• Member Since 12th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

SlyWit



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Celestia and Luna were born as unassuming foals in troubled times. But already marked for greatness, the simple earth ponies stand to face a world set against them, full of danger, fear, and sadness. A world they will change forever.

A sweeping epic taking place before Equestria was made, where Celestia and Luna must rise from normal foals to become the Princesses we know them as, beset from all sides by monsters, other ponies, and even the forces that govern nature. Their tale is as tragic as it is triumphant.

Currently on hiatus. For more info, go here.


(Cover and internal art by Madmax)
(Editing credit predominantly Lightside Luc)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 71 )

I must admit, Celestia's last spell was an inspired thing. I thought for a second she'd go Sonic Rainboom, but her air bombs are pretty cool too.

I can see the beginnings of the eventual militant pegasi mindset starting here. A large chunk of their population, inspired by the act of friendship and devotion. I could see them taking it all the way.

*sound of jaw dropping*

That was awesome.

I don't rightly know why, but this fic was on my read later list for a long time before I got around to it, due to the mistaken impression that either the description or the premise (or something?) had given me that it would be kind of a hard slog to read.

Nothing, of course, could have been farther from the truth; it is in fact one of the best and most enjoyable stories on the site. Arguably, it's one of the most underappreciated thousand-plus-likes stories out there. :raritywink:

(This comment brought to you by the first update since I finished the story and starred it.)

I did not see the KO coming by that method. I got distracted a bit earlier by the thunderclouds and pegasi thinking that they might have something to do with the fight.

I can wait to see what the earth ponies have been up to. :twilightsmile:

As always, this was a pleasure to read. It does have a few typos and misspelled words (some which seem to have been spelled phonetically).
My biggest complaint is that the fight between Celestia, Luna, and Awe took way too long; I grew tired of it and ended up skipping large chunks of the chapter to find the end of it.

5029380
Hmm, interesting. I'd like to know more, if you don't mind PMing me. Like, at what point you started skipping and why it felt to take too long. Or if its just a general thing. I did try to ... model some of the attributes of my favorite author in the fight's pacing, and some of his best fights are pretty long, but enthralling throughout. I'd like to know where this didn't match up to my expectations.

Oh, and if you know off hand, PMing the typoes. I lost Word when my laptop got destroyed and had to use new software, with spellcheck not quite as good.

5029380
I liked the fight.

5029897 Done. :) Although I didn't go through looking for all the typos.

5029897 I agree, but I think this is a case of doing something a little too well. You wrote a long and grueling fight, so well that even though there is no individual point I can say was too much it felt that way for certain. I could feel the mounting sense of dread and I just wanted it to end, but I kept reading because it was never boring even though it was tiring. I'm not entirely sure it's a good thing, but it's impressive certainly.

POP POP MOTHERFUCKER

Farewell, Awe, you will not be missed. Good riddance, even.

I for one thought the fight was fine, an ancient magical dragon should take some effort to kill and that's going to take a fair amount of words to properly describe.

Bravo! A wonderful, exciting climax. If you're looking for spelling errors, there are one or two jumbled words and misguided apostrophes. But I've certainly seen worse! I'd PM you the specifics, but I'm worn out after that chapter. What an epic tale of the beginnings of pony civilization!

If only fighting dragons in Skyrim was this intense. I'd put another thousand hours into it, easy.

>A surprised to them both.
>surprised
YOU DONE RUINED IT, SLY. THIS IS WHY YOU NEED ME.
:P
There were a few other little typos, but other than that it was flawless. You craft an excellent fight scene, Sly. Honestly, when all is said and done you should do a few name-swaps and get this published; I've certainly seen far worse in book stores.

That was epic

That was... quite a fight. A thing you did really well here was keep the intensity throughout the entire thing. At not point did it feel like a game of tennis (A does Z, B does Y, A does X, B does W...) Sorry to hear this is going back on hiatus but I suppose this is a good breaking point. :raritycry:

For some reason, when the Pegusi were gathering round I couldn't help picturing Silver Spear (maybe he was drawn by the fight? It doesn't have to make sense) walking up and Celestia turning to Rebel. "Careful."

"Why?"

"Don't know if I can take that one," Celestia smirked, glancing back at the hillside-covering body of Awe. "Last time we fought, it didn't go so well for me."

*Rebel's look of utter confusion*

I let out a hell of a whoop and holler when Celestia beat Awe. That was a truly epic battle, and the escalation of its difficulty made victory feel that much more satisfying. Well done.

I will say, though, I was kinda wondering why Awe's nostrils did not occur to Celestia once she had the idea of attacking his exposed points. After his eyes and mouth, I feel like the nostrils would be the next place I'd go to. Made much of the fight seem a might superfluous. Nonetheless, I felt it was perfectly paced. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.

5043482
It kind of was the next place she went. :trollestia:

5028302
I definitely consider the Rainboom something unique to Dash, and wouldn't want to steal her thunder. Heh, heh. Pegasus joke.
5028802
Funny how 1000+ like and under appreciated can be in the same sentence. When this story came out a long time ago, it got a bit of recognition. I hope Chef Sandy still reads my work.
5029298
Yeah, I put a looooot of thought into the fight beats and methods. It's probably why the thing was so long.
5033762
It'll certainly be something I'll be looking into as I go forward in the story, and edit previous chapters. Certain part of the pegasi arc seem to have been described as "slow, if still interesting," so it's interesting feedback for me to go look through and nail down exactly what made people feel that way (and improve those impressions).
5036587
At least, the readers will have a certain amount of empathy for Celestia's exhaustion, if nothing else.
5041250
Yep. It's why I decided to bring the story to here before hiatus. It's a nice little ... season ender, to put in TV terms. And yeah, Silver Spear is my collective admiration for real martial arts masters. Makes him quite impressive.
5043482
Okay, more serious reply. Thanks a lot for sharing your impressions! It gives me valuable feedback as well as emotional validation and encouragement. I'll have to dig in more on the revisions to explain why the nostrils didn't occur right away. In short, Celestia had already given up on looking for such weak spots, and the spell wouldn't have worked anyways unless it was very unusual and unexpected like Celestia's attack. Most attacks would have bloodied his sinuses, and have been distracting but not deadly, so Awe is more concerned with his eyes and throat, which are likely to be lethal or debilitating if struck.

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Thanks. :pinkiesmile: I never miss a comment, and appreciate you making them more than you might know

Yes, finally a new chapter. Wishes do come true.javascript:smilie(':yay:');

Defeating a dragon with two magical balloons?
Pinkie would be proud. (Or aghast)

5080741
Little did I realize how hated that character would be after I wrote that chapter.

5081064 he did act completely like a- i probably shouldn't say. do u have any estimate as to when u will release the next portion of the story? be it the next arc, or simply the rest of the story?

i was completely enamored by this story. marathoned it, not even taking the time to comment(most of the time) for which i apologize :unsuresweetie: but i hope to make up for it.
i get the feeling that when tia and luna return to the earth pony tribe something is going to be horribly wrong. :raritydespair:

the epic fight with awe was perfectly paced in my opinion, having it get progressively harder as time went on, and finally winning by hitting him from the inside. reminded me of the giant dragon in How to Train Your Dragon. although the details varied, the premise remained. one problem, how did awe move that fast? something that big should not be that agile. shouldn't a magical attack like lightning hit him before he can react? :rainbowhuh: just a minor nitpick.

and as for the unicorns. when i said this:

GRRRR.

Down Ursa! not just yet. he gets one chance to redeem himself, then you get free rein, alright?
good. :twilightsmile:

i did NOT expect that an ursa would come lumbering along in the next chapter.:pinkiegasp: thats a little scary. its like i have the power to change the story through roleplay in the comments. i don't think i'll mess with it, since i leveled the unicorns' home last time. :twilightoops:

the pegasi having no leadership/organisation is a bit unsettling. but, given the way they live it'd be impossible. the closest they came was Momma, and now she's dead. i really want to make that dragon suffer. :twilightangry2:

the earth ponies live in much the same fashion as mustangs did just over 500 years ago, before humans were encroaching on their range. im curious about the humans in this story, in what stage of development are they? will we actually see one?

i also have the feeling that in the thousands of years between then and now, the everfree will shrink into its current size, whether through natural or artificial means, but before it does the sisters will build their castle. this explains why they built their castle in the wildest forest in equestria. it was all wild forest.

i give this story, or at least this much of it, :yay: :rainbowkiss: :rainbowkiss: :rainbowkiss: :twilightsmile: :moustache: 8.6/10

5083300 almost forgot, here is ur applause. :twilightsmile:

5083300
>one problem, how did awe move that fast?
"Preternatural speed," as said in the chapter. AKA, it's supernatural, like the pegasi's ability to fly. It's one of the reasons why dragons are kings of Earth. I'll probably make it more clear on a revision if people had problems picking it up.
>shouldn't a magical attack like lightning hit him before he can react?

Come to think of it, last time I brought up this point in narration was chapter 8, I think. I'll have to put in a refresher somewhere between that chapter and chapter 20.

Basically lightning spells are worked by creating a different charge on the point of origin and the target. There is a build up before there is a release of energy. The target is able to feel the lightning coming before it arrives by that growing charge: it's that feeling you get when all the hairs on your arm stand up with static electricity, or placing your forearm close to an old style TV. Incoming lightning strikes do the same thing in storms, you can feel the build up before the strike. Celestia and Luna understand it in a much less scientific, more application way. a)Hairs stand up b)pony channelling spell? a) + b) = lightning incoming!

Now Awe doesn't have hairs (I think? Maybe he does, haven't decided), but he's able to feel that build up too.

>i did NOT expect that an ursa would come lumbering along in the next chapter.:pinkiegasp: thats a little scary. its like i have the power to change the story through roleplay in the comments. i don't think i'll mess with it, since i leveled the unicorns' home last time
Since I have everything already planned out, I'd be quite curious to see if your comments predicted some other aspect. I'll never tell you if you're right, though. You'd have to wait and see. :pinkiesmile:

>the earth ponies live in much the same fashion as mustangs did just over 500 years ago, before humans were encroaching on their range. im curious about the humans in this story, in what stage of development are they? will we actually see one?

Hmm, yep. Some people have made comments that are not far off from the why they are there. But so far, no one has tried to make a guess the hows that will happen. Probably fare that they don't. I try not to go where expected.

Thanks for the rating, by the way. I hope I get that to a nine-point-something by the end. Need that A :twistnerd:

5083701 an 8 is higher for me than most ppl, but u never know.:ajsmug: so far only two stories have been able to pull a 9 out of me. yours might do it, though. it has the potential. :twilightsmile:

Basically lightning spells are worked by creating a different charge on the point of origin and the target. There is a build up before there is a release of energy. The target is able to feel the lightning coming before it arrives by that growing charge

the static buildup makes sense.

"Preternatural speed," as said in the chapter.

ah, I missed that.

well, there go my problems. :twilightblush: good job! will be waiting (somewhat) patiently for the next portion. :pinkiesmile:

VBA

That Was a Creative Way to Finish the fight.
I was expecting an ascension to Alicornhood to happen, but this was just as good.

And the fight itself was creative.

And as always your writing is wonderfull.


Also: Could Spike be the next Awe? He does use " magic" to send the letters.

And now... To wait till you finish writing.

5061647
This does fit as a theme for Awe "Boss Battle".

epic boss battle!

5148138
Spike's magic fire was definitely the seed that inspired, "what if dragon fire is inherently magical?"

VBA

5165344
Is that a yes?

5167070
Mmm, Spike could be a very strong magical dragon in a thousand years or so (or instantly, ever since that greed episode?). Awe would be a maybe. Possible, but only maybe. Simply because Awe was that strong of a dragon.

While I'm sad that the story is going on hiatus, I have to say that you picked a good point to "stop. But, wow! That was intense. "

5318809
Physically, close to an adult, but like someone almost graduating highschool, she's a bit too headstrong an opinionated for her own good at times. Eventually, time and experience do help her compassion be expressed as compassion and less as disrespect for those who she judges as not sufficiently compassionate. Younger people are often grating, but those traits also help lead to eventual greatness.

And the way she said "we want to go home," without even consulting with Luna! I wonder what Luna was thinking? She usually does what Celestia does, but that statement came out of the blue. And then she blew their secret to the entire group of Unicorns... Did she even bother thinking about the consequences for herself and her unprepared younger sister? Luna's already expressed that she isn't that homesick, and she's rather attached to Crescent.

Mhm, indeed. It's almost as if I'm planning for this behavior to eventually pay off (storywise) in some meaningful way. :trollestia:

I'm so glad that you are enjoying the story and commenting! These comments really encourage me to keep going.

I really want ze continuation now... xD

5670672
True. (Kind of forgot I made that comment, actually.)

So, Celestia killed Awe with the magical equivalent of flashbangs? Well, I guess this just proves why you don't eat flashbangs, kids!

That said, I love the characterization you've got going here, with Luna being the more powerful of the two and Celestia being the more intellectual(?), planning more than using raw power...and the downsides that come with it, all that self doubt muddling her ability to fight. Then in the end, finally overcoming her doubt. When she did, it felt like a great accomplishment! Here's to catching up on Paradise and eagerly awaiting more! :twilightsmile:

6070308
Aww, thanks! I can't wait to finish what I'm working on and releasing more. Hearing what people think is always my favorite part of releasing chapters.

>That said, I love the characterization you've got going here, with Luna being the more powerful of the two and Celestia being the more intellectual(?), planning more than using raw power...and the downsides that come with it, all that self doubt muddling her ability to fight.
Normally, I wouldn't try to comment about the way people see the characterizations, letting the text stand on its own. But this time, I thought, "What the hey? Why not talk about it for fun." Luna and Celestia definitely have their own styles when it comes to fighting and magic. Celestia is far greater at being an in-the-moment improviser of magic, and that's the way she likes to operate. She'll train, of course, but most of that training is used at making her better at using magic on the fly (no pun intended). Down side of being more in tune with the potentials of the environment is seeing the potentials for danger as well as success.

Luna's style is one of learning on her own. Having time away with her magic and experimenting until she discovers stuff (like how to compress clouds/air and make it pop [which Celestia then improvised a use for on Awe]). She tunes out the environment more than stays in toucn with it. It gives her more diverse and powerful spells as she can really buckle down and focus on learning about the nature of magic. If she has time to prepare, she'll take her strength to higher levels, but those aspects of her style also make her less of an improviser than Celestia when thrust into something immediate. She'll just rely on what she already knows. Positive side about being less in tune with what's around her is that she sees far less of what to be frightened of. She only sees what she needs to do, without thinking about mortal danger.

Together, they become a powerful force, as long as they can rely on each other's strengths and familiarity.

6074713 I find it very interesting how similar our views of the characters are in some regards and yet so different they are in others. Either way, thanks for taking the time to reply in such detail. I am really looking forward to seeing how their old tribe is going to react to them now that they have changed so much. The sad thing is that I don't think Celestia and Luna even realize how much they've grown, and the impact that's going to have on their relationship with their mother-tribe...

This story is Awesome!

Ah.. darnit. I didn't give my best critique for this story, it deserves it.

This story is astounding, marvelous, breath taking story (Or perhaps "awe"-taking). The words are very well placed and seems perfect from a persons first view. And the idea and concept of the story is glorious, and i really mean it. To make a concept which isn't directly related/referring to the FiM show makes a writer like you very creative (In my own opinion). But your story are very different to most stories i read. It felt like it was pure original idea that not others like Lauren Faust or anyone made, it was you who made it.

One of the reasons i like this story more is because every time i read a chapter, i always have the expectations of how others would make it. But every time my expectations had failed me, i was surprised of what comes next, and i liked every single moment reading Paradise. Torn apart race? Unicorns hid in forests with magic with strict rules? Pegasus thought they're a lone wolf? And every single moment of Celestia and Luna on their journey? That's not just awesome, that is fricckin' cool. I don't even know how to compliment better than that.

I just finished re-reading, and had a thought.

Gamer Luna: "Yeah, we killed a dragon, noobs. An overlevel boss dragon. And us without a full raid party. Now stop your piking and griefing if you don't want to get banned!"

dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png?wrap=true

I just reread this again. Dammit; no more chapters.

6576881
Sorry about that! I am self-conscious about the wait. Trust that I haven't forgotten and I'm working on it. :twilightsheepish:

I can wait.
This one is worth it.

6607892
Yes. But they expired, appearently. I haven't gotten around to updating any of those old pictures

6609708
Thanks! I appreciate the patience, especially now more than ever

*poke*
*poke-poke*

Is it dead?

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