Luna and Celestia share a meal at the end and beginning of their days, but Luna has other plans
[img]https://i.imgur.com/j8cG26r.png[/img]
Endorsed by Twilight's Library... And no one ever told me, oh well
Cover art is care of Lamia, go support her work on her Deviant Art account, commission an image, because she's worth it
Cute and fun, the kind of light reading I was looking for :D
I cant say anything negatory WHAT IS THIS It's fabulous
735829 Hey, is there a report comments button somewhere? Because...
735842 nope, dealt with it myself
Well done and very fun read.
Hee hee! Very cute! Great way to start my day. Please keep writing, I'll keep reading.
I love easy reads like this. And booze. So this is become a fav.
Very funny.
LOL, I'll give you that.
I love this.
awesome i laughed like a maniac when Shining armor came in
Sure didn't take a lot to lighten Celestia's mood dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
LOL The guards outside were like: "Oh no what did she do? Why is she screaming? Shit! She's gonna have our heads!"
Ah, that was adorable. Perfect piece of slice-of-life fiction.
839066
What this guy said. Exactly what this guy said.
if all it takes to get someone to take a day off, is to spit alcohol on them......
think of the probability.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
951668 How often does Celestia get a day off? With Luna... and booze... and possibly tubs filled with Apple's Hard Apple Cider. Even a Goddess needs the occasional day off to play and I can't see Celestia taking the day off even if she wanted to, Luna just gave her a subtle (or not so subtle) push to do what she probably wanted to do anyways.
That's how I see it, even if I'm wrong.
951695 I have to agree with you. A goddess doesn't get much chance to take a break, much less a day off.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw
That was good.
Not bad. Not bad at all. I even got a bit of a chuckle out of the cider fight.
But anyway, you've already gotten plenty of praise. Now for constructive criticism! Yay!
One major thing I noticed was errors in comma use, which range from joining two independent clauses to creating a full run-on sentence. A perfect example is "Before Princess Luna could say a word Princess Celestia burst out laughing, Shining Armor froze."
Instead, it should be "Before Princess Luna could say a word, her sister burst out laughing. (New paragraph) Shining Armor froze. Nobody on the palace staff blah blah blah."
Then there's this segment of dialogue which just plain annoys me. "Tia, you should really try this apple cider, it’s really good!"
A) It's a run-on sentence. B) Luna doesn't strike me as someone to use that word choice. I know that's just utter nitpicking, but it's true. Even if she had adapted her speaking style to be more modern, she'd still speak using a highly elevated vocabulary, several archaic terms, and some bizarre vowel and verb tenses. Despite most of the words being the same, it's still akin to learning a new language.
So instead, I'd suggest something like "Tia, you should partake of this fine 'apple cider!' Truly, it is a symphony for the tongue!"
That's about all I got. Oh, and the cover art was hilarious.
1229505 comma usage is my Achilles heel. I'm aware of this and despite efforts to fix it improvements are... slow.
As for cover art, blame Lamia. In case I didn't pimp her hard enough in the description, Lamia Lamia Lamia!
There are 2 spots I'm not happy with on here but they'll have to wait, I've busy with Jumper and no less than 4 side projects. Plus work has decided that I need to suffer yet another 60+ hour work week. But if I get around to it I'll definitely take your suggestions into consideration.
P.S. I'm glad you enjoyed it. If you've ever seen a girl throw a drink in another girls face you know the immediate reaction. Pick up the first available glass and return the favour
I think you mean are, slow...
I enjoyed it. The guard's nervousness in set up the ending quite nicely yet they remained professional,which as a security guard having been in similar situations I appreciate.
2571566 eeee! Brother!!!! What kind of security? I'm event security
2574006
I started as event security, working over 14 locations for a contract company. Everything from football, to football, to concerts, company parties, fire watch, races, standup comedy, religious events, pretty much you name it I’ve done it.
Now I am a loss prevention officer which is a glorified security guard. It's pretty chill.
Looks like I will be switching to working at a new fancy club this summer in Seattle, sometime Right after Everfree NW.
This right here? This makes the fic work.
4520034 That was the exact line that made me turn it into a oneshot.
I reviewed your fic tonight you can find it here
5479401 Sweet, thanks! I'm glad you liked it... Although I am wondering how you found it.
5479406
I have my ways....
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Okay I used the new search function looking for Celestia and Luna tags.
5479411 For shame.
I mean, THE SYSTEM WORKS!!
Nightmare Moon
not Nightmare moon
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/37540750/jeremy-clarkson-not-bad.jpg