• Member Since 28th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Craine


An old writer polishing his ways, giving feedback, and helping fellow authors. Nothing more.

T
Source

Sweetie Drops.

Retired Special Agent.

Working Pony and Loving Friend.

Hated Mortal Enemy.

She wants to live in peace. He has other plans.


Rated "Teen" for suggestive images.

Enjoy!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 7 )

"Cause baby, now we got bad blood!" ... I'm sorry. :fluttershyouch:

Oh, I like this very much. :raritystarry: This is dark and interesting and delivers on a really good premise. I am faving this.

Now that I have faved this, I will nit-pick it. Because it is awesome.

muk

Perhaps "muck"?

her eye wide trembling eye

I'm not sure if this quite makes sense.

the grinning bear’s face. Her face

The repetition of "face" stands out.

(the underlined things Orokos says)

Maybe it's just a matter of personal preference, but I find italics to be sufficient emphasis. IMO, the underlines are kinda distracting.

Some backstory on Sweetie Drops and the BugBear. I'll give an upvote and fave to that.

^-^ Nicely done.

Well.

That was really dark. After that little exchange, I'm not liking this Orokos guy either. There's a lot of potential here, should you or anypony else choose to continue this.

I'm rather tempted myself, to be entirely honest.

Have a like. :twilightsmile:

Mhm. Upboated.

6128598
Agreed on all points. Also, change the Rapidash thing. It's clever, yeah, but a Pokemon reference really doesn't fit this piece.

Bon Bon the bad ass. Well at least she tries to be. Inside she's a scared little pony. Damn that Bugbear making poor little Bonnie cry.

A dank gritty story about one of my favorite backgrounders.

She's gonna need a good, long hug after that.

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