• Member Since 8th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 15th, 2017

Estelien


E

Ava Ray, named for her wings and the way the sun made her mane glow, has had lots of big dreams throughout her life. The more she heard, "You can't," the more determined she was to prove she could. Now that Ava is all grown up and working as a teacher, she gets to watch little foals discover their own purpose. And yet... She is still seeking her true destiny. But each path seems to lead to a dead end. For the first time in her life, she might be running out of dreams. Maybe they were right. What am I here for anyway? Do I even have a dream anymore?

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 13 )

"These dorks-gotta love them!" Lol :raritywink:

I wonder if Prench is different from Frequin... Anywho, I do believe I'm gonna tag this story for future viewings!

6134829
Has Prench been used in other fics for Equestrian French? I saw someone mention Prance when I was looking for ideas.

6134844
I have seen Prance and Prench, though to my abominable recollection all I can accurately recall is that they were used in scenes of the dining finely variety, and cannot with accuracy give the precise bits of fiction for reference.

Still, nice to see French used so well in one's work! Whether Frequin or Prench, tis good! Hmm, I am of the diabolical mindset that a cleverly vile mind can fit both into the same work. Perhaps as opposing dialects? Well that's my bit. I'd throw two of them, but I'm cheap.

6134954
That sounds complicated... :derpyderp1: Frankly, I only know English and French so far. I could see someone with more expertise doing a Cajun or African French for one dialect - that would be pretty sweet.

I like her playing as a mixed class character, to me it gives the impression that she's indecisive about what she wants to do because she sees the positive traits of different things. Like, it's not that there's nothing she wants to do but rather too many things she wants to do.

Looking forward to seeing where this goes :twilightsmile:

This has the appearance and great potential to be a fantastic story. I enjoyed the self doubt that Ava displayed, finding it to be very relatable. I am curious to see where this goes.

I like this. There's definitely potential here. The flow does feel a bit awkward admittedly, but I don't think it's due to the multi-language use. Just little things like certain sections of the story:

"Her thoughts were interrupted by a second loud ring."

When I read that, I was thinking it was another school bell, until actual mention of a telephone appeared. It was just little things like that – I guess lead-ins and descriptors – that threw me off at times.

Suffice it to say, I wanna see where this goes. Always cool to see an adult blank flank seeking their way in the world. :rainbowdetermined2:

6135428
Yes, I think you're on the right track. :)

6135790
Thank you! That's really encouraging.

6139143
Hmmm, I'll think about that line and see if there's a better way of wording it. Did you notice any other specific areas where the flow was awkward? Admittedly, I submitted it late at night and probably ought to have proofread better first.

6139161

It's late where I am currently, so my proofreading's probably not much better at the moment. :twilightblush:

"... I want to frame it, if you don't mind!" Once the proud filly had stumbled away..." This section right here feels awkward, because I feel like there was no proper lead-out – like maybe the filly nodding before she stumbled away. Something simple like that.

The phone conversation with the travel representative, the way that ended felt a bit abrupt. Like, when I read, "The awful conversation finally ended," I wondered for a second 'Did anything else happen?' Of course, I'm used to things being played out to the very end versus being alluded to, so this is probably a personal preference thing on my part more than anything. *shrugs*

But those were two main areas where I perked up and was kind of like, 'Huh, maybe could flow a little better'. I do like how the story reads for the most part, as I'm able to imagine what's going on with a steady flow.

Comment posted by Estelien deleted Jun 28th, 2015

I think this chapter is an improvement. Not that the last one was bad at all, but this one seems to flow a bit better. The added length is appreciated as well.

I like the vagueness of Ava's situation. Like with not explaining why she was sleeping on the couch, and the significance of the journal.

With the last chapter I saw potential in this story, now I'm genuinely interested in Ava's situation.

Was just browsing and found this, and I can say I am not dissapointed! Keep up the goodwork, my friend! :twilightsmile:

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