• Published 2nd Jul 2015
  • 1,270 Views, 43 Comments

The Last Phoenician - Razzle Dazzle

This is how the world ends. Not with a bang but with a whimper.

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May 23

Saturday, May 23

Dear Journal,

I’ve gone insane. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. On the off chance that I actually am a horse and if I’m not just hallucinating, I’m the only one that’s ever going to read this. As far as I can tell, there’s nobody else around for miles. I’m not in some farm out in the middle of nowhere, either. This is Phoenix. I can usually hear the sounds of cars four floors below me if I just open a window. Today, though, it was silent. If I remember right, the population was about one and a half million.

It’s just me now.

I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning of the day. I wanted to get up even less than usual today, because my new job makes me work Saturdays. But after reminding myself that I need money to live, I got up. And then back down as I fell down, face-first, onto the carpeted floor.

The mirror across the room wasn’t at eye level anymore. The dresser that it was above towered over me, and the bed and nightstand that I was closer to had grown. Or, I had shrunk? I needed a mirror. One that I could see myself in. I tried to stand up on two legs and fell again. Bringing myself up on my hands and knees was a bit easier. I looked down at my hands and knees and they were most certainly not hands and knees. The shock of seeing two tan hooves where my hands should be distracted me from balancing and I fell on my side. I could lift my head up and twist it around to a frightening angle to see my body. It was the same color as my hooves and very horse-shaped. A long, dishevelled orange tail poked out from above my butt. Two more tan hooves stood in place of my feet. I screamed in a high-pitched voice that I didn’t recognize either.

My mind raced. If I went out of my apartment to face downtown Phoenix the end result would not be good. Tiny horses don’t belong in big cities. I’d get kidnapped and sold as a pet or tested by the government. And even if I stayed in here, someone would come to check on me and find what I am now. I panicked, trying to run around the room in terror but I could barely even stand, so I stumbled around like a sick horse.

After I calmed down a bit, I limped out of my bedroom to the bathroom. The light switch was out of reach now that I was shorter, so I had to stand up to turn it on. The problem is, of course, that lifting up a hoof to turn on the light shifted my center of balance and made me fall over. Twice. Only after leaning on the wall could I light up the room. Getting up to the mirror, which was above the sink, was a whole different task altogether. I ended up being able to balance my front hooves on the countertop without falling over.

The first thing I noticed was that my head was HUGE. It was way too big for my body and covered in soft, fine tan fur. My ears were in the right place for a horse, but my eyes were large and my muzzle was much smaller than I expected. My eyes were still green, but a much more vivid green. My hair was a weird orange-ish instead of its normal brown.

And I have a horn, too.

So I’m a unicorn? Does that mean I’m going to go on magical quests, granting people wishes and riding on rainbows? Maybe. But what caught my eye was that my eyelashes were really long. Longer than a guy should have. I also looked very feminine, and my voice sounded higher than usual. Fearing the worst, I gritted my teeth, and rolled over on my back to have a look.

Apparently I am a magical unicorn MARE too. And that’s just adding insult to injury. I sat there fuming for several minutes until I realized I didn’t even know who I was yelling at. Nobody I know has the ability to turn people into cute, fluffy unicorns. And, as much as I hate it, it happened and there’s nothing I can do to change that. So I might as well live with it.

My stomach reminded me that, even though I was a horse, I still needed food. Which meant I needed to walk again. My mind repeated the order in my head. Back-left, front-left, back-right, front-right. 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. But my head kept weighing my front down, so when I picked up my front leg I fell. I kept at it, and after more time than I’d like to admit I could walk without stumbling around. I slowly made my way to the kitchen and grabbed an apple from the bowl resting on the counter. I bit into it, and ate almost half of it in one bite. This new mouth was huge!

I finished off the apple and sat down on the couch. That didn’t go well either. First I tried sitting normally, but it bent my back at a painful angle. After fumbling with my hooves I finally found a comfortable position and said goodbye to that part of my humanity. Now, I had to make a decision. Should I stay in here until food runs out, or should I face the outside world? Come to think of it, the outside world was quiet today. I moved over to the window, obscured by Venetian blinds, and grabbed the cord with my mouth. I pulled back and fell off the couch, but when I righted myself again, I looked out of the window. My apartment faces the street, so I could see why there was such a lack of noise without going out.

The city was desolate. No cars, no people. The streets sat empty as far as the eye could see. I opened the front door, pushing the handle down with a hoof, and stepped into the hallway. I knocked on the neighbor’s door and heard nothing. He was usually very loud, and didn’t leave the apartment until the afternoon. He should have answered.

Out of frustration I punched the door with a hoof and recoiled in shock when I saw a dent in the wood. There’s no way that I could be that strong. I turned around and kicked it as hard as I could, and the door flew open. Sorry, Mike. I called his name and didn’t get an answer, so I tried to leave a note explaining what happened. After a few sad tries to write with hooves I gave up, and decided to just tell him when he came back. I carefully walked down the stairs to the lobby and exited the building. I walked around the building towards the skyscrapers of downtown Phoenix and heard nothing. I decided to walk down the street towards the city’s center, and on my way I knocked on every door. Some dogs barked, but besides that there was no answer. I went into a nearby auto repair shop. Nobody. I peeked into restaurants and didn’t hear a sound. As the day started to heat up, I went back to the apartment complex. Still nobody, not even behind the lobby desk. I grabbed my phone from my apartment and called everyone I knew. No answers. All of them went straight to voicemail, even after the fifth time calling. I brought my phone with me as I explored more of the area around downtown. I made it about five streets down before I realized what I was doing. I was trying to walk to my mom’s office. Although it sounded like a good idea, it was too far away to walk in the heat, and it’s not like I could drive as a horse. Although I wanted to at least explore a bit more before the sun went down, I walked back home. Going further would just keep confirming my fears that everyone was gone. Desolate streets for two miles would turn into five, then ten, then the whole city, then the valley, and then everywhere.

I had another apple for dinner. I don’t want to see if I can eat meat. The power’s still on anyways, so it’ll keep for another day. I’m going to try to drive tomorrow, though. Hopefully I won’t crash into anybody or anything. In the meantime, I’m making this. I set up my laptop to record this like my brother showed me to a couple months back, printed it out, and taped it into here. If I’m not dead tomorrow I’ll make another entry.

-Scott Smith

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