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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Now that Chris meet the Main 6. Keep up the good work
Well, I can tell what this story's about.
A BIG NERD!
So he's one of those "humanity sucks and we're killing our planet" types huh... bleh.
It was confusing in the two places where it changed from third person perspective to second person
My Nigga! Finally a black main character! HUZZA! We black people gotta stick together.
No. No, no, no, fucking no. I can't continue reading this with such levels of bullshit present.
Really? Calling him a creature? I don't care if your excuse is to say because he's human and they're ponies. If they were full on ponies, then I can see it working. But you have them as anthros. The only thing differentiating him from a pony is the lack of a colorful coat. Hell, humans can easily be seen as just pale, anthro earth ponies.
And if you say "It's because the ponies treat anything they don't know as a creature", then I point you to Zecora. They didn't know that she was a different species (Even though the only difference was the coat) but they at least still referred to her as a 'she', not just a 'creature'. Here they're just labeling him as such so you can forward the story, and that is plain unacceptable. Hell, I'm more than willing to bet you only made them anthros so you could point out, "Hey, look. This chick has tits. And she's hot."
Furthermore, the multiple times I've seen you break the story by including your own little memos in parentheses mid-chapter. Like when you referred to them as satyrs and said you were too lazy to call them anything else. First off, shame on you for being too lazy to even bother writing a short little "Chris didn't know what to call them so he would call them Satyrs for now". That's bare minimum what you have to do. It takes all of five seconds. And even then, you don't just break the story halfway through for a personal little note. That's what the Author's Notes section is for. Just put a little * mark next to it, link it with a similar * mark in the AN and keep it there.
This entire story so far has been one massive clusterfuck and I'm ashamed to admit I even wasted my time here.
And we got the death and sorrow talk out of the way. Good, I always find the slightly depressing.
evolution.berkeley.edu/evolibrary/images/history/mass_vs_bckgrnd.gif
Its boring
6507362 I am very skeptical of that assumption you made
6591805 Thank you.
6591805
Well more like a pale anthro earth pony with a disfigured muzzle
6507362
Wouldn't Nigga be an insult?
Actually, I think that the first great extinction was caused by toxic oxygen
This is the first story I have seen that they had the Protagonist slowly transform into what they are being turned into.
Luv it.
why did you have them ask if humans don't have cutie marks? only ponies have those.
Umm the Ice Age happened right after the comet hit so I’d lump those two together honestly
"I’m not proud of my country’s history but things have gotten much more peaceful after that, we have skirmishes with other countries and people die yes but… not as much as that, and hopefully never again.”
Heheh...hehhehehehHAHHAHAHAHAHA....BITCH OUR COUNTRY HAS FUCKIN OCCUPIED AND DESTROYED THE MIDDLE EAST FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS.....HAHAHAHAHAHAH ....OUR PRESIDENT AND ADMINISTRATION LOCK UP KIDS ON THE BORDER EN MASS.....PEACE WAS NEVER AN OPTION....ok I'm good got my existential horror of reality out of my system today sorry.
Holy crap! The quality of this chapter compared to the first 2 is like comparing a children's artwork to a pro artist.
So are they satyrs or anthros?
8263376
From my understanding not in the way he used it
Ah the fucking cringe, ow. This is the stopping point for me.
9511935
Cringey, yes, but improving a lot at least
I'm just going to skip this chapter and hope for the best. It's pretty terrible.
Well, this pile of garbage is a bit too much for me to take. Let's list a few novice mistakes: one, everyone likes him; two, the whole fluttershy scene; three, humans are horrible things (a very childish view of the world); four, getting saved by a flirty zebra; five, grammar and flow; six, tits; seven, blushing; eight, being lazy; and finally, your lack of understanding of the world.
I'm done here, the cringe was far too hard to explain.
Edit: now that I think about it, you are probably not going to understand the mistakes since I didn't explain them. On the other hand, the more well read people out there would understand.
Goddamn it. Why did you have to say that Zecora? Now he will leave the path and something horrible will happen! Like giant spiders!
Who, me?
Also, after reading the rest, I have a feeling him and Shy will get along well.
The first Extinction event was actually an ice age called the great dying because 98 present of life was wiped out
This was awesome interdiction and meeting with the main six.
I'm black and I'm offended.
10190846
Sorry about that bro, I'm an asian and I can understand. Encountered some racist people as well.
I guess Equestria Antros have eye plates instead of eye balls...
Why return? He bearly got there...
10190846
Understandable. But at least it funny.