She couldn't help it - something clicked.
When Twilight realizes her feelings for Pinkie, it's all she can do to keep them hidden, but when Pinkie has a bought of Pinkie Sense, she doesn't know if her efforts will hold out! Pinkie Pie goes into a frenzy to find her hidden lover, and Twilight has to redouble her efforts to REMAIN CALM.
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Love it so far! ^.^
Just some helpfull advice. Indenting is cool and all that, and I like it personally, but it works so much better if you combine that with a space between paragraphs. It makes it all so much easer to read. Another suggestion. Do not capslock any speech. a simple '!' will do. To me, canterlock senances look like absolute poo.
I thought the first paragraph was a bit rushed, as you could have had a dramatic build up of her thoughts while reading the book. The phrase "Show, don't tell" comes to mind. Don't worry, I have a problem with it too.
I can't wait to see more!
I wonder if Pinkie even heard what Rainbow Dash said.
And on top of that, having her be straight has a lot more potential for awkwardness. Or Crowning Moment Of Nonchalance.
It's a lot of textwalls, might wanna try spacing it out, makes it easier to read.
MOAR
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/007/3/c/132056471450_by_lovgir7-d4ln53p.gif
Why is Mrs. Cake Pinkie's mom?
It's really unhealthy you know, all this Twinkie.
ah, buck it, I'm following this... NOT BECAUSE I LIKE SHIPPING. (lol canterlock)
You see... usually I hate shipfics
But this one... well,
It doesn't seem too bad so far!
I will fav and follow,
Let's see where this goes...
~Rosalynn~
P.S. 3 Fluttershy avatars in a row...>:3
Seemed a little rushed in the beginning, otherwise great opening. Beware the capslock, that makes ot very hard to read. Withhold up or downvote until more pf the story is complete.
Interesting
And lol at Fluttershy's confession
ya got me lollin'
good story bro. i cant wait to see the next chapters. keep up the good work. and don't read my stories i suck at writing.
A reply to you all!
Thanks so much for the comments! I'm working on.... well, everything. Hopefully we can get the next chapter moving soon!
Pink's mom lives on a rock farm, not in a certain Sugarcube Corner :)
668881
Kidding. Mrs. Cake is considered her mother.
Hater!
You have interested me with this story. There are a few mistakes, who doesn't, but they story could grow into something awesome. I'll track.
I think something goofed...
You may have accidentally the whole chapter. Don't worry, is not dangerous!
uh did something happen to the site. Where is the chapter?
I very much enjoyed this chapter
Huh, this is most peculiar, I do hope that the issue will be rectified soon.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/I+just+don+t+know+what+went+wrong+.+Derpy+Thumbs+amirite_a5787f_3610684.jpg
well that was some thing to read was not expecting twilight to do that and as for pinkie i know she is random but come on
but good chapter
My particular favourite moment of this chapter was when the ponies went to the place and found the stuff involving the things.
I got all excited...
I thought there was a new chapter...
BUT IT GOOFED UP AND IT'S NOT THERE!! BWAAHHHHH
~Rosalynn~
Same here
Evil forces are at work
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/334/198/ff1.png
I have never seen better writing before!
Are you gonna fix it?
I don't think any of you truly understand the absolute magnificence of this chapter.
It's there for all to see as long as you believe, peel back the layers of reality and peer past the void between the fourth wall and πth wall where the people on Saturn are watching us all from a one-sided diamond wall, blogging and writing shipping fanfics about each one of us.
And now you see the world as Pinkie does.
Hey! Words! Yay!
Sorry about not posting the next chapter. I relized it had.... issuesand had to fix it. I promise the 2nd chapter will be here soon.
Happy people? There is part of the second chapter! There is something to read!
nope not happy too short and one spelling mistake 'Twightlight its twilight '
Sorry I am not a good a writer as the sister1! I will fix as much as I can though!
~Sister2
824662 two spelling mistakes, "cannon" should be canyon