Special Delivery
The Bounty Catching, Freedom Dreaming, Winged Wolf Phenomenon
Chapter 1
~{WWP}~
“Why hello there pretty lady, what can I do for ya?” I managed to say without too much of a slur. I should really stop drinking so much beer, but it is tasty and it allows me to forget. I should also know better than to talk to random women in the city at 2am that whistle to get your attention; that usually means you won’t have money in the morning and a very awkward conversation with a doctor in your future. But that’s the joys of booze; you can say ‘fuck you’ to common sense.
“Well I can’t help the fact you have Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark on your hat. So, you’re a brony?” the mysterious lady replied with a grin. To be honest, the grin was creepy as hell, but by Zeus she was hot. And she was a brony, or at least knew about them, so pros greater than cons. Having only recently become a brony and barely started to go public with it, I have not yet met anyone to talk to the show about in person. Lady Luck, you sure are smiling at me right now.
“Yea, I am. I just got the hat the other day. Subtle enough to wear outside and still let people who know what to look for see I’m a brony,” I answered, a lot more slurred then before. I attempted to be smooth and lean against a nearby lamppost, but fail miserably and almost fall over.
Well there goes the operation smooth. Mentally facepalming I continued “So what’s your name and favorite pony? Boo-ya, no slurring in that one. Point me.” The fact she was laughing and I heard myself say that last line placed the last nail in the coffin. Note to self, stop trying to be suave and always go with plan B, make em laugh.
“My name’s Eris Strife, pleasure to meet you. As for my favorite character, that honor would have to go to Discord, Lord of Chaos. Oh how I just love chaos,” Eris said with a little maniacal laugh. Ok, this chick is definitely creepy, but so damn hot and that wins when drunk. “So, what is your name? Would you ever want to go to their world?”
Where have I heard of that before? Oh yea, in about a dozen different “Human in Equestria” stories. Good thing those are all fake. “My name’s Mark, and I totally would want to go, but not as a pony. I’d be too freaked out about how I pick stuff up with no hands. And I’d want wings. Flying around just sounds freaking badass; dragon would be too big but a griffin sounds fun. Then again, I can’t stand cats, and being half cat would suck. Oh well, too bad it’s just a show,” I get out with minor slurring. Drunken conversations are fun, very thought provoking, as long as you can understand them. Given the nodding of her head, she got me loud and clear.
“Would you leave everyone behind to get there?” was her simple reply, batting her eyelashes my way. Move over Aphrodite, new hottest in the world here, but that statement got me thinking. I mean, I had friends and family that I liked, but I was always more of a loner even when we hung out. There just never seemed to be a strong connection. Hell I even joined a frat and got hazed with other guys to see if mutual pain would make a tight bond and that didn’t work either. Just got me more booze than I thought existed. So the question is, would I leave that all behind and get a fresh start?
“Hell ya, I’m not that important here anyway,” I shouted almost as soon as she finished her question. Trying to get an answer from a drunk guy is as easy as batting eyelashes for a girl this hot. I’m pretty sure she knew it too judging by the look in her eyes.
“Ok, so let me just clarify real quick; not a pony, you want wings, small enough to fit into pony society, but no griffin cause you don’t like cats. That sound right?” she asked as she cracked her knuckles and started to loosen up. I simply nodded wondering why she needed to know all of that when all of a sudden, she punched me square in the face and into sweet unconsciousness.
---------------
Why the hell am I so sore? And why is it so dark? At least I don’t have a huge hangover; that would suck. Those were the first thoughts I had flowing through my mind. I tried to stretch out my arms and legs, but found I was in a box and didn’t have any room to move enough to get a nice stretch in. I could barely move my arms. ‘Well this sucks, what the hell happened last night?’
As I struggled with lapses in my memory and cursing the gods above for inventing booze, instantly taking that portion back, slowly things came back to me. Too much at the bar, check; really hot girl whistling to me, check; Hot girl punching me in the face, check. Well at least now I know why I’m sure.’Just then someone outside of my box started to talk.
“Hey, somepony forgot to pack this crate over here. It even says Special Delivery. Somepony help me toss it onto the air ship before we take off!” someone shouted outside. The sound of hooves walking closer to my box was quickly followed by the feeling of getting tossed through the air and finishing with a very hard landing. To make things all the better, I was upside when I landed, so now I’m stuck with all of my blood rushing to my head.
“Ok, enough of this stupid box. A LITTLE HELP IN HERE! I’M SORT OF STUCK!” I started yelling hoping that whoever just tossed my ass around would be willing to help a brother out here. Sure enough, I got a reply fairly quickly.
“Horse apples, which crate you in mate?” came the gruff reply. Instead of shouting again, I simply hit any part of the crate I can with my limited mobility making enough racket to get their attention. “Of course it was the one we just tossed. Sorry about that mate. We’ll get you out real quick. By the way, how’d you get stuck in the crate anyway?” the gruff voice called out as I heard hooves approaching again.
“Well let’s see; a late night of drinking followed by flirting with a random girl in the streets before having her punch me in the face. Bout all I remember from last night,” I reply as the crate gets turned over once again. Seriously, why couldn’t they just have broken the top of the box? It’s not that hard.
“Well, can’t say I’ve ever been drunk enough to let a mare catch me off guard. Now duck your head, or this’ll hurt,” with that, the gruff voice shoved a crowbar, barely missing my head I might add, into the side of the box and ripped the top straight off. The light blinded me for a while so I just shut my eyes real tight. Reaching a hand up to grab the edge I finally noticed something important; I didn’t have hands anymore or at least no thumb. Think I would’ve noticed that at first, missing an important part of my body, but it just felt right to NOT have a thumb for some odd reason.
“Just what the blazes are you?” the gruff voice asked, having jumped back after looking at me in the crate.
Shit, that is never a good question to be asked,. Trying to remember everything that happened before getting punched in the face. A list! I gave that crazy bitch a list of what I didn’t want to be but that didn’t tell me what I was. Whatever, I’ll have to open my eyes eventually to figure what I am, may as well do it now.
First thing I noticed upon opening my eyes was the fact I had a snout. Almost like a German Shepard’s, fairly long, but thick too. Moving my “hand” in front of my face I saw it was like a normal dog’s paw but with the digits slightly longer and more flexible. They also had a nice set of 2 inch long claws on each digit. The fur on my upper arms and legs and chest were white, but from the bicep up and my body was light brown. I also had a splash of black in my tail. Ok, this isn’t so bad. Don’t know what my face looks like but looks like I’m a talking wolf. That’s pretty cool I guess. I mean, I have a tail, that’s always a good thing. Then I noticed the feathered appendages resting on my side. “FUCK YES I GOT WINGS!” I didn’t even care if whoever was around thought I was crazy, this was the greatest discovery in history.
Well, maybe second to beer, but it was a pretty damn close second.
“Now what the hell are ya?! You ain’t a griffin or diamond dog, so what the hell are ya?” the gruff voice called out. My ears swiveled towards the source of the sound, apparently being just as sharp as any dogs, and my jaw almost dropped. Standing a ways away from me was a pony. He stood about a head over me and looked exactly like Big Macintosh did in the show, but was brown. He had a crowbar as his cutie mark, go figure. So that means I’m about as tall as a standard sized pony. That’s nice to know.
Thankfully I didn’t recognize this one, or I’d be having a major gush fest. That and the fact he was holding a crowbar threateningly in my direction helped me from nerdgasming right then too, but that’s besides the point. “Um… I’m a winged wolf?” I replied sheepishly. Hell, from how he acted I doubted those even existed in Equestira, but that’s the best I got for now. “Hey, any chance you can tell me where I am? Oh, and you have a name?”
“Name’s Wrecking Ball, and you’re currently in the cargo hold of the airship Star Swirled. As for what you are, never heard of them. You got a name flea bag?” Wrecking Ball asked in a very hostile manner. He also took to lightly tapping one hoof with the crowbar. Seriously though, how do they hold things?
“Easy buddy, no need for things to get nasty here,” I really did not want to fight anyone right now; I tend to get a little, excessive. Now I had to think of a name to use though. First thought was my normal name, but that’s no fun. New world, new body, new species apparently, meant new name. Then thinking back to my frat, I decided Greek is always fun. “My name is Zeta. Nice meeting you.”
I hope that eases some of the tension. I still had no idea how to even use my new body, let alone fight in it. Plus, I’m not a very nice person when I fight, so I tend to use my wit and humor to avoid confrontation. At least I do until someone tries to hit me like this pony when he decided he didn’t like my head and thought it’d be a better piñata.
“Holy shit man, are you trying to kill me?” I yelped as ducked underneath the heavy metal. Obvious answer is obvious when Wrecking Ball kept trying to hit me with crowbar. “What are you, a racist?!” I managed to yell as I got a little bit of distance between the two of us.
“No, I just don’t like dirty mangy mutts sneaking into our cargo hold,” the attacking draft pony countered. Charging at me, he only managed to break a few more crates, spilling their hold of apples which I could smell from across the hold. Heightened dog senses rock.
“Yeah, that’s some pretty racist shit you just spewed at me. And I didn’t sneak in, you threw me on board,” I managed to get out avoiding this pony’s random swings. It was pretty apparent he had never been in a fight before, but I was still didn’t want to be his first, and probably last, opponent. Like I said, I get carried away. Eventually, he backed me into a wall where there was surprising little number of crates. Wait, no crates in a cargo hold? That means…Oh shit
Noticing the look on my face, Wrecking Ball put on a wicked grin. “Oh, you noticed that you're at the cargo hold's door, good for you. Bye bye ya mangy mutt,” the pony laughed rather cruelly as he hit a big red button. Seriously, why is it always a big red button and more importantly, how the hell did he hold that crowbar?
The floor underneath of me spilt open and I started my plummet, with my last words being an echoing scream of “FUCKING RACIIIIIIiiiist...”
~{WWP}~
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Its always the pretty ones....
Also, HE MISSUSES THE POWER OF THE CROWBAR!!! I DEMAND SWIFT VENGEANCE!!!
626499>>688722 Headcrabs as well.
702484 And ammo/item crates, and last but not least all those wooden planks.
Funny chapter is funny.
One thing I've been wondering: Are the ponies really racist, or would a better term be "speciesist"?dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
734486 naa, they actually are racist. it's just that that word has gotten so misused it's true meaning has been obscured.
A message from Jack:
"Why the hell did you have to go and say that?! Now I've got a drunk goddess crying her eyes out on my shoulder and she won't. Fucking. Let. Go!"
626499
HIS PUNISHMENT WILL BE SWIFT AND PAINFUL.
857801
see he has claws can fly and has a nasty bite... sory if its like im stalking you its yust i started reading all the chess game storys and your poped up sooner tha this one >///>
hmm yes this is amusing to say the least I will keep tabs on this
Pony racists. Gotta love em'.
ah classic pony intolerance priceless
“FUCKING RACIIIIIIiiiist HOOOOORRRRSSSSIEEE...”
2524782 You reading that group too?
And yes. RACIST HORSE IS RACIST.
Zeta? I would have gone with Omega, but I guess that's just me...
Funny, the show is ment to be 'loving and tolerating', yet they banish the changeling, inprision Discord, BLOW UP Sombra, blast apart interdenominational schools, and now we have resist ponies. Nice work with the love and toleration ponies.
Eclipse out.
734486
Specist, actually. But yeah, this would be a better word. If humans lived with bipedal pigs and hated them, they'd be specists, not racists.
Before he hit the button I would have said "I have wings, moron". Sure, I wouldn't know how to use them, but he wouldn't know that.
709379
Don't forget the Gargs!
(Or has no one ever played the classic Half-Life, i love it but at the moment im stuck on a certain game which i luv now)
Oh my god, that is hilarious.
2874772 or Delta. As in subject Delta. Then he could get a drill arm. Whoo!
He'd better remember he can fly or this is gonna be one short journey...
Hi, author, btw. Read your cameo over in "Griffin the Griffin" (or its sequel, I don't remember which right now) and decided Zeta was an intriguing enough character to add his origin story to my Read Later list. Tonight's the first chance I've had to come check this out. Looking forward to Mark/Zeta's journey through the crazy intrigue that is the Chessverse...
Onward! /)
My Little Pony Racist Is Magic
LOL
Woohoo most stories with a wolf is a good story to me
2874772 He's a wolf. ALPHA IS THE ONLY REASONABLE OPTION.
CROWBAR!
Crowbar: Yes?
SOMEONE IS MISUSING THE CROWBAR!
Crowbar:! ! ! ! ! !
Winged wolf, WINGED WOLF! MY GOD THIS HAS TO BE BEST THING EVER!
WOLF WITH WINGS!!!!!
Pterolykis is the scientific name for he winged wolf in mythology but WHO CARES!!! I have traveled, across the site, searching far and wide...
Well fuck... if i didnt see this Story continue few chapters i say he falls to death now...
and i hope he remember the Pony Name for charge of murder attempt later 