Chapter 1
First POV
The sun was shining the birds were singing and where was I? I was waiting for my brother get out and go to ComicCon.
"Hey! You done yet?" I called "We're gonna be late."
"I'm comin', I'm comin.'" he called.
He got out of the room.
"Took ya long enough."
"I had to get the shoulder pad right, kay."
My brother was cosplaying as an ARC commander. We went out of the hotel and into our car. We drove to the convention center and parked. We got in line.
"Duuudddee the line is huge." my brother said.
"Be patient." I reassured him.
We waited for two hours, but we finally got in. The receptionist handed our ID's and we split up with my brother going with some of his friends and me just wandering around.
I saw a stand with a guy dressed up as the Resident Evil Merchant. I went over and said "Hello may buy something?"
"Go ahead check my wares." he said in a Middle Eastern accent.
I saw two DC-17 pistols, a gauntlet with an eye in the middle, some anime stuff and most of all 4 Velociraptor eggs and a model of Owen Grady's bike.
"I'd like the raptor eggs, the pistols and the bike please."
"That would be two hundred and fifty bucks."
I handed him the money and walked away with my souvenirs. I saw my brother at the food court. I called him over.
"Hey Owen nice stuff."
Yup that's my name, Owen Grady, kind of a coincidence that my name was the guy I was cosplaying as.
"Here got you something." I said handing him the pistols.
"Thanks man!" he said.
He pulled the trigger randomly and out came a blaster bolt and hit the ground and a portal erupted and he got sucked in.
"Gabe! No!" I shouted as I tried to grab him, but he slipped through before I could reach him. My vision was getting hazy and muttered my brothers name before I blacked out.
First POV
I woke up to the sound of chirping and nudging at my body. I opened my eyes and saw a lot of trees and four Velociraptors one grey with a blue streak going down its back on both sides, Blue, one light green with a blue spot on the side of its eye, Charlie, one dark green with stripes on its back, Delta, and another one that's brown, Echo,. They back away whimpering. I calmed down and slowly approached them. Blue walked over and nudged my hand. The others came over too and stood beside me. I got up and we set off to find civilization.
Meanwhile...
Third POV
`Canterlot, home of the Royal Pony Sisters, the guardians of the Sun and Moon. Celestia looked out the window still disturbed at the magical surge that erupted a few minutes ago making every unicorn in Canterlot have a magical seizure. She was going to investigate with a dispatch of guards.
"Princess, the chariot is ready." a guard said.
"Very well Spear Hoof I'll be right there."
The guard left the room and Celestia followed and went to the garden where the chariot was waiting. She got on and flew off to the Everfree with a group of guards behind her. They landed at the entrance of the Everfree. Celestia went in with the guards. She heard a scream and a roar and used a magic detecting spell and got a strong reading near a manticore den with four other ones. She motioned the guards to follow her deeper in the forest.
First POV
Now back to us. We were wandering for half an hour and came across a cave with some weird cat,bat and scorpion hybrids walking outside. We laid low in the bushes hoping they won't smell us, but fate had other plans. A cat thing popped its head through the bushes and roared at us. I screamed and it lunged at me scratching at me. The raptors jumped on it biting and scratching at its body and it dropped dead in a matter of seconds. I looked up and saw the rest of the pride running towards us. The raptors stood around me screeching back trying to protect me. I tried to look around, but the pain was making it impossible, but I caught a glimpse of something white and yellow in the trees running to help the raptors, but the loss of blood was making my vision hazy. I blacked out soon after.
Third POV
Celestia and the guards burst out of the trees to see a manticore pride and 4 dragon like creatures forming a circle around what looked like a human due to her exploring other worlds she knew what a human is, but with clothes and hair on its face and head and was bleeding badly.
"Guards! Help the dragons and the human." she ordered them.
They charged into battle and started stabbing the manticores. The manticores retaliated injuring a few guards, but the battle ended with the manticores lying dead or dying on the ground. She approached the dragons slowly, but they lashed out almost biting her. She cast a translation spell on them and they started speaking Equish.
"We will not let you harm our father!" the one with blue stripes said.
"Trust me we won't we need to take him back to Canterlot to help you somehow" Celestia replied.
"Fine, but you better not betray us." the dark green one said.
"Guards carry the human back to the chariot." Celestia ordered.
They carried the human on their backs and went back to the chariot. They got out of the forest and went back to the chariot.
"Guards go back to Canterlot and get more chariots. We have some guests." she said.
They saluted and went back to Canterlot to get some more chariots. She went back to the dragons.
"So what are you four?" she asked.
"We are Velociraptors." the light green one said.
"How did you get here?"
"We don't know." the brown one said.
The chariots came back and they all climbed aboard with one raptor per chariot on their way to Canterlot.
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Yay new story and now a displaced one
I liked the premise...
but the execution was poor.
I can tell your new to making/writing stories, may I make a friendly suggestion? you may need an editor some time soon to help polish this rough gem of a story, its really good, but it kinda needs some editing. Of course if you don't want that that's ok, I'm just suggesting it ta be a little helpful, but then again sometimes what one thinks is helpful may actually not be sooooo..... yyyeeaaahh I'll leave it at that. Well later I'ma gonna continue reading now
Way to rushed sorry but its true make it longer and less rushed give more info in the povs
6136518 yes finally i found plz dont canclle this story nor put it on hiautis and not stop posting this stuff im so hooked ill be very sad if you do thoose things that i told you
too rushed. I almost lost interest if it wasn't for my curiosity, but I highly suggest rewriting it and getting some help from editors and pre-readers. For a good idea, take a look at some really liked stories around the site, while also paying attention to how informative the description is and how it's executed... if there is one
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6165774 HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BROTHER!!!!!!
If you ever say things like that again to him you will be sorry
Flow of story is a little fast but will keep reading
Wait...
What?
*is bamboozled*
9680176
The mirror dimension.