Don't Trigger Purple Pony Princesses
All in all, the day had just been one disastrous moment after another. Ever since the Yaks from Yakyakastan had shown up, Twilight and her friends had tried to make them feel at home. While everything might not have been perfect, Twilight knew that Pinkie Pie had worked as hard as she possibly could, doing her best to make traditional yak dishes with recipes that were more than likely modified considering the two vastly different climates they lived in.
And while Twilight would have been more than understanding of their disappointment if she and the girls had actually made a mess of things, the yaks had constantly crossed the line time and time again by flipping tables and going on rampages at every little turn because things weren’t perfect ! Twilight friends would have to spend days fixing the messes the yaks left, and that wasn’t even taking into account the cost of the repairs. Crystal castles didn’t grow on trees!
…sort of…
But seeing them destroy Spike’s player piano simply because it played itself after they had complemented the music, and nearly squashing her baby brother in the process, Princess of Friendship or not, assigned to help bring their nations together by Princess Celestia or not, HAVING HER WHOLE LEGACY AS A PRETTY PONY PRINCESS PUT ON THE LINE BY THE VISIT FROM THESE OUTLANDISH OUTLANDERS OR NOT, Twilight Sparkle had reached her last nerve!
“WE DECLARE WAAAAAR!” The yak prince…well…declared in in Twilight’s face, blowing his angry spittle and proving that his breath was in fact worse than the rest of the odor coming off his body, allowing her flying blue friend to win their private bet that would have Twilight officially amending the Equestrian dictionary to include Rainbow Dash as one of the definitions of the word awesome.
And thus, the last nerve had been taken.
The final line had been crossed.
The straw came down to break the camel’s back, and brought an extra fifty pounds of hay with it.
Twilight’s eye twitched. “You…what?” she asked slowly. Her voice even, her mind just a little disbelieving. Even though everything had been done to trigger an outburst, Twilight Sparkle needed to double-check to make sure that when she snapped, it would be for good reason.
“Yaks declare war for this final insult!” the yak prince yelled at her again. “We will return to Yakyakastan, and then come back with great army to destroy puny country and enslave pathetic pretty ponies! Then make you all see how REAL Yakyakastan way is done!”
Okay…just had to make sure, Twilight thought to herself as she opened her mouth and spoke with a glare on her face. “You come here. You wreck my home, and I smile. You ruin Applejack’s barn, and we simply placate you. You terrify Fluttershy and her animals, and we forgive you. You destroy Rarity’s shop, and we just let it slide. You spit on my friend Rainbow’s hard work, and we apologize! And then you demolish Pinkie Pie’s bakery and send her running away from the town in a panic because she can’t please you, and we have to be understanding! Then when my baby brother tries to calm you down with a song, you smash his player piano and nearly hurt him! A CHILD!” she shouted as she gathered the magic in her horn. “And after all of that, after we choked down our anger, our pain, our pride, and held in our tears for the good of everyone, you have the…GALL to threaten my little ponies with slavery and death?”
For the first time since becoming an alicorn, not counting the battle with Tirek, Twilight pulled in as much magic as her ascended body would allow. The ground trembled with the amount of energy she held, and Spike shouted her name in fear as she rose into the air without a single flap of her wings, eyes ablaze with power. “WELL FINE! SOME CREATURES JUST AREN’T WORTH MAKING FRIENDS WITH! SO BUCK YOU!”
And then, she released all of her raging power on the cowering Yakyakastanian prince and his entourage, completely covering them in a beam of purple energy from which there was no defense.
Silence followed in the wake of Twilight Sparkle’s fury, and she used her wings to blow away the dust that had been kicked up by the release of her magic, revealing three stone statues with looks of surprise and fear written on their faces.
With the prince dealt with, the alicorn princess landed, and looked to the little dragon sitting on her back with the closest thing to a calm face she could muster after the lives of her friends had been so openly threatened. “Spike, take a letter. Tell Princess Celestia…we’re going to war.”
Yakyakastan Conquered!
New Kingdom to be Ruled by Princess of Friendship?
Twilight let out a groan as she put down the morning paper to grab her morning coffee and take a sip. Although the ‘war’ with the yaks had ended five days ago and lasted a total of two weeks, the Equestrian newspaper service was showing its usual speed when it came to important news. The suggestion made by the title made Twilight shiver.
Maybe it was time to bring Sunset Shimmer home and stick a pair of wings on the unicorn. The girl had more than earned them for her work during the siren debacle and if her reports concerning that incidents at Hearth's Warming were true. If she could handle human teenagers without her magic, then a country of surly quadrupeds with a limited vocabulary wouldn’t be a problem.
The sound of the dining room door opening drew Twilight out of her thoughts, and she smiled at the blue pegasus that came trotting in with half a dozen medals still attached to her chest along with a small entourage. While Twilight could only roll her eyes at Rainbow showing off her honors that the princesses had bestowed upon her, she was starting to think Dash was pushing it by having Spitfire and Fleetfoot follow her around for the past seven days to give reports and…well, just be there for her to squeal over.
Of course this new authority and ego boost had come from the Equestrian’s war with the Yakyakastanians. Although the pegasi had proven themselves to be the best soldiers in the EUP thanks to their ability to bomb ground forces with lightning en mass and reconnaissance abilities granted by their wings, Rainbow had shown herself to be a whole other level of asset. The pegasus had nearly taken three cities by herself, unleashing rainbooms in the center of Yakyakastan towns, disabling most of their defenders before the ground forces moved in to take advantage of the aftereffects.
Only the princesses themselves, and Twilight’s brother could outstrip her achievements single-hoofed. And Discord, but…he was disqualified for not having hooves as his main manipulating appendages.
Because of this and her bravery, Luna had appointed the pegasus to the position of Brigadier-General, and put her in charge of the Wonderbolts. Twilight was sure that hadn’t been the best decision made by the Princess of the Night since her return from the moon, but…with Rainbow having to stay in Ponyville so the Cutie Map could be tended to, Twilight was sure she could mitigate any damage the pegasus might cause to the organization.
“Hey Twilight,” the general greeted the mare.
Twilight couldn’t help but smile back and nod. “Rainbow,” she said to the lead pegasus as she sat down before looking to the captain and other pegasus. “Spitfire, Fleetfoot. Would the two of you like to join us for breakfast?”
As always, the Captain of the Wonderbolts immediately snapped to attention. “Thank you for the offer Highness, but it would be improper for us to sit at the same table as you and the Council.”
“Well then go get something to eat at Sugar Cube Corner or something,” Rainbow told them. “Don’t need the two of you looking over my shoulder while I’m eating. Yeesh.”
Spitfire saluted. “Understood Ma’am,” she said before looking over to Twilight again and bowing as deeply as she could without going full prostration. “Highness.”
After the pair of pegasi left, a white unicorn came trotting in with a scarf around her neck and a pair of bulging saddlebags. “Hello Rarity. More clothing ideas you want our opinion on?” the alicorn asked.
“Hello Twilight,” she replied before opening up her bags to pull out five scarves of various designs, each one with a cutie mark stitched in. “And yes. With the war over, all the nobles in Canterlot are going to be wanting to wear some yak wool to celebrate our victories in the north, and I need a bit more practice in working the material before the ball season starts.”
Behind Rarity, Applejack came trotting in with her own luggage that clinked as she moved. “Yah know Rarity, Ah don’t rightly many ponies are gonna go fer clothes made from the coats of other talking animals.”
The unicorn gave the earth pony a half-lidded look. “Tell me Applejack, when can I expect the next delivery of sheep wool from your farm?”
Applejack stared back at her for a few seconds, the two of them locking gazes as the orange farmer found her seat. “…Touché,” she replied before sitting down. Then she remembered the milk bottles she had been carrying around and quickly began passing them out to the others. “Here ya’ll go. Fresh squeezed last night, and left in the fridge to cool.”
Pinkie Pie popped up from under the table and slid into her seat before taking one of the glass bottles and popping off the top to take several gulps. “Ah! Nothing like the sweet taste of victory!” she declared.
“Pinkie,” Rainbow spoke up. “You didn’t even do anything against the yaks.”
“Oh not the yaks, I’m talking about the cows. Tomorrow will be the thirtieth anniversary of Princess Celestia’s victory over the Cattle Barons and their following subjugation-er, I mean integration into pony society!” she exclaimed. “Granny Pie fought in that war ya know.”
Pinkie took another gulp of milk and looked over to the alicorn sitting at the table. “Hey Twilight, I hear yaks can be milked too. Does that mean we’re going to have a bunch of them shipped down from Yakyakastan to be held in cramped conditions and have the resources their bodies produced harvest for the good of Equestria?”
Twilight blinked at the question and gave Pinkie a blank look for a good two minutes. Then, a frown slowly made its way onto Twilight’s face. “Yeah well…” she said before pausing to think for a moment and slamming her hoof onto the breakfast table. “They started it!”
And here's my little take on how things in Party Pooped should have gone.
At first it was just your basic don't mess with Twilight's friends because she will fuck you and your entire species up story, but then I got to wondering what would have happened after the war, and looked around at all the OTHER talking stuff in Equestria. Sure, donkeys and griffons are allowed equal rights and can own property, but the talking sheep and cows down at AJ's farm are pretty much treated like...well, animals.
And since yaks can produce both wool and milk in acceptable quantities, well...guess where they're gonna go.
Oh, and the smell thing wasn't a joke. Seriously if you've ever seen a yak in real life, the only thing that smells worse than their bodies is their breath. 
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The war went as well as expected. It looks like you may have a good setup for a sequel as well. Maybe with Twilight having to deal with a Equestria that is going through a manifest destiny thanks in part from the Yak war.
so, were the three yaks (the ones that declared war) destroyed by Twilight's magic blast?
6142863
Turned to stone. I was going to add a scene with Twilight going outside and having a few words with Fluttershy in front of a Yak birdbath, but it got too late in the day and this was just something I came up with on the spur of the moment after the episode.
Honestly, I wasn't sure what to think about the yaks. Yaks have not been mentioned even once in the episodes before, and then 'poof'. They pop up out of nowhere. It was a shock, and when I got over it, I was wondering 'Why do they even need to befriend the yaks?'
6142963
I have a theory that it has something to do with the reappearance of the Crystal Empire. Maybe the empty plot of land was claimed by the Yaks and then *poof* the crystal empire is there.
Lol taken over in a whopping five days
Yeah, don't mess with ponies, man 
Honestly, I'm surprised that Twilight got that far to begin with. If it was me, after about the third time they threw a hissy fit I'd be telling them to get out of my town, since they are clearly not interested in diplomacy.
XDXDXD
This is pure genius! Awesome! I loved it! Honestly, given how ponies clearly have the upper hoof over yaks, both with magic, army, and kingdom size, the yaks were really pushing their luck.
Yaks thought that Endless Winter would protect them.
Yaks were wrong.
Uh... Pony wank I guess? Where do you guys get the idea that princesses are some all-powerful beings of mass destruction. And don't even get me started on Rainbow Dash clearing 3 cities by herself...
Seriously lost as to what to think of this story. I mean, seeing someone tell the Yaks how rude they were would have been awesome. But this is kind of going the other way and showing ponies as all powerful bastards who enslave others for the fun of it, especially the last part conveys that message. A truly strange mix, with not taking this stuff seriously on one hand and going the extremely dark and fan-wanking route on the other.
6143572
It's dark humor, it's supposed to have a bit of a disturbing quality to it.
Plus when you think about it, that's what they've pretty much done with the cattle and the sheep. Despite being shown to be sapient, they're treated like animals and live in pens.
Thank you for writing this.
Watching the episode, I had several moments of slow-burn rage at the Yaks.
Every time they threw a tantrum, every time they destroyed everything within reach without a single thought to what they were doing, I asked myself "Do the ponies really WANT these whiny bitches as friends?"
Being turned to stone was a more gentle punishment than I would have given them, so good for you, Twilight, for being all restrained and Princess-y and stuff.
Good point on the cows and pigs, btw--I like the headcanon of them being previously subjugated races.
(And the Yak-wool clothing made me lol)
Maybe I read too much fanfiction. But when I saw that episode I couldn't help but wonder why the ponies would even want diplomatic relationships with a viking level culture ruled by someone dumb enough to wage war at the drop of a hat.
moral of this story don't screw with an alicorn princess
Well that was a thing that happened.
Fuck it. I'm taking this as canon. I want this to be a cut short from the episode.
6143640 I dunno seems a lot like real life.... We.. I mean the U.S.A. has those that very much would be our enemy or already are their enemy and yet our leaders still try to play nice,nice when we should be blasting them until there is none left because that is want they want to do... So it's very much like real life..
The way I might've wrote it the second I saw them tearing things up for no realistic reason... BTW; You forgot to say that their milk isn't what you're used to in the stores too..heh.. But pew>> I don't know which is worse to me.. Their breath that would still stink after eating ten pounds of tictacs or their bodies and you do not want to smell a wet one....:
In any case it was a good funny short fic..heh
The yaks were never going to win. With pegasus weather control, Earth Pony superstrenght and earth connection, Unicorns energy manipulation, Alicorns peak of all three races, Discords reality warping, ... The rainbow power... Yeah war against equestria is suicide.
Dammit, I was hoping for Twilight to scream "THIS IS EQUESTRIA!" before bucking the Yaks into a pit.
This was awesome.
6146212 I'm not sure why you felt the need to reply to that and use it to start ranting about the evils of Christianity. You could have just said that Vikings were a civilized culture and left it at that. Christians were not once mentioned, so who are you arguing with?
I know they had it coming, but damn, do not buck with the purple one!
6146341 Because my Christian boyfriend dumped me and when I'm mad I go on bizarre rants.
6146391 Fair enough. Still, I would ask that you avoid needlessly putting that sort of thing out into the community, especially here. Last thing anyone wants is for the comments of the author's story to turn into a flame war.
6146484 Good point.
Yeah, not a smart move on the yak's part to declare war. While I appreciated the effort to give Twilight Sparkle a more diplomatic role, the fact that they attempted to destroy animals and a close friend of the princesses, this route would be more likely. And yeah, the yaks weren't very smart when they, well, did anything, but declaring war on Equestria at this point would be a good way to kill yourself and your entire nation. They have four alicorn princesses, who are some of the most powerful beings alive in the My Little Pony universe, the Rainbow Power forms of the Elements of Harmony, the reality-warping Spirit of Chaos, a pegasus who can reduce buildings to craters, and, well, Pinkie Pie on their side. The fact that some of these areas overlap is just icing on the "You're going to make the dinosaurs look lively" cake.
6143572
We're not allowed to have a 'pony wank' when there's whole bunches of asshats on a pony fanfiction site talking about how superior humans are to ponies and leaving puddles of jizz on any human-conquers-pony story they drag out of their asses (as well as bitching on any story where ponies win something either seriously or for fun)? Again, on a PONY fanfiction site, it's not okay to do this to you? I think you're in the wrong fandom. I'm sure the Yak fandom, full of Yakkers, can find a place for you.
6146897
Fine, I will bite. Just remember to not put words into my mouth, I never said you cannot have stories like these. They just do not really seem that interesting to me - any sort of a fan-wank story is fairly boring as it's one sided, that's for one. Second, it portrays the side we are supposed to cheer on as merciless, ruthless, power-abusing and downright evil (in this case as slavers too) when you think about it. While LordBrony made a fair point about the cows I think that is taking it a few steps too far. I do not think ponies are anything like what we see here, both in character and in power level.
I just do not see the appeal. Two thousand words of "look how great fanon ponies are!", no conflict, no meaningful difficulties, no development, no story arc. I guess if you are into power fantasy that's a story for you though. Not a fan of dark comedy either but that is just my personal taste. Didn't enjoy these stories when it was cool to bash griphons, do not really enjoy them now.
6147424
You stated such stories are boring, then later clarified -you- don't see the appeal. The latter was correct, the former was not. That is why I disliked your original post. You made statements, rather than stating opinion. Understand the difference, please.
That aside, which I can write off simply as just forgetting that you're speaking to multiple people essentially when you make these posts, if you felt you are not the audience of this story, why leave a comment at all? Nothing about it seemed to appeal to you, that means it wasn't written for you. You are not part of the intended audience. Leaving a proper critique is one thing, pointing out something that seemed weird to you, or something you wanted to have a discussion about in the comments - that's all fine.
But when you show up, and the whole thing from even before you started was just not your bag, what was the point in leaving a demeaning comment? You could have just as easily left without a word, like the other people who didn't like the type of story. This is meant to comedic, and for a majority of us, it was. You didn't find it to your tastes on a personal level and yet felt the need to leave a post that sounded equally condemning and defensive. That doesn't help the author, that doesn't add anything to the readership, and you gained nothing from leaving the comment aside from having to deal with me and whoever else feels like they have something to add sometime between now and the next six months.
Faved it because the Yaks were so unlikeble
6147434
Once again you are trying to put things into my post that aren't there. Please, underline in the original post where I said that is boring. I said that only when you raged hardcore about my original post. You are once again trying to twist my words.
What is probably the most funny is the way you try to convey I shouldn't leave any post if I say negative things. Look at your post again please. Do you see any sort of feedback, any real thought about the story? Because all I see is a random person coming in and raging about a post that states an opinion he/she doesn't agree with. And personally disliking my post saying that I shouldn't have made it. An argument that sounds familiar perhaps?
Whether positive or negative, it's a feedback I decided to leave. As long as it's not mindless bashing, I am free to do so. Some people agreed, some didn't. I at least provided logical reasons why I dislike it.
After reading this all I can say is, "Run LLAMAS RUN!!!"
That's right, Twilight. They started it. You finished it.
We have the Solar Empire and the Lunar Republic... might we have the beginning of the Twilight Regime?
6143640
Considering where yaks actually live (the Himalayas) I'd assume they were the pony world's equivalent of Mongols. Actually, yaks are mostly associated with Tibet which is a pacifist culture but Mongolia and Tibet have been very closely connected (the Mongols eventually adopted Tibetan Lamaism).
I actually thought the yaks' head wear was also supposed to suggest Mongols, but I could be wrong. Maybe the Vikings were the point of reference. "Rutherford" sure isn't a Mongolian name (Mongolian names are...well, something).
6152204 ya vikings would be more polite
This story alone make me feel happy over the facts that the Yaks got there just deserts. Great Job.
Also, in all honest, who in there right minds would attack a nation with the following:
1.) 3 Alicorns (Sun, Moon/Nightmares, Friendship/Magic)
2.) The Lord of Chaos himself
3.) The Wonderbolts
4.) and lastly, the F*cking Elements of Harmony! Who had defeated: Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chryilsis, King Zombra, and Tirek himself all in that order. So really Yaks, you really want war with these Ponies.
6172964
Don't forget their alliance with the Crystal Empire, Yakyakistan's next door neighbor.
6147544 you never actually proved logically why you disliked it you only proved emotionally and personally why which in no way is feedback it's an opinion and not a helpful one at that.
6172964
What happened to cadence?
6430182 I forgot about her and isn't she against the idea of war? Also is the Crystal Empire a add-on to Equestia or independent?
6430773 well if they are independent they would be heavily allied to equestria for shining armour was captain of the guard and cadence i believe is a friend of celestia.
Huh. i expected Twilight to pull a Frieza. As in commit mass genocide on the entire yak race, and maybe a scolding turned into thanking from Princess Celestia
I read this a while back, up-voted it, and then moved on. I just re-read it because I'm liking one of your other stories, and I find that I like it even more now that some time has passed since the related episode aired. Hence, adding it to my favorites and commenting here. Largely because that episode has not improved with time in my mind.
Somepony should have warned the Yaks of this.
Pretty Pony Princess: Volatile, handle with care.
6171270 Yeah, Vikings are MUCH more polite. Even their stereotype is more polite!
There is one change that I think would make this story better: Make "Yakyakastan Conquered!" a separate chapter, and a bonus chapter (and change the title of the story). The story up to that point can stand on its own, as an alternate ending to "Party Pooped." And it's jarring to go right from a serious alternate ending to the episode, to that silly parody aftermath.
Other then that: Not bad. Not bad at all. Actuality, quite good!
6172964
You and me both.
I checked this story out since I read one of your other works before and I got to say this was just awesome and funny. Man I couldn't blame Twilight for going ape shit and had enough of the yaks additudes for smashing things up and over the pettiest and stupidest of things. Plus Pinkie and the others worked their butts off to make them feel welcomes in Equestria.
I honestly hated that episode as the yaks were in the wrong to behave like that and honestly if they did go to war they would have lost in a heart beat. They would have to face four alicorns, Discord, the bearers to The Elements of Harmony, the royal guards, and yes even the Wonder Bolts.
This was a great story and I'll make sure to check out your other work.
Good Luck LordBrony2040.