- Member Since 25th Jul, 2013
- offline last seen March 12th
NightsongWrites
I love the MLP fandom, and I love all of you! I'm so grateful to have all my followers as we go down a rabbit hole of romance, adventure, and world-building!
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Hmmmm... I think I can get into this. Keep up the good work.
6125855 Thank you so much! Man, now I'm blushing. I love your stories!
6125982
I recognize that this first chapter was a lot of, crap I forgot the word, 'setting the scene' if that makes sense. But I was a tad dissapointed that Green Leaves and the tentacles were kind of glossed over during the latter half of the chapter. I was looking forward to a nice tentacle scene. Is that going to be hte standard for this story? Or are you going to have fully-fleshed out clopscenes? Hope that makes sense.
Either way, I'm definitely going to keep an eye on this as I think the idea is pretty fucking cool, and it is pretty well written. The one thing I am most curious to find out about is how much the elements and Cadance have changed. I know they changed a lot, but I'm talking about the real core of their being, the things that made them who they are.
Also, I can imagine Shining Armor's reaction when he sees Cadance again. Most likely, he'll be dead or in prison, I'm hoping the latter. Not to mention the Wonderbolts. Rainbow Dash putting Twilight's collars on all of them would make a pretty cool scene.
6126019 I apologize for the short-ness of the tentacle scene, I was mostly setting the scene for the others. Green Leaves will be used far more in the story to come, and I plan on really fleshing out more of the clop-scenes. As for Shining Armor... well, let's just say that the Crystal Empire and Equestria are very much not friends right now.
What's this?! Yet another new story from you, Cody! And a most excellent one, at that! I'm eager to see where you go with this one, my friend!
Seeing Twilight, Cadance and the girls as demons and devils is more than a bit different, but you've got a good start here with this first chapter, and I'm curious to see what happens next.
Makes me wonder just what that Archmage and the "Noble" Unicorn Council thought they were doing with all that. They should've known that they'd find a way out, and would take vengeance on those that betrayed them, and Celestia and Luna.
Much luck with this particular journey, my friend, and I eagerly await the next chapter!
On another note, I've never really read all that much clop, but I'm sure that you'll do just as good a job with this story as you do with the other, non-clop ones.
I'm with you on this particular ride, regardless.
And on a side note unrelated to the story, I don't know what sort of personal matter that Taelea is tending to to (though I'm guessing it has to do with all that mess that she went through awhile back), but the next time you see her or talk to her, tell her that I wish her well, and that I'm behind her 100%, okay?
Thanks.
And as to this:
6126037
Well, given what they did to his beloved wife and his baby sister (AKA "Little Sister Best Friend Forever"), I would say that that would be a serious no-brainer.
On all levels.
Quite honestly, I'm somewhat surprised that Equestria and the Crystal Empire aren't involved in an active war at this point because of the Great Betrayal by the Archmage and the Noble Unicorn Council.
I'm all for it.
Also Glimmering Wisp would have a lot of fun watching the corrupt be destroyed by the corrupted EOH and Princesses. I wonder how Shining will react to how Cadence has changed.
Me, too.
6126106
Knowing Shining, probably not well, given how it happened.
Then again, he might actually like her new look.
Just have to wait and see, I guess.
6126037
6126019
I also wondered about Shining Armor. But he probably managed to be alright, apart from that losing his wife and little sister deal.
There's actually another royal in Canterlot—Blueblood. He's even related to Celestia and Luna by blood. I doubt he fared that well when the revolution hit; it would be interesting to learn a bit more about what happened to him.
6126125 That also reminds me, What will Princess Celestia and Luna do once they return, I'm guessing it wont be sunshine and sprinkles, It will be quite interesting to see what plans Twilight and Cadence have for their uncorrupted Alicorn counterparts.
6126196
Most likely hes one of the ponies who led the revolution
the story is interesting but i could have done better without the twidash ship right from the start,
I jerked off while i read this
6126196 Knowing Blueblood and his usual attitude, it wouldn't surprise me very much is he went along with this act of garbage, and he turned out to be one of the biggest traitors of all in this ridiculous Revolution!
6126202 My thoughts exactly!
6126200 That...is a very good question.
But I guess that we'll just have to wait and see, huh?
6126294 And that is just Too Much Information.
Thank you so much for that disturbing comment.
Now, if you all will excuse me, I need to go find my bottle of Brain Bleach to deal with it.
6126202
6126485
Could be. Though it would be kind of funny if he turned out to be too much of a momma's boy to turn against his aunties and simply fled with what he could grab to the Crystal Empire.
6126500 Yup.
And yeah, it would, 'cause that would be just like the whiny little brat that we all know and loathe to do something like that!
(KInda make me wonder what Shining, as Prince of the Crystal Empire, would do to him if that was the case, though.)
Although I figure that if he was, as the old saying goes, "the biggest duck in the puddle" about this, he probably went along with it due to his well-known attitude toward those he calls "peasants" and "commoners".
And, even if it doesn't say so in the show itself (only mostly in fanfics), he also probably did so because he thought that he was the one who should be the new alicorn, rather than someone like Twilight, who he would likely see as unworthy of the rank of alicorn and Princess of Equestria.
But that's just my take on the matter.
6126552
Well, if he really is part of the traitors, he can expect a whuppin' from Shining Armor. And that's only if the girls don't get their hooves on him first.
If he fled the revolution and asked for sanctuary in the Crystal Empire, would Shining even have a reason to do anything to him? He'd be a refugee and an ally of the old monarchy.
Whatever sympathy these seven garnished for their torments in Tartarus vanished when Cadance raped Green Leaves.
It wasn't enough to just erase her mind and replace it with a sex demon; she twisted Green Leaves herself and rewrote her into one. She was raped, and her brain modified so that she liked it (the completely innocent pony, mind you, not one that had actually wronged them). And they want to violate the rest of Equestria like that.
It would have been better for Equestria--especially those who don't approve of the new government--if they had never come back. All the evil ponies would do to them is kill them, torture them, and erase their memories to put in something else. The seven of them would be worse.
Even if some of the psychos intentionally distort the original mind so that there is some of the same pony left, that pony's eventual death would free its soul to finally achieve peace. Demons aren't afforded that luxury.
Luna and Celestia's eventual return will be unpleasant, if they return at all.
_____________________________________________
Anyways, writing critique: you need to tone down on the villains a bit. I'm not saying you should make them less evil or make their actions less sinister--as is, his evil is so overblown that it is hard to take him seriously as a genuine villain. It's so far past evil that it returns to the puppy-kicking stage of evil. He even had a maniacal evil laugh! It was just... cheesy.
Don't reduce his actions; smooth out the narrative so it looks like seems like the natural thoughts of a psychopath.
6126768 Sadly, over-doing the villain has always been my weak point. XD I will tone them down as I go.
how did cadence and the main six turn into demon in the first pert?
6126718 True enough, on both counts.
But, as I've said a couple pf times, we'll see soon enough, I guess.
6127121 Did you read the first chapter? I think that that pretty much explains it all.
6127375 I am not talking to you.
6126768 I'm not even sure who the villains are in this story. Everyone but poor Green Leaves, I guess?
One thing I feel I should bring up is the "show, don't tell" rule-of-thumb, in regards to the Manes-Six (get it? Manes? a kind of demon? get it!?
ow stop throwing things!) is their history in Tartarus and how it resulted in their changes. Instead of an info-dump, you could have things come out a bit more organically through the story, via how the characters act, refer to their pasts, applying their abilities, etc. 
6127441 Maybe not.
But I was only trying to help, okay?
Sorry about that; it won't happen again.
Bye.
I can't imagine that Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle handled the loss of their sisters/sister figures very well. Will they be a part of this story?
6126485 your comment made me get sick all over my cat. why did you do that. it is disgusting okay.
6128130 Like yours didn't make me sick, as well as being totally uncalled for?
As far as I'm concerned, this conversation is over, so good night to you, sir.
A new chapter?! So soon?!
What madness is this?!
Seriously, though, loved this chapter! More! Soon! Please!!!
Anyway, it looks like Twilight and the others are quickly putting their plan into action. With this kind of start, the traitors who banished them, Celestia and Luna aren't gonna know what hit 'em!
Although I'm curious as to why Twi did this:
Is it because she remembers Dinky as a friend from Ponyville? Or what?
(I don't want you to give anything away before its time; I'm just sorta curious.)
And this
made me all kinds of pissed off! Ditzy (or is she called "Derpy" in this?) may be wall-eyed and clumsy, but she's a good mare, and a wonderful mother to Dinky, and having her foal taken away from her just because she's a pegasus, and not a unicorn, is all kinds of wrong.
You know, the more that I read of this, the more I'm beginning to be convinced that the reason for the Great Betrayal, and the banishments of the Sisters, Twilight, Cadance and the other girls, is because the traitors who did it were (and likely still are!) a bunch of disgusting, worthless, bigoted, tribalist, superior-minded unicorns who wanted to turn a nation founded on harmony and racial tolerance into a unicornian paradise (the "true" Equestria, as it was intimated in Chapter 1), where they could do what they wanted to to the members of the other two tribes without interference from their rightful rulers, the former Element Bearers, or the Princess of Love!
Hence my reinstated belief that Blueblood was neck-deep in it all. Mainly because of the way he's always acted toward those he...and his ilk...have always treated those they consider their inferiors.
...
My God, I just thought of something! Your unicorns in this story are Equestria's versions of Hilter and his Nazis!!! And they think that they are the so-called "Master Race"!
Well done! You've given me villains that I can absolutely hate!
Which is what will be soooooo very satisfying when Twilight and the others bring their corrupt little elitist "paradise" crashing down around their snobbish, bigoted ears!
One quick question before I close, though. With what we know happened to Twilight and the others, what happened to Spike and Discord?
(Hopefully, they're both in the Crystal Empire with Shining (and also hopefully, Shining and Twi's parents).)
6130292 Hehehe, the question is, which Equestria is worse? A new Realm of Lust, or Nazi Equestria? :3
We'll be seeing the CMC reeeeal soon!
Ah damn. Another racist Unicorn verse. Oh well.
What happened to Snips and Snails, though? They're Unicorns. And not even all that bad with magic, considering Snails managed to light his horn when Sweetie Belle couldn't even twinkle yet.
I managed to read this. I dont like foalcon, but I made it through. I just hope we see some adult action soon. Oh well keep up the good work anyways.
6130517 You shall see, don't worry. ^___^
6130526 Don't worry, there will be some soon, though first we have to get through the school chapters.
6130434 That's...a very good question, actually.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see what you have in store for us in the future of this story, though, huh, bro?
As to the CMC, that's good to know.
Although I'm a little nervous as to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo's fates have been thus far (what with neither of them being unicorns (duh)).
And Sweetie, being a unicorn; well, I'm not sure that I want to know.
Do I?
(Although I'm assuming (yeah, yeah, I know. Never assume anything) that, being a unicorn, she ended up in the School for Gifted Unicorns, like Dinky did.)
Am I right?
Or wrong?
Loved the Twilight part. Liked the Applejack/Fluttershy part. Really disliked the implications of the Applejack portion. It sounds like all of those little foals are going to be trapped in those plants for a very long time when all the others just get stronger and slightly hornier (minus Hot Shot, but he deserved it and I doubt that the thestrals can gangbang him forever). Unless you plan on going overboard with the horniness, in which case this entire endeavor is about as well thought out as Nightmare Moon's "eternal night" with similarly disastrous results. I do not want to see the world burn just because seven ponies got sent to hell. On the same note, please tell me they took that other filly off of the ceiling. Pppllleeeaaassseee?
6131044 Hehe, oh don't worry, they'll be coming out of the plants. Not the same as they WERE, but they'll be coming out. And yes, Green Leaves is off the ceiling now. ^___^
6131056
Great! As long as the new demons aren't permanent slaves to their creators...
6131100 *grins* Depends on what you mean by slaves.
6131167
As long as they can have lives outside of "have sex with x, y, or z". Even if that life is "have sex with q".
6128172
if someone masturbates to your clopfic then you can safely say that you did a great job, eh? no problem in seeing one of those types of comments. then again, it's just my thought.
6131044
6131056
Umm... Is that Green Leaves or am i just mixed up?
6132012 Oh don't worry, they'll be coming out of the plants. :) They certainly aren't trapped.
6132420 Nope! That was Applejack, hiding. xP
6132791 well you gave them both peach colored fur, so can ya blame me? You never bothered to mention the mane color in the green house, just the coat. Though i guess you could say it was obviously AJ, but then again you never know.
I'm sorta curious what fate befell Prince Blueblood in this universe.
Sure, he's an unmitigated and entitled ass, but to me personally at least he's never seemed like the traitorous type. Since he's also nobility that has a rather straight downward type implications.
If so, I'm really curious just how much or how little a minor eternity in Tartarus has effected him. Was he too soft and is currently bound and ball-gagged in some demonesses pleasure pit? Or did such a twisted place force him to grow and toughen up?
Again, my own read of him makes me doubt it, but even the rater tired 'Blueblood was the problem all along' plot could be kinda interesting in this verse. I barely want to imagene what type of reaction Rarity would have if he's been eating grapes and cheese for the minor eternity she's been in pony-hell.
Hell hath no fury, and all that.
So yeah, hope that gets addressed. Sounds interesting near any way it plays out.
are you going to put a new chapter?
6138047 Yep! Putting on the finishing touches.
6138330 when it been ready?
6130434 either way, to quote Atton Rand from KoTOR I I, "I've got a bad feeling about this". Regardless, still really good. Seriously though, I've got a bad feeling about this.
so were is the transformation?
The brainwashing is kind of making me uneasy, but I'll keep an eye on this all the same.