Many years ago, King Sombra attempted to overthrow the Diarchs of Equestria by subduing the Crystal Empire. The actions of three of Equus' greatest champions stopped him, but not without cost. Now, forces that had long been buried were working to bring him and his army of darkness back. Two ponies, whose past actions had elevated them to the forefront of the fight, would come to find their own connection to these past events.
Can Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, perspective Wonderbolt Captain, and heroine of Equestria, rise up to the challenge of a new destiny? And, can she do this alone, or will she have to risk possible heartache with a certain adorkable librarian-turned-princess in order to do so?
All characters except for OC's belong to their respective parties. This fic complies with all free-speech and use laws.
This fic is a prequel/parallel fic to my fic Princess of Shadows, Darkness, and Light. As such, each chapter will help to explain some of the details not covered in the sequel.
Also, the Mane Six will be featured, but I can't tag them on account of the five-character limit.
This fic and its companion/sequel are my first major attempt at writing FiM fan fiction, though not fiction in general; I have done other work, nothing published. What I'm doing here is trying to explore an Equus that is both larger and smaller than the people know. That's the major reason why nothing of Season Five is making its way into the fic, and why it has the AU tag. For more details, look for my various blogs on the subject.
Please Note: I'm in the process of trying to find cover art, as I think that's one of the reasons why this fic has so few views. If you know of any way I can get some, or have some talent in drawing, please PM me. The only problem with commissions is that I have no way to pay; if I did, I'd hire someone to get some cool cover art.
Edit July 22nd, 2016: The rating and addition of the Gore tag is due to the fairly graphic scenes that will be in an upcoming chapter. The scenes are not going to be excessively bloody, just more graphic than usual. There will be a tagged warning on the chapter in question. At this point, that will be the only chapter with those scenes.
Edit August 6th, 2016: Sex tag now added due to the nature of some of the subject material in the last chapter. Spoiler tags will be removed from this edit note when the chapter in question is posted.Story is now complete.
You need cover art.
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Yeah, for both of the stories. I'm just not sure where to look for it. I don't have a DeviantArt account, and the one time I tried to copy a picture from the PMV that inspired my other fic, it turned out to be shit.
Any suggestions? I'd like to have a picture showing Rainbow and Twilight standing in a realm of mixed light and shadows, with an image of Sombra's Cloud in the background. Well, something like Sombra's Cloud. He features, but not as much as people might think. He's a lackey, much to his chagrin.
6273919
Oy vey.
How do I put this in words that don't make me look...
Okay. Just putting this out there, I know my words seem to have some sort of negative vibe and all, but this is just my normal speak. Words written on print while I think. Umm... Well... Anyways, I wanna help you get some cover art to make your story look more appealing. But, truth is, if we try searching for one, chances are, you wont--I won't--we won't find anything that fits the description of something you want to be on the front of your story. So here's what I propose. You are going to make your own little dandy work of art using Photoshop tools and my help. I am a little reluctant (because I'm lazy), but... You can do this if you choose. I know I did when I created Irroro and the avatar for this profile. Just takes some inspiration...
So, it's your choice. Just P.M. me or reply to this message if you're interested.
Always seems Twilight and co. are one step ahead in their planning... Admittedly, wouldn't mind seeing the bad guys get ahead, just to add drama. Eh, don't mind me, love the story, can't wait to see where it goes next!
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Most of what's going on right now is just leftovers. There's a greater conspiracy going on; once they truly dive into the rabbit hole, they'll be at the mercy of things they had no way to prepare for.
Then again, Twilight's brother was a Colt Scout, and she holds to their motto: Always Be Prepared.
Just wait; there are more cliffhangers to come.
They're just so much fun to write..
*cackles evilly*
Sorry I didn't review last chapter, been busy and tired. Story's progressing along well... Kinda feels like we're just getting started, though. Curious to see what happens next.
Until next time.
Excellent chapter. Gets a little more in-depth into things currently going on. Hope this isn't the last chapter you write for this story, though. I still want to see the changes that Rainbow goes through into becoming an Alicorn., as well as her and Twilight admitting their feelings. Until next time
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If you got that from my Author's Note, I apologize. I'm not even halfway through this one yet. I haven't yet started working on the next chapter; they get posted pretty much as I finish each one.
Showing a bit more about how legal matters was important, as it gives a better understanding of how Equestria's odd system of government works. And how there are elements that are not at all satisfied with the alicorns being in charge.
Thanks for the read though; it's nice that I'm actually hitting a chord out there.
There will be more soon I hope; I've got one more chapter before the adventure really starts taking off.
Ah, just thought you meant you were ending the prequel and just felt there was still a lot to go. All cool!
Hmm. You have my attention, friend. On the Read-Later list!
So we get to see more of Dashes change to what she will become, as well as Marigold being in trouble. Curious as to how she'll get out of this one. Until next time.
Welp, interesting story developments this chapter. We get more insight to Rainbows change, Marigolds free... Though seems she might have upset Twilight. Well, until next time.
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The chapter still seems a little unfinished. I have a great deal more that went into it that I'm still working on; that chapter will likely be finished either later tonight or tomorrow.
Expect more updates far more frequently, as I've been in the mood to write the past couple of days.
Glad you like what I wrote.
Interesting stuff this chapter. The crystal is an intriguing addition, curious if it'll play more of a role next chapter. Until next time.
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Maybe, maybe not. That would be telling.
You'll just have to wait and see.
Yes, I'm an insufferable tease.
Nice bit of downtime before things pick up. Until next time.
So we start to see more of Rainbows transformation, as well as a cliffhanger. Good stuff, looking forward to the next part.
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As far as it goes, what you've seen here is the complete transformation. Rainbow Dash is now a full pegacorn; all that remains is for her to grow. That's going to take awhile; pegacorns gain roughly a few centimeters of height every few months. It works itself out to about an inch a year. Their body mass changes far quicker; by the time they finish their journey, Rainbow is going to be about as tall as Twilight is now, and half again her current weight.
Cadance, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash will likely be almost as tall as Celestia in another century. Luna will soon match her sister in height, though that won't take place in this fic.
When the metaphysical change begins, the vast majority of it is all internal. Greater mana pathways to support the deepening wellspring; more massive amounts of alicorn being produced for bone structure, hooves, wings, and the new horn-- this is the reason why Rainbow Dash has been so hungry; all the extra protein she's been eating has been going into the production of extra alicorn; and shifting of both the spinal cord and the brain- specifically in the lateral cortex -to handle the additional load on the latent senses that the other tribes don't normally use.
Then there's the instincts. Some of those are already present in pegasi-- that's the reason why there's a larger pegasi and Nocturne complement in the Royal Guard. The rest have already been detailed in the fic.
I'd give more details; however, the rest will have to wait as it's pertinent to some of the more amusing things that are going to happen soon.
Good chapter. Starting to see the bond between Rainbow and Twilight become more. Also seeing Rainbow grow more into her new nature.
Until next time.
Hmm, interesting... Seems Rainbow Dash has more help than she first thought. Until next time.
7087417
Now that I've gotten some of it down, that actually has been part of what I was going to do from the start. Those that are helping Rainbow Dash now are one of the major reasons few actually know the pivotal role pegacorns play in Equestria. Think of them as being the proto-pony race; all other pony races came from them, and the three tribes all have the potential to turn into one.
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Further response to this is needed. The only reason why they seem one step ahead is because Luna's back. She's Equestria's Spy Mistress; much of what is trade craft for EIS came from her hooves.
And Twilight is her protege. By the time PSDAL ends, Twilight will have set herself up as a Spy Mistress of the highest order. She's actually better suited to the role than Luna is; after all, twilight exists in the time before the sun rises and the sun sets.
Those that hide in the shadows are best exposed when they act; they do that in twilight. I'm a poet and didn't even know it.
Love tooting my own horn
So now they travel beyond Equestria... Some interesting parts, this chapter, but looking forward to seeing what happens in their travels now. Until next time.
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I can give a little bit here. Not much actually happens during either journey.
See, not only is there a boring train ride to go through, but there's a long trek through the Crystal Wastes they have to make. Now there will be a little more excitement at that point.
I know that there was some down time in Trottingham, but it seems like their getting more. Not really; spending three days waiting for a train that you're going to spend another four on is tedious, with few ways to relieve the tedium.
There are amenities on only a few of these trains. Most are cargo trains with only one or two passenger cars.
Then there are the Wastes themselves. Other than a certain point that I can't go into- it's a major plot point to the story, one that's been planned since the beginning -the journey will be one long wilderness trek.
The Crystal Wastes are called that not because they're a wasteland; rather, all that has ever been found there other than more hardy varieties of plants that grow elsewhere is useless crystal formations. Oh, it's quite pretty; even that is of little use, as the crystal is either too hard or too brittle to shape.
The reason why the two journeys are going to take so much time is because there's a large gap between the end of Chapter Sixteen and the start of PSDAL. I have to figure out how all the dates are going to work, and see how much time is left between the two of them. I may even end up cutting back on the journey through the Wastes if it ends up eating up too much time.
Did anypony else notice the pun in the butler's name? I can't believe I didn't notice before; honest, I had no intention in creating it.
Rainbows learning, Twilight is learning and is ticked at Celestia and things are looking to get bloody. I liked seeing Twilights feelings on Celestia, can't blame her. Good chapter. Until next time.
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A lot of what Twilight is dealing with is how Celestia is treating her personally. She does understand that Celestia has to look at the bigger picture, but her major gripe is that she never stops thinking of herself in the lofty position she has.
This is also before that argument that happened in PSDAL. In fact, this is one of the reasons why said argument occurred. The recall of Twilight's Guard is, like a lot of what decisions Celestia made prior to what happened later, motivated at least in part by pride.
Wow, wasn't expecting that to happen... I mean, I get WHY Rainbow went ballistic, she just went One Mare Army there. Until next time.
Interesting conversations with Twilight/Rainbow and Angela. So we're in the home stretch, gonna miss this story when it ends. Oh well, least there's the sequel. Until next time.
Sad this story is ended, but what a way to go. Looking forward to the next chapter of the sequel!
A list of the initials you use for various orgs and dating would be really useful to have. My memory is crap at remembering those things. Good story- can't wait to see where it's going.
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Well thank you. For future reference, here's a list of the era dates I've used in both this story, and it's sequel.
D.O.C.- Dawn of Equus. Longest unrecorded Age.
A.O.E.- Age of Elysium. First civilization. Longest recorded Age; Age ends ten thousand years before P.C. Start of Age unknown, but suspected to be at least 50,000 years.
Dark Ages- This one has no abbreviation. Period of one thousand years between the end of A.O.E. and the start of P.C. Age is marked by the massive abandonment of knowledge. Crystal Empire was founded at this time.
P.C.- Pre-Classical.
C.-Classical. Also called the Age of the Three Kingdoms. Second longest Age; continues right up until the Fall of the Three Kingdoms.
P.P.C- Post-Classical. Also called the Age of Unification.
A.D.- After Discord.
A.L.F.- After Luna's Fall. Reverts to Age of Celestia after the second century.
A.N.M.- After Nightmare Moon.
Blasted typos; they're worse than roaches
Well then. I've just finished reading this story. So, I guess I'll start out with what stands out most- but before that, I really want to say that while I'm going to be criticizing the story, I don't mean to do it in a way to come off offending you or anything of the sorts. I want to encourage you to keep writing and keep learning- after all, we learn through practice.
This story opens up in a very, very confusing manner that is hard to follow. There is a lot going on in the first 20k-30k words that don't really make sense until you read the whole story. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it could have been handled better. It also seems like you'd benefit from further edits, as it seems like you might have missed some things. Also of note, you didn't offer many descriptions of your characters. Unless I missed them, most of the guards encountered had no descriptions at all. I can understand that I guess, but without a description, it's hard to picture them.
This story's plot is good and interesting. It's a bit confusing at first, but it's fairly solid. I haven't read any more of your work other than this, but I can say that it seems like you've improved since your first chapters. The ending felt fairly rushed.
Probably the biggest issue this story has, is all of your main characters seem to be Mary Sue's. Halfway (or less) through the story, to me, it was apparent that there really wasn't any "actual" danger for the main characters. It was kind of predictable... It was basically a Twilight and Rainbow Dash curve stomp fest- pretty much every bad guy was incompetent and incapable of posing a threat. Nevertheless, I enjoyed this story. It was confusing but good. Not the best I've read, but definitely not the worst.
I do intend to keep up on reading this series, so I do hope you continue writing and continue improving!
I find myself wondering if Twilight will end up challenging one Solar Diarch's rule before all is said and done.
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Thank you for being respectful in your criticism. I really appreciate it; that's a hard thing to nail down.
To answer some of your points:
The start seems a little confusing because it's meant to. Much of the reference to what is happening- to Rainbow Dash in particular -is confusing because some of the details are purposefully left out of this fic. As I started writing it, I was working on the story that actually came first. Some of the details I left there to prevent repeating myself.
And yes, I'm well aware that the ending is rushed. It can't be helped at this point. Both fics have this issue, which is why the sequel has an extended epilogue.
Now, unless named, I'm not going to be giving much descriptors to guards and the like. Why? Several reasons. First of all, most Guards are like servants and pages in olden time; ubiquitous, and almost completely forgettable. Secondly, you seldom see many descriptive facts- outside of a Stephen Kin novel -for cops and the like, Probably most important though is that I like for my readers to fill in the blanks for such things themselves. The only time I go out of my way to describe characters is when they a) have a further role to play or b) are a new race.
The Mary Sue comment: This one might be a little hard to swallow, but again, this is my reasoning. The reason why it may seem so is because of several factors. First of all, pegacorns are an alpha race. Although the casting of spells doesn't come as naturally to them- unless born first as a unicorn -they are nonetheless powerful. Bound Alicorns such as Rainbow Dash even more so, as she's Bound to the very Essence- and Realm -of Light itself. Secondly, there were and are a number of things going on in the background that prevented the actual path from going forward. Finally, the reason why it seems as though there's no challenge is in of itself two-fold. One, that they've been fighting only shades at this point, and two, that they've been fighting a lion without any teeth. Plus, both Rainbow Dash and Twilight are naturals at this sort of thing, as they're Alphas of their respective tribes.
As for the criminal element, well, that's just how the most recent generation is. Plus, they're trying to commit crimes in a world where the local cops can cast diagnostic spells to read evidence. Not the smartest bunch out there.
As for the last statement; you're way off target there, mate. Oh sure, they may pinch hit for awhile; that actually comes up in the sequel to this fic. However many problems it seems Twilight is having with her mentor, it's all in relation to her motivations for her actions, not the actions themselves. Everything is basically foreshadowing for later fics.
I should mention it now; though later fics will give greater struggles for our heroes and heroines, any that are not basically mortal will never be in full mortal danger. For most of them, they've been fighting for a long time; for the rest, it's like I said before.
A lion without any teeth. Again though, I can't divulge any more on this, as the details would go into why the main antagonist is the way he is.
Once again, thanks for the feedback. Constructive criticism is rare; well, where the critic is actually polite and respectful, that is.
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As a fellow fanfiction author, I don't really want to hand out one-sided, rude criticism or hurt others, and I don't want to receive that in the slightest. I personally know that if I were to receive something along that lines, it'd be difficult to keep working and improving, so I rarely comment with such depth, but I felt this story warranted it. I want to see others improve, and this is more or less the first time I've actually done something of such significance of a critique, so to say. I'm glad that I didn't come off badly, and thank you for your response.
All of what you had to say does make sense and isn't really that hard to swallow. Not even your reasoning behind them being "mary sues" feels wrong. It makes logical sense, and I can accept that- it is a good, solid reason. And sometimes, it can be nice to read a story where it's like this.
I'll look forward to continuing to read this series, and I wish you luck with it!
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There are groups you can try, if you like, though I personally have never had any luck.
This is really well written, although the ponies fall out of ‘character’ every once in a while.
This is truly fantastical. I am entirely entransed.
I absolutely love these representations of some of the baseline characters of the show!!!! Scheming twilight is so fun to read, and the entire plot that’s starting to unravel before our MC’s eyes is just... uhhh!!! Beautiful!!! It’s so amazing and twisted and awesome and...*precedes to have an orgasm*
THIS deserves more attention.
Favoriting, liking 6 billion times, and creating an entirely new folder for this called ‘fangirl worthy’
Fate is one messed up... whatever it is.
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There are times when a character doing something unexpected drives the story along. Take Fluttershy for example, as she's one that went OOC in this particular chapter. Not only is Shy losing her temper on occasion part of established canon, but it fit this particular scene.
There are limits to this sort of thing though; doing something completely OOC with the characters doesn't fit the tone of this particular fic.
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This is my personal headcanon. A warrior/scholar/princess whose enemies often underestimate her.
Quick q, I’m having trouble understanding what the difference is between an alicorn and a pegacorn. Do you mind explaining it?
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All I can say to you is to keep reading; more gets revealed in later chapters. If you're still confused after finishing this fic, PM me and I'll try to explain it better.
Didn't notice this on my first reading but he can't be eating flounder here. I assume you meant salmon but since you had just been talking about flounder accidentally put flounder here instead. Just a little before this you had established that there was no flounder available and that's why there wasn't any in the casserole.
But this story is great in case you didn't get the fact that I loved it from me reading it again.