Bon-Bond

by Tom Ink

For Your Hooves Only

"We're going to talk about this later!"

As soon as the wedding was over, Bon-Bon and Lyra parted down different roads. One needed to go shopping for the night's dinner, and Lyra needed to… prepare for a long talk with her friend.

And Bon-Bon expected a lot of questions from her roommate. When she arrived in front of the small house they rented together, she wasn't surprised to hear music echoing from inside.

'What does it matter to you? When you've got a job to do, you've got to do it well.'

Bon-Bon sighed deeply.

'You've got to give the other fellow hell!'

Of course. Music from a spy movie.

'Say live and let die.'

So obvious.

After revealing her secret identity to her best friend, she knew that this was inevitable. It was a new mission for special agent Sweetie Drops, as tricky as catching a bugbear: keep her friendship with the unicorn Lyra Heartstrings intact and convince her not to speak a word of it to anypony else.

Chance of success: 68%.

For a few seconds, silence reigned before the mare finally opened the door, and the needle on the record player launched into a new song.

'Meeting you, with a view to a kill…'

Bon-bon opened the door to the backdrop of her new mission: spy novels scattered all over the floor, the room engulfed in darkness except for the dim light of a small lamp, a wheelchair in which she could distinguish Lyra's shape, and the record player that didn't stop playing a song from one of the James Pony movies.

'Until we dance in the fire, that fatal kiss is all we need.'

Bon-Bon put the bags down and opened her mouth to speak when the shape in the chair turned slowly towards her. Eyes drooping, Lyra had a cat in her lap – obviously Rarity's kitty, Opal – and she wore a monocle like any good villain.

"I was expecting you, Mister Pony," she said with a funny accent. "Our paths have cross again, it seems…"

"Lyra, stop. Now," Bon-Bon demanded, trying to cut through Lyra's delirium. She turned on the lights and stopped the record player. "We're not in For Your Hooves Only!"

The green mare raised an eyebrow and didn't stop her roleplay. "Lyra? I don't know any Lyra. I'm… OUCH!"

Visibly, Opal had had enough of that game and managed to escape the mare's hooves with a sharp blow of her claws, dashing quickly to the door and passing under Bon-Bon's legs to escape from the mad mare.

"Traitor!" Lyra shouted. "You'll be punished for that! Scaramarega never forgets!"

Bon-Bon face-hoofed. "Lyra, why are you doing this?" he asked.

The mare got off her chair and looked around, taking her time to answer. "Oh, this? I don't know. I've just got a sudden need to read a few books and listen to some random vinyl… It has nothing to do with you. Nothing!"

Bon-Bon looked at her with a face that said, "Seriously?" without even opening her mouth. She started to pick up the books. "I guess you've got a lot of questions for me, so go ahead. But it stays between us, okay? It doesn’t leave this room." She tidied up the books and sat on the sofa, followed closely by the unicorn.

"Why did you hide the truth?" Lyra asked, sitting on the sofa, too, but in her unique position: back against the backrest and legs hanging off of it.

"It was for your own protection. If you had known the truth, you could have been in danger. I… I can't say more. It's top-secret," Bon-Bon explained.

Lyra smiled teasingly. "Top-secret? You can't even say it to your very very best friend? It's a secret that would endanger Equestria if I knew?"

Bon-Bon raised an eyebrow. "Er… Not really, but it's top-secret. You can't know the truth. Celestia's order," she answered strictly.

Lyra put a hoof under her chin, thought about it for a few seconds, leaned in to the earth pony, and said, "Even if I torture you?"

Bon-Bon let out a small laugh. "Ha! You can try. I was trained to be immune to fifty-four torture techniques and I know thirty-four different martial arts. I… I…"

Lyra's horn glowed with magic. "Are you immune to tickling?" she asked.

Sweat started to run down Bon-Bon's forehead. "Shoot! Why did I skip the'What to do Against Tickling' lesson in spy school?" the mare cursed herself, starting to feeling Lyra's aura and her green hooves tickling her body, making her burst out laughing quickly. She made an intense mental effort to play it cool, but soon, she gave up.

"Lyra! S-Stop! … Stop! I… HAHAHAHA!!!! I'll talk! HAHA! Please! I will confess everything!!!" she managed to say between fits of laughter.

Lyra stopped her torture, and Bon-Bon wiped away a tear that had escaped her eye.

"You're a bad spy, you know. Unable to resist my hooves. Or maybe that just means I can be the master of the world with my tickling," Lyra boasted.

Bon-Bon let out a small laugh. "I'm already shaking in fear."

"Your real name is Bon-Bon or Sweetie Drops?" Lyra questioned first.

Bon-Bon answered quickly. "I was born Sweetie Drops, but my undercover name here in Poneyville is Bon-Bon. And… I like it. It fits me," she admitted, turning her head to her cutie mark.

"And your cutie mark is real?" Lyra asked while turning her head to her friend's flank.

"Yes," she answered simply. "I always make candies. Secret agent work was just something I did when I was needed for a mission. Could you imagine a secret agent with a cutie mark that told everypony what she was doing? Nopony could do this work full-time."

Silence reigned for a few seconds before Lyra spoke up. "You know, I like your name, too. It's… it fits you well."

Silence fell again for a few seconds as the green mare searched for something to ask. Thinking back to everything she shared with her friend, she found a question.

"Why me?"

"What?" Bon-Bon asked.

"Why did you choose me as your friend here?"

"Oh…" Bon-Bon thought back to the day when she first met Lyra. "Well… it was your way of sitting."

"Huh? Care to explain?" Lyra urged her.

"In my work, we often see unexpected and weird things. You need to be ready for the unknown. When I saw you sitting like that on the bench, I thought, 'This mare is really something. She isn't afraid to do awkward things in public. My secret will be safe with her.' I knew you wouldn't freak out if the truth spilled out. And you seemed… friendly."

Lyra blushed slightly. "Oh… thanks. You know, you were the first pony not to look at me awkwardly on the bench. I… I'm glad you chose me."

"And so am I," Bon-Bon finished.

They hugged, and Lyra took the opportunity to ask more questions. "Did you plan to tell me the truth soon?"

Bon-Bon thought about it for a few seconds. "I… I don't really know. I needed to be sure that you wouldn't speak to anypony about that. Otherwise, I would have needed to leave Ponyville. But today… I felt the time was right and I could trust you. I trust you, Lyra, so don't talk to anypony about what we say, okay?" she insisted.

"Okay," the unicorn answered quickly. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," she said, mimicking the gesture. She smiled, and so did her friend. "You'll kill me if I break a Pinkie Promise?"

Bon-Bon continued to smile and rolled her eyes. "No need to. Pinkie would take care of that for me," she laughed. Then, her expression and tone fell flat. "Seriously, though. She would."

"Oh…" Lyra gulped. "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me. And what did you do in your secret organization?"

"I took care of the monsters that threatened Equestria: the bugbear, Changelings, the koalas…"

"Koalas?" The green mare raised an eyebrow. "But they're so cute with their chubby faces and when they eat eucalyptus! It's the kind of little pet I could cuddle all my life!"

"Take care. These are creatures with a superior intelligence ready to conquer the world with their cuteness. It's all just an act to make them seem harmless, but they are evil geniuses. Never forget that," Bon-Bon warned her. "Just thinking about that last battle with them… Br…" She shivered.

Lyra nearly burst out laughing. "You're a funny kind of spy, Bonnie."

Bon-Bon sighed. "It's because I'm not like your James Pony. A secret agent that acts in full sight of everypony? What a bunch of nonsense!" she said, gesturing to the books on the table.

"Hey! Don't laugh at him! I love his movies! They're so cool! Gadgets, explosions every second, crazy stunts while staying sexy all the time…" Lyra defended him. "Do you have gadgets like him? Like a gunbrella or violin case that hides a gun or something?"

Bon-Bon was taken aback. "Er… I've got a grapnel and fake moustache… and an attaché case that can withstand a drop from three meters. Just… not from three meters and one centimeter," she explained.

It was Lyra's turn to give her most 'Seriously?' look. She let out a: "That sucks."

"Hey! I already told you, I'm not a spy like him!" Bon-Bon shouted. "No explosive pen, no laser in my glasses or anything like that. That's all just nonsense – it's not real!"

"Do you wear tuxedos when you go on missions? They're so fancy," Lyra continued to ask while showing off the cover of one of the spy books.

"What? No! Why would I wear that? You don't save Equestria with a tuxedo! And it's very hard to get rid of blood stains. And ironing them is a nightmare. Believe me – I've tried."

"Did you ever face a bad guy who laughed so maniacally that it froze your blood?"

"Besides Discord when I bought some apples at the market once, no! And nopony starts to laugh like that while explaining their plan!"

"Did you ever kill somepony? How does it feel?" Lyra's smile had never been so broad nor her eyes so sparkly.

"I've never killed anypony! That's exactly what we want to avoid at the agency!"

"Do you have some kind of secret code when you see another undercover spy? Something like: 'The pickles are in the jam,' or something?"

"Are you even listening to yourself?"

"Will you erase my memory with a small red light when I'm done with my questions?"

"NO, NO, and NO!!! Lyra, stop! No, I won't kill you or erase your memory. No, I don't wear tuxedos, I don't have gadgets, I've never chased anypony through the streets in a taxi, never exploded anything, never jumped out of a train, and no, I've never killed anypony!" Bon-Bon shouted.

"Oh…" Lyra sunk into the sofa. "You're not a real spy."

"Secret agent," Bon-Bon corrected.

"Yeah, yeah. You're not a real secret agent."

"Lyra…" Bon-Bon pressed her head into a cushion. "A good secret agent is the one you don't see. The one that protects you, and all the ponies, without getting busted. The phrase 'secret agent' has the word 'secret' in it. You get it?"

"Yeah, yeah." Lyra waved a hoof dismissively. "But it's not cool without explosions," she added. "Explosions are always cool."

"Your James Pony wouldn't survive more than two minutes in real life. He's not a good spy. Except for seducing the mares and saving the world in books and movies, he sucks," Bon-Bon continued. She paused. "And he's ridiculous. Who could keep a mane so well-groomed after an explosion and a run in a muddy forest? The only secret thing with him is how he keeps his mane clean."

For a few seconds, Bon-Bon and Lyra looked at each other, before smiling and biting their lips not to burst. However, they couldn't restrain themselves, and they finally gave in to the laughter. They even fell on the floor, unable to contain the shaking in their bodies. Finally, after a long time, Lyra recovered.

"So, why didn't you tell me you were a spy?" she asked.

Bon-Bon sighed slightly. “If I didn't tell you the truth, it's…" She felt her throat tighten a bit.

"Yeah?" Lyra urged her to continue.

Bon-Bon seemed uneasy and waited a few more seconds before answering. "It's… because I care too much about you. I would have never forgiven myself if something happened to my best friend because of me. You were the perfect cover for a secret agent, but time passed and… I broke the first rule of the agency: never befriend or fall in love with ponies. That's the best way to fail a mission – establishing an emotional link," she finished. She looked up at Lyra, who had put her hooves to her mouth and whose eyes were slightly wet.

"You… You did all of this… for me?" she asked, almost not believing her when Bon-Bon nodded and smiled. "You're really my best friend, Bonnie," she said before putting her hoof around her for a big hug. "You know, you might not be a real spy, but I like you that way," she said, taking Bon-Bon's hoof in hers after she released her grip. "And I'm happy that you're here to protect me."

Bon-Bong tightened the grip on her hoof. "Always, Lyra. You're my best friend in the world, and that will never change. I will always protect you."

"Yeah. My best friend," Lyra repeated.

Bon-Bon noticed that she looked sad. She let go of Lyra's hoof and spoke after a few seconds of heavy silence. "I might not be like you imagine it, but I still have something in common with James Pony," she said mysteriously.

Lyra turned her head towards her. "Really? What? You both look hot in a tuxedo?" Lyra asked, smiling and adding a wink.

Bon-Bon blushed a bit and got closer to her, until she was just a few inches away from her friend's muzzle. "It's not that," she started. "He and me…"

Lyra felt her hot breath on her lips.

"…We always get the mare in the end."

And she kissed her without warning.

Lyra wasn't even surprised, even if her thoughts started to run in her head. 'Oh dang, I'm kissing a spy. That's so cool! We're gonna have tons of dangerous adventures! I'll be the awesome assistant – a bit clumsy, but loyal – that always has the best retort when–'

'Lyra, stop. The only adventures we're gonna live will be right here, in Ponyville. And that's enough for me. And no explosions.' The voice in her head was Bon-Bon's.

'Aw… But… Wow, Bonnie, you can read minds? Your voice sounds weird,' Lyra said without breaking the kiss.

'I can take on any voice I want. Even the most ridiculous. There are many things you don't know about me, Lyra Heartstrings. Many things.'

Bon-Bon broke the kiss and smiled.

Lyra was smiling, too. "Bonnie, never mind about what I said earlier. You're as cool as James Pony." She stood up and ran a hoof sensually through her mane, giving Bon-Bon bedroom eyes and a sultry pose. "I'm all yours, agent Sweetie Drops. Do whatever you want with me."

Bon-Bon laughed before she stood up, too, marching in front and turning back towards Lyra, pretending to shoot with her hoof then blowing on it, as if she were blowing away the smoke fuming out of a canon. From nowhere, she pulled out a pair of sunglasses; put them on, smiled, and said:

"Call me Bond. Bon-Bond."

THE END

Author's Note:

What a ridiculous video…… Oh wait, it was shot in my country so it's.... no, it's still ridiculous.

Live and Let Die is my favorite James Bond song (even if the one up is 2nd in my top). And I don’t say that because I just saw Paul Mc Cartney in concert last week!

I don’t know how, but I was struck by inspiration last Saturday, and thanks to my friend and editor Vivid Syntax, I’m able to present this story just a week after the episode and even before publishing it in French, as it was written first. Hope you enjoyed it.

Comments

[SomeBloke]

AWESOME!!! I LOVE IT!!!
orig15.deviantart.net/5997/f/2011/310/8/6/bon_bond_by_gsphere-d4fbyfp.jpg

[Walabio]

This is very funny. About how Miss Lyra Heartstring sits, not only is it uncomfortable for a quadroped, but it also exposes her genitals. Ponies can make their vulvas wink.

[PrincessColumbia]

The video is blocked in the USA

[Pinkie007]

I don't know why, but I prefer the french version. Maybe because I'm such a dick in english? Same stuff : So good, soooooo great, sooo Lyra, (I'm still mad at Bon-Bon or Sweetie Drop , she stole my nickname) Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[MrAskAPirate]

Aw c'mon, no Living Daylights?