She doesn't need to be buried to be buried alive.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 2nd Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Apr 7th, 2017
eLLen
She's just the dirty-by-trade tomboy.
eLLen
Joined 2nd Sep, 2014 ·
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Aside from that... I don't fully understand this story. What was going on?
That was a nice story this deserves a thumbs up ^_^
6144754 Rainbow Dash flew atop a thick layer of clouds stretching to the horizon. Then she found herself unable to break through it. Because of that she tried to divebomb through, broke one of her legs. After a while she suddenly fell through the clouds like she wanted to do at the beginning of the story (HA! Talk about lag...) and crashlanded, but thanks to her experience in crashlanding survived. She then thought that she will probably stick around for a bit where she is.
THE END
And then she never broke through the cloud layer ever, ever again. Ever.
Like the others have said, this story is technically well written but lacking substance. There is no rhyme or reason explaining why she was in this situation or how she got out of it.
This is different, but not entirely sure what to think about it. If it wasn't for the end I would think its a bad dream, but it seems there is something more.
6149782
That's the terrifying aspect, isn't it? Sort of reminds me of creepy pastas before I knew what they were. No explanation, no reason, no extensive detail, just enough to make you wonder if some of it was actually real. We don't know why Rainbow Dash couldn't get through the clouds, or if it'll ever happen again. Or worse, what if other pegasi fall victim to such a development?
Weird, but very good.
I enjoyed this bit of bizarre creepiness.
Creepy. I like it.
I have no idea what exactly happened. I'll probably never know. Excellent job.
I liked it but I didn't feel there was enough build up / substance. It was mostly
Ok she's stuck above clouds
Stuck above the clouds still
Wow still stuck above the clouds
Oh wait she's gone through
And yea, we did see her thoughts, but most of it was very straight forward.
I feel the story would be improved if you explained the time was passing instead of just saying what it felt like had passed (show not tell), ie talk about the sun's position, maybe the temperature dropping.
She's stuck but that shouldn't be all that's being told to us, the readers. We should be see the reasons she's panicking, not just that she is.
6426493 Mm... I dunno. I admit I don't recall too many of my thoughts when writing this, but I know it's purposefully written in simple tell format for a lot of it. It's part of the style I wanted. The simple progression to the end was the goal.
I do agree on the description about the stetting though. Definitely could help.
Thanks for reading and the feedback.
Great concept
6428523
Personally, for the longest time I believed she was just dreaming - and so I accepted the erratic flow of time, because that's how dreams tend to be: feel like ages within minutes, because brains are very good with editing the everyday boring stuff out while implying that it was all there (half of our memories work this way, by the way - we remember way less than we believe we do, because there are multi-connection pathways reinforcing existing ideas, but not actually building exclusive paths). But then the break wouldn't have had translated, right? So I'm confused as to what actually happened here.
That was really neat. :O