• Published 18th Oct 2015
  • 3,951 Views, 71 Comments

SAE - Sword Art Equestria - The Dark Brony



Sometimes good things happen to bad people and others bad things happen to good people. whatever way you look at I am one of those cases when Bad thing happen to good people, and i will find what I have lost or die trying.

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Chapter 6 - One Hell of a Family

“Yes. Now give me a good reason not to kill you on the spot.”

“I have something you may want.” I bluffed.

Amor looked at me angrily, “Don't you dare.”

“What could you possibly have that I want? Do you even know who I am?” The voice scoffed coldly.

Craig then looked at me, nods his head and said, “go for it.”

“Have you heard of the UNSC oversight subcommittee or Project Freelancer or the Reds and Blues?”

“Of course, I have.” The voice chuckled derisively. “The entire galaxy has probably heard of them by now! Wait a minute… that voice… UNSC class ship… who exactly are you?”

Asuna then smiled and whispers “and reel him in”

“My name… IS LEONARD FUCKING CHURCH!” Amor shook her head in disappointment.

Craig then kneels down to her and said, “he has to act like this… it his how he acts from what we know… let him off.”

“I can feel his ego. Literally.” She cringed.

“Dr. Church? I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”

Craig then looked at me and said, “You lot get to safety I'm going in… nobody threatens my family.” He then walks over to me and said to the computer screen “Identify yourself.”

“Access denied.”

“Director override. Level Alpha.”

“Access granted. Welcome back Director.”

“Go ahead,” I told Craig.

He then nods his head and said, “who are you… I am not an ally of church, I require you to tell me what your business here is.”

“To kill Dr. Church, destroy Chorus, cause a civil war, instate a militia. None of your business. I hope you like dying.“

“This is not chorus I repeat you are not near Chorus”

“We need to speed along the plans, Felix. Kill them already.”

“Sure thing.” The Teminite started firing at us.

Craig then looked at me and mutters “Felix and Locus… Church I'm stopping this” He then places two fingers in his head and said “This will not happen”

A shaking was felt as the pelican got hit by an Archer missile. “Shields at 99.9999999999237%.”

Kirito, Asuna, Amor, Scootaloo, Craig, and I stared wide eyed at that. “We have that good of shields…?” I asked incredulously.

Craig then looked at me and said, “Suit me up… those jerks are not hurting any of you”

“With what?” I asked. We weren't in the armory.

He then looked at me and said, “you have spare armor everywhere, I know you any set is some sort of defense.”

“Uh... actually the Piraka stole everything…“

Craig then Clenches his fist then said “I can’t defeat them like this”

“I'm kidding. They stole Sniper rifles that I bugged with explosives. After they have been fired 100 times the rifles will explode with enough force to blow up a school.”

A loud smacking noise was heard as I clutched my leg in pain, “What the fuck Amor?!”

“You know better. You learn to improve yet you never actually apply your life lessons.”

Craig then looked at her and said, “Listen, we don’t have time to argue right now, Felix and Locus are two seriously dangerous guys. They will kill everyone if we don’t work fast”

“Warning: boarding parties inbound.” The fillies gasped while everyone held their breath. “Unsuccessful parties anyway.” We all sighed in relief.

“This way! We all need to get weapons.” I took off in a presumably random direction with everyone following behind.

Just as we were about to reach it I suddenly was sent flying into a Cryopod which locked with me in it. I tried pounding out but it already sedated me.

“No!” Amor screamed.

“Yes!” A new voice interjected. The remaining looked like to see Felix with an SMG.

Craig fists then clench over his gun as he shouts “Get the kids to safety… run and don't look back” He then turns to look at Felix and shouts, “Nobody hurts my family!”

“I can already tell you will be one of those,” Felix said as he started firing his SMG into Craig.

Craig’s eyes then begin to go red as his body glows and he said “you have no idea who you are messing with you FUCKING LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!” He then charges at Felix running at the bullets ignoring them as they just fell on contact with his body.

Felix then jumped straight over Craig which confused him until he noticed the landmines he was surrounded by. “Try getting out of that, jackass.”

Craig then smiled and said “You fucked up” He then disappears and reappears behind Felix and said “I am no normal soldier… I am your worst nightmare”

“That's what they all say.” Felix tapped his hip and pulled out a red energy sword and stabbed backwards with it, impaling through Craig. “How. Are. You. Not. Dead.”

I then hear a chuckle then a voice said “You can’t kill what never existed.” with that Craig's body began to fade away.

A crate was sent flying into the biometric controls for the Cryopod I was in which cracked it. My breathing started to become heavy at that.

I then hear a voice shout “Rasengan!” as Felix was sent flying and Craig reappeared in front of me and then proceeded to destroy the door trapping me and rip it from the cryopod. He then proceeded to grab hold of me and began to carry me away from the pod.

Felix flew out of an open window and crashed into his ship.

“Church are you OK?” he asked with a sense of worry in his voice.”

“...”

Craig then sighed as he created water out of the air and then dropped it over me.

“...”

“That won't help. Church is in a catatonic state. When the seal was cracked, his brain was damaged severely.” Delta said sadly.

Craig then knelt down and muttered “oh no this can’t be happening” he then turned to look towards where Felix crashed and said “he won’t get away with this”

Amor, Scootaloo, Kirito, and Asuna rushed in. “What happened?” Asuna asked.

Delta repeated the information he told Craig.

Asuna and Kirito then looked towards Craig and noticed his red eyes and then shout “Craig calm down”

“He went to far… I will kill him” He then teleported outside of the ship and Shouted “eat this you monster, Big Bang Kamehameha x1000!” With that, a bright beam of light many times bigger than before began to fly towards the other ship. Craig then turned around and disappeared back in the ship as the red in his eyes disappeared and returned to normal.

Asuna then looked at Craig in shock at what just happened and said “What did you just…”

He then looked back at her then said, “I dealt with him… nobody hurts my family, I’m not the same boy you knew all that time ago… my powers overflow when my emotions grow.” He then realizes what he did and said “Oh god… what have I done… I’m so sorry” he then began to collapse as tears began to stream from his eyes.

Scootaloo then walked over to him and said, “Dad are you OK” she was met with silence. She then tapped his shoulder and once again said “Dad please say something”

Meanwhile, Amor was doing the same to me as she nuzzled my leg with her muzzle, “Please be okay.” She whimpered.

Suddenly Amor and Scootaloo both knew that this was not a joke. “What do we do? My Dad is catatonic and your dad is in shock…” Fortunately, Asuna heard Amor.

She then walks over to her and said, “they’ll be fine, Craig’s been through much worse and I bet the same goes for your Dad.”

My legs finally gave out and I collapsed with a loud slam in an armored heap.

Asuna then looked at them both and said, “Do you have a medical wing on the ship?”

“I will handle that.” An androgynous electronic voice said over the ship intercom. Almost immediately after, a Lopez bot with a red cross picked me up gently and put me on a stretcher before wheeling me away.

Kirito then grabbed Craig, threw him over his shoulders as everyone followed us to the medical bay.


“I feel like I just received an icepick lobotomy,” I said bluntly.

Asuna winced before glaring at me, “There are children in this room.”

“Ice. Pick. Lobotomy.” I repeated.

Kirito then smiled and said, “Give him a break mom… he’s not exactly in the best condition at the moment.”

Amor walked up to me and jumped on my lap before she proceeded to start crying. Tears started getting soaked in my shirt but I hugged her nonetheless.

Scootaloo then walked over towards me and asked, “Are you feeling better?”

“Honestly? N-no.” I sounded absolutely miserable. Amor looked up at me with teary eyes and a wet mane before she sighed and laid in my arms.

Scootaloo then sighs and said to me “At least you are talking, my dad's completely quiet he won’t even answer us.” Amor gave up and jumped out of my arms and sat her rump on a cushion.

“This ends. Now.” I said with Morgan Freeman’s voice before I walked over to Craig. I stopped exactly a foot from him and opened a portal and took out an extremely loud airhorn that could make you go deaf. I then walked behind him and put it directly in his ear and slowly waited before I smashed my fingers on the airhorn.

“AIRHORN!”

He then looked forwards towards him his eyes bloodshot but still in control however still unresponsive.

“My name is Jeff,” I said in a perfect accent. I walked right up to him and stared at him. “Damn. You look fucking stoned man.”

He then looked at me and just smiled but still stayed unresponsive.

“Oh, I get it. You don’t want to talk because you are acting unresponsive so that they won’t get mad at you. Not that they would actually get mad at you in the first place. So, how long are you going to play this charade?” I poked him in the eye softly before retracting my finger as his eye twitched irritably.

He then looked at me and started a psychic link with me then said “it’s no act buddy”

“Then explain the indentia catatonia.”

“You think I want to act like this? my whole body refuses to do what I want”

“Oh shit! OH! OOOOOOOH! OH!!” I yelled as I slammed my fist down on the table, snapping it in half.

Asuna then looked at me and asks, “what's wrong?”

“Craig told me his body is refusing to listen to him.”

Scootaloo then looked at me and asks “why? Why won’t he respond to us or even acknowledge us?”

“Try a psychic link”

Scootaloo then walks up to him and said, “please dad let me in?”

He then whispers to us both “I’m sorry”

“Dad, why won’t you respond to us?”

“Scoots I physically can’t my whole bodies ignoring me”

“Wait a minute… WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!” Amor shot up in alarm with her tail twitching while everyone looked at me apprehensively. “I know what to do… Oh, Dissy you are so fucked mate.”

Asuna then looked at me then asks, “what are you thinking?”

“Hey, Craig. You said Discord was blocking your magic...right? Well if he blocks too much magic it will backlash. It will all have to come out eventually.” I then proceeded to do the Darth Sidious laugh.

Craig then smirks and said to me “it’s a possibility but I don’t even know how to access my magic right now when I can’t move”

“Who said anything about accessing your magic?”

“Huh?” Everyone asked.

“I hope you aren’t afraid of needles,” I said bluntly. I gave an evil doctor laugh.

Scootaloo then looked at me and said, “what are you doing to him?”

“Injecting him with magic,” I said lackadaisically.

Kirito then looked at me then asks me “you sure it will work?”

Craig then sighs and said “If you make a single constipation joke I will go hulk on you”

“I think you should be more worried about it hurting. And that hadn’t even crossed my mind, thank you for reminding me!” Everyone groaned at that. I grabbed a syringe from a table and poured as much magic into as I could. It wasn’t mine, of course, it was stolen. More power than Celestia could hold times ten should work. I walk over to Craig and ask in an evil doctor voice, “Any last words?” I joke.

“You better hope the first one knocks me out,” He said in a mocking Tex voice. The real Tex just rolled her eyes in apathy. I stab the syringe into his neck and almost instantly we hear Discord’s pained screams before he explodes outward. Craig’s eyes bug out before he faints.

I stare at the scene with shock, “That wasn’t supposed to happen…”

Scootaloo then taps Craig’s shoulder and whispers “please get better dad”

“Well… At least, he isn’t in pain anymore.” I said. Everyone glares at me. “HE’S NOT DEAD!”

Kirito the stares at me and said, “good if he was I would introduce to the Gleam Eyes.”

“The what?”

“The Gleam eyes. It was a floor boss in the SAO anime, basically a giant demon”

Discord then appeared and said “you lucky I wasn’t in Craig when you did that”

“Oh get bent you, stuckup anarchist.” I retorted.

“Oh come on I was just going to show you this gleam eyes. After all, I have seen it when I met you two a thousand years ago.”

“I would rather join Craig on the floor. And before you do anything, I’ll do it myself.” I flopped next to Craig.

Discord then smirked and muttered “Too easy”

“Nuh-uh.” I grabbed an antimagic syringe and aimed it at Discord’s talon and threw it at him. Since it was antimagic it distorted the magic around it and stopped him before he could start. “Just like darts.” Discord frowned at that. “You don't get to win against an entity that can perform millions of calculations in mere seconds.”

Kirito then smiled and said “that for what happened in the past.”

Discord’s eyes widened when he felt his magic start leaking, “Please stop you don’t know what you're doing”

“tell me how to undo what you did to Craig.”

“I didn’t do anything… his body is struggling from two chaotic influences, It’s just his immune system fighting against… what did he call himself Fuwa?”

“So you were just being a fucking idiot again?”

“No, Since Craig's powers became stronger his natural limitation were strained I've had to keep his powers in check to prevent him from… you know.”

“Wait a minute… CRAIG IS DYING! HOW DO WE FIX THIS?! TELL ME NOW!” I grabbed Discord by the neck, “How?”

“The only why is to siphon off the extra power… his powers basically make him a massive magical nuclear reactor like… what was it called Chernobyl?”

I stop the magic leaking from Discord, “You are going to fix this. Unless you want another, much stronger version of that poison.”

“what do you think I've been doing… he has no idea what’s happening to him”

“Yeah… we were convinced you were trying to kill him via manipulation.”

Discord then stares at me then shouts, “I would never kill him… I caused him too much pain before this all started… I never meant for this to happen… Someone else brought him here and when I saw him, I made it my job to protect him from himself”

“Ironic, you are still at the center of all this.” Amor retorted.

Asuna then grabbed him and screamed “you… you are the reason he came home every day with thoughts of suicide… almost every single day he considered ending it!”

I fell on my ass and right in front of Kirito, “Remind me to never make her angry.”

Kirito then looked at me and said, “You don’t need a reminder after she snaps she is so much worse than Craig… the only difference is she can calm back down within seconds, Craig couldn’t.”

“REPRESSION. THE BANE OF MEMORY.” I said suddenly as I punch Discord in the face, sending him flying into a wall. “FIX CRAIG!”

We then hear Craig mutter “please... stop… don’t hurt him.”

“...Well, this is FUBAR. I’m just going to sit down.” I walked over to the depressed Amor and plopped down next to her. I saw a medpack on the wall next to me so I picked it up and threw it at Discord, healing him instantly.

“Thank you” whispered Craig. Seconds later his body began to glow as he whispered “Grand Healing” With that he managed to slowly stand up but seconds later his legs collapsed under him causing him to fall back to the floor.

“yOu cOuLd HaVe DoNe ThAt tHiS eNtIrE tImE?!” Omega screamed distortedly.

Craig then looked at me and said, “No, my powers failed, the shot gave me enough power to use the spell… it is a high tier spell after all.”

“I’m done for today. Too much fucking shit has happened.” I looked out the window and flipped off outer space.

Craig then smirked and said, “at least Felix is dealt with… unless he used a teleporter to beam down to Equestria that is.” I saw a grenade next to me so I threw it unprimed at Craig as a warning. He then smirks and said “oh yeah, Murphy’s law exists here” I unholstered my magnum and shot myself in the head. I didn’t even bother leaving the dead body.

Asuna then looked at me and mutters “are you serious Dimitri”

My voice responded from the dead body, “YES! I DON’T CARE IF THERE IS A CIVIL WAR LEAD BY DONALD TRUMP! I AM NOT LEAVING THIS SPOT.”

Craig then smirked and said, “Wow you really are losing your marbles bro… I will never get used to calling you that.” A jar of marbles flew straight into Craig’s groin painfully with lots of pain magic that actually made him fall to the ground in pain.

Scootaloo then runs over to Craig and hugs him and said, “please don’t do that to me again… I don’t want to lose a second dad.”

“What the fuck is that horrible music?!” Everyone heard me scream over the intercom. A Lopez Bot holding an iPhone looked at me in confusion. Until his iPhone was shot. He flipped me off before walking off.

“Today really isn’t your day.” Amor snarked. “You haven’t gotten any peace and quiet.”

Everyone got an ‘oh shit’ face.

“I know right?! I can never get any damn peace and quiet in this forsaken life!”

Craig then laughs and said “just a week Church… you can't beat how little I get peace and quiet… I'm either fighting or avoiding fights.
“Even when I get peace and quiet it is still torture!”

“At least you’ve had peace and quiet… anyway, what are the changes Equestria saw the ship get blown up?”

“Uh well…” The Lopez Bots walked in hauling a new body for me which I casually jumped in. I walked to a window and pointed to the fleet of covenant assault carriers orbiting Equis but not attacking. There were over forty of them. “All of that is mine…” I pointed to the fleet.

“Go, nuts bro… you’ve earned it”

“Yeah, I stole them all.” The sound of everyone facepalm/hoofing was heard all across the bridge.

Craig then looked at Asuna and Kirito and asks then “Did you ever sort your tokens out?”

“I didn’t get to finish helping them with that. You still have your token Mom?” I asked awkwardly at the Mom part which she caught and smirked.

She then smiled and, said “yeah” she then produces a small pin with the symbol of the Undine tribe engraved into the surface.

“I told you the simulation chamber was the perfect place to create things, Craig!” I said, which caused him to look at Asuna’s token in confusion.

Craig then looked at it and, said, “What even is that image? It looked familiar but i can’t place it.”

She then smiled and, said, “Do you remember the races in Alfheim Online? This was the Symbol for the Undine’s, I was originally going to have it sewn into a piece of cloth, but Church said he wouldn’t have that and told us he’d help us make something more authentic.”

Craig then smiled and said “It’s definitely authentic” He then turns to Kirito and then asks “and what did you decide to use?”

“I chose the standard my standard swords crossed over” he then produced a pendent in the shape of The Elucidator and the Dark repulser.

A screen rolled down from the ceiling and displaced Equestria with guards ponies running around trying to put out fires while Griffons in military uniforms cheered. The griffons had assault rifles and battle rifles.

“WAIT! That wasn’t a fucking joke?!”

Craig then looked at me and, said, “do you want help repelling them?”

My voice suddenly changed to Grif’s, “They can probably handle it.” Just to prove how wrong this was, a griffon fired a battle rifle which killed a civilian pony mare instantly.

Craig then looked at me and, said, “Church I’m going down there and helping. Discord get ready to control my powers if it looked like I may lose it take control and teleport me away”

But suddenly Celestia appeared on the screen as she skillfully dodged bullets before she impaled one of the griffons and fired a beam of solar magic at another, incinerating it to ashes instantly.

“Yeah, you do that Craig. I’m staying up here.” I said as I ignored all the glares I was getting.

“Wow Church avoiding all the publicity”

“I already have enough publicity.” I said blankly as I pointed to the pretty obvious fleet of covenant ships.

“But what not get the princess on your good side… maybe be they’ll be on your side later if you help them.”

“...” I stared at him blankly, the concept ‘help’ registering as foreign to me. “Nah, I think I’ll catch up on some Z’s.” I promptly fell over unconscious.

Craig then gets a cheeky look and then whispers something to Amor. She nodded. They were going to force me to help if it was the last thing they did.

Craig then walked over to me and, said, “I’ll give you a choice Church… help Celestia or I have a feeling Amor is going to start ignoring you… permanently.” When they received no response they realized I was actually completely unconscious.

“...How is he even unconscious? Nothing knocked him out!” Amor yelled

“Church… Stop doing me… mine was real stop faking it to avoid your problems.”

I snored, shaking the entire ship Pokemon-style, confusing mostly everyone except Asuna who actually laughed at that.

Everyone then smirked and as Craig said “you lot sort him the longer i wait the more innocent Civilians get killed.” He then turns his guitar into his sword and then disappears from the ship.

I snore again but the ship shakes a second after and realization sets in. The ship is diving. Everyone that was remaining was flung like ragdolls all over the place. My eyes snap open when I wake up with a piece of glass in my ass. I would laugh but it really hurts.

I the begin to feel the ship slow as I hear a voice shout “I’ll lower you down safely but you need to get out here after if you want to do the repairs safely.” said Craig from outside the ship.

“No damage sustained.” The ship onboard AI said coldly. “Unless you mean organic.” It gave a harsh artificial laugh.

“THAT IS FUCKING IT! THEY TRIED TO SHOOT DOWN MY PELICAN?! OH FUCK NO!” I run down the hall and return with an M-134 Minigun and in a suit of hunter gen 2 armor, “Where are they?!”

“...Where did you get a minigun?!” Kirito asked in shock.

Asuna then laughs and, said “don’t predict anything… nothing is as it seems.”

Gangsters by Virtual Riot started playing in my head as I kicked opened the hatch, revealing a bunch of griffons, some in UNSC spartan grade armor. “I’m going to kill you!” I opened fire, missing almost every shot but ricocheting and exploding some of the griffons.

Craig then appeared next to me and said “Calm down and focus you will never hit them if you are in a frenzy”

“OUT OF MY WAY! They tried to destroy my beautiful ride!” I enabled auto aim on the minigun and opened fire on the remaining who were wearing standard Prefect armor and holding battle rifles. They opened fire at me but my shields held firm. Before they could even react they were turned into meat.

Craig’s eyes then sharpen but don’t go red and he, said, “I’ve missed fighting whilst in control” He then charges then as he cleaves through them leaving the majority them beheaded whilst others had body parts blown off from the sheer force of his Bolter Pistol.

I kept firing my minigun into the crowd of griffons until my minigun’s barrels literally overheated to the point that they exploded. I dropped the used minigun and pulled my two swords of Malice from my hips and activated them before rushing into the horde and beheading any who attacked me. When there were none left I finally noticed the scared ponies staring at us. I flipped them off but they didn’t understand as they started cheering.

Craig then smiled and gives them a thumbs up and then, said, “you all OK?”

“YEAH!” The crowd cheered backed.

Craig then walked over to me and said “and a pissed Celestia in three, two, one, now”

“WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING PUTTING YOURSELF IN DANGER LIKE THAT?!” I stared at her in bewilderment.

“...I’m wearing power armor.” I said blankly. “Plus I can’t die…”

Craig then smiled and said “calm down Princess… he’s not had the best day so far, let him get it out his system.”

I felt a huge pressure trying to squeeze the air out of me unsuccessfully. Though it would have been much more successful if I wasn’t wearing armor. Celestia was currently holding onto me for dear life while I awkwardly patted her on the back as she threatened me and sobbed in a unprincessly manner. Not that I blame her believe it or not. Civilians did die.


Craig then walks over to us and said “Princess if we didn’t intervene more of your subjects could have been killed”

Celestia then did something completely unexpected. She let go of me and punched Craig in the face with her hoof. Hard.

Craig then sighs and, said, “always happens to me… I will never get used to it”

“DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT!” She roared in the RCV.

Craig then looked at her and, said, “I’m sorry Princess” he then bows to her as his body morphs into the image of the pony he turned into the first time has been here as he disappears into the crowd.

Celestia then whispered so low not even I could hear it, “One day Church… One day…”

I calmly walked towards my undamaged pelican and back into it. “Did you guys figure out your tokens yet?”

Asuna then looked at me and, said, “well we did but we don’t know what we need to do before sending it.”

“You can either say a phrase mentally or with your voice. There are other ways but this is the most simple one.”

Asuna then smiled as she places the pin in the palm of her hand and said “My name is Asuna, The Berserk Healer and the protector of the innocent. If you are ever in danger and need someone to support you through the good and the bad just say my name and I will be by your side”

Kirito then smiled and places his medallion in his hand and, said, “My name is Kirito, The Twin Blade Swordsman or the Black Swordsman. If you ever need a warrior willing to lay his life down for the innocent just say my name and I will come to your aid.”

“The Berserk Healer huh? May I never make you mad enough to go Edward Richtofen on me. I’m kidding, you would probably do that to someone, else, though.” I casually joked darkly. “Well… Unless you discount that I am not biologically related and… okay…”

Asuna then smile and, said “I would never hurt family… unless they tried to harm someone I care about then you would see why they call me The Berserk Healer… unless you didn’t guess earlier”

“Wait, decapitation and then recapitation?” I asked in confusion.

Craig then walked back onto the ship in his pony form and just sits down in the corner

“HEY CRAIG! I have something important to tell you!” I practically screamed at him.

He then mutters “Oh no not again”

Everyone blinks when I start speaking in German. “Yes, yes again.” I sigh when they don’t understand. “Fine. One second, let me just do something really quick.” I grab a megaphone and hook it up to an amplifier and hook that up to a bass cannon before aiming it at Ponyville. “TWILIGHT! YOU ARE GOING TO BE TARDY!” A shriek of rage was heard all the way from Ponyville that sounded exactly like one resident bookworm princess.

Craig then sighs “you want her to see me in this form don’t you?”

A flash of purple magic later and a familiar lavender mare with a disheveled mane and a manic smile that you know you do not want to fuck with because they practically scream ‘crazy’ appeared.

“Hello, Church.” She said in an unstable voice. “And… YOU!” She pointed a hoof accusingly at Craig.

Craig then sighs and, said, “it’s good to see you again… although it is under better circumstances this time”

Both of Twilight’s eyes starting twitching at a mile a minute as she blinked frantically. “Better? BETTER? BETTER?!” She screeched.

I started to back up but she softly grabbed me and set me next to her. Amor sighed and walked next to me and stared at Twilight apprehensively.

Craig then sighs and said “yes better as I don’t have to lie to you this time… I’m sorry about that Twilight”

“Hey! Remember when we blew up the ever free castle? Oh, shit, you weren’t supposed to hear that Twilight.”

“Oh…, Well, at least, you have a time machine.” All eye immediately went on me.

“...What time machine?” I asked in a poor attempt to lie. She was about to say something but I shoved a hand in her mouth which she spat out indignantly. “Twilight we don’t talk about that. And Craig… She kinda somehow already knows who you are…”

“what how the.?” he then looked at her and said “How do you know me”

“Well your Discord REALLY loves to travel.”

He then sighs and, said “that he does… especially between worlds when in stone.”

“I will uncover your secrets eventually Church… and when I do… You will be mine! Because you know… I kinda need you for that.” She teleported away in a flash of lavender.

“Uh… *cough* apparently a lot of ponies need me… in more ways than one.” I gave another awkward cough.

Craig then sighs and said “any sexual innuendos and i will be annoyed”

“One of the ponies wanted to rape Church.” Amor said bluntly.

“I THOUGHT WE WENT OVER THIS! SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!” I screamed at Amor.

Craig then smiled and, said, “ I'm betting Lyra?”

“Nope. Minuette.”

“Well that's unexpected, i thought that she’d be after you with the whole human obsession thing.”

“...” There was an awkward silence.

“Lyra is in a mental hospital right now…” I said awkwardly.

Craig cringed at that he then looked at me and said “well, at least, she’s getting help… that's one good thing.”

Asuna then looked at him and said “If we weren't there for you back home, you could have been in the same place Craig”

We looked at the screen from earlier when it turned on. A bland brown stallion unicorn had a microphone floating in front of him, “This is Equestrian Daily reporting in. We have reports of two individuals stopping a Griffon paramilitary unit that attempted to usurp the throne of Equestria with weaponry that was known to be used by Project Overlord. We will attempt to speak with Director Church about this breach in security soon, so stay tuned.” I coughed awkwardly.

“Uh...Oops?” I tried.

Craig then looked at me and said “Explain now… how did they get your weaponry”

“I plead the fifth. That is confidential information…” I tried as I tried waving the issue away.

Craig’s glare strengthened as he said “you can either tell me if I look into your memories and find out myself

“To save you the pain that WOULD cause you to kill yourself from horror, I sold it to them. This was before they even mentioned usurping Equestria.”

“You idiot Church… you better have done something to make the weapons fail.”

“Well, I’m sure they like the drones hovering over their imperial capital.” I opened a projection that showed thousands of drones aiming their weapons at guards for hours on end and forcing them to eat in that position. There were clear ‘Lopez Roboto In’ written on the drones. The griffon empire did not seem too happy about that.

Craig then sighs then, said, “OK you had thought it out… I’m sorry about what I said”

“Well, actually I had a few ideas. Omega told me I should just blow up their capital and torture all the children. Obviously not that one. Bad for my image. Sigma suggested this. Delta suggested that I rig the weapons I sell with explosives beforehand but I wanted to test the griffons.”

Asuna then smiled and, said, “I think Delta had the best idea from both a personal and financial view.”
“Financial? Look at the United States!” I proceeded to fall on my ass laughing as I banged my fist on the ground.

Asuna then rolled her eyes, “I meant you could use it to influence them…. maybe this would have never happened.”

“George Bush.” I resumed laughing my ass off. “Oh, how you would not understand just how bad I would probably influence others.”

Craig then laughs and tells me “Not as bad as if Kirito took control”

“I think you are underestimating me. What I do fluctuates. Nothing is ever sound.”

“You almost sound like you're reciting a creed”

“Nothing is true, everything is permitted.” I said bluntly.

“Spoken like a true assassin” He then flicked his wrist which showed an assassin's blade that instantly disappeared.

“In a world without, gold, we might have been heroes.” I said in Blackbeard’s voice.

“wish I could have ended Felix up close and personal instead of just burning him alive.”

“He isn’t dead. Just morally incapacitated.” I said as I walked past Asuna and Kirito to the cafeteria.

Craig laughs and said to Asuna, Kirito, Amor and Scootaloo, “We need to keep up with him… trust me I learned the hard way.”

I murmured to myself as I passed the strangely empty hallways with my family far behind me. “Another switch…”

Craig then ran next to me and said, “Something's not right… I’ve never seen the ship this clear, there should be something here”

“Attention all crewman: The monthly meeting at starboard A173 has started. Any who are absent may go to the next session in two hours. Thank you, Saragon out.”

“You seriously have a lot of meetings don’t you?” mocked Craig.

I ignored him as I walked to the edge of the halls which led straight to the entrance of the cafeteria. Here the corridor ended, with a few lights blinking red. I lightly pushed it open and discovered that all the lights in the cafeteria were off and the windows had bedrock (Minecraft) reinforced windows which were covered with blue panels that glowed in the dark.

Craig then looked at me and, said, “Something's not right here” He then flexed his hand as a small light appeared above him covering the room in a bright light.

“It clearly is closed.” I said blankly as I pointed to the electronic sign over the cafeteria where we would usually order. The sound of panting was heard as Amor, Asuna, Kirito and Scootaloo finally caught up with us. “You are even more paranoid than I am.”

He then laughed and, said, “guilty as charged… I guess after everything that's happened i’m just a bit… jumpy”

Amor walked up to the counter and pressed a button on the side of it which turned on all the lights before a Lopez bot walked out of the pantry and into sight. “What do you need?” (Spanish)

I walked up to the counter, “I’ll just have a meat lovers sandwich. No vegetables at all because fuck vegetables.” (Spanish) Everyone stared at the exchange in confusion.

Asuna then smiled and, said, “well that's changing add some salad to his sandwich… by orders of his mother.”

“You speak Spanish?” I asked in confusion. “ALSO NO VEGETABLES!”

“you want to beserk part of my title?”

“I don’t care what you do. I am not eating vegetables.” Amor and Scootaloo as well as Craig and Kirito stared at me incredulously. “I fucking HATE vegetables.”

Craig and Kirito then look a Scootaloo and Amor and said “We better leave”

“I’m fine. He’s done far worse trust me.” Amor said as she rolled her eyes.

Kirito then looked at her and, said, “It’s not your dad I'm worried about… I more worried for him”

Asuna put on a determined face as she looked at me, “You really want to start this Dimitri?”

“Hitler created vegetables. Therefore, I cannot eat them.” I retorted.

Asuna then scowls at me and said “not even close… they were created back in the stone age for one”

“Hitler was born in the stone age… of WAR! HAH!” I laughed harshly before I shoved past her and grabbed my already finished meat lovers sandwich and started taking huge bites of it.

She then smirks and said “and three, two, one. check the sandwich.

I opened the sandwich… to see that there was only meat in it. “Nice try.” I said as I continued eating it.

She then turned to Craig who just clicked his fingers seconds before I took another bite and she then said “you really can’t beat me that easily”

“Quiet completely unsubtle anime character.” I retorted as I finished the last of my sandwich., “Hey, amigo! Another sandwich!” He nodded and returned with another one which I grabbed and started eating.

This time, Craig smiled and clicked his fingers as my sandwich burst into flames.

“See? Unsubtle?” I retorted as I pulled out a strange looking contraption and pointed it at the burnt sandwich. Everyone’s jaws dropped as the sandwich literally did a reverse button and went back to its unburnt state. “Gracias Lopez!”

Asuna’s eye started twitching, “You are digging yourself a deeper, hole, my son.”

“Well, at least, I don’t need to worry about getting fat.” Amor fainted.

Craig then sighed and, said, “I’d seriously check this time church” he then clicks his fingers and… nothing happened?

“No. I’m a fucking gangster.” I walked to the nearest table and karate chopped it in half… with my pinkie. “Also, diets are overrated, the 70s sucked, nobody watched Degrassi and school are lame.”

Craig then cringed and said “Everyone retreat” he then begins backing up slowly

Asuna then looks at me and mutters “oh so you didn’t like School did you… then I've got the perfect punishment for you.”

“Not so much I didn’t like school. Everyone just had an IQ of about 20.”

Craig then turned to me and said “are you calling both me and Kirito stupid”

“You were in the United Kingdom… Not the United States. I’m pretty sure you are overthinking this.”

“Umm nope you raise schooling in the US is mile better than that of the UK… honestly, British schooling was useless.”

I then laughed. But I didn’t just laugh. I LAUGHED. “Hey, Lopez I need some drinks over here!” The Lopez bot came back carrying a tray of everything imaginable.

Amor immediately shot up and glared at me, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I pointed at the glass of alcohol that said -100 proof. She fainted again.

Asuna then grabbed Craig’s gun and shot every bottle and said “No alcohol until you eat your vegetables

“FINE! LOPEZ! BURN ALL THE VEGETABLES ON THE SHIP! ALL OF THEM!” The Lopez Bot saluted and Lopez Bots with flamethrowers walked in and rushed into the pantry before anyone could react. The sound of flames and alarms blaring were heard.

Craig then sighed and mutters “Idiot.”

By now Asuna’s breathing had sped up and she had become a lot more angry, “You really won’t like me when I’m angry.”

“Eh.” I waved her off as I returned with a half empty bottle of Vodka. I emptied the rest of it before she could even shoot it.

Scootaloo picked up Amor and started dragging her away from the ongoing fight. Asuna then grabbed me by the neck and, said, “you are about to see the back of my hand” I did a John Woo and I front flipped over her and scissor kicked her in the back.

“No thank you. I just work here.” I said in a cheesy voice.

Craig then cringed and, said “your are seriously in trouble church.”

Asuna then looks at me and, said, “Me You had to hand combat.”

“Now we’re talking.” I said in Tex’s voice. Craig cringed. “First rule, there are no rules.” I am suddenly encased in Tex’s armor before I rushed at Asuna and slid under her and falcon punched her in the groin and jumped ten feet behind her.

She then turned and muttered “you stupid boy” She then turn and before I can react she throws me over her arms and launches me into a wall… and, in turn, wedging me in it.

“Fine. Now this is serious.” My armor switched to white and my helmet changes until it is the Meta’s. I gave a feral hiss and smash myself out of the wall. A bruteshot forms in my arms which I shoot at Asuna.

Kirito then reacts and throws her his sword as it glows and she charges me drawing her sword aswell.

I draw my twin energy swords on malice and cross them together, forming a giant gravity hammer that is charged like the forerunner one I used before. I rush her and smash the gravity hammer on the ground, distorting the gravity around us and flinging her into the wall like a ragdoll. “No slicey for you.” I taunted.

She then glares at me and whispers, “Þeír slíta fimm grœnn vindr.” with that five boomerang shaped blades began to fly towards me.”

I suddenly erected an antimagic barrier around me just before they hit me, dissipating them. “Get wrecked.” I mocked.

She then smirks and said “It’s behind you”

“I know.” At the last second, it hit me, and went through me, revealing a hologram. I was above her Batman Style. The hologram flickered and faded, putting Asuna on high alert.

Asuna’s smile disappeared as she said “it’s not that easy to dodge these”

Suddenly I teleported us to the Simulation Chamber. There was already a huge scale Red Vs Blue fight going on but with tanks, hornets, broadsword fighters, banshees, wraiths and many other vehicles. The Blue team were covenant elites and the red team was unsc Spartans.

“Have fun.” I said as I ran into the chaos.

“What the hell is going on here?” A red soldier asked a blue elite. The elite shrugged before she proceeded to start shooting at the red.

Asuna then sighs and said “What ever happened to one on one fighting”

“That is so 1500s!” I shouted back to her.

Asuna then muttered, “I feel like I’ve brought a knife to a gunfight” Right as she said that a broadsword flew straight over her, forcing her to clutch her ears from how loud it was as it dropped a bomb on a covenant wraith, blowing it up and killing all the elites inside it.

Craig and Kirito ran up to her, as Craig said “seriously you need some heavy weapons. “

A covenant Scarab stomped over tanks until it was right in front of the trio. Craig’s eyes widened, “Oh well fuck… Get behind me” The Scarab charged its main cannon before it unleashed a ridiculous beam of energy straight at the trio.

Craig then closed his eyes as launched his arm to his side and shouted “KameHameHa”

Kirito the smiled and said “ Good old beam struggles”

But all the Kamehameha did was glance off the side of the Scarab’s leg.

“Uh… I have an idea… run!” Kirito said as he booked it.

Asuna then shouted “I’m right behind you” with that She turned and ran following Kirito.

Craig then sighed as a black sword appeared in his hand and he charged towards the Scarab as the swords blade began to burn red.”

I screamed over the intercom, “NO DON’T!” The Scarab was comprised of what it would be regular and some elements of antimagic. That would hurt Craig. Well, at least, the explosion would.

Craig then smiled and said “This ain’t no magic” He then hits one of the legs and the blade sliced straight through it like a warm knife through butter. Craig was suddenly sent flying as a leg collided with his spine, snapping it in half. Tears of pain had started leaking from his eyes as his back started soaking with blood.

He then tried to stand up and collapsed again

“Craig you fucking idiot! You don’t do that!” I scolded as I drove towards him in a warthog and stopped next to him before picking him up and shoving him into the passenger seat and taking off. Right as we got out of the Scarab’s range we saw it had already started repairing its severed leg. I reached into the back of the warthog and tossed a medpack at Craig since he couldn’t even move, much less talk. As soon as it hit him he was fully healed, except for the ego. “Why would you do that?! Not even fucking Leeroy Jenkins would do that!”

“Let's face it Church… I’m not the smartest person… Hell I joined the war without thinking for god's sake”

I stopped in front of a bunker which Asuna and the others were resting in. Since Craig’s legs still weren’t working I picked him up and carried him to the door and opened it before closing it behind me and putting him down in front of Kirito. They had seen what Craig had done.

Asuna then grabbed him and said “You idiot… Don’t do that to us” She then broke down in tears and said “I don’t want to lose you again”

Crag then looks at her and mutters “Sorry”

“Oh and before you go pointing any fingers at me. This battle wasn’t scheduled by me. It was scheduled by Saragon. I just happened to teleport us here at the wrong time.”

Kirito the looked at me and said “So in a way it is your fault… you should know what happens on your own ship”

“Actually. He scheduled it just after I left. Also, I wasn’t the one who rushed towards a fucking covenant Scarab.”

Craig then coughed and muttered “yeah I’m and idiot keep rubbing more salt into the wound”

A Lopez Bot walked into the bunker and saluted me, “The burning of the vegetables has been completed Sir.” He said in an Austrian accent.

“Good.” I said as I waved him away.

Asuna the sighed and, said, “at the moment I don’t care about you not eating vegetables. at the moment, I only care about Craig's safety”

“Good. That would have been embarrassing if you did.” I changed my voice to Asuna’s, “Why haven’t you been eating your vegetables?!”

“You mock her and we will all attack you!” Kirito shouted

“Will you, though? The Reds and Blues won’t attack me. I can just hide in the scarab which is covered in an antimagic, antiteleportation, anticheating field.”

“You play dirty.” Amor said in annoyance.

Asuna then clenched her teeth and said “I have had enough of your backchatting”

“Want to know why he doesn’t like vegetables?” Amor asked with a rueful smile.

Asuna then smiled and said “without a shadow of a doubt”

“His body blew up when he ate salad.” She said bluntly.

She then looked at her and muttered “really? You know I can’t take that seriously.”

She rolled her eyes and lit her horn, projecting the memory of when I first ate salad in a human body. Everyone cringed.

“Ok so maybe you weren’t joking” She then turns to me and said “You couldn’t have just said this from the beginning?”

My hologram that she was talking to faded. I was already in the scarab.

Asuna then sighed and said “for gods sake Church”

“I RULE THE WORLD!” I screamed as I controlled the Scarab and used it to smash unsc and covenant troops. I ordered them to attack me and not hold back. The spartans used their jetpacks to try to gain entry but were promptly kicked away. “I HAVE A SIX STAR WANTED LEVEL BITCHES!” I made one of the scarab’s legs pick up a scorpion tank and throw it. Unfortunately it flew straight towards the bunker where everyone was watching me in shock.

Asuna then screamed “Oh shit we're fucked”

Craig then stands up, launches himself towards tank and the punches it out of the ways and then mutters “So unlike you mum” he then stops as his energy fades and he lands on his legs and collapses.

A super scarab entered the battle, drawing my attention. “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING WITH ME!” The super scarab was twice as big as my scarab but for some reason, it wasn’t attacking me.

We all then heard Sarge’s voice from inside the Super Scarab, “It’s time to pay taxes you filthy blues!”

Craig then looks at the super scarab and, said, “I wish he just had his shotgun instead of that.”

Sarge aimed his super scarab at the bunker for some reason, “Come out come out!” He fired a devastating beam that actually tore off the entire roof of the bunker and shook the ground under it, flinging everyone on top of each other into a pile.

Asuna then scratches her head and, said, “is everyone OK?”

She then gets sighs of acknowledgment from everyone but Craig who was holding his arm that was twisted back on itself”

“What have we here…? FILTHY DISGUSTING BLUES!” Another beam was shot from Sarge until I decided enough was enough.

“HEY! REPUBLICAN! FIGHT ME YOU OVERPAYED OLD MAN!” I fired a beam of plasma at the turret of his Scarab, destroying it instantly.

“AUUUUGH! WHY YOU LITTLE!” The super scarab exploded in a mess of pieces with RoboSarge getting ejected out and into the rubble.

Asuna then ran over to Craig and shout “Craig are you okay?”

He then muttered, “Do I look okay?”

Asuna then looks at his arm then mutters “No…. you look like hell”

I parked my scarab at the edge of the destroyed bunker and exited. I grabbed a medpack and gave it to Craig. I finally took a look outside. Dead bodies littered the battlefield. Blood and gore were spattered everywhere that organs weren’t. “Now that I actually look at it… Really look at it… It does look like hell.” I said as I pointed to the battlefield. All the Reds and Blues were dead, weapons everywhere, vehicles destroyed. The grass was charred and blackened in some spots and buildings had collapsed.

“Is this really what aftermaths look like?” I asked everyone.

Craig then looks at me and mutters, “what do you think?”

“Could use more craters… maybe a few more destroyed buildings here and there… toppled skyscrapers…” I commented.

He then mutters something I didn’t hear then said “mind fixing my arm.”

I look at him in shock and point to the obvious medpack that he only had to touch to get healed next to his feet.

He then sighed and said “and I now feel stupid” He then reaches down to the Medpack and touches it with his good arm.

“I think I may have-” I heard an obnoxious ringing sound and reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, “Ello? Yes. No, I don’t have any of these ‘weapons’ for sale. Still no., Okay you are really persistent, what is your deal. Dr Hoofington of Technological Affairs For New Applications? Uh-huh. No. Fine, we have a deal.” I hung up and put the phone in my pocket to see everyone staring at me suspiciously.

Craig then looks at me and, said, “what have you done now.”

A veil of smoke spilled and an official looking letter with the TA symbol on it appeared in front of me. I looked at it and read it. “Yikes. Celestia wants me to be in charge of the defense of Equestria. Probably one of the worst ideas I have ever heard.”

“are you saying you're not suited for the job?

“Oh I am more than suited, just in the wrong ways.” I retorted.

“You don't want to be a hero… that's it isn’t it.”

“One of the reasons. You hero types are pretty damn miserable. Me? I love being chaotic neutral. I can do whatever the fuck I want.”

“and why do you think I'm so miserable at the moment?”

“That is a loaded question. A question I would expect a female to ask me. Not you.” I retorted.

“Well let's face it… I spent almost all my time around girls.”

“I KNEW IT! YOU WERE HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THEM! OH MOM YOU NEED TO GIVE HIM THE TALK!” I quickly backed away from Asuna because I knew she would blow up on Craig.

She then sighs and said “Dimitri… I bet that isn’t the case, I think meant he’s around them a lot. not in a sexual relationship.”

“Nuh-uh!” I said in Pinkie Pie’s voice. She appeared and looked at me in confusion. I just whispered to her to play along. She nodded and disappeared. “If you spend your time around them one of them is bound to be infatuated with you and… take matters into their own hooves. HEHE!” I gave a Michael Jackson laugh at the end with his exact voice.

Craig then smirks and said “knowing my luck it would be Rainbow Dash who would want me”

“HAH! You got the gay pride festival!” I opened a portal to the warp and grabbed a bag of popcorn before closing the portal. I erected an antiMom barrier around me as well which consisted of the essentials in stopping angry magic and psionics users.

Asuna then sighed and said “Sorry Craig but who’s Rainbow Dash?”

I enabled a screen next to them and showed an image of Rainbow Dash wearing a very very VERY slutty stripper outfit.

Craig then sighs and said “goddammit Church”

“You know you like that!” I retorted.

Asuna then sighs and, said, “I’m getting by your reaction she isn’t like that… but i bet she is very passionate about what she believes in.”

“Why did I have to be stuck with the sappy ones?” I said as I turned into a holographic Rainbow Dash, still wearing the perverted outfit.

“...You aren’t bothered that you are in a female body currently?” Craig asked.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Amor and Asuna asked with narrowed eyes.

Craig then smirked and, said, “ and you didn’t think about Scootaloo's obsession.”

I suddenly noticed Scootaloo staring at me in a way that I will not describe in any shape or form. “Oh buck.” I flapped my wings and sonicboomed out of there.

Craig then laughed and said “He so had that coming”

“WHY WAS SHE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?!” I asked over the intercom.

“she sees her as a mother… or a big sister, I guess she was amazed to see her like that.”

“I regret everything!” I exclaimed as I came back in my human form panting while using my gravity hammer as an oversized walking stick. “Wait a minute…” I suddenly got a devious smile. “Are you and Rainbow Dash in a relationship?”

Craig then looks at me and said “No…. Not at the moment.”

“We will see about that…” Craig’s eyes widened when I grabbed my phone and put it to my ear after calling someone. “Hello Mi Amore Cadenza. There seems to be a problem.”

Craig then looks at me in confusion and then asks “what's wrong”

“You see Cadence, there is a couple that hasn’t found out they love each other yet.” I said with the biggest shit eating grin ever.

Craig’s eyes bug out at that. He then, said, “I will end you when I feel better.”

Amor smirked as she knew what I was doing and joined me in my little protected barrier. Asuna then sighed and said “Dimitri this isn’t funny”

“I don’t know, I think it is pretty funny.” Amor said with a giggle.

In a flash Cadence teleported right in front of me and looked at Amor in confusion. “Celestia wasn’t joking. Hello Amor.” Amor and Cadence hugged each other before letting go and nodding at each other.

I whispered into Cadence’s ear the details and she nodded again.

“Ship now has destination: Subject known as Craig’s universe.” The onboard AI said. The ship warped before anyone could react.

Craig’s eyes then widen as he said “Oh crap”

I teleport us all to the hatch and open it to see we are in front of Twilight’s Library with a crowd looking at us in confusion. Especially the two alicorns. The ponies all gasp and bow immediately.

Craig then looked at Kirito and Asuna and said “welcome to the future of your reality”

I start singing the Egyptian version of Gangnam Style as I dance backwards towards a bewildered Twilight. Everyone was staring at me in shock as I sang.

I finally finished singing after a minute. “HAH!” I said as I jumped over the group of ponies. “What? It’s appropriate. Everything looks medieval here.”

Craig then sighs and, said “yes my world is not advanced… get over it.”

Twilight Sparkle approached me before she asked, “What are you doing… And why do you have two alicorns that look exactly the same as my foalsitter just in different ages?” I gave an awkward cough.

Cadence looked around until her eyes landed on a cloud that had Rainbow Dash snoring in it. She took off before anyone could react and started explaining *gag* love to Rainbow Dash.

Craig then Looks at Twilight and said “they are both Cadance just both from different realities”

“YOU TWO WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER!” I immediately start backing away but Amor blocks my path.

“Nope. You realize I’m going to be the one who decides who you date right?” I turn around and try to run but she grabs me in her aura as I try struggling in a vain attempt to get away.

Craig cringed as he saw me struggling, “Amor let him go”

She did a MUCH more powerful version of ‘The Stare’ on Craig.

“...Nevermind. You can have him.”

As I was carried away Craig felt himself get pulled in an Aura by Cadence herself. “We are screwed Craig! They’re going to kill us!” Amor rolled her eyes at that over-exaggeration.

Kirito then sighed and shout, “release my brothers!”

“Oooh! I got a better idea! You can come as well!” Asuna and Kirito found themselves being pulled by Cadence as well. They struggled to escape, using everything they could but for some reason Cadence just would not let go.

“Well, this is not how I thought you guys would die.” I said bluntly.

Asuna then smiled then, said “Celestia and Luna will be surprised to see us won't they.”

“...Well this just got awkward.” I said. “Twilight! HELP!!!!” Twilight galloped over to see what was going on and her eyes rolled into the back of her head before she fainted. “Okay, now we are fucked.”

Craig’s eyes bugged out… “Scootaloo… Help”

Scootaloo was on the ground below the cloud that Cadence and a profusely blushing Rainbow Dash were on. She didn’t hear Craig.

Craig then sighs and, said “I’m sorry for this Cadence” I then hear her scream as I see her body heat up instantly and she loses control of her magic and lets go of us.

Amor lets go off me and I do the same thing that Craig did to Cadence to him. He screams in pain. “Now you know how she feels. She was just following her cutiemark.” I put a barrier around myself and wait for his response. He doesn’t said anything. “You could have waited to see what she was going to do. That’s what I was doing.”

Craig then sighs and, said “I’m sorry Cadence but you I don’t like magic being forced on me… you should have just asked me to come with you and i would have.”

Rainbow Dash flew down to Craig and looked at him. Her face was extremely red from how hard she was blushing. When she opened her muzzle to talk, all that escaped was a squeak.

“Wow. She just got loved. HAH!” I said.

Craig then looks at Rainbow Dash then, said “hey remember that training i promised you… Lesson one” Craig then touchs her forehead then said “lets see what you can do”

She then gets a devious smile and looks at me as I see her perform a similar motion to Craig’s KameHameha

I immediately know they are planning something, so before anyone can react I use my speed to put a hologram where I am standing and then move a few yards away and go completely invisible even to magical and thermal scans so that nobody knows where I really am. It is useful when you have Delta to guide you through how to do that every time as it never gets any easier. My hologram stares at Rainbow Dash as she does motions. “What the fuck are you doing?” I ask as Cadence flies away in the background back into the pelican.

Craig then smiled and said “Now focus your ki into one point and then release”

She then smiled as instead of the normal blue beam and rainbow beam fly towards my hologram.

The hologram disappeared as the beam hit the ground and destroyed it completely, leaving not even ashes but just a crater. I didn’t do anything as I got a devious smile. Now to make them think I am dead.

When the fog cleared and they saw the crater and no sign of me they freaked out. Soon.

Craig then smiled and said “Good job Delta… great job with the invisibility…. shame the warp works here as well.” The wind blew my cracked helmet out of the crater and in front of them. I didn’t say anything as I was in for the long con. There was blood inside the helmet and peeled skin to make it look real.

Craig smiled looked at the helmet and, said “Church you said it yourself you can’t die… after all you're just an AI.” I didn’t say anything. I continued to back away until I was at least a mile away. I still had my enhanced hearing and vision on though.

Craig smiled heard Rainbow dash say “Oh Celestia I killed him” She had found my dead body with an AI chip on the ground. Blood was everywhere and my armor was cracked.

Craig smiled looked around and then said “you could come to that outcome.but i know church better to know he was fully aware of the motions of a KameHameHa…. he would have moved, I’m sure of it.” His eyes landed on the AI chip. It had a small play button on it. He picked up the chip and pressed play.

“If you are playing this, it means that I am dead. For good this time. And that you have fucked up. Congratulations. The only reason this is here is because I made this incase someone killed me. You either got lucky by fragmenting me to the point of no return or you did something worse.” The chip broke after that.

Craig then looks at Rainbow Dash and then said “Wow… he’s really trying to scare everyone… He’s fine… besides if he died his token wouldn’t work… i think.”

An explosion was seen in the distance. My pelican. I had a function on it where it made the outside explode to look like it was disabled. That should convince them a bit more.

Craig’s jaw dropped as he tried to convince himself, “Nah he’s just pranking us… i’m sure that's it.”

He still had his radio from when Ahriman was with me so when he heard radio chatter he put it to his ear. There was a lot of frantic chatter and from what he heard the Lopez bots and everyone on the ship that survived all thought the director was dead.

“Target sighted.” A Lopez bot said as he aimed at Rainbow Dash. “Firing.” He let loose a burst of gunfire.

Craig then moved himself in front of the barrage and then, said “Nobody attacks my friends… Go back to your ship before i end you”

“No. You killed the Director.” He went invisible and ran in the opposite direction before the sound of a sniper rifle was heard.

Craig then turned and shielded Rainbow Dash and took the round in his body and the spluttered “If i die… Look after Scootaloo for me.”

“Wow seriously? That was nonlethal.” The Lopez bot said.

Craig then smirks and said “I know i just as overdramatic as Church

“No, I mean we were out of lethal ammunition. At least this is automatic.” Craig’s eyes widened as he received the equivalent of getting painted with big bbs. He was filled with hundreds of bullets and it hurt to even move.

Craig then looked at the lopez bot as his eyes began to get a tint of red going through them he then said “Oh god… not now”

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.” The Lopez bot grabbed a magazine with a weird symbol on it that had a crossed out arcane circle and inserted it into his sniper rifle. He fired the entire magazine into Craig and Craig realized that he was losing his anger. As in, he could not get angry no matter how hard he tried. “The hospitals use that on patients with anger problems.”

I sighed and walked up to Lopez and turned my form into Delta’s before becoming visible to craig. “I’m afraid that won’t be necessary. Epsilon will be back soon. I’ll handle him.” The Lopez bot hesitated before he walked towards the burnt pelican. I walked up to Craig and asked, “Do you know what you have done?” In the same way the counselor would.

“Almost killed everyone in town… if it wasn’t for your friend their everyone would be dead.”

“What made you think that testing a Kamehameha looking thing would ever be a good idea. By the way, you owe me a new suit of armor. I don’t care if I already have a lot of them. You are going to make me a brand new suit of armor.” I said as I turned back to Epsilon.

“You're asking the guy, in a world with no advanced weaponry to make you new armour

“Yeah you know what you’re right. I should probably ask someone who actually knows how to use technology.” I mocked.

Kirito and Asuna walked up to us but I ignored them. They saw the unusual position that Rainbow Dash and Craig were in. ...So that is why Dash wasn’t talking. She had a huge blush on her face and was glaring daggers at Craig.

Asuna then looked at me and shouts “what was you thinking!” I held up a hand and depressed my thumb, then my index finger, then my middle, then my ring, and then my pinkie. A huge explosion was seen in space. I then did a ‘go on’ signal. I wasn’t even looking at her which she seemed to get mad at from what she said “You just risked the lives of everyone here for one prank… you know this happens when craig's emotions get the better of him

“That’s why I gave him an antibezerk magazine to the ass.” I said with a shit-eating grin. “Looks like Craig will be on the effects medication for a few hours. Try angering him. No really. Try.”

Kirito then looks at me and, said “Maybe we won’t… maybe we’ll take our anger out on you.”

“Nuh-uh, he owes me a new suit of armor.” I pointed to the cracked suit of Hunter Armor housing the dead body on the floor that nobody had bothered to clean up yet. I teleported away and teleported back in the body of a Sangheili Zealot. I started picking up the dead body and threw it over my shoulder.

Asuna then sighed and, said “and if as you've taken to calling his girlfriend was attacked what would your reaction be?”

My voice came out like the Arbiter’s but deeper. “You already know. Then again, I don’t have a girlfriend nor do I need one. Relationships are useless to me.” I threw my dead body on the floor and blew up the remains before walking away irritated towards Twilight’s. I was standing at a tall 8 foot 5 inches, making me tower over everyone for added intimidation factor.

Asuna, Kirito, and Craig looked at each other before Asuna said, “What about Celestia and Luna” Right as she said that, a carriage stopped in front of me with two angry princesses.

I stared at them. “What do you want?”

Celestia then looked at me and, said “you did not just prank my subjects and then risked killing one of them.”

“Look lady, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have places to go. So if you would MOVE out of my way.” I pushed the carriage out of the way, shocking the two princesses.

Luna then looked at me and said “Thou did not just ignore us”

Asuna then walks over to them and said “let him off Princesses”

“Wise choice, T’would be most disappointing if I had to turn thine ‘holiness’ into an example.” I mocked as I pushed past ponies going about their daily lives ignorantly.

Kirito then sighs and said “he really is getting annoying” He then looks back at the princesses and then said “It’s good to see how hows things been going for you”

The sound of screams and then ponies running past the princesses was all that reached their ears as I sat down on a bench, snapping it. I saw them looking at me. I ignored them and sat on another bench. That snapped as well. This process repeated over and over until all the benches were snapped. I grumbled and started walking away.

Craig then sighs and, said “Church really needs to chill” I get the beam rifle from my back and train the crosshair on Craig. Time to do some surveillance. I activated active camoflauge and waited.

I then see Celestia and Luna look towards Asuna and Kirito then say “Is it really you… are you really free from your stone prisons?”

They then look at eachother then to Craig and say “wait you weren’t joking about us being in stone?”

My finger slips and a loud ‘Beezits’ sound was heard from my beam rifle as it went well over their heads. I immediately left my position.

Asuna then sighs and said “Dimitri! Stop that this instant!”

“My claw slipped!” I lied. They couldn’t see me so what did it matter.

Craig then sighed and, said “yes mum I wasn’t joking “ he ten turns back to Celestia and Luna and then said “they are still in stone… They are from the past about one thousand years ago” I keep stalking them from a distance until I am directly a tenth of a mile behind Celestia.

They then smile and Celestia then say “Well at least you are all back together again, even it is only temporary”

“Ego glorifico exploratores ubique.” (Latin: I glorify spies everywhere) I muttered a bit too loudly.

Craig then sighs then, said “Church come back here.”

“Nolo facere. Multo libentius gratias tibi sum corpori.” (Latin: I don’t want to do that. I am fond of this body thank you very much) I retorted as I backed further away.

Craig then sighs and says “suit yourself.” He then looks back to the others just as I was flung by an unknown force. I immediately activate one of my energy swords and stab it into the ground right next to the princesses. I was literally hanging upside down with the energy sword sticking in the ground. I fell to the ground and groaned. “Church what the Hell?”

“That’s it. I’m going somewhere I can actually get drunk.” I pick myself up and walk towards the blown up on the outside pelican. Amor blocked my path but I just set her on my shoulder.

Craig then sighs and says “Looks like Amor doesn’t want you drunk either”

“I don’t want to be sober.” I said as I opened the hatch.

Kirito looked at Craig, then Asuna and then the princesses, “We’re following him right?”

Craig then smile and says “when would we not”

I cringed at the outside look of the pelican. “That’s going to need a new paintjob.”

Two minutes later

The pegasi that were flying the royal carriage were beyond exhausted. The princesses and the displaced had to use a ridiculously absurd amount of magic to even hope to keep up with the pelican.

“That....*pant* that is not natural…” Luna panted.

Craig then sighs and, says “i don’t see why you're struggling we’re holding up fine.”

Celestia then stares at him and says “well we can't all fly faster than the speed of sound Craig”

“Actually. That was at least ten times the speed of sound. We were lagging behind pretty bad. The only reason we managed to keep up is because we could still see him because of the glaringly obvious sonic boom.” Kirito retorted. “In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone in the whole country saw that sonic boom.”

Craig Then sighs and, says “This is going to hurt… everyone grab hold… side effect include nausea.”

They all look at Craig like he’s lost it.

“And pray tell, how exactly is this a good idea?” Luna asked incredulously as she looked down at the drop that was at least over 15,000 feet.

“It’s probably not but it’s the only way we can keep up with him”

“Buck you, buck my job, buck my life.” The solar guard on the left side of the carriage said.

Celestia then rolls her eyes and says “Just do it Craig”

Craig then smiled at her and then said “All of you grab hold” With that everyone places one hand or hoof on Craig as he places two fingers on his forehead as they all disappear and the chariot falls to the ground.

Two more minutes later

They were rapidly approaching the ground at an alarming rate and they had already done a sonic boom a long time ago. Craig then looked up and then said “Oh for god's sake why didn’t we go straight onto the ship” He then begins to plunge himself towards the falling chariot. The chariot collides with the bar that I am in and smashes through it, sending the occupants hurling in random directions inside the now-trashed bar. Ponies ran out of the bar in fear after seeing the princesses.

I stared at the destruction. “Good thing I already drank.” I said before I gave a loud belch. Everyone looked at me and then at the tower of beer bottles. There were over fifteen of them!

Asuna then looks up and, says “Never do that again Craig.”

He then scratched his head then says “No promises”

“Better late than never. You know, you could have just got into the pelican instead of using that old thing.” I said bluntly as I gave another belch. Amor sighed and shook her head.

Craig then sighs and “Amor i bet you feel like you're in Rick and Morty at the moment”

Amor levitated a bottle of beer to Craig and offered it to him. He stared at her in shock before shaking his hand and saying “No thank you… I’d prefer to stay sober”

I fell out of my bar stool chair with a loud thud. Everyone stared at me as I said, “Penis cupcakes…”

Craig then sighs and, says “he’s gone… Let's all ignore him unless he starts a drunken brawl”

“I SEE ALL THE PENIS CUPCAKES!” I yell as I grab my chair and throw it out the window. “MAKE IT GO AWAY!” I looked to see a pair of plasma rifles on my hips. I grabbed them and shot at the ‘cupcakes’ which were actually bottles of beer. I hit everything with one hundred percent +accuracy before collapsing.

Celestia and the others watched as Amor dragged my unconscious body on the floor and towards the pelican. The chariot was completely smashed and one of the guardsponies was actually unconscious as well.

I screamed, “WHERE IS HICHIGO?!” while unconscious.

“I think it is a good time to go…” Kirito said.

“I think you may have the right idea.” replies Craig

My pelican suddenly disappeared along with Amor and I, leaving everyone else alone and abandoned at the bar. Celestia then, says “well that was unexpected.”

Craig suddenly feels his radio’s connection to Church disappear., “Yep he’s gone…”

Craig then looks to Asuna and Kirito and says “I guess you still to send your tokens out”

They both smile and Asuna, says “Yes, he never finished explaining what to do we always got interrupted.”

Craig then smiles and say “the next part is to send it into the void… if you would like i can do that for you.”

Kirito then looks at him and, says “You don’t see it as a burden?”

“No, no i don’t”

They both them smile at him as they toss me their Tokens to him and he catches them. He then removed his token from his neck and cuts a small hole in the air beside him, he then places his hand inside as they both multiply before he lets go and grabs three copies of each of them and removes his hand before the portal shuts and a chip fell from the void, “Sorry about today. I didn’t exactly have the best of times. By now it has been over two weeks since we have last met. Hopefully the next time we meet, it doesn’t end as bad as this.” It said in my voice.

Craig then smiles as he tosses them their tokens keeps two sets with him. He then grabs churches token and, says “hey Church Mum and Kirito want you to have these” He then creates a small hole and throws the two tokens through.

Another chip falls through. “The next time we meet… It will most likely have already been over ten years. Thank you for providing me a family for as long as you were here… in my heart.”

We all then smile at eachother then say “he’ll do just fine.”

Kirito then looks at him then says "Craig, use your hand to scroll down"

He then looks at him in confusion and then just shrugs as does as he is asked and a small inventory screen appears in front of him. He then looks and, says "Wait this is an Inventory... are you saying everything I have could be stored hers so I'm not encumbered?"

He then smiles at Craig and, says "well you need quick access in the war whilst being able to move so... yeah it's a gift from me to you."

Craig then smiles at them and says "thank you" He then made two copies of his token and then tosses them to Kirito and Asuna and then says “If I'm not around when you get free from stone just call me and I'll be with you as soon as I am able.”

They then hug him and say “Just keep on living till that day Craig.”

They then hug him and say “Just keep on living till that day Craig.”

“You know I will mom” He then smiles and says “Kirito, Asuna our...

Another data chip falls out from the void, “-Make that twenty to two hundred thousand years.”

Craig then laughs and says “anyway Kirito, Asuna our contract is complete.”

With, that a portal appears below their feet as they fall through it waving to Craig to which he saluted them before saying “For those about to rock”

Kirito then shouts “we salute you!” With, that the portal closes behind them.

Author's Note:

And this chapter ends the Crossover between The Alpha.

I hope you all enjoyed and now Kirito and Asuna are available for crossovers.

Hope to hear from you