• Published 20th Jun 2015
  • 1,088 Views, 49 Comments

A Year of Derpy - Sleepy Panda



Once a month, there's this mare that comes to the park. She's absolutely beautiful, and I can't help but to watch her.

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June

“Sweet Celestia, it is hot out here. It’s a bit too early in the season to be blasting the sun like this, Princess.”

By principle, I disagree with every foul word that comes out of Thunderlane’s mouth, but this one time was an exception to that rule. Barely a week into June and Equestria had been turned into an enormous oven. Even hidden as I was, what with the many plants and trees of the garden shielding me from sight and from the sun, my mane was plastered to my forehead with sticky sweat and I felt as if the heat was a pillow pushed against my face, smothering me, suffocating me, making me weak and exhausted. My vision swam before my eyes and I found myself wishing that I could evaporate into nothing and end the misery.

I mean, my other option was to retreat and go somewhere indoors, but that would mean leaving Thunderlane alone with the mare he didn’t deserve, and I have no reservations about saying that I did not trust him.

“I don’t think it’s too hot,” Derpy disagreed, shrugging. A bead of sweat ran down from her shoulder to the bottom of her hooves, dissolving into her gray fur. “Pleasant weather, really.”

“Whatever. I want to go inside,” Thunderlane fumed.

“Sure, you do that. I’ll be here.” Derpy looked over at the stallion, her expression unreadable as her gaze bore into his eyes. He returned the stare, mirroring her expression for a while, but then a flash of annoyance crossed his face and the mask dropped.

“What, you don’t want to spend time with me, is that it? Isn’t that the whole point of a relationship?” Thunderlane asked, a bitter tone to his voice. “Because I feel like you avoid me all the time, and I don’t like that.”

Derpy laughed, a dry laugh. There was no humor to it. “Yeah, like you don’t bail on me whenever I arrange something for us to do together. It’s all about what you want, isn’t it?”

“You are seriously impossible sometimes, you know that?” The stallion shook his head, glaring at her with tired eyes. “Look, we’ll talk about this later. We’re both overheating—no, don’t give me that look, I’m not an idiot and I know you’re lying about the weather—and neither of us are thinking clearly.” He paused to shake sweat out of his mane, splattering the dirt around him with warm droplets of Eau de Thunderlane. “So I’m going inside, and whether you join me is up to you. I don’t care at this point.”

“I’m staying,” Derpy insisted firmly, digging her hooves into the ground and planting herself there as if preparing for Thunderlane to attempt to drag her off forcefully. When he was evidently not planning on making any such move, Derpy stayed rooted to the ground anyway.

“Sure, sure, just don’t come crying to me when you’ve died of heat stroke.” Thunderlane shrugged, uncaring. “Though I guess you technically couldn’t do that, being dead… ah, never mind,” he finished hastily, catching Derpy’s gaze. “I’ll see you back at my place for dinner.”

Derpy let out a little hmmph and flicked her long golden locks over her shoulder, haughtily looking up at the cloudless sky as Thunderlane turned his back to her and made for the town center, towards one of its deliciously air-conditioned shops, no doubt. I panted, feeling my achingly parched tongue in my mouth, nearly letting out a small whine of envy. Lucky, undeserving stallion.

I looked back over at Derpy, who had her eyes closed and wings extended slightly, bathing in the sunlight. From a distance it probably looked pleasant and relaxing, but I was out in the same darned heat as her, and I wasn’t fooled for an instant. She was just as miserable and uncomfortable as I was, maybe more, as her long mane of hair covered her neck and shoulders almost completely, almost certainly multiplying the heat.

What was she even doing? Why would she put herself in this dreadful position?

Even I have to admit that sometimes we don’t always completely understand the things we love the most.

Maybe she’s a masochist. I don’t know. I can’t think of any other reason.

Was there even any point in sticking around? Besides, if I were her, I wouldn’t want to be seen when I was a sweaty mess. Of course, she was a beautiful sweaty mess, but still a sweaty mess nonetheless, and I believe in protecting a mare’s privacy and respecting her wishes.

So I left the garden, quietly, taking care not to rustle leaves and draw attention to myself.

I wasn’t going home, though, or to Keychain’s. No, just because I wasn’t observing Derpy directly didn’t mean that I had to stop looking out for her, especially since she only came to this part of town once a month. Fact is, Derpy was in a “relationship”, and her current other half wasn’t with her. Though I didn’t like him, I knew I needed to learn about him in order to truly learn about Derpy.

And no, this was totally not an excuse for me to get out of the sweltering heat. Though I’ll admit that was definitely a huge benefit.

I think he went that way, along the main road. It was pretty likely, given that all the popular shops were there—Rose’s Florist Shoppe, Pizza & Parchment, The Stuffy Antique Emporium—those were all heavily frequented and helped bring traffic into nearby stores. It was just a matter of peeking in each window until I found him, though I had to be careful not to look suspicious..

I trotted along the wide paved road, smiling at the passersby in greeting. And by passerby, I literally mean a single pony. It was insanity to be out in this weather, and as most ponies were quite sane, they were all crammed inside the various stores and restaurants. I hoped with all the crowding it wouldn’t be too difficult to spot Thunderlane. He tended to attract quite a mass of ponies wherever he went, anyway. He had that type of loud presence about him, hard to ignore.

Unfortunately, since everyone always looked at him, that meant nopony ever noticed Derpy Hooves. It’s no wonder that ponies were never aware of how much she suffered, except for me, because I was probably one of few that had encountered her for the first time in the absence of that obnoxious foal of a stallion.

I concluded that he was probably not browsing in Miss Sunflower’s Mature Mare Boutique and moved on to the next shop window.

I didn’t know what she saw in him. If I had to guess, she was originally charmed by his personality and the sort of attitude he had where you couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without seeing him or something that reminded you of him. Some stallions are just like that; I remember in high school those types were always surrounded by mares even though they were immature idiots. Most likely, I figured, with all the mares that they constantly shoved their faces in, some of the ponies who noticed it had to like them. It was just statistics.

Dumb statistics, though. And sadly it seemed that the real world didn’t differ much from high school sometimes.

He wasn’t in this cafe either. Okay, moving on.

I hoped I’d find Thunderlane soon. There was no shade on this street at all, and the heat was getting completely unbearable as the sun rose higher in the sky.

I wasn’t like Thunderlane at all, not now and not in high school either. Contrary to everypony knowing him, I barely existed to most ponies. I was always quiet, preferring reflecting on things by myself to talking to others. Most days I liked it; it was who I was and I was perfectly content with that. But sometimes I caught myself staring enviously at others, wishing I could be like them, popular and forming relationships with ease.

I squinted at the dark gray coat inside the store, my eyes widening as I saw the familiar turquoise and white mohawk. Found him. He was inside a cozy little shop with the name… Hot Stone Spa.

Of all the places in town… this is definitely not where I expected to find him. I had to stand there for a while, watching him intently, before I was sure it was really him.

“Well… okay then,” I muttered to myself, pushing open the spa’s door, suddenly rather self-conscious that the other patrons could probably smell my sweaty self. Grimacing, I trotted up to the spa’s main desk.

“Hello, and welcome to Hot Stone Spa!” The mare behind the desk smiled sweetly at me. “What can we do for you today?”

“Ah…” I hadn’t thought of that. “I’m not really sure, honestly. My only goal was getting away from the heat and maybe relaxing a bit. What do most ponies get?”

The mare’s eyes lit up. I had a feeling choosing treatments for her customers was something that she particularly enjoyed. “Well, for starters, a cool shower—I know, normally that phrase would totally turn me off too, but on a day like this it’s the best thing ever. It’s complimentary today too, as long as you get some other treatments done.”

Some of my sweaty scent wafted into my nose. “Yes, I think that would probably be a good idea,” I agreed.

“Splendid!” She clapped her hooves together with a grin and turned to the large blackboard behind her. “So, for stallions who just want some casual treatments, I usually recommend basic hoof treatments and shampooing for your mane and coat to really make it soft and silky again. And since you want to relax, we also have a large variety of massages to choose from, so you should be able to find all that you need. We have hoof massages, back massages, head, full body, all the works.”

I glanced over at Thunderlane, who was reclining in a chair some distance away as a white pegasus filed down the edges of his back hooves.

“Sounds good, though nothing too fancy, please. I don’t have much room in my budget for luxury activities like this, sadly.”

The mare nodded, understanding. “No problem. When you’re ready, Quickflash”—she indicated a yellow pegasus standing off to the side—”can take you back to get rinsed off.” She chuckled, then added in a whisper, “No offense, but you need it.”

I smiled sheepishly, then trudged my way over to the yellow pegasus. She was somewhat pretty—she had shockingly white hair pulled back in a ponytail, and her muzzle was the same bright white.

I wondered how it looked when she ate tomato sauce.

“So you’d like a cool shower?” she prompted, grabbing a towel from behind the front desk.

“Yes, that would be nice.”

She led me over to a large room in the back of the spa. It was spacious, with benches lining one of the walls. Shelves higher up held an assortment of fluffy towels and various products in colorful bottles. On the other side of the room was an area separated from the rest by a large sliding door of hammered glass. From what I could see, there appeared to be a few silver shower heads inside.

“We added this just last year,” Quickflash explained, a note of pride in her voice. “Like, the idea didn’t occur to us until one day we were watching ponies run outside in the rain after days of hot, dry weather… and it was like bam, inspiration!”

I nodded, feigning interest, but I was growing more and more uncomfortable in my sweat-matted coat.

Catching my eye, she quickly said, “Right, so if you want to hop in now… the knobs on the left will control the water strength. Be careful not to turn it all the way accidentally; the highest setting is a pretty powerful jet. The knobs on the left can control the cool mist if you don’t really want to get soaked—though you look like you’re going to want to rinse off as well, not just cool down.”

“You’re definitely right about that. Thank you.” I slid open the glass doors and walked inside the showers.

“I’ll be waiting out here, whenever you’re ready!” I heard her call out, though her voice was muffled by the barrier between us.

I turned on the water and sighed in relief.


“I feel much better now,” I remarked as Quickflash toweled off the last of my mane.

“Oh please, we’ve barely started!” She tossed the towel into a nearby bin. “You’ve still got your mane treatments, hoof treatments…”

“Actually, I think I’ll skip the mane stuff today,” I interrupted. My mane was already perfectly fine, and there was no reason to waste bits on what I didn’t need.

“Sure, that’s fine. So just hoof treatments and massage.” She held open the door for me and led me back into the main room. “Which would you like first?”

I looked around, my eyes instantly locking on my target. Thunderlane was still sitting at the front of the shop, lounging in a leather chair as that same white pegasus worked on him, trimming the fur around his hooves.

“Hoof treatments, please,” I requested, my gaze still locked on Thunderlane. I forced myself to look away after a few seconds.

“Sure thing,” she replied, noticing my staring. “Quite a looker, isn’t he? Don’t worry, I can make sure you two are set up close to each other.” She smiled, jerking her head towards Thunderlane, and I realized that she had massively misinterpreted the stare I was giving him. Oh dear.

Well, it was probably for the better. Besides, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be right within earshot…

“Yes, I’d like that. But not right next to him, please. I don’t think I’m… er, you know, I think it would be a bit too nerve-wracking if he started talking to me,” I requested, trying not to gag on the words. They tasted almost as bad as his personality.

With a knowing—well, unknowing—smile, she draped the damp towel around my neck and led me over to the area where Thunderlane was stretching out his vile body. Difficult as it was, I took care to so much as peek at him from the corner of my eye, lest I catch his attention and have conversation take place. Being noticed by him was one of the last things I needed. If he caught me in the garden one day, I could always brush it off, but if he caught me and recognized me from here? Yeah. I’d be as good as dead.

The chairs for the hoof massages were quite comfy, and I settled into mine as Quickflash said something about refilling lotion bottles and left me alone. Well, not quite alone, of course. Thunderlane and that white pegasus were really chatting away.

“I swear, it pays really well,” the mare was insisting. “Not to mention I feel amazing all the time. Like, this cream I’m using for your hooves? It’s getting on my hooves too. Totally free hooficure.”

“Nah, Junie—” Thunderlane was cut off by a glare, and he rolled his eyes. “Fine. June. I can’t imagine you make that much dough by doing this. You’re not still working your old job, are you?”

June smirked. “Oh, think about it. I work at a spa and part of my work is giving ponies massages. Now, what could possibly be another job of someone who does that?”

It took him a few seconds, but his eyes widened. “Oh, you little—ha! No way. You offer that type of massage?”

“See, I knew you’d get it!”

“Well, yeah. I should’ve guessed. You haven’t quit doing that stuff then.”

“Never said I’d quit.”

“So are you the only one here who does them or is this place a whorehouse in disgui—ow!” Thunderlane jerked back as a particularly hard stroke of the hoof was applied. “That was unnecessary. I’m allowed to be right, you know.”

“Actually, you’re wrong. It’s totally off the books, so you better keep your mouth shut about it,” June warned.

“Yeah, sure. Throw a discount in for me and I won’t say a thing.”

My stomach wasn’t feeling well and Quickflash hadn’t returned, so I decided to slip out quietly. I didn’t bother shielding my eyes from the sun; part of me wished I was blind, and deaf, and completely ignorant to the goings-on of this idiot.

I don’t know why I was surprised by the company that guy kept. He was Thunderlane, wannabe king of all the jerks. Of course he’d be messing around with a… another mare. A mare like that.

No, I think it was less surprise than it was simply feeling horrible for Derpy. On top of everything else, I now knew about this, and there’s no way she’d ever come out of this relationship unharmed. Her world was going to crash and burn around her.

...Burn. Sunburn. An image of Derpy still standing ground in the garden, in the hot sun, floated to my mind. Despite the horrible imagery, I smiled a little. I didn’t doubt that she was still there.

Brave defiance. I like that in a mare.

Comments ( 7 )

June at last! Best month.

I like how each chapter becomes more layered and complex.

I just realized what you're doing with the chapter word count. That or it's a hell of a coincidence that they keep lining up perfectly like that.

8059357
It's intentional. :rainbowkiss: Makes editing awfully tedious, though.

Man. Thunderlane clearly isn't a nice guy here, but the narrator just pulled the spa equivalent of a dine-and-dash.

Whatever mess this degenerates into, I hope Derpy comes out okay.

I didn't catch this when it updated. Good chapter, though! Looking forward to seeing how things continue to develop.

Um... When is this gonna be updated?

8846526
Possibly never. Maybe this summer.

I don’t really do much writing anymore but I could try.

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