- Member Since 28th Mar, 2013
- offline last seen Saturday
Craine
An old writer polishing his ways, giving feedback, and helping fellow authors. Nothing more.
Craine
Joined 28th Mar, 2013 ·
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- PegasusMesa · 2.1k words · 35 2 · 692 views
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"Cause baby, now we got bad blood!" ... I'm sorry.
Oh, I like this very much.
This is dark and interesting and delivers on a really good premise. I am faving this.
Now that I have faved this, I will nit-pick it. Because it is awesome.
Perhaps "muck"?
I'm not sure if this quite makes sense.
The repetition of "face" stands out.
Maybe it's just a matter of personal preference, but I find italics to be sufficient emphasis. IMO, the underlines are kinda distracting.
Some backstory on Sweetie Drops and the BugBear. I'll give an upvote and fave to that.
^-^ Nicely done.
Well.
That was really dark. After that little exchange, I'm not liking this Orokos guy either. There's a lot of potential here, should you or anypony else choose to continue this.
I'm rather tempted myself, to be entirely honest.
Have a like.
Mhm. Upboated.
6128598
Agreed on all points. Also, change the Rapidash thing. It's clever, yeah, but a Pokemon reference really doesn't fit this piece.
Bon Bon the bad ass. Well at least she tries to be. Inside she's a scared little pony. Damn that Bugbear making poor little Bonnie cry.
A dank gritty story about one of my favorite backgrounders.
She's gonna need a good, long hug after that.