcanon, names included. Brown Snout is a cider apple while Blenheim Orange is a cooking apple (hence why I chose that name, as it reflects her Orange family but also fits with the Apples).

6170676

That is a REALLY good point that everyone forgets about. It wasn't just Twilight that learned the magic of friendship. At best Rainbow and Fluttershy knew each other but they were like old school friends who'd stopped seeing each other and would only nod if they happened to spot one another on the street.

I keep waiting for them to do a 'It's a Wonderful Life' style story for the Mane 6 where we see what would have happened had they defeated Nightmare Moon but never become friends. AJ becoming a recluse on the farm (and because she never had friends Applebloom never got the courage to be friends with Scootaloo and Sweetie), Fluttershy alone in her cabin, Rainbow a 'could have been' flyer, Rarity having a mental breakdown trying to handle stress, so on.

6170746

Rarity and Fluttershy were already friends. (Since Twilight calls Rarity and Fluttershy "your best friend" rather thanks simply friends, implying they were close before hand. And AJ and RD IMHO would have known each other on a competitive level. And Pinkie Pie, is Pinkie Pie, as Ponyville's party planner, she has endearment towards just about everyone in Ponyville, yes, she only had the Cakes as CLOSE friends, but she was hardly the town pariah.

6170746

Sorry, I ALSO went the route that the mane six didn't have a close circle before hooking up with each other, but the way you said it reminded me too much of the flanderized mane six from the Lunarverse.

Ri2

6170233 No problem! I love reading your stuff.

6170925

So you like pushing my buttons just cause, got it.

Ri2

6170932 Not at all. On the list of things which entertain me, pushing your buttons is incredibly low. If I make a barbed comment, Alex, it's not necessarily because I enjoy taunting you. Get over yourself.

6170945

You told me once you added elements to your fanfic you thought I'd hate just to try stop me from reading it. Doing that, and then telling me 'get over yourself' sends mixed messages.

6170945

I mean no offense to you, and I am sorry for turning this comment section into a forum. For that I apologize.

Ri2

6171095 That was a long time ago. I've matured since then.

6170784 God, no. No no no. Absolutely not! Nope nope nope!

Can you tell I'm not a fan of the Lunaverse?

My headcanon is that they knew each other about as well as... Twilight knows Bon Bon. They knew each other's names but they didn't hang out. The one that was friendliest with all of them was Pinkie but even then she wasn't besties yet with anyone. I don't think Applejack and Rainbow knew each other as I think their competitiveness, in my head, came after they became friends. Fluttershy and Rainbow were old friends who had drifted apart, and at best Rarity had talked most to Pinkie but didn't hang out with her. Twilight and Spike were the catalysts to get them all together. Now, that isn't saying they were all recluses. It's just that they didn't have a close circle of friends until Twilight showed up. You can kinda see that in the early episodes... Rainbow and Pinkie growing as friends, Rarity and Fluttershy getting closer, Applejack and Rainbow's competitiveness, so on.

This really did feel like an episode of the show, the pacing, the freakout of one of the mane 6, the talking-it-out resolution and the uplifting moral at the end, with the whole thing leavened by comedy (The Downton Abbey Parody was particularly funny).

6174543

Thanks! That was my entire goal. If you look carefully you can even tell where the commercial breaks would be. I tried very hard to make it feel like the novella version of an episode.

This was a cute story. There were a few things about the writing that threw me off every now and again, but nothing huge. The basic premise is good, and it was executed pretty well. The dream sequence in particular was quite amusing.

Ri2

BTW, I loved the Downton Abbey shout-out. (If that's what it was.) My parents are more a fan than I, but still, well done.

Ri2

6172461 Down with Lunaverse!

6182100
6182102

Yeah, it was a shoutout to that. I thought it fit well and I am surprised we never got that reference, at that feels like something the show would nod too.

And my problem with the Lunaverse is this: it goes too far. Yes, I love the idea of 'what if others had become the heroes' but it went too far of making the Mane 6 bad guys and dislikable. Derpy isn't dislikeable in the main universe so why is Applejack in that one?

Ri2

6182307 There'll probably be a reference eventually. Maybe.

And yeah, that's just the tip of the iceberg for that series.

6182972

Say what you will about "The God Squad" but I, at least, do not turn the Mane 6 into hateful jerks and act like they were always like that in the main universe too, we just didn't notice it. The Mane 6 are treated like side characters... and that is how the Lunaverse should have treated them. Made them each minor characters that may occasionally pop up but otherwise aren't major characters.

Imagine, for example, that Twilight is still a student under the Princess, only now it is Luna. And Luna LISTENED to Twilight and had her researching about Evil Celestia but it was the other six that save the day. You could then have had an 'episode' where Princess Luna sent Twilight to Ponyville and her attitude made the new Mane 6 think she was going to take away their elements... when that wasn't the case. It's just she is a bit more... blunt. Thus the lesson that you have to understand that what you think someone is saying isn't always what they mean... and you need to be careful with your words.

You could do this with all the characters. Applejack still has the Applebuck breakdown but now it is the entire town that pitches in, with the lesson being that it takes a village and when it comes to ponies we relay upon we shouldn't be quick to ignore them when it is our turn to help them.

You get the idea.

Ri2

6183039 I like God Squad for the most part.

How is it implied in Lunaverse the real Mane 6 are bad too?

Exactly. There's lots of great alt!6 stories where they have completely different Mane 6 but the ones we know are still side characters who aren't treated badly.

6182307 Supposedly even the author of Lunaverse admitted that he messed up with the Canon!M6's characterizations in the earlier stuff and brought them more to their canon characterizations in later stories. But I avoid that series anyway, so I wouldn't actually know how true this is.

6183064

Per their wiki:

Twilight tries to take the elements from the Bearers and was, at one point, a WANTED CRIMINAL for her actions

Applejack is apparently a business mare and head of some "Apple Trust", Ponyville views her as greedy and selfish. Also, she is apparently against any other farm other than the Apples gaining success.

Rainbow Dash's traits are taken Up To Eleven. She is a jerk ass, only has her job because Fluttershy's father gave it to her, and abuses her powers all the time

Rarity is like Dash. She is manipulative and uses what she gives out to get favors from others for her own advantage.

Pinkie is an obsessive who doesn't take into account the likes of other ponies and apparently throws parties for her own amusement. Seen by Ponyville as annoying and is called out time and again for not caring about the wishes of others

Fluttershy is the only one not presented in a negative light... to bad her family is secretly rich and are basically, from what I can gather, the Knights Templars of this universe (I could be wrong, I am skimming).

...Lord Tydal, Polar Vortex, what do you think of this?

Polar: Da, I think it strange, no. Seems author go out of their way to make the fiction of fans show colorful ponies as willians. Still, I suppose to each his own, right brother?

Tydal: ...ever seen that scene in Inglorious Basmares where the Bear Pony beats that nazi with a baseball bat?

Polar: You have strange switch in topic, no?

Ri2

6183531 There's a wiki now?

I meant how are the CANON Mane Six portrayed as horrible in Lunaverse.

The Bear Jew! The Bear Jew! What a fun movie.

6183539

I meant TVtropes. Not sure why I said qiki.

ANd I'm not sure what you are getting at. I did answer you. That is how the six are portrayed in the story. Rather than being background ponies most of them are more... villainous.

Ri2

6183550 Close enough.

I meant, the ACTUAL Canon!Mane 6. Didn't they show up in Lunaverse at some point due to a crossover? I thought you were saying the author implied the ACTUAL Canon!Mane 6 are as bad as their Lunaverse counterparts.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!