• Published 7th Jun 2012
  • 2,678 Views, 61 Comments

Walkies - Fernin



Two ponies: the stallion wishes he was a royal guard. The mare thinks she's a dog. THEY FIGHT CRIME!

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Chapter 03

Screw Loose was gone. Gone! How could Vigilance have been so inattentive? So stupid? Grinding his teeth in frustration, the stallion began his search for the missing pony.

“Screw Loose? Hey, Screw Loose!” A quick sweep of the stand of trees revealed that it was distressingly free of crazy, wide-eyed earth ponies. Vigilance cast his net wider than before, breath quickening as his head whipped this way and that. Where could she be?

Sharp barks bounced off the trees. Vigilance looked up. He knew that bark. He’d heard it often enough in the past week to last him a lifetime, after all. His ears swiveled as Screw Loose’s voice sounded again, carrying across the park from the clearing he had recently crossed. Suddenly the madmare’s barks were joined by a shrill scream. With a groan, the security guard realized where Screw Loose had gone: she’d made a beeline for the couple on the picnic blanket.

Vigilance’s hooves dug into the soft clay of the trail as he sprinted back out of the trees and into the clearing, galloping back to the picnic. Make that former picnic. The site was a wreck: pristine red and white blanket, muddied and disheveled; basket of delectable snacks, upended and trampled. Instead of arguing with each other, the two earth pony picnickers were shouting at Screw Loose.

“Screw Loose!” Vigilance roared. The madmare didn’t respond. Rear in the air and tail waving, she snuffled at the ground. At the basket. At the irate gray stallion and mortified yellow mare.

The madmare was leaving the picnic now, nose to the ground as she followed yet another of her unexplainable whims towards the tree line. Vigilance sped up. Oh, no. She wasn’t getting away again that easily. “Screwy, get over here! NOW!”

With the sound of her escort’s voice finally catching Screw Loose’s attention, the mental patient jerked in surprise. Her head came up and she turned to the rapidly approaching security guard, barking frantically. Vigilance didn’t slow down as he neared the mare. How dare she? Just when he’d thought she might actually act fairly normal for once, she’d gone and done this.

Screw Loose barked again and looked as though she wanted to run, but her hooves stayed rooted to the spot. Vigilance finally came to a stop almost on top of the madmare, looming over her threateningly. “No! Bad girl! Come with me, now!

As firmly as he could, Vigilance bit down on the scruff of Screw Loose’s neck. He muttered what apologies he could to the shocked and angry picnickers and, struggling against the whining mental patient, began to drag her away. Forget the Apple Cart Incident; this absolutely took the cake. The security guard just hoped Doctor Stable would do the right thing after this. And that he wouldn’t blame Vigilance for the latest—

“Wait!” cried the yellow mare.

“Huh?” Vigilance let go of Screw Loose for a moment and looked in surprise as both picnickers hurried towards him. At his side, a chastened Screw Loose whined and settled on her haunches.

“We need to talk to you!” the gray stallion exclaimed.

Sighing, Vigilance nodded and launched into the same explanation he’d had to repeat at least half a dozen times in the past few days. “Look, I’m very sorry about Scr—er, about Ms. Pony, here. You see, this is all part of Ponyville General Hospital’s—”

“Have you seen String Bean?” the mare interrupted.

“‘…String beans?’” Vigilance blinked. The world had clearly gone as mad as Screw Loose. Any minute now somepony else was going to come up to Vigilance and start meowing like a cat.

“String Bean! Our son!” The distraught yellow mare was practically babbling, her words coming fast and blurred by near panic. “Have you seen him, officer?”

“Oh, I’m not an…” Finally it clicked. The picnickers were reacting to Vigilance’s appearance. He obviously wasn’t a royal guard—yet—but the official-looking shirt and equipment belt of the Ponyville General Hospital security uniform definitely gave him the air of authority. His mind kicked into overdrive and he tried to remember every book he’d ever studied on the subject of guard procedure. “W-what else can you tell me? When did you last see him?”

“I…” the stallion started. He hesitated and looked at the mare, presumably his wife. “It couldn’t have been more than a half hour ago…”

“It was forty minutes, Rocky,” the mare corrected.

The stallion—‘Rocky’—growled in annoyance. “That’s practically the same thing! Lemon, so help me, if you don’t stop correcting me…”

Vigilance coughed to get the couples’ attention before they could start bickering again. No questions as to how they let their child run off for twenty minutes without noticing, then. “Okay! So it was forty minutes ago. He couldn’t have gotten far. What did he look like?”

“He has a light green coat and darker green mane. He’s about this tall.” Holding up a hoof, rocky indicated String Bean’s height. Vigilance nodded.

“More of a lime green for the pelt,” Lemon interjected. Rocky shot her a searing glare.

“Green, got it.” Didn’t these two ever let up? Vigilance tried to think of what to say next. “Do you know where he might have gone? Where have you already looked?”

“Nowhere yet! We were trying to decide how to look when she showed up. What’s wrong with her, anyway?” Rocky leveled and accusing hoof at Screw Loose. The madmare growled and scooted back a bit to hide behind her escort.

Vigilance would rather have endured a month as the slave of a diamond dog gang than to spend a single minute talking about Screw Loose’s mental problems at a time like this. He waved a dismissive hoof. “Never mind about her. We need to find your colt.”

“Wurf!” agreed Screw Loose. Vigilance casually pushed her down into a prone position as he grinned sheepishly at the staring couple. Fortunately the mare lay down without making a fuss.

“Anyway,” Vigilance continued. “Where was he when you saw him last? What was he doing?”

“Uh…” Lemon cast a confused glance at Screw Loose. Her mouth tightened and she turned back to Vigilance. “Over there on the other side of the clearing. He had his little paper boat. If Rocky hadn’t—”

That’s rich,” snapped Rocky. “Who was the one who brought up next Thursday?”

“Oh, excuse me for being an attentive wife!” Lemon hissed.

“ENOUGH! What is wrong with you ponies? Your child is missing! Priorities!” Vigilance’s roar cut through the renewed feud. Marital bliss was clearly a stranger to these two, but he would be banished to the moon before he let that stop him from helping to find the missing colt.

Vigilance snapped off a series of orders that brooked no disagreement. “Lemon. You stay here in case Bean Pole comes back.”

“String Bean,” Lemon corrected. “Right.”

“Rocky, you come with me.” Without waiting for the stallion to raise any objection, Vigilance whistled for Screw Loose and cantered purposefully towards the edge of the clearing. After a moment’s hesitation, the other stallion followed him.

As the trio neared the tree line, Vigilance was gratified to see Screw Loose dutifully matching his pace and staying with him. She avoided his glances, looking mostly at the ground as she ran. The security guard found himself nodding in satisfaction. Good. She should feel bad. She had a talking-to coming to her when all this was over.

Vigilance slowed, coming to a stop at the edge of the clearing. He looked to Rocky. “Is this the place where you last saw your colt?”

“Yes, I think he was playing here. Why, do you see him?” The gray stallion looked around distractedly, trying to catch a glimpse of his son through the trees.

“Not yet.” Gnawing thoughtfully on his bottom lip, Vigilance tried to figure out what to do next. It had always seemed so obvious and simple in the novels and manuals he’d studied. But now his brain fizzed and crackled uselessly as he tried to come up with a plan. “Rocky, did your son have anything with him? Some saddlebags or anything that might help us find him or figure out where he might have gone?”

Rocky was practically galloping in place, shifting worriedly from hoof to hoof. “I don’t see why that’s important. Look, why are we just talking here? Shouldn’t we be out finding String Bean?”

“Just answer the question,” ordered Vigilance.

“No, I…” The gray stallion’s eyes drifted to Screw Loose, who was drifting along the tree line, nosing curiously at the underbrush. Rocky’s brow furrowed in confusion, but after a moment he turned back to Vigilance and nodded. “Wait, yes. I think so. He had a little newspaper boat. I’d folded one for him earlier today.”

Vigilance crouched, scrutinizing the ground. There didn’t seem to be any hoofprints or disturbed vegetation that might show where String Bean had gone. He looked up to ask Rocky for help, only to be interrupted by a sharp bark from the woods. He swore. “Screw Loose! Get back here!”

“Bark bark bark!” retorted the defiant madmare. Vigilance could hear her crashing through the brush—going a few paces into the woods, pausing, and taking a few steps back to bark mockingly at him. The security guard struggled to keep his cool.

Vigilance wasn’t the only one losing patience with Screw Loose. Rocky stared incredulously at the security guard. “What the buck is wrong with her, anyway?”

“She’s… not well.” Vigilance pressed a hoof to his face. She was doing this now. Of all times the mare could do it, she was doing it now.

Rocky took a few steps closer until his muzzle was inches away from Vigilance’s face. “Look, buddy. My colt is out there somewhere and your crazy marefriend—”

“Screw Loose is not my marefriend!” Vigilance snapped.

“And your crazy marefriend isn’t helping us,” Rocky continued, his voice nearly a shout. “Shut her up! Come on, what kind of royal guard are you?”

Vigilance took a breath and tried to keep his cool. It was all right; Rocky was obviously just worried about his son. He wanted to tell off the irritated stallion, but it would be best just to correct the misunderstanding right away: impersonating a royal guard carried with it a hefty fine and at least six months in prison. “I’m not. I’m a security guard, not a royal guard.”

Rocky jerked back in surprise, looking almost as though he’d been struck. His eyes narrowed. “Are you kidding me? Just a bucking security guard?! I thought you were a real guard!”

‘Just a security guard.’ ‘I thought you were a real guard.’ The words burned into Vigilance like glowing coals and the equally hot retort was out of his mouth before he could even think of stopping it. “Look, you foal. If you aren’t happy with my help why don’t you go get the actual authorities? In the meantime somepony has to look for your son since you obviously weren’t, and that’s what I’m going to do!”

For a moment Vigilance wasn’t sure if the standoff with Rocky was going to erupt into violence. After several long heartbeats, each punctuated by an insistent bark by Screw Loose, the angry father backed down. He turned to go, spitting his goodbyes like venom. “Fine. Good luck, rent-a-guard. I’m going to go get some help.”

Alone save for the annoying madmare, Vigilance turned back to his task. He stared searchingly at the ground, trying to find the telltale signs of a colt’s passage into Whitetail Wood. If only Screw Loose hadn’t trampled down so much of the vegetation in her beeline to… wherever it was that she was going.

Screw Loose’s barking cut off for a moment and Vigilance heard a splash. His head jerked up, his mind full of flashbacks from the Ponyville Hydrothaumic Dam. He should have tied up the madmare to keep her out of his mane. Better correct the mistake now before she drowned herself—even if it would serve her right. The stallion started after her. “Screw Loose? Screwy!”

By the time Vigilance found Screw Loose, the madmare’s lower half was completely caked in mud. She splashed in and out of the shallow stream, barking all the while and stopping only to sniff at the stream bank. When she saw the stallion, she abruptly fell silent. With a pitiable whine, the madmare took a few steps down the stream, then back towards the security guard. She barked once and watched expectantly.

“Lousy nutjob, not now! Come here,” said Vigilance.

Screw Loose only whined, shifting from hoof to hoof in the mud of the stream.

“Come here, Screw Loose! I should never have taken you here without a bucking leash.” Vigilance glared at the madmare, taking a few threatening steps in her direction. She splashed further into the stream, still whining.

Vigilance stepped carefully into the—relatively—dry part of the streambed, watching the ground carefully. He’d gotten better in the past week about taking Screw Loose on her outings yet avoiding returning to Doctor Stable’s office looking like something the cat dragged in, and he didn’t intend to reverse that trend now. He took another step forward. His hoof paused inches from the mud of the streambed. There, its imprint perfectly preserved, was a small hoofprint. It was much too small to be from an adult pony like Screw Loose or himself.

What did the hoofprint mean? Was it—Light dawned. Of course! It made perfect sense. How could Vigilance have missed it? “The boat!

The water was shallow, but the current was just strong enough to carry a little paper boat downstream at what would be about cantering speed for a colt. Vigilance looked down the streambed and saw a few more prints in the wet mud: prints that had probably come from the missing String Bean. He glanced to Screw Loose and saw that the madmare was only a few paces away. “Screw Loose! Heel! Follow me!”

Barking eagerly, the madmare followed Vigilance as he trotted down the course of the stream. The mud on the banks was mostly dry, but there were just enough wet areas to guarantee sporadic hoofprints by the colt. Each one told the eager security guard that he was on the right track. He smiled and sped up… or was about to. Suddenly, the trail ended. As did the stream.

Vigilance stared at the large pond before him. Lilly pads floated on its surface, moving gently under the late afternoon sun. Dragonflies buzzed this way and that, skimming over the water’s surface on the hunt for smaller insects. And, unfortunately, there was no green—sorry, lime green—colt to be seen. In fact, all the security guard could see was…

A small white shape floated in the water, moving lazily in an eddy near where the stream emptied into the pond. Vigilance approached it hesitantly, trying to watch it while keeping an eye on Screw Loose as she investigated the edge of the pond. The white shape was just under the surface, making identification difficult even when the security guard leaned forward as much as he could and squinted into the water. Its languid, flowing movements made it seem almost alive. What was it?

Screw Loose barked once and dove into the water. Landing with a splash, she made her way across the pond with her legs thrashing furiously. Vigilance’s breath caught in his throat, but today the mare seemed more at home in the water than she had at the dam. She swam quickly through the water and dove, grabbing the white shape in her teeth and making her way to shore. The dripping pony waded onto the bank and—

“Auuugh!” groaned Vigilance, shielding his face as the madmare shook herself dry. Rubbing pond water out of his eyes, the security guard opened them again just in time to see Screw Loose drop to her haunches in front of him, the wet white shape dangling from her teeth. When she opened her mouth to pant happily, the object landed on the ground with a wet plop.

It was nearly shapeless now, but a second’s examination and some careful prodding with one hoof told Vigilance exactly what it was: the remains of a paper boat.


A/N: Eeeeehhhh... It's a bit ahead of my normal upload schedule but it's a short chapter. So here you go, have chapter 3.

It was at about this point that I realized I had gone drastically off course from my initial plan to have this thing done in a single chapter of about 8K words. D'oh.

Ah well, tune in a few days from now for the MODERATELY EXCITING CONCLUSION!