• Published 26th Jun 2015
  • 1,879 Views, 126 Comments

Humanic Park. AKA: Stupid Will Find A Way. - FoalsHalf



Faust created man, Faust destroyed man. Faust created ponies and then ponies destroyed Faust. Now ponies will create man...

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Invitation

“All right, Dust Seeker, let’s have that deep scan on the main monitor.” Lyra Heartstrings smiled in anticipation as the earth pony adjusted the knobs on his equipment and an eerie image resolved into shape on the screen in front of them.

With her team anxiously clustering around, Lyra nodded as she studied the scan. “Just as we hoped. See? There are the beer cans… apparently most of them crushed. I’ll wager that the dent marks match the shape of the cranium. Magnificent!”

“Looks like a big monkey to me,” the obnoxious and faintly bored voice of Diamond Tiara spoke up as Silver Spoon nodded her agreement, somewhat ruining Lyra’s satisfaction of the moment.

Lyra advanced on the pair with a dangerous glint in her eyes and a deceivingly amused tone in her voice.“Monkey huh?” she repeated. “Well let’s think about this.” Lyra smiled coldly. “Let’s pretend that it’s the late Cretineous Period and you find yourself standing face to face with this ‘big monkey’.” Lyra paused as if in thought. “You look at him and he looks at you. Now you think that he’s like E-Rex and that if you stay perfectly still, maybe he won’t notice you. So you freeze and watch as he takes a drink of his beer.” Lyra turned thrusting a hoof at Diamond Tiara.

“And that’s when the attack comes! Not from the front, but the sides. From the two Rednecks you didn’t even know were there. Because, you see, the Redneck is a pack hunter…Of course it’s not quick. It’s actually rather messy. Maybe you’re hit here-” Lyra poked at Diamond Tiara’s side. “or maybe here-” She poked to her chest. “because they’re lousy shots.”

“But the point is- when they tie you to the front of their buggy, you’re still alive! So maybe you should show a little respect hmm?”

Diamond Tiara nodded vigorously.

Lyra trotted back up the hill where Bon Bon was waiting.

“You know…if you wanted to scare her, you could have just thrown her to a bugbear,” Bon Bon teased.

Lyra shrugged. “Sorry. I guess I didn’t handle that well.”

“Like I said, I would have thrown her to a bugbear.” They shared a look and laughed.

“Bon Bon? Do you see that?” Lyra squinted at the sky, unsure at first of the motion her eyes had noted.

Bon Bon’s eyes strained, “It looks like an airship of some kind. I think it’s coming down and heading this way.” Sure enough the small dot rapidly grew in their sight as it approached.

Lyra quickly called out orders to her team. “Secure those tarps tight! Hurry! We’ve got to get our dig covered!” She and Bon Bon hurried back down to the site and began furiously lashing down tarps as Dust Seeker frantically zipped up his gear tent lest the fouling dust and dirt kicked up by the airship’s propellers get into the delicate components.

Lyra scowled up at the airship.. “Somepony’s going to pay for this…”

About fifteen minutes later, Lyra and Bon Bon retreated back up to the trailer on top of the hill. Bon Bon glanced over at the now landed airship and the logo painted on the side. “Pon-Gen? What the heck would they want here?”

“Pon-Gen? Isn’t that that big Pharmaceuticals and Technology company?”

Bon Bon nodded. “That’s the one.”

“Some genius probably wants us to field test a new sunblock, or bug screen, or something.” “Although the thing that really gets me, is that if they offered us six weeks funding, I’d do it.”

“We’ll find out soon enough.” Bon Bon opened the trailer door. As they stepped inside, they saw an older looking unicorn rummaging through the refrigerator and removing a bottle of Sweet Apple Acres Special Reserve Zap Apple Cider.

“Hey! Who do you think you are? We were saving that for…”

“For today! I assure you!” the stallion announced amicably. “Oh! I’m forgetting my manners! Have a seat won’t you?” He popped the cork on the bottle. “If I could just find some glasses…”

“You still haven’t answered my question,” Lyra said irritably. “Who do you think you are?”

The stallion paused from retrieving glasses from one of the upper cabinets, a slightly befuddled expression on his muzzle. “Well… I think I’m Cloud Dreamer.”

Bon Bon’s jaw dropped. “Cloud Dreamer? As in the owner of Dreamer International? That Cloud Dreamer?”

The old stallion nodded. “Yes. That’s the one, I think.” He pointed a hoof at Lyra. “But what’s more important is that I know who YOU are, Lyra Heartstrings! Your work in Human Paleontology is most impressive! And THAT is why I’m here!”

Lyra shook her head. “I’m not following you.”

“Oh! Well it’s quite simple you see! I have a certain project I’ve been working on and we’ve recently hit a bit of a snag and now my investors need some reassurance. That’s where you come in, Miss Heartstrings.”

“Well that makes things clearer,” Bon Bon muttered.

“I promise I’ll explain it a bit more clearly once we’re airborne.” He gestured to the airship outside.

“Wait! We can’t just up and leave our work!” Lyra protested.

“How about if I arrange to fund your research for the next three years?”

Lyra and Bon Bon looked at each other. “Dust Seeker! You’re in charge until I get back!” Lyra shouted down to the ponies in the dig site. She looked at Cloud Dreamer. “I think we can accommodate your schedule.”

“Splendid!” He opened the door to the airship and gestured for them to enter. After taking a moment to head up front to speak with the flight crew, Cloud Dreamer returned to introduce the other ponies they would be sharing the trip with.

“First is my chief legal adviser, Mr. Flim- the source of my distress. And this is Miss Fluttershy. You may be aware of her work with exotic species.” Cloud Dreamer smiled and then turned a resigned expression to the other pony in the compartment. “And lastly is Big MacIntosh, Doctor of Fancy Mathematics.” He shook his head. “I’m afraid he doesn’t share my enthusiasm for our little project. Do you Mr. MacIntosh?”

“Enope.”

Cloud Dreamer shook his head. “You’ll have to excuse Doctor MacIntosh. He suffers from a deplorable excess of personality!” He then shot a look at Flim. “You see? I bring scientists and you bring rock stars!” MacIntosh snorted at this remark.

“If we could have some idea just what this project is?” Bon Bon pressed.

“Oh!” Cloud Dreamer nodded with enthusiasm. “Believe me when I tell you it’s unlike anything you have ever seen, heard of, or imagined! You see, it’s been my fascination since I was a young colt! Ever since my first trip to the museum in Manehattan! Humans have fascinated me endlessly and to that end, I want to share that fascination with the entire world!”

“Are we talking about a new museum?” Bon Bon asked. Big Mac simply rolled his eyes.

“Oh no! The collection of specimens at the Natural History Museum in Canterlot is splendid! But that’s just the thing! It’s all static! What I have to share is a park of living breathing humans as no pony has ever seen before!”

“Living humans?!” Lyra’s eyes widened in shock and surprise, certain she must have misheard.

“Oh yes! Genuine! Living! Breathing humans! And all I have to do to share this accomplishment with the world is to calm the nerves of my board of directors. They seem to think I may have taken leave of my sanity. But if members of the academic community such as yourself were to endorse this park, then the accountants will settle down and let the rest of us to move forward.”

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.” Lyra shook her head. “Are you saying you’ve managed to clone a human?”

“Oh yes! Naturally I can’t discuss specifics for proprietary reasons but yes!”

Big Mac folded his front hooves and leaned back. “And you just don’t get it that your thinking just don’t add up!”

“Oh yes!” Cloud Dreamer gestured a hoof to Big Mac. “Now the philosopher speaks! You never have been able to explain to me that theory of yours.”

MacIntosh inhaled a deep breath and sighed. “Humans ruled the world in their time. The ultimate predators and now you done brought them back. The number one apex predator of their time just like ponies are the apex rulers now and you’re gonna bring them together. You CAN’T have TWO number ones at the same time! So the question is which of them moves down the food chain. And right now you know nothing about how they’ll react… THEY know you’d probably taste good with ketchup. I’d say that gives them the edge.”

“A rather alarmist view.” Cloud Dreamer scoffed. “You’ll see! We have everything under control


In the bustling market square, Suri Polomare sat nervously waiting for her contact. She spied the lean yellow coated unicorn who trotted over with an amused look in his eyes.

“Are you sure you weren’t followed?” Suri demanded in a hushed voice.

“Relax, Suri old mare!” The unicorn laughed confidently. “Nopony here cares! And in a few hours, your company is going to catch up on years of research.” He paused. “If the price is right of course.” He sat down with a slight tone of warning.

Suri smiled wryly as she pushed a saddlebag loaded with bits across the table. “It’s not like this is the first time I’ve ever done this, Mister Flam. How do you think our company gets most of our breakthroughs. Just remember: be at the docks by 1700 hours WITH the samples. I’ll be there with the rest of your money.”

“Of course! I suppose you have some idea on how I’m supposed to get the samples out of the lab?”

Suri smirked and set a six pack of Colt Cola on the table. “The bottoms unscrew. The top actually contains soda. Just keep it cold. After all, who doesn’t like a frosty cold can of Colt?”

“You ponies think of everything don’t you?” Flam laughed as Suri put the cans in a small cooler and passed the cooler to him.

“And remember one more thing Mr. Flam.” Suri warned. “You fail to show? You try and double cross us? We WILL find you and you’ll regret it…

Author's Note:

The spelling of the Cretineous Period is correct. Literally Age of the Cretins.:eeyup: