The Worst Of Villains
Close to an hour later, Sombra gave out the garments he had been carefully piecing together by himself in the corner of the room. Sweetie Belle had lent him the necessary fabrics and her and her friends watch him in quiet astonishment. For such a dark and foreboding figure, Sombra sewed with deft precision.
“Here… one for you… and for you… and for you.”
Apple Bloom raised a brow at the new red cape on her hoof. “What was wrong with our old capes?”
Sombra shook his head. “Not the right color for villainy, I’m afraid. Red and black—those are strong colors. Plus…” He pointed at the blackened silhouette stitched into the very center of the cape. “Couldn’t very well call this group King Sombra’s Cutie Mark Crusaders without my chiseled features adorning our capes, now could we?”
Apple Bloom looked to her friends, both already donning their new apparel. “But we haven’t even agreed to be super villains. What’s so great about it, anyways? All they do is get defeated over and over again. That doesn’t sound like all that much fun.”
Sombra rolled his eyes and began fixing Sweetie Belle’s and Scootaloo’s capes around their necks. “You must be a very simpleminded mare, always looking at the smaller picture.” He sighed. “Sure, villains get destroyed, we get defeated, we get trounced—sometimes, horrifically, we get befriended—but what do we do right afterwards?”
“Cry?” ventured Sweetie Belle.
“After a good cry?”
“Take a nap?”
“After a good forty-five minute nap?”
None of the three had an answer.
“We return!” Sombra shouted. “We come back and make those that defeated us wish they’d finished us off for good the first time. We come back stronger and wiser and thirstier for blood. What doesn’t kill a villain only makes them a little more unhinged, a little more ruthless in their ways.”
Scootaloo said to Apple Bloom, “That might explain Discord.”
Sombra stuck his head close Apple Bloom’s face. “And you don’t even realize how much fun it is to be bad. Let me ask you a question, Apple Fritter.”
“That’s my cousin.”
“Whatever.” He smiled thinly. “When was the last time you saw a villain not having fun? We get to laugh and cackle and do whatever we want whenever we want. We get to wear capes every day of the year and never adhere to a bedtime schedule.”
Sweetie Belle gasped. “No bedtime? Ever!?”
He turned to her. “Nope. You can even jump on the bed and eat cookies while jumping.”
“Aren’t you afraid of crumbs?”
Sombra scoffed. “King Sombra is afraid of nothing. I am the creator of fear—its manipulator. If I wanted to, I could use my dark magic to make everyone in this tiny town believe themselves to be wearing pants.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Scootaloo said.
Sombra glared at her. “Pants full of sand?”
All three fillies shivered at the notion.
Sombra stood before them with his back straight. “Villainy is an art form like any other. It must be respected and done well, otherwise there is no point in doing it at all. What sounds nobler to you, Apple Bloom? A hero that always gets their way and never encounters hardship? Or a villain that is forced to fight for their ideals and always strives to do better; pick themselves up with their own volition time and time again?” He took her cape and tied it around her neck. “Heroes are lazy. They only do what they do when they are forced to deal with the likes of me. Villains are the ones that get things started; villains are the ones that get the job done so that heroes can exist to begin with.”
He stood in the middle of the window frame, a golden ray of light outlining his jet black mane and blood red cape. He gave his head a quick flick to jostle his wavy mane.
“And we always look damn good doing it.”
***
Sombra stood at the podium in the corner of the room, a half-dozen cue cards by his hooves. Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo sat on the floor in front of him—Sweetie Belle with parchment and quill to record today’s lessons.
“We will start with names,” Sombra said, leaning over the podium to see them better. “Proper villains are only as good as their names. So that is where we will start.”
Scootaloo raised a leg. “What’s wrong with Scootaloo?”
“Everything.” He pointed at Apple Bloom. “Let’s start with the easiest. You will now be known as Apple Doom, also known as The End Bringer.”
Apple Bloom looked confused. “How am I supposed to bring the end?”
“That’s up to you to figure out.” He pointed at Sweetie Belle. “You shall be Slaughter Belle the Terrible, capable of exploding hearts with just the sound of your voice.”
Her eyes went wide. “What? When did I do that?”
“Every day since the day you were born. And last but least, Scootaloo…” He thought for a moment. “Umm… Scootaloo, also known as… Screw Loose? No, that’s no good.” He waved a hoof. “Okay, I’ll come back to you.”
Scootaloo frowned. “Hey! That’s not fair!”
“You’d rather be known as Scootaloo the Grumpy Butt?”
She grimaced. “Not really.”
“Then we’ll figure your name out later.” Sombra clapped his hooves. “Now comes the fun part: the sad backstory. No proper villain is complete without a good backstory that effortlessly tugs at the heart strings of all those around.”
Apple Bloom asked, “What’s yours, then? No one really knows besides all that Crystal Empire stuff and your fight with my sis and her friends.”
Sombra pursed his lips. “What do you mean? Surely there must be some history books that go into lavish detail about my life’s work.”
All three of them shook their heads.
“Really?” He pouted. “I feel so cheated! So shortchanged! As if the great King Sombra was not worthy of a proper back story or a meticulously constructed character arc!” He lowered his head to the podium, eyeing up his notebook full of carefully articulated revenge notes. He growled, “I think my image might need to be rectified soon.”
“Why don’t you tell us your backstory, then, Mr. Sombra?” Sweetie Belle asked. “I’m sure it’s interesting.”
Sombra nodded. “It’s very interesting, have no doubt, but all this isn’t about me. I’m still trying to create a formidable ragtag group of evil villainesses out of you and, if I’m being perfectly honest, I’m giving you all a two percent chance of success. But we will venture forth, regardless.” He indicated Apple Bloom. “Give us your backstory.”
Apple Bloom blushed. “Okay, then. I grew up on a farm, with my Granny and my older brother and sister. We buck apples and sell them in town. And I love my family more than anything.”
“And what was your reason for turning to villainy?”
“Because you asked us to.”
Sombra grumbled. “No. No! You’re not doing it right. Your name is Apple Doom, and you grew up in a dilapidated farm on the outskirts of town. Your family neglected you, made you work the fields all hours of the night. Cut up, bruised, you brunt the worst of your family’s wrath as they laughed and ate juicy apples right in front of you. In your suffering, you made yourself a secret vow to see them all dead. So one night, you injected every apple in the house with rat poison, boarding up the doors so none could escape or call for help.”
Apple Bloom blanched. “That sounds terrible! Why does my back story need to be so mean?”
“Because the worst type of childhoods create the worst type of monsters.”
Apple Bloom crossed her legs over her chest. “I just don’t think my whole family needs to be dead to have a good back story.”
Sombra raised a brow. “Just your parents, then?”
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle shook their heads at him.
“They already are dead.”
Sombra bit his tongue and went pale. “Oh… I… didn’t know. I’m…” He hesitated. “I’m sorry, Apple Bloom. You may keep the rest of your family alive in your back story, if you wish.”
Apple Bloom looked downcast. “It’s okay. You didn’t know.”
Sombra awkwardly coughed into a hoof. “Well, that sure drained the fun out of the room. Let’s move onto Scootaloo, or Skull-Crusher, or no that’s terrible.” He pointed two hooves at her. “Backstory, go!”
Scootaloo glanced at her friends. “Umm. I’m an orphan, if that’s what you mean.”
He slammed his hoof down. “Perfect! Done!”
“Really? That’s it?”
Sombra nodded. “Yes. I think in this case, the more that’s left to the imagination, the better. ‘Why was she an orphan? What was it about her later in life that pushed other ponies away; made it impossible to get close? Was it because she always smelled like cabbage? Did she chew with her mouth open? Was she a mouth-breather? Was her only topic of conversation the weather and if it might rain later in the day, and then if it did, was she the type that always made sure to say I told you so?’”
Scootaloo slumped. “I don’t like my back story.”
Sombra smirked. “You’re not supposed to, but at least you’re starting to understand. All right, Sweetie Belle. Hit me with your best plot!”
Sweetie Belle stood up and cleared her throat. She smiled at him sweetly. “My name is Sweetie Belle and I live with my older sister who makes a whole bunch of clothes for ponies.”
“And somehow she’s still in business…” Sombra mumbled.
Sweetie Belle nodded. “One day, I came back home to find my sister creating a new dress.”
Sombra yawned.
“A new dress made out of pony skin!”
Sombra leaned forward, clearly invested. “A family trade secret, perhaps?”
“And when Rarity saw me standing there, she instantly died of shame and fell to the floor, and the next day the Boutique sold the most gorgeous white and purple skirt.”
Sombra stared at her unblinking. “I’m becoming concerned about you, Sweetie Belle.”
She pouted. “Why?”
“Because you’re already leaps and bounds ahead of your friends.” He smiled and went to her, pulling out a yellow sticker from his cape that he stuck to her forehead. “Gold star!”
She tried to look at her new sticker. “Thanks?”
Sombra showcased a hidden pocket loaded with tiny stickers. “Collect five gold stars and receive a purple moon. Get two purple moons and you’ll get the highest reward: a giant smiley face sticker.”
Apple Bloom raised her leg. “What happens when we get a smiley sticker?”
“Nothing. The stickers are nothing more than meaningless psychological validations.” He grinned. “Would you believe I took over a whole Empire with these things?”
***
The clubhouse rang out with the noise of laughter; a dark chuckle that soon bloomed into a cackle with a side order of sharp giggles. From this came a startling shriek that edged towards madness, before it abruptly ended in a sigh.
Sombra lowered his head to look at the three of them. “Now that’s how you do a proper villain laugh.”
He got them to stand in the center of the room, a wide length apart from each other. He stood in front of Sweetie Belle, who raised her head and gave a forced laugh. It didn’t sound like she was having all that much fun with it.
Sombra shook his head. “No. No, that won’t do. Here’s a trick I always use. Imagine what makes you happy. Picture it in your head and keep it there. Let it tickle your ribs and let the guffaws flow forth.” He busied himself angling her head up and her back straight—the proper laughing pose. “What I’ve been imagining lately is a pony, inside out, but still alive. Doesn’t that sound funny?” He lowered to her. “Got something in mind?”
Sweetie Belle thought, then nodded. “Yep.”
“What it is?”
“A big, puffy marshmallow.”
Sombra closed his eyes and brought a hoof to his temple. “Is it at least on fire?”
“Nope. It’s in my tummy and it’s delicious.”
“And that makes you happy? Marshmallows?”
She nodded. “Yep. Even better between graham crackers.”
Sombra huffed out angrily. “Where’s your gold star? I’m taking it back.”
Sweetie Belle avoided his stare. “I lost it. I’m sorry, Mr. Sombra.”
A tad annoyed, he calmly took a breath and ruffled her mane. “That’s all right. There are always more where those came from. Maybe villainous laughter can wait. Perhaps a proper villainous deed will get the correct chuckles out of you sorry lot.”
He strolled behind the podium again. “But before we start with our first plan of attack, let’s do roll call.”
Scootaloo sat on the floor again. “Why? There’s only the four of us. And we’re all here already.”
Sombra showed her a fang. “Humor me, please. It’s for my own personal safety.” He put on a pair of black reading glasses and held a small scroll in a hoof. “Apple Bloom?”
“Here.”
“Scootaloo?”
“Here, obviously.”
“No need for that, Spider Glue. Nope. Still haven’t found a name for you. Next. Sweetie Belle?”
“Present!”
Sombra peered around the room, eyeing up the bare windows. “Twilight Sparkle?”
Apple Bloom came up to the podium. “Why would Twilight Sparkle be here? We only spend time at her castle for Twilight Time.”
Sombra ignored her. “Twilight Sparkle!? Are you present or are you not?”
He waited half a minute before facing the fillies again. All was silent from outside.
He took off his reading glasses. “I have a good inkling that if Twilight Sparkle were indeed in earshot, she would not be able to resist answering roll call, whether intended or not.”
“What makes you say that?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Because it is widely known that Ms. Sparkle has a rather strong promptness fetish, meaning being tardy just a single time might shatter her very existence and send her on a downward spiral towards self-cannibalism and overdue library books. I’ve seen it happen before.”
Scootaloo raised a leg. “What’s a fetish?”
He leaned against the podium. “You know how some ponies really like something? Well, imagine they like it so much that it scares other ponies—that their whole life revolves around that thing they like, and they’ll do absolutely anything to have more of it.”
“So you’re saying Apple Bloom has an apple fetish?”
Apple Bloom turned to her. “Hey!”
Sombra nodded sadly. “I believe so; a severe one by the sounds of it. I’d keep a close eye on any apples near that one, if I were you.”
Apple Bloom crossed her forelegs. “I do not have an apple fetish! Applejack, maybe…”
Sombra clapped his hooves together. “Enough time spent inside. Let’s begin. Where, pray tell, is your club’s treasury?”
Scootaloo scrunched her face. “Our what?”
“Your funds. Your monetary means. Your bits and coin. Whatever keeps this place afloat.”
She glanced at her friends. “We don’t have any.”
Sombra grimaced. “Nothing? How are we supposed to get started? You’re not funded by Celestia or something? A royal grant? Even I knew of some villains hundreds of years ago that lived off grants supplied by the royal family. ‘Performing Arts,’ they called it. ‘Garbage,’ I always corrected.”
All three girls sat in silence, waiting for one of them to speak. Eventually, Sweetie Belle stood. “Whenever we want to raise money, we make a lemonade stand to set up in town. On hot days, a lot of ponies end up stopping by. We could do that, if you wanted to.”
Sombra rubbed at his chin. “It’ll have to do. For now.” He came to stand before them, his eyes opened wide and burning in an eerie glow. “So it is decided! We shall plan and administer the grandest lemonade sale of all time, and afterwards we will have the necessary funds to continue with our plans.” He held a hoof by his head. “No other drink stand will dare get in our way! Not with King Sombra in charge.”
Apple Bloom whispered to Scootaloo, “He’s got gumption, I’ll give him that.”
Sombra eyed the windows again. “Twilight Sparkle!? If you do not answer, you will be marked as tardy and it shall be placed on your permanent record for all time!”
Silence followed.
“Good enough. Come little troublemakers. Let us rob this town of all its bits.”
Wrapping his legs around their shoulders, he escorted them out the door.
***
Applejack could hardly hold Twilight still even as her four other friends also tried their best to keep her pinned on the ground. Every chance Twilight got, she attempted to wrestle loose from them, one leg hoisted in the air as if answering an important question.
The six of them grappled together underneath the Cutie Mark Crusader’s clubhouse.
Rarity had wrapped a leg around Twilight’s head, keeping her quiet. “What in Equestria has gotten into her? All Sombra did was ask if she was present.”
Twilight managed to free herself from Rarity’s grip. “No! I can’t be tardy! He asked if I was here and I haven’t answered yet! He’ll think I’m late! Let me go!”
Applejack pushed her into the grass and planted two hooves on her chest. “This ain’t no schoolhouse, Twilight. This is just my little sis’s clubhouse and you weren’t even invited. Maybe Sombra’s actually onto something about you being late for things. Maybe you do got some kinda fetish about attendance.”
Twilight looked up at her, pleading. “But I’ve never missed a single day of school, ever. Not even a single minute!”
“Well, there’s a first time for everything, sugarcube.”
Rainbow Dash stood by their sides. “Let me handle this. Twilight Sparkle, are you here?”
Twilight shot out both legs with gusto. “Here! Present!” A second later, she stopped moving against the ground and glanced at her friends with a blush. She closed her eyes. “I did it again, didn’t I? The roll call thing?”
Applejack helped her up. “I don’t know how all our enemies are figuring that out about you, but we gotta figure out a solution soon. Last time Discord asked if you were present, you raised your leg so fast, you nearly gave me a shiner.”
Twilight lowered her head. “No more, I promise. But, bigger problem: what do we do about Sombra? He mentioned a grand scheme against Ponyville. We cannot let him get away with it.”
Applejack nodded. “Let’s not forget the fact that he’s spending his time with my sister.”
“Sweetie Belle, too!” Rarity added.
The five of them looked at Rainbow Dash expectantly.
Rainbow Dash sighed and rolled her eyes, leaning against the tree casually. “And Scootaloo, too. Don’t go forgetting about her.”
“Exactly,” Twilight said. “I understand it’s dangerous for the four of them to be together, but I also don’t think we should stop them just yet.”
Applejack took off her hat. “Come again?”
“Think of it like this: as long as Sombra and the CMCs are trying to get their cutie marks, his mind is focused on that and not destroying the town.”
Applejack frowned. “That ain’t a good enough reason, Twilight. We could stop him right now if we wanted to. No magic means no threat.”
“But what happens if Sombra does get his cutie mark and he no longer wants to act as an enemy of Equestria? What if it turns him into a friend, like Discord?”
Applejack thought. “That still sounds like a long shot, Twilight. I know you like to look at the best of ponies, but Sombra’s done some right nasty stuff in his time.”
Twilight raised a brow. “At the moment, King Sombra just joined a club of three fillies and personally designed their capes. I’d say he’s not in the worst of moods right now, and I think it might be beneficial to keep him that way.”
“Where’d he learn to sew, anyways?” Rarity asked.
Twilight said, “I image if you live as long as he has, you’d pick up a few skills.”
Applejack put her hat back on and looked at them all. “If we’re gonna let this continue, then I want a promise from all y’all that someone will always be keeping a sharp eye on them. The moment Sombra does something dastardly, we put a stop to it right then and there. Agreed?”
The other five nodded.
“All right. Good enough for me.”
Pinkie Pie bounced onto her back, stealing her hat and holding it above her head. “And just think how much fun it’ll be! Sombra running a lemonade stand? Who’s coming up with this stuff!?”
Applejack sighed and bucked her off.
Going to the states to celebrate the 4th. (Dual citizen!) Have a good one! Or if you're Canadian, hope you had a good one! Won't be able to update for a bit, but I'll try and brainstorm on the ride down.
BTW, anyone got a good Scootaloo villain name? I can't think of one to save my life. 
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He does make a good case for being a villian.
And no bedtime? That is enticing.
If you want a comedic Braytish name?
Bloody Loo.
Man, Scootaloo really doesn't lend itself to good villainous puns. I've been trying for a while now and I've got zip. The only thing I could think of was go the fandom route and give her a chicken pun name. We'd all get the little inside joke, and maybe you could make a whole comedic scene out of it. Like Sombra is secretly really scared of chickens (some trauma in his backstory maybe) so he thinks a chicken based name is fittingly evil, but Scoots hates it so you could have some nice banter as they argue and he tells her to think of something better but he shoots down all her ideas. Maybe even make a running gag out of it where she keeps yelling at him to stop calling her that. Might want to save it as a last resort though in case no one else can think of a good Scootapun.
He is becoming self aware.... Can't wait to see the dastardly lemonade plan come into play!
Every
Villain
Is
Lemons
You just earned a favorite.
Ok, now names. Shoot-an'-loot? Pony Grinder? The Penguin?
Wait, selling lemonade on a hot day? Those evil brutes they will sell it highly above its marketed price and we will be forced to buy it because it is still cheaper than the stuff in the stores and all the water fountains are out of service!
I like this Sombra. He is a scholar and gentlestallion after my own lack of heart.
Also, this is why Sweetie is Best Crusader.
The last scene at the end with Twilight was priceless1
Alt name: How to be a Mary Sue. Also, poor Scootaloo.
This quote reminded me of a friend who constantly got sand in his ass whenever we went to the beach. His nickname from that day forth became Sandy Cheeks, and now their cheeks are full of sand.
Three staches
That Twilight scene was hilarious.
Sombra in the first part of the story is damn charismatic. Regarding the lemonade stand, I bet we'll be able to add price-gouging and price-fixing to his rap sheet as well.
I think 'Being the Pony who Sings the Song that Shall End the Earth' might be a better fit
I could, though in this case I don't.
EXTREMELY genre savvy.
Wow, Sweetie. And to think Rarity must have overheard that.
This has got to be the best "definition of a villain" speech EVER!
The Twilight Sparkle roll call scene is comedy gold.
I can actually imagine that happening in a future episode with a villain. 
6165894
Infringement of copyright, your honor!
The funny thing is, it sounds like it should be just bluster, but it's also completely true. The villain makes the story. The hero just ends it.
Even funnier than the role call scene. I'm actually kinda sad Twilight didn't get caught, though...
Also, a Scootaloo villain name? How about Slaughterloo? Or Slaughteroo. Or Slaughter Stew!
And Fluttershy didn't exist...
That seemed like the sort of conversation she'd contribute to.
You... you MONSTER.
Sombra would get on splendidly with both Rarity and Twilight Sparkle... I mean, once they got past the whole part where he's an evil tyrant who enslaved and murdered countless ponies.
At least he had some amazing dialogue. Like, um... CRYSSTALLLSSS. And... er... CRRRRYYYSSSTAALLLLSSS.
So much amazing black comedy. I love it!
OK this entire thing is amazing. The first part about villians is amazingly true.
I also like how Sweetie Belle scares a Tyrant king who enslaved an empire and is a master of dark magic. That does make me concerned about her as well.
Also the rest of this chapter was amazing
Brutaloo.
Actually not having bedtimes is evil. Imagine the pains that you need to go through to stay awake.
6609598
How dare you she was there the entire time
After all a treehouse needs a tree to hold it
So true.
Scootaloo's name should be "Scootaloo the Flightless Destroyer."
DUDE I'M GIGGLING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT ONLINE MEETING MY SIDES OH GOD!!!
That's also called Rarity.
10665469
Me too
Cara tô rindo até agora
Minhas bochechas doem de tanso rir, eu amo essa fanfic.