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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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D'awww
Such cuteness. Must....Not....Oh darn, there went my pride.
Aww nice the i thought i was going to have a cuteness overload with dis 1
sooo cute dawwwww
Yay, this chapter was so cute.
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚
can't wait for the next chapter!
(〠_〠)-waiting
Hah, the mind of a man goes poof when your waifu says she wants 4 more kids.
Time lapse? Nice, good way to start a new plot.
The feels, it hit me right in the feels.
I need more. If i dont get more i die, do you want me to die? Give me more.
>>Oh god Cuteness overload! *BLEAGH*
Who would want to die?
So. I know this chapter is quite old, and you may have already been made aware of this, but when making time lapses, especially ones of such length as this one, you need to sit down and think through all possible events that might occur or need to be covered.
In this instance, your character lead had a method of contact with Celestia, was in the Crystal Empire, and was training. Okay, cool. But, if you want us to believe that not once did he spend time with Fluttershy, any of the other ponies, or knew he had a daughter? Sorry, but that's poor writing and sheer bull. The training time is also quite questionable, but that can be brushed aside. However, no one is going to be out of touch for five years, to the point they're never made aware of being a father.
You really need to come back and adjust your time skip and events, honestly. This is so unbelievable with how it's currently presented that it's pretty much impossible to believe it as truth. Tad harsh, perhaps, but hopefully this helps, if you haven't yet been told about this. This right here is a massive flaw in your story, one that cannot be overlooked.
EDIT - Also in this chapter, forgot to mention other potential events. He was training for five years, yet not one single 'icesplosion' as you've dubbed it occurred? You cannot simply time skip without trying to take into account events that would occur. They're trickier than you might think, and assuming you hadn't really dealt with any before this one, as it does show.
He didn't have a single iceplosion in the four and a half years he was gone??
Hope to DIE!
Where are his dragon wings can you transform into a full Dragon yet
I just realized. In my story, Pink should have at least met Ian and Icy for the first time by the point I’m at now. Due to her physics and logic breaking skills. And even if she didn’t meet Ian due to the measures he’s taken to hide, she definitely should have met Icy. She’s just a normal unicorn inventor with artificial wings and pegasus magic.
Thank you for writing something that let me realize this fact.
My god this was wholesome as fuck......
I was literally gonna say that shit for the comment before this quote.... but Pinks got my back!!! YO PINKIE!!? THROW ANOTHER FFFFOORRREEEVVEERRRRRR IN THERE!
This chapter makes no sence! Events like the Gala and vacation days would make em meet! Why would Fluttershy dontvtell him about her?
What - the - FUCK ?!
Isnt he training to be a Ambassador?! Again...
What - the - FUCK ?!
OBJECTION! ALL THE BUT-ts ...
... I sometimes hear people talk of visiting. Asshole.
Yup, this entire chapter is getting a hard no-sell. No way, no how. Just, no.